My life is not what I wanted
Unmet expectations
Needs unfulfilled
My heart has grown cold

I need you to thaw this ice
Let the sun shine on my face
Warm my being
Before I destroy myself

I am the lamb
Lead me to the post you prepared
Tie me there tightly

Take your knife from its sheath
Plunge it deep in my neck
Drain me until there is no more

Love me while I perish

I guess I have a need
To long for something
Something missing
Or simply shiny and new

Something I’ll never have
Always there in the cold
Never satiated or diminishing  
****** both ways

You can’t make me be who I’m not
I will rebel from your demands
I can’t go along with your manipulation
I’ll chew it up and spit it back in your face
Please don’t force me
You’re setting me up to fail… again

The only thing I can’t escape.
My own worst fear.
What I don’t trust.
The one I wish wasn’t here.

How many times
Have I put my knuckles through these walls?
Not enough times evidently
Because my blood still boils
Rage surging through contracting muscles
At least it was only the wall

This quest for love… vanity
Trying for acceptance… vanity
Expecting fair treatment… vanity
Longing for friendship… vanity

Misery is the only constant I have
Death and misery and my vanity