Please tell me friend
What way I did wrong
Our fantastic friendship didn't
Last for very long

I am sorry I hurt you
With whatever I said or did
I apologize for not
Noticing what you hid

Can you forgive me?
Do not cry anymore
I hate to see your tears
And not know what they're for

Say you are joking
Do not ignore me today
Can't live without you
Alone I'm not okay

You know I dream of you almost every night
If you stay I promise I'll try to get it right
You might weigh too much for me to catch you when you fall
I will do my best to stand beside you through it all

I never thought anyone would really understand me
You've uncovered everything I've kept inside slowly
See a future brighter now that I have you
And the sun, moon, and stars are shining brighter too

You give reasons to smile and enjoy the life I live
Now I have a light that I can share and give
Owe to you all I have to show
I swear I won't be the one to let go

I long to be happy again
About time mouth found a smile
Used to have joy
Where did it go?
Have not seen it around for awhile
I write my problems
Have faded to grey
Everything surrounding darker now
Universe in disarray
True creation from sadness
See beauty all around
Dive forward
Can't touch it
Faceplant into the ground
I cry
Love slips out of reach
Won't you come back home?
Happy ending crumbles to dust
Where I aimlessly roam
I want to travel someplace unscathed
The past behind my thoughts
Bottle up
Throw out to sea
All the 'could-haves' and 'did-nots'
Maybe the world would look vibrant once more
These holes in my heart would be filled
Sparkles might return to my eyes
Sorrows would fall off a cliff and be killed
I'm certain that will never happen
Wounds only get deeper
Weight I carry is too heavy
The hill I'm climbing grows steeper
I fear death will be only chance
To discover peace desperately craved
And pure tranquility
Wonder what else waits beyond the grave
I do not pray for divine intervention
There is nobody in control up above
Each are our own higher power
Feel our faith bound to love
So sigh and try to be patient
I am pretending to do well
A state of permanent limbo
Nobody can tell
Can keep up this act forever
Takes great effort to maintain
Composing careful facade
Slowly driving me insane
I know contentment possible to get
Need to figure out how
Came so easily before
Why can't I achieve bliss now?

Jealousy; a twisted game
That I am not eager to try
If I really have to confess
I am jealous of the sky

I would give anything to be like that
No concious concerns, careless, carefree
Away from Earths breaking existence
That's the life for me

People below would feel my tears
And dance among my pain
Laughing as I cried, shaking, hurt
Thanking me for bestowing rain

It starts with only a sip
Swish
Swallow
Turns to a chug
Shot is soon to follow

Next have a drink
What damage could one do?
First wasn't bad
Why not two?

A beer switches to six-packs
Twelve-pack to a keg
Before you know
You are on your last leg

A glass of wine daily is fine
Til glass grows into a bottle
Coasting gently one second
Next speeding wide-open
Scared
Full-throttle

What begins as play and fun
Soon escalates to live-or-die
Stops being casual
You partake without knowing why

The line between both are fuzzy
Tipping point never clear
Problem is you cannot see it
After you approach near

Once you have crossed there's no going back
Life becomes a sinking ship
Pause a minute and ask yourself
"Is it worth the cost?"
Before choosing to take that "harmless" sip

I listen to a voice inside head telling me to stop
Endorphins flying too high
Skull spinning like top
The lights overhead emit such heat I start to sweat
Hopes soaring like birds I increase my bet
Turning gears in my mind squeaking like hungry mice
Afraid looking at the results
Paying ultimate price
Inviting demons to come take a stroll with me and play
Curtains shut blocking outside
Avoiding light of day
When I glance at the clock I see that hours have gone by
Transported to realm somewhere in the sky
Other individuals do not exist
Just me and this shiny machine
Once I begin it's all or nothing
No such thing as in-between
Eyes glazed I stare at the shapes moving through glass
Hypnotized
Expressionless
Even hitting an impasse
People speak sentences to me but I don't even hear
Words don't bother to enter (much less exit) each ear
Where did stack of money disappear to so fast?
Things are shuffling so quickly
Building too vast
And it's true time flies but dollar bills have wings too
When you're in that moment logic just won't do
It's like being controlled by some invisible puppeteer
Unable to change actions despite how hard you steer
You reflect back and feel stupid for your lack of rationality
Mirror revealing your flawed personality
Only noticing problem after it's too late
When speeding too fast to decelerate
And witness the inescapable facts no amount of panic justifies
Obvious yet still somehow takes you by surprise
Now wishing you had not commenced gambling at all
Your wallet was once thick
How did it shrink so small?!
Because it makes zero difference how much cash you win
Always end up a loser when you do "just one more" spin

Friends say we do not work
The same from family
Many different people think
With you I should not be

Throw kindness around because world needs more
Like birds let it soar through air
Confetti Earth with goodness galore
Your actions inspire others to share

If I could remove
Knives you put in my back I'd
Still leave you unharmed

A quick knock on wood
Pondering if I should
Knock again in case
The first one was in haste

If we are a free country why does everything cost so much?

Society will not help those stuck in a cycle of poverty

The many cannot help themselves

So poor stay poor and the rich keep expanding the size of their bank accounts

Cannot save the hungry or the homeless so we might as well save face

Mistaken for freedom is decision

We are given few choices to make us feel like we are in control but that power is just an illusion

It is a free country to the privileged and an imprisoned country to the impoverished

Laughing so loudly
Breath short and scarce afterwards
Making jokes to share

So easy for you being done with me
Tears cried for your name
Things begin looking up for a bit
They always end the same
That doesn't make much sense to me
Spin circles round and round
Scream at the top of my lungs that I love you
Your ears just ignore the sound
Like trapped inside a transparent box
Too incompetent to escape
Hands are bound with ropes
My mouth is covered in tape
To make peace with you is all I desire
Understand irrational fears
On surface situation is black-and-white
Beneath layers more complex than it appears

Tears fall heavier than ever

Each seems to be made of lead

Dense weights holding immense amounts of agony kept in my soul

So I release one by one so I can be light again

We're racing to our headstones and I'm leading the pack
Zero rationality left here to extract
Decided to listen to own judgement first
I admit in the past it's been the worst
My tears help me float when I collapse
Circles round my heart til I find a hold to graspt
Mind and emotions seem to disagree
Act hard because I am softer than I'd like to be

If you truly wanted me to be happy
You would quit sending texts to my phone
Go far enough away I never see you again
If you loved me you would leave me alone

I cannot ever fight my demons
Each cell in my body has given up already
Now I'm stuck with no ambition
I cried so much I'm unsteady

I should have listened to your words
Worried warnings gone to waste
Although I appreciate the love
Let tears teach lessons on my face

Some things I cannot get over
I think I have finally had enough
Cruel time crawls steadily forward
Try to take a step but I am stuck

Know it will be worth it
Pain that comes with change
Happiness can be attained if I
Let go of fear, turn the page

Let me go. Move on.
Start over with someone new.
Leave, so I can too.

Truth hard to bear
Weight is heavy to hold
Can freeze your body
Your blood running cold

Challenging accepting change
It's something we must do
To grow as person first you must
Let go the world you knew

It will never be easy
Worse than any other pain
Torturing yourself with the past
Will drive you insane

Breathe deeply
Close your eyes
Let regret float somewhere far
All of your mistakes
Made you who you are