During the hours between 12 and 3
Usually contain an untitled me
For who I am
I cease to be
During the hours between 12 and 3

But during the hours of 4 and 8
The world begins to take a shape
But not me
For I'm still free
During the hours of 4 and 8

Don't know why this is so hard to write
don't know why my chest aches so much but it does
don't know why there is nothing I can draw or paint that looks like how my head feels
don't know why I want him to love me so bad
don't know how much longer I can go on
don't know if I want to go on
don't know how to tell them I have already given up when they are telling me to keep fighting don't know how to say I already lost
how to say I'm empty
how to say I am bleeding out slowly
how to peel back these bandages
how to let my wounds show
how to show them all the places I tried to stitch my skin back together
they aren't holding because my mom never taught me how to sew
don't know why I hate myself so much
don't know why he doesn't talk to me anymore
don't know if I should call him
don't know why I want to call him
don't know why she never ******* texts me
don't know why she claims to want me
don't know why she would ever want me
don't know where to put my hands
don't know why they're so sweaty
oh God why are they shaking
don't know why God never showed himself to me
don't know why no one ever showed me God
don't know why I need someone to love me so badly
want someone to hold me
why won't anyone fix me
why are people not fixable
why am I so broken
why am I crying

This year it has rained countless times
But the most during the summer
When I was missing you
I can no longer cry
So I let the sky do it for me
It took all the water I had in me
To flush you out
And even now that you're gone
My lips are cracked
And my throat is drier then the Sahara
So I welcome the sweet taste of summer rain
I soak it up into my body
Through my hair
Through my toes
I'd like to think that God was doing me a favor
He gave the Sahara a rain season so that life could flourish
And I'd like to think that he saw me cracked and broken
Only a few tumble weeds and scorpions inside me
He decided I deserved the rain to wash away my pain and fill me up again
Now I can sprout my leaves
And maybe my beautiful tree
Can give shade and rest
To those like me