i am perfect at being imperfect
not so perfect at accepting it
i am perfect at being worth it
not so perfect at embracing it
perhaps there are imperfections in perfection
perhaps my perfection is a transaction
in self compassion

in the middle of a down pour
with insults for rain drops
death for thunder
ignorance for wet
cold for cold
the leader was a ticking time bomb
and the answer was hiding
in fear
in the middle of a lesson
on the blessings of shame
and the danger of the human race
came the reality of suicide
a life otherwise ok
if not provoked by mind games
a reality still existing today
repeating in a way
that cant be rectified
or changed
a nightmare
on permanent replay

You are not a man
You are a boy wearing adult clothing
Playing games
Putting on masks
Vowing never to grow up
You are not a man
You are a child
Playing make believe
Trying not to catch my cooties
Fly away,
Peter Pan
I need a man
I need a soldier
Someone willing to hold my crown
While preparing to battle
While defending me
You are not a man
You never will be
So,
Now you know why
I am choosing to leave
You are not a man
I cannot wait for you to be

the only me you will ever know
is the woman in the photo
the only thing you'll keep of me
is the photo we took that day on the beach

I tried to wake you up
You wouldn't stir
I thought you were sleeping
You weren't
You were playing dead
Messing with my head
Your sick game of pretend
So in my resentment
I pulled out a gun
I turned you into the real thing

i gave my heart to a giant
who didn't understand,
what he had in his possession
his skin was thick
his words were harsh
he figured i could take it
oh, how he was mistaken
his insults crushed my skeleton
this giant loved computer games
he thought my heart,
was a joy stick
he thought i was simply pathetic
for not knowing how to play
i gave,
my heart to the giant
i swear i am not lying
when i say,
he threw that heart on the pavement
as i broke,
i heard him laughing.
i was mistaken,
for thinking that i could play games
with a giant.

he asks me if i want to play
so i sharpen my knives and prepare to castrate

pocahuntis took a drink
of water
from an empty jar of
marmalade
lady marmalade was
playing
next to an empty
conversation
about family movies and moving staircases
made me want to change my status
to be a stranger
amongst nutcases
who watch pocahontus
under hypnosis
change the spelling
and the meaning of
empty to full
it is questionable
but able to use
to fool.

the words flowed like water
the words crashed like a wave
the words freed him from the prison cell
a poetic escape
the words flowed like water
syllables sliding like synchronised speech
the words crashed like a wave
when he found the poem ending
sometimes freedom is not truly free

praise you,
for kicking a girl when she's down

praise you,
lord of cruelty

praise you,
king of snide remarks

praise you,
for your ability
to rob one of their stability

praise you,
king of sarcasm

for chipping off
another part of me
with your casual insensitivity

praise me,
queen of vulnrability
for letting your hurt get the best of me

praise be.

my childhood,
beautifully messy.
living out the nineties
making pre-internet memories

i remember running around
in mismatched clothes
d.i.r.t.y bare feet
no mobile phone
so my eyes were on the sky
my eyes were on the grass, so green
my eyes were looking into yours
not on a vapid screen  

i remember daddy
bringing our first modem home
i entered my first chat room
at nine years old
believe it or not
i remember the chat feed
being considerably clean
the only time it ever would be
in online history

my childhood,
beautifully messy.
i made so many innocent
pre-internet memories

i remember 5 channels on my tv
i was lucky if i got to watch one movie a week
i don't remember feeling that i had less than what i need
i don't remember feeling as though i had to change me

i remember hating bath time
now i can't get myself clean
no matter how many products that i scrub myself with

i remember backyard performances
my sister was director
i could put on any mask i wanted
i was somebody else for just a moment

i remember a girl from high school
inviting me to join Facebook
if i could go back to that day
i would run far away from her

never did i think, it would become what it is
never did i think, i would become an addict

when i entered that chatroom
back in 99'
i wish i had saved those conversations
proof that it was once benign

my childhood,
beautifully messy.
i made so many innocent
pre-internet memories

she is worth alot to herself
she is worth nothing to everyone else
this gets misinterpreted
like her name gets misspelt
she lacks the numbers
not the bravery
nor strength
but what one lacks in quantity
one makes up in presence

I don't mind being the prey
As long as the predator is someone's prey

I'll go down with the ship
As long as you drown underneath the same waves

I'll be the prey, I don't mind
Some things are worth the sacrifice

change the word from
bully,
to alcohol.
watch the world change
dissolve,
problem solved.

do you think that you are beautiful?
the question filled the room
the question mark,
so stark
digging into my ribs
like a phantom pain
that everybody else calls hypochondria
that i call invalidation

i grab the question mark
with a fierce fist of indignation
i change the words around
an attempt at self love promotion
i throw the question mark away
pull out my bold persona

YOU DO THINK THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
EXCLAMATION POINT!
CAPITAL LETTERS!
BOLD!

do not question my beauty.
do not question my existence.
do not fill the space that i dare to embrace
with a question mark
when you could be making magic
when you could be dancing in the light of your own healing

yes,
i do think that i am beautiful
you shouldn't
have
to
ask

you could do with an australian poet like me
you could benefit from my manic scribbles
you could do with a serial lover like me
i would leave you psychotic
i would leave you fulfilled

you could do with an empathetic soul like me
feelings come with the territory
feelings come with no warning
you won't want to stay
you won't know how to leave

you could do with a compassionate soldier like me
you'd find interest in my battle stories
you could do with an australian poet like me
i would remove you from your  own reality

at first glance you looked perfect
now i know you are not
but who the f*ck,
is perfect?
we've all got history we're ashamed of

so let's both be imperfect
imperfectly in love
because even with your flaws
for me,
you are enough

you can judge me on my past
if you want
but i'm making a better future
because the future's all i've got

so you can crucify me
for my past mistakes
or have the grace,
to give me room to change.

i have a few rules
you don't need to follow them
i have a few rules
the first one is
make your own rules

We are the same
Except you changed your name
Except you lie about your age
We are the same
Except you wear a different mask every day
We are the same
Except you are ashamed of what I embrace
We look completely different
Due to the way you hide your secrets
We look completely different but we are the same