Displaced.
No memories relevant, none forgotten, nothing remembered.
A search for sleep.
A search for reality.
Wake up
Wake the **** up, little bee.
Time to open your eyes and see.
Conform.
Rise.
Fight
Flee.
Away, away, away.
Never to look back.
You'll never be free.
Shine in your discovery
Run from inevitable destruction.
Run into the arms of deceit and let downs; suffering is second nature.
Don't fool yourself, kid.
I'm always naive to the word use.
Use, use, used.

He never wanted me for me, he just wanted me for the come stains on his sheets.
To get inside me deep.
To **** me in my sleep and invade my endless dreams.
I believed all the endless words,
Lies told to undress my soul.
I let him in, which was my biggest mistake.
Concrete castle, I'll never open the gates.
The other half of my brain screams
You're not the reason or the rhyme.
The line or the quote.
You're every ******* word, every letter, all the signs.
Tame tame tame, sweet lioness.
Hold on, just wait. Wait for forever if that's what it takes.
But see, I've spent lifetimes waiting in the past. Holding myself back.
So one day I vowed, come what may.
Take everything in stride, never ever abide.
Alway ******* hide.
Just hide it away.
All the ******* pain.
Until it just ceases to exist.
I don't exist.
I'm fools gold
Sweet wrapped delicate flower.
But I'll be sure to give you cavities and make your teeth fall out.
You'll eat too much.
Too fast.
Never stopping to brush your teeth and think.
Never stopping to look in the mirror and ask yourself who do I see?
Because you'll start not to see anything, anyone, but me.
I'll invade your lungs like cancerous cigarette smoke.
Every inhaled word with danger between your lips.
Your body will rot from my touch, or lack there of.
You'll get sick and shake, have to take cold showers just to think.
At the same time not having a thought in your head.
All the signs read caution:
But you just can't help to dive right into inevitable destruction.
Your mind reads need. Need. NEED.
And by that point mines only on flee.
My disappearing act is second nature.
Now you see me, now you dont.

Sometimes I'll graze
And my eyes will wonder
Onto the now dead flowers
In the corner of my room
Of course I'll think of you
Of your words
And how I destroy you.
But it's a fleeting thought
Because I'm more than destruction.
You just didn't have the patience
To let me evolve.
I'm never going in a box again.
I will not mend myself
To fit into anyone's standards.
I will not deceive me
To be someone you will love.
I choose me, in all light
And dark.
I choose myself
Because in the end,
Everyone dies alone
And in the end
I'm all that matters.

I live, but struggle to breathe.
I fight an endless losing battle.
The outcome will always be the same.
Death will take us all away.
In the end, nothing really matters.
Memories become void.
Emotionless emotions become the normality of an existence that is so lost and broken. Its all one big facade. Shaken from the past, too afraid to fly. Too afraid to live, too scared to die. Stuck in shades of grey. There is no left or right, black or white. It's a constant moving force of one foot in front of the other. Holding tears back, in fear of ruining the make up on my eyes that you never let me wear in the first place. It's struggling and fighting against yourself to not pick up that knife. Slice. Slice. Slice. It's a song on repeat in the back of my mind. Cryptic words and mind ***** only lead to future cuts and blood. That's how I allow myself to feel. For the tears to be able to flood. The panic sets in, once again. For the sake of everyone else, never minding what's good for me. For the sake of everyone else's sanity. And I hide and play my part like the good daughter, like the good family member that never gets spoken to. Like the good person I pretend to be. But all the hate I have is always directed toward me. I hate every single one of you *****. I don't want your ******* love. I want you to leave me alone. I don't want compassion or pitty or pleasantries. I'm used to getting ***** in my ******* dreams. Don't be nice to me. Feed my soul With what it deserves; hurt, make me ******* scream. I scream inside every day. I claw myself from the inside out, beating and breaking my rib cage to stop my heart from constantly pounding in my ears. My eyelids are heavy now, because I guess you should know I'm an addict too. Anything to surpress the void, or the feeling, or anything at all. Anything to stop everything. This numb feeling is what I need to get by. This numb feeling is my best friend in life. This numb ******* feeling actually makes me feel alive. All I really am is dead inside. Which actually poses a question to all my conquests; what was it like to **** a corpse?

I sometimes live
To the fullest of fullest extents.
I shine so ******* bright
And elevate everyone around me
With positive energy.
Positivity.
But, really
Time is just elapsing.
Time is wasted on making memories.
Only to disappoint you
When I'm not around.
I sometimes die
Inside.
I break.
I break down and fall the **** apart.
I hide in the deepest corners of my mind.
And something inside sometimes screams
Climb!
Climb!
Climb!
But I bite my nails
So I can't latch on.
And my body is frail
So I can't even walk.
I succumb to my fate.
The inevitable.
The welcomed.
The hopeful last breath
I'll ever have to take.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Or fate,
Or destiny?
Gratification came from that first day.
The first moment you spit words through a microphone.
Touching my soul
With your poetic justice.
Screaming deeper meanings.
Yearning to know every part of your mind.
Even the parts you try to hide.
I wanna get inside.
I want to bury myself in the deepest of depths of you.
Be that voice of reason,
Be that indestructible fluttering feeling.
I want to be your hope on days when you don't feel like you have anything.
Because you'll always have me.
You have me.
I'm here.
And I'm not going anywhere.
I want to see the light in your eyes, every day, especially when you look at me.
Star gaze.
I'll make you shine.

This feeling is so overwhelming.
I don't know how to tell if it is real,
Or just another convoluted idea
A delusional thought in my head.
I want so badly to say those three
Pulsatingly powerful words
To you.
My sun, my moon.
But I feel as though it may be too soon.
You bring light to my darkness
You make stars collide inside
Your energy makes me feel alive
All i want is to always be by your side
I wanna ride this wave of feelings
Consuming every ounce of my being.
This movement is freeing.
I.
Getting closer to the ground
That euphoric rush of sound
Your voice.
Your voice lifts me up when I am down.
You pull my heartstrings in more than one direction.
Love.
Isn't real.
I don't know how to feel.
Facade, fakery.
I need to make this moment me.
Breaking walls so I can fly free
And not just in my endless dreams.
You.
Complete me.
Make me whole.
I don't wanna live this life alone.
I see you in all light
I see you in the dark.
I want you
I want your good and bad
I want everything in between.
And you say you need me.
And I finally get to the point in the poem where I scream at the top of my lungs,
Just tell me you love me.
Always.
Wishing.