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Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2017
You do not know this
But you are the reason why
I gave up on love
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2018
My chest is ripped open; my heart laid bare,
For you to tear out like a page,
Bones are spread, it is ready for
You to free it from my ribcage.

This is my offering to you,
I wish it was not broken and used,
This beating monster is all I have to give,
It's beautiful, despite being abused.

The deepest cuts and battle wounds
May take a long time to fully heal,
They have built a thick armor around my trust,
So it is difficult for me to explain how I feel.

I know this present isn't a lot,
Not nearly what you deserve,
But the fear of one more abandonment,
Severs every wailing nerve.

As I stand here, crimson blood pooling,
I stick my hands inside of the hole,
Forcefully take this frustrated scar,
From the home it's made inside my soul.

It hurts so badly I can't even breathe,
My lungs gasp but can't find any air,
This pain is the only way I have to show you,
How hard this adoration is to bear.

I ****** this fragile sacrifice
Into your understanding arms to hold,
It is now yours to command as you please,
Or if you wish, leave out in the cold.

On its surface is a promise written
In honest ink to always be there,
But this meager token of my affection
Doesn't begin to express how much i truly care.

Now I fall to the ground, fingers growing numb,
My veins frozen as scarlet rivers run dry,
I don't think even death can show or prove
The love I feel for you but i had to try.

The last of my confidence
Leaks out with the waves of red,
I tried to share my demons with you
But I gave uncertain riddles instead.

All that remains of my spirit is shadows,
My body a puppet too flawed to save face,
You still carry my heart although it's not moving,
A paralyzed burden you shoulder with
grace.

It's steady thump has greatly slowed,
My pulse almost too feeble to feel,
Now in your grasp it will either crumble and die,
Or learn from your love how to gradually heal.
This just flowed from my fingers, I am surprised at how long it turned out to be but I am proud of how well I captured the raw emotions I felt.
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2018
I carry caution with your many compliments
In my center grows cool hesitation
My heart has turned bitter and cold for protection
A solitary sorrow circles my soul in rotation

Hope you take necessary steps
Better yourself and circumstances
Quit stirring up problems voluntarily
Expecting endless charity and chances

I am jaded, your mask is lifted
Now I wish to be blind once more
I've shed the ignorance keeping my joy in
Since I peeled it off can't be happy anymore
Ignorance really is bliss...
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
I have made mistakes, who hasn't?
I have been wrong but I still try
I have been hurt and broken down
But I am at my strongest when I cry

I have been weak and I have been blind
I have been misled along the way
But I am still able to hold my head
High at the end of each thoughtless day

I know what it is like to fall
Rejection is a good friend of mine
I have learned to accept the fact
I may never be able to truthfully say "I'm fine."

But I will not focus on the bad
Or sad songs the radio plays
Instead I'll wish for sunshine
Ignore dark clouds and rainy days
Written 4-9-13

Keep your chin up!
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Hate that I miss you
You are not here with me
This is the way
Life isn't supposed to be

I wish I could tell you
How I want to run
Away from the darkness
And things come undone

You do not know how much it hurts
To hear words you say
Deep inside still knowing
It won't be okay

Scenery flies by so fast
Lifeless, dull, and grey
Memories come rushing back
Wish they would just go away

Hate that I still want you
I need to move on
It's so hard to accept the fact
That you are just...
Gone.
Its crazy how one day your best friend is by your side and the next there is only an empty space
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
I hate myself for blindly believing
Every word you said
For following you unquestionably
Eagerly going where I was led

I hate myself for my naivete
Thinking that you would stay
Never saw your true intentions
Now they're as clear as day

I hate myself for foolishly trusting you
Giving you all of my heart
Never should have depended on you
When I was breaking apart

I hate the way I easily let you in
Watched you rip me in two
Most of all I hate myself for
Falling in love with you
Written 3-27-13

This is one about my first serious boyfriend but I feel the same way today about my second haha, except I left instead of the other way around. I am angry at myself because I did know the kind of person he was, to some degree, and instead of staying away like i knew i should we became close and i was head over heels before you know it. Four years later i see that people rarely change
:(
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2020
So many questions running through my head
The most pressing of all is "why?"
Why am I not good enough for you?
Why do I even try?

