It was always that Peppermint White Mocha.
It's so funny that a simple drink... one that I choose every single time.
A drink my friends and I have turned into a small inside joke.
A drink that tastes like Christmas ( which you know I hated) and Joy ( but i was always too pessimistic right?).

A drink that no matter the weather I still choose that one single drink.
Don't get me wrong, I've tested other flavors.
I've tried it iced.
I've tried it blended.
I've tried it at a local coffee shop in every city I go too.
But nothing compares to the original.

Funny how this started with you.
Are we even talking about the drink anymore?

It was in that one second between her falling down and getting up that she made the decision to never let herself get that low again.

Bruises vivid in her pale skin.
Blood actively pouring from her nose every other day.
Anxiety and fear running through her veins around every turn.

Fairytales never show you what happens after the honeymoon phase.
They don't show you what happens when the prince lets go of his cool composure and just wants to beat the **** out of you.

He didn't need alcohol.
He didn't need drugs.
He liked the adrenaline he likes the feeling of prey and predator.

In between that one second of falling down and getting back up she made the best decision of her life.

To switch the roles of predator & prey.

She danced through wildflowers and wove lilac in and out of her long hair. She smelled of lavender and pine and she never went anywhere without a smile.

Dancing alone to the harmony of the wind and the beat of the rain hitting the ground softly she began to remember a better time.

A time before the hassle of growing up and before the sun stopped shining just a little to bright.
A time before she was afraid of sitting at home and just relaxing.

Remembering the smell of coffee and peppermint throughout her grandmothers home.
The idea that one day she would grow into someone she could respect and love.


She was strong and fierce but also slightly soft and simple.
She was wild and free but contained by walls of society she hasn't quite broken through yet.

Yet she continues dancing through wildflowers and spinning daisies around her finger tips.
She continues humming to the sound of the ocean and  falling in love with natures secrets.

She continues to grow into someone she can respect and love- finding her own the only way she knows how.

I don't want to be strangers again.
I don't want us to have to pretend we never met.
I don't want us to act like it's our first time knowing the deepest parts of ourselves as though we never knew them before.

I don't want to pass you by in the streets with a gradual nod hello.
No hugs, no smiles, just two strangers walking in opposite directions.

Love makes you weak.
Love makes you vulnerable.

I just couldn't take it and I knew that when I walked down the street passed all the places we have been together.
I knew when I wanted to see your face in every boy I ever kissed.

When I made love and pictured your hands around my body.
When I laughed with another man and thought wouldn't you think this was funny.

So when you stopped writing me back and you are thousands of miles away.
When years were still passing us by and I couldn't get through to you because of distance.

That's when I knew we had already become strangers... and I think that's what made me feel worse than ever before.