Brianna

Brianna Oct 2015

BE YOU!

This is to the wild hearts who can't be tamed. To the strong ones who will never fall due to someone else's insecurities trying to bring them down. To the beautiful ones because looks are not what makes you beautiful.

This is to the soft spoken ones, the ones who let people walk all over them because they have anxiety and hate confrontation. To the ones who hide behind books and movies, because who wouldn't want to live in a fairytale world? To the soft spoken ones who laugh under their breaths when their friends smile. The ones who hide their emotions you aren't sure if they hate you or love you!

This is to the "you're to ******* loud" ones! The ones who scream and laugh and cheer on their soft spoken friends! The ones who sometimes need a little hand in being quieter. The sarcastic ones! The *******! To the "resting ***** face" ones!

This is to the interesting ones. The artistic and weird ones. The ones who write those novels you read and paint those pictures you love. The ones who smile at funerals and cry during weddings. The metal heads and the country kids. To the Disney lovers and the kids who wear pink on Wednesdays!

Be you.
I love you all! Be weird and be free!
Be proud! Be young! Be old! Be wild!

#be #beautiful #weird #young #you #old #free #wild #interesting #tame

Brianna Oct 2015

10-13-15-- incompatible.

I wanted to drown in your love.
I wanted to drown in your pain.
I mostly just wanted to drown out the sound of you saying we weren't compatible anymore.

It took me a long time and a lot of rage and self loathing to get to where I am now.
To get me to a point where I can say that my self esteem issues didn't ruin "us" but that you're lack of trust in love did.

I wanted to be ignited by your love.
I wanted to be ignited by your pain.
Mostly I wanted to ignite the fire that used to burn inside you with such intensity and joy for life.

Once I realized you would never admit your faults and you would find any possible way to watch me suffer; it was time to move on.
But each time around the start of fall till the end of winter... I dream about you endlessly.

I wanted to slow down Your love.
I wanted to slow down your pain.
Mostly... I wanted to slow down time and stop us so we had time to figure out who we were together instead of damaging each other apart.

It took a lot of rage and self loathing.
It took a lot of tears and anxiety.
But I'm finally standing taller than ever and I can easily say it was not my self esteem that made us incompatible.

#self #pain #sadness #fall #winter #down #slow #rage #ignited #loathing

Brianna Oct 2015

Can I take a minute to vent?

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days or the way your eyes drew me in every time. I don't like to think how your birthday is in 2 months and I'm going to pretend i forgot.

It's not often I think about the way you used to kiss every part of my body playfully. I don't like to think about the way your fingers felt in my hair.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It was one of those days where I thought about how much fun and how many experiences we could have had. The day where I wondered if you're smiling at some cute girl the way you used to smile at me.

It was one of those days where I realized you didn't smile with me the same way I smiled when I was with you. That my thoughts were always more expansive and wider than yours when it came to us.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days... But something in the weather has me missing the Carolina's and wondering how you sleep at night.

Something has me wondering if you ever stay up a little later than usual and think about what could have happened if you had stopped wondering about the "what ifs..."

But don't worry... I just needed to vent for a minute.

#sad #happy #lost #missing #venting #vent #second #minutes #wider #expansive

Brianna Oct 2015

That time of the year

It's getting to be that time of the year where I sit and wait to see if you'll call me again.

The time of the year where it starts to get Colder and I find it hard to keep warm. The time of year where my heart hardens and my eyes hurt from dried tears.

It's getting to be that time of the year where I wait to hear your famous "I really miss you's" or your "I love you so much's."

The time of the year the leaves changing colors is the only thing to make me smile. The time of the year where loneliness settles in fast.

I'm hoping this year is different and you don't call me. I'm hoping this year you don't try.
I'm hoping this year I won't need to miss you or constantly need to cry.

Can this year be different ?

#love #sad #depressed #time #change #you #never #missing #year #again

Brianna Oct 2015

You were there... I hope you're okay.

The sky was so clear this morning I could have connected the dots from the Little Dipper to the Big Dipper.

As I drove home from the cafe on the corner... I remembered something I couldn't quite believe I forgot.

I remember the way the morning air felt when we walked across the lawn. After the rain had fallen so hard we could smell the freshness the next day.

I remember the brightness in your eyes when you looked at the map and pointed at this random dot with some strange name and said this was to be our next big adventure.

I remember the smell of your hair as we cuddled under the stars on a clear night just like this morning...

I remembered this because you were there... You were the reason I could connect the dots of constellations so far away.
You were the reason I wasn't afraid of random dots on a map.
You were the reason the rain made me smile...

I just smiled and drove home to think about you... And I hope you're doing okay.

#love #sad #adventure #happy #rain #nature #you #missing #maps #dots

Brianna Oct 2015

Cursing in cursive

I am cursing the rain in bright black and grey ink in beautiful cursive writing. I know you're questioning how black and grey can be bright but If you don't know, you'll never know.

I am painting sunsets on canvas but with pastels instead of neons. It's almost a bit too sad instead of a bit to happy; so fitting for a sun that's disappearing, right ?

I am swallowing pills mixing them with liquor, testing out theories to see if I can find the right way to write. All I see is blurry candle light and a dragon on my wall telling me my writing *****.

And it's sad to think how pessimistic this poem started but how within a 15 minute drive home I've come to see....

That all the rain cleared up the night sky and out came those glimmering ***** of fire we call stars. I've caught myself staring but I always have different emotions with each glance.

Tonight..I guess the world isn't so sad after all.

#paint #rain #art #stars #night #painting #pessimist #skies #optimist #sketching

Brianna Oct 2015

Stuff for stories

I left my heart in the ocean that night and watched it float away in a glass bottle with a note that said I loved you once.

As I sat on the shore watching the rough waves overtake this innocent bottle I remember how you told me I wasn't like most girls.... Quite the common phrase of boys these days.

You'll be the first to notice I said "boys" not "men" because men don't **** with girls. Men deal with women and men treat women right. Boys tend to break girls hearts and then blame them.

Slowing turning in deep ocean waters at this point I am sure the bottle would have something to say about being treated with disrespect.

I'm sure it would tell me that being ignored for months at a time isn't love. That begging for you to talk to me at 3 am isn't love. That sleepless nights waiting for you to tell me you missed me wasn't love.

And I'm sure that bottle would rather lose that note than ever make it to your side of the states. And if it ever did make it over there and chance that you found it, it would break in your hands.

There would be glass stuck in your finger tips as your tried to read the note that once held the words I wished you'd say allowed but instead all you would see is smudged writing and maybe "thanks for nothing" scrawled across the bottom.

But we know that would never happen because, like you and I, that's just stuff stories are made of.

#love #broken #stories #ocean #bottles #deep #breaking #glass #men #states