Why do you do this again and again
Like you're programmed to lie and cheat?
Our relationship is a broken record
Stuck playing on repeat

Over and over you promise to stop
How many "last times" does it take?
At some point we have to admit to ourselves
It's no longer a mistake

There's a reason you are drawn astray
I don't know what it is you see
In her that's so **** special
But cannot find in me

You never can explain the pull
Say your stupidity is to blame
That I am perfect just the way I am
So I'm left exactly the same

Then come the apologies
Sounding sincere but they're not
You aren't sorry for ******* up
You're sorry you got caught

The truth is if you meant what you said
We wouldn't be in this place
You wouldn't be able to stand the hurt
Splattered all over my face

Is this revenge for all I've done
To wrong you in the past?
You've never revealed your motive to me
Despite the numerous times I've asked

Clearly something is off-balance
Because no matter what I do
You seek attention from everyone else
While I only get it from you

If you don't want to be exclusive say so
I won't pretend like I wouldn't care
You are the only person I'll ever desire
But at least that way it'd be fair

Right now you get all of my heart
I save all my love for only you
Believing the rules apply to us both
That you give all to me too

But you're spreading yourself around
Handing pieces out one by one
Mind at ease because you know for sure
I am sharing none

It seems like you do it because you can
No matter how bad I forgive
But being a pawn in your sick game of chess
Is not a proper way to live

We are too old to be playing games
I thought you were ready to settle down
But maybe you're just settling the score
By turning my world upside-down

I wish you'd just be honest
Understanding is what I most crave
But I fear your secrets and reasons
Will be carried with you to your grave

So what am I supposed to do?
Put up with this ******* forever?
I want so badly for you to grow up
But I'm starting to see you will never

Yet no one else could ever compare
You are my soulmate
My best friend
So I refuse to turn my back on us
I'm gonna see it through til the end

Take some time to work through your emotions
Decide if you feel the same way
If you don't then the door is waiting
No one is forcing you to stay

If I am the one you want to marry
Start treating me as such
Quit flirting with meaningless women
I don't think I'm asking too much

Whatever I am missing now
Tell me so I can at least try
To be everything you want and need
So I can shut your wandering eye

If you want to fix this let me know
And I'll do everything I can
To get us back to the happiness we held
When we first began

If you choose to keep messing around
It is only a matter of time before I fall
Are you ready for a life with just us two?
Or do you want one without me at all?
I am so sick of seeing this kind of **** from you and then you expecting me not to be insecure and expect me to trust you. Why can't you just be real with me and tell me I am not as important to you as you are to me instead of leading me on? It isn't fair...
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2023
I hate what I put my heart through every day
Memories replayed to keep darkness at bay
A wave of nostalgia shelters from life's storm
Brain and I huddle in an attempt to stay warm
Feelings fluctuating
Too cloudy to find clarity
In this place any portion of freedom is a rarity
When I was younger joy answered call so **** fast
Now that I am running in circles it's stuck in the past
To chase off demons set negative thoughts ablaze
Instead of fleeing the heat they frolic amidst the haze
Giving way to pieces
Smoldering thoughts that make me reminisce
No matter how I struggle I will never stop searching for bliss
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
The hellish conditions I lived through last year
All the sad truth in painful lessons I was shown
Each one took a piece of my happiness
Because of the dark my heart has grown
It's crazy to think that me of all people are capable of growth...
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2021
I do not know what is wrong with me
But I have a problem clear to see
When attempting to smile my muscles won't move
Like sorrow is a splinter I cannot remove
Sadness an infestation sprouting from seeds
Spreading throughout soul with greater speed than that of weeds
Roots reaching furthest depths of my ragged reality so dark
Squeezing skull so tightly it leaves a permanent mark
Scars nothing new to me
Wear them with pride
Whether on surface or invisible inside
I am aware of imperfections
Count them one by one
Internal self-critique is a cycle that is never done
There are always mistakes to look back on and regret
Unrealistic expectations too high to ever be met
At night lie awake
Unable to find sleep
Haunted by promises failed to keep
The sight of photographs on my bedside table
Makes atoms in my flesh excited and unstable
Igniting flames
Stoking intense yearning
Enticing while simultaneously burning
Pleasures forever lost echo in my head
Beyond my grasp are words you once said
Clutching pieces of past so tightly my hands start bleeding
It's the shattered fragments and broken bits I'm needing
Your presence rendered life beautiful on our hardest days
Can't help but wince when I hear the word "always"
Time after time you have shown your love to be only lies
Only have myself to blame for being taken by surprise
I was an easy target
In line of fire
Lured me where you wanted with powerful desire
I was a pawn for you to manipulate
Took advantage of fact for you I could never feel hate
Regardless of how bad you hurt me to your embrace I'll always return
Victim to games countless occasions because I never learn
I suppose had it coming after all that we've been through
Traveled all the way to hell for you and back again too
I've tried everything could think of to make mistakes right
Still threw them in my face each and every night
I ponder if our relationship meant anything to you at all
If the years we spent together to you were insignificant and small
It's difficult to accept you are happier without me there
Try to chart a new course but each direction leads nowhere
Perhaps I should teach myself how to survive alone
Have it as MY choice not answering the telephone
When it comes to you it's not possible to win because I'm weak
I don't stand a chance against the silky smooth words you speak
I watch you through a screen wishing that I was where you are
Sigh because distance separating us is way too far
You moved on and left me reeling struggling to understand why
I'll get by without your touch
Missing you silently until I die
I got more issues than a magazine rack!
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2019
Life is a matter of perspective
And happiness is a choice
But the smile I paint upon my face
Doesn't mask the sadness in my voice
Just because I know joy is inside me
Doesn't mean I feel it in my heart
I search for peace every single day
But finding it is the hardest part
It comes so easy for others
As it did to me once before
It's not that what I have isn't enough
It's that I used to have so much more
If you can't find happiness in the ugliness you won't find it in the beauty
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2017
I hope she walks all over you,
Like a doormat on the floor,
I hope you feel the way I did,
When you didnt need me anymore.

I hope you wake up shaking,
In the dark and all alone,
A nightmare in your tired mind,
and no messages on your phone.

I hope it hurts to watch her laugh,
and know shes happy without you,
But when you start feeling victimized,
Remember what you put me through.

I hope you get what you deserve,
and you finally fall apart,
I hope she makes you realize,
What its like to have a broken heart.

I hope she opens your eyes,
To exactly what you are,
And if you're still in love with her,
You can love her from afar.

I hope your very worst dreams come true,
So you'll know what it's like to bleed,
I hope she rips away from you,
Every single thing you think you need.

I hope you see what it's like,
To be torn apart in two,
To have everything you love,
Turn their back around on you.

I hope you fall to pieces,
That you can never rearrange,
but above all this i hope,
That maybe, somehow, you change.
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2019
I hope you are happy with me around
Tonight can see you're not
Your voice sounds tired and low
Feel like a ghost you forgot

Know you are growing irritated
Put me down sometimes for no reason
Act like I am just being crazy
Your cold shoulder and this winter season

In front of friends we share
You should be sensitive
I am trying to be reasonable
I am weak-my soft spots are quick to forgive

Want to be as fun and carefree as you
Isn't as easy as you make it look
Under your smile I sense something else
What will bring back joy that I took?
You say I make you happy but I know I don't make you happy like I used to
Amanda Kay Burke May 2018
I try so hard to
Make your life better but I
Only make it worse
It's like the harder i try the more damage i cause
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2017
I really miss you,
Even more than i tell you,
I thought you should know.
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2019
I suspected this day was coming
Now that it's finally here
Realize I'm not ready
Face my biggest fear

I want to stop desperately
Seems I've tried a lot
Every time I am ready
Stubborn addiction is not

The drugs grab control of me
Steer me straight into a wall
Pull me back into the ditch
Doesn't matter how many times I go through withdrawal

I have learned my lesson the hard way
Much too often to count
Then again the hard way
The only way I've known about

Let the ocean take away
I drown in blue misery
Wash up on some greener shores
World that in comparison is easy

Do not smoke if you can't handle the heat
You're afraid of getting burned
Flames always steal a part
Once gone not always returned

I have given up on finding myself
Buried pieces too deep
Intention was to plant them
No harvest grows to reap

So remain trapped in a cycle
Strapped by only threads
Running from my demons
Tires me as sickness spreads

No one coming to save me
I've toppled overboard
Danced on the very edge
This is my reward

Consume me as I spiral down
Watch me crash in an explosion
Go enjoy the show
Not what I have chosen

When eyes can't stand my reflection
Monster staring back
Use to blur the edges
To smudge all that I lack

Time is always running
One minute after the next
Door to sobriety is always open
In the moment hesitating perplexed

Do not quit because I don't know how
I've done it once before
Daydreaming past recovery
Cannot remember what I did it for

When the silence starts mocking me
Following a great and heavy pause or two
Hold my hand tightly
It will pull me through
Its so hard to just walk away for good
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I know you treat me with disrespect
Because I don't respect myself
I want you to know I have the same wish you do
For me to change into somebody else.
Did it occur to you that you're not the only one unhqppy with the way I am? Because I dislike myself even more than you do. Then I hate myself for not being able to change.
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I took care to leave my heart home
I came over to your place
Stuffed with naive harmless thoughts
Were soon to be replaced

Your mind focused on one thing
You didn't let it show
You were a perfect gentleman
Letting tension grow

I bit lip with nervous teeth
You let me play song after song
Waited hours to make a move
Wondered what took you so long

I took care to leave emotions behind
Set on resisting temptation
Soon as we found ourselves alone together
Couldn't stop at just flirtation

You said
"No harm in cuddling"
I cannot put the blame on you
I am the one who nodded in agreement
Put arms around your body too

My poor senses never stood a chance
Never saw our collision coming
Forgot to release frustration prior
To seduction ended up succumbing

My mouth missed texture of flesh
Salty taste of skin
Had no idea how sweet the rush would be
Intoxicating adrenaline

It has been several months with no pleasure
Physical or otherwise
Out of the blue you appear
Was not ready for that surprise

Now you keep entering my skull
Throughout the day
Took care to leave my feelings at my house
Lust refused to stay
Sometimes its necessary to have that physical connection with someone even if you know it won't lead anywhere
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2019
On a road, I don't know where it leads
I don't care that I am lost
Feet are burning but I continue on
Determined to escape at all costs

I will keep going until my knees buckle
Regret following with steady pace
Broken dreams viewed in my periphreals
Cannot be fixed, salvaged, or replaced

Mile by mile, distancing myself
Unable to fully outrun lurking past
Almost is as good as I get
Have the lead for a moment but always come in last

I travel at a safer pace
I'm already immersed in danger
Desperation grows as I lift legs
Lengthy journey stretches riling anger

There is no detour to avoid my confusing thoughts
Maps behind eyes I'm striving to chart
I stumble but I still advance
I'll always follow my heart
Follow your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I said I would always love you
Statement I still mean
I don't know what to do
Wish we were still eighteen

And I will wait for you to work it out
It's already been so long
Should know by now what you care about
Anyone besides you for me is wrong

So why is process taking so much time?
Confirm what you desire most
All the distance we managed to climb
Now you consider stopping at
"Almost"

Please remember you used to feel
The way that I still do
That the love we share is real
Couldn't take you not loving me too
That would be too much
Amanda Kay Burke May 2021
My 26 years owed to you
Imagining what your body went through
The process of growing a fetus inside
Just the thought
It makes me terrified
I am grateful you sacrificed a lot for me
At times I made it less than easy
I apologize
Being spiteful and selfish
Unintendingly making life hard and hellish
I'm sure now you are getting tired
Patience and strength I have always admired
You try your best no matter what obstacles we face
Whether police or teaching the proper way my shoes to lace
I am sorry for hurting you
For making you sad
I hope when looking back at our time you picture the wonderful moments we've had
Not tears and heartache
The stress when I didn't call
My trivial trifling tantrums
Me hitting and kicking the wall
You have beautiful surface as well as a beautiful soul
Can tell the worry I've caused has taken a noticable toll
I hope I make you a little proud despite my many flaws and mistakes
Understanding that I have broken your heart is the reason my own aches
You are the world's most amazing mom
You really go the extra mile
Forgive me for this card is late but I hope it made you smile
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2024
I dread the day you will inevitably die
I'll never be ready to say goodbye
We fight every now and then
Cycles repeating again and again
So every morning count every blessing
When life feels extra depressing
I can be much too bad to tolerate
Some things do I'm sure you hate
I severely want you to view me succeed
Atone for every last misdeed
It's been long time coming now
Countless occasions made and broken that vow
Time flew by in what feels like a flash
Cherished treasures crumbling to ash
I sense I've stretched patience thin
Behavior worked it's way under your skin
I recall being younger and naively carefree
Back then world was too big to (truly) see
The shape of hands as they lifted me high
A comfort on which I've grown to rely
Heart bogged down by weight of this shame
Don't recognize the person I became
Your imprint forever will be etched into my soul
Same anchor that throughout the years has played a vital role
I'm afraid before I realize you will slowly slip away
For my iniquities your absence is the hefty price I'll pay
You're the only dad I have and the best by far
I wrote this to tell you how important you are
"I'll quit tomorrow"
Say once again
I spoke those words yesterday too
Would take the easy route out of this
No shortcuts in Hell-I must go through
An excuse not to surfaces
Legitimate or not
Before I know it repeating mistakes
Hit after hit
Shot after shot
Of the places I've visited
Don't think I have ever reached one quite so low
Seeking whatever fleeting remedy
Leaves the least room to grow
You've got to wonder why I make these decisions
Swearing that "this time" I'm done
Got my back pressed against a concrete slab
Simply isn't anywhere else to run
Maybe I have gotten used to the fire
Been so long since my universe went up in flames
May be difficult to see through the smoke
At least that way there's a scapegoat to blame
I cannot claim I don't know any better
After two or three times learned getting sick
Regardless how many nights spent fighting withdrawals
Sobriety never seems to stick
Maybe I should give up on this battle
Surrender war and wave a flag of white
Let demons have their way with my soul
Accept that I'll never be alright
I am exhausted sprinting in circles
Find myself in the exact same place
Watching world spin around me so fast
While own life I only waste
Just the same old ****
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2019
"Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
With nothing to live for except the anticipation of your next high?"

Of course you say no, that you want much more than that
Yet you keep destroying yourself in the same place you've been at

I love you so much but I can't witness up close anymore
It hurts to observe from a distance, but a front-row seat hurts even more
An excerpt from a letter I wrote to HIM.. everyone knows who that guy is. I did change a few parts to make it rhyme but the identical message is conveyed.
Amanda Kay Burke May 2024
Smoking myself crazy
In the wind hear your voice
If truly making you happy
I support your choice
I love her loving you
Embrace and sharp cold words
Fear not you moving on
But not moving forwards
For all we have been through
Turns and coils my distress
A mind ferocious and primal
Tamed by loneliness
All the thoughts go unsaid
Linger in air
If only each one could be gathered
Carried away somewhere
Written 2-26-21
Amanda Kay Burke May 2017
I love the color of your eyes,
And running my hands through your hair,
and when you wear nothing but boxers,
I cant help but stare.

I love your stomach and your arms,
and the familiar smell of your skin,
I love your neck and the fact that you,
Can barely grow hair on your chin.

I love the way you laugh and smile,
and the rise and fall of your chest at night,
And when were lying close together,
I love how our bodies fit just right.

I love it when you hold my hand,
And sit beside me on your bed,
and I love watching movies with your
Shoulder resting behind my head.

I love riding in your car,
Singing along to the radio,
and I know that you love me,
Because your eyes tell me so.
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
I love you even when you get angry
When holes appear in the sheetrock wall
As hurtful insults are thrown from your mouth
Voice so loud I can't help but feel small

I love you when you are dead tired
And can barely move or lift your feet
When you feel there is no way to go on
Head hung low in frustrated defeat

I love you when you get upset
When the disappointment reads clear on your face
Your despair only enhances your features
You carry your sorrows with grace

I love you when you are at your best and your worst
When you are wrong and when you are right
Your scars and flaws are unique and beautiful
I'm in love with everything you are;
Your darkness as well as your light
We love eachother when most people wouldnt be able to
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2018
I know you don't believe me
When I say that I am okay
Seeing you is all I need
To make it through each day

Today i have not slept a wink
And my hair is a total mess
The first thing you say to me is
"Baby you are the best"

My heart starts beating faster
It knows when you are near
Your sugary voice whispering
Is the only thing I hear

You pull me into your arms
The whole world seems alright
My memory of you
Guides me through another night

With my head on your chest
Picture-perfect, the way it should be
Promise you will love me forever and ever
Never forget my memory
I will not forget yours
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2020
I love you more than hate myself
The worst thing is you do too
Don't know what you see in me
I am so shocked that you do
If only we could trade eyes for a day
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2020
Pull me out from depths of the prison of panic and fear I inhabit

One small phrase willing words straining against bars of my ribcage to slip through
And be released

Passion the officer responsible for overturning the former guilty verdict
In favor of a tentative plea bargain

To let solitary confinement end

Along with the silence that had been my cell since the very first day
Of my self-inflicted sentence

Now I sense a shift
As the emotion locked tight finally is allowed the sweet taste of freedom

As the door to jail my heart was enclosed in opens with a click
The words I have been holding hostage are trapped no more

Escaping my lips with surprise

My feelings in chains no more

"I love you too"
About the first time my boyfriend said I love you after we had been broken up for a year
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2018
I am sorry for the pain I put you through
The shame you bottle deep down
Though you have only yourself to blame
For why I am no longer around

Yet I feel guilt within
Should've held on a little longer
Promised I'd never leave you a thousand times
I thought our love was stronger

I learned nothing is what it appears
Not feelings or words trusted the most
Let the illusions fall one by one
As they crash I am forced to watch up close

You do not care how it makes me feel
To be neglected again and again
And endlessly stabbed in the heart
By the one I consider my best friend

Hoping to be more than a backup plan
You are cruel and careless sometimes
Sunshine warning heart's together
I can't compete with how radiant it shines

All I desired was to light up your world
Be better like you don't deserve
Lying to myself, I claim I tried
Over and over exasperation stabs each nerve

Dissatisfied with abilities
I resent you, myself, and all I'm not
Trying harder to accept flaws
Failure masks the good traits we've got

I'm a hopeless romantic
Painted the sky a false shade of blue
This is to let you know I'm sorry
It is not all your fault, I made mistakes too
There are two sides to every story
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Try imagining what it's like to  imagine a happy future knowing it will never happen...
It *****
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Choked back sobs this morning
Told you how I felt
How happy I sensed we could be
You could not feel my words melt

Speeding down my mouth, fragile sounds
Through the phone, nowhere to go
Regret hanging over the shallow line
Vivid memories draped in voices known

Keeping calm yet magnetized
Love immense but difficult to hold
Perfect coincedences forced together
We clicked, now disaster unfolds

An easy connect-the-dots picture
Even in our most trying parts
Direct and to-the-point with problems
So vague and uncertain when it came to our hearts

Unyielding respect given freely to you
My mind is still treated with none
Seems the universe decided
You were the more deserving one

At least that is what it looks like
Life plays clear favorites, unaware
Reasons behind actions hard to explain
No such thing as "just", "right", or "fair"

Love enjoys teaching lessons
Family and friends used as tools
Whether we choose to lose or gain
Is how to tell who among us are fools

All these painful mistakes I ponder
Have shown how beautiful Earth is
Intoxicated, only have oxygen collected
Found a breathless high in natural hits

Do you comprehend what I am saying?
Pushing away with lies
Easily hurt by careless deceit
Stop torturing with your eyes

Stop using me like a pawn
Done getting my heart broken
I trusted you and you watched me drown
Let me fall into your stormy ocean
Maybe if the tide was going out instead of smashing onshore we would have ended up someplace with a more pleasant view..
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
I am still trying to be your friend
Looking past many flaws
It's kinda hard to see past
The stress you always cause

I know I should let you go
You are a battle I'll never win
Something keeps me holding on
Through the chaos I am in

You are not worth it anymore
This is not what I envisioned
I truly mean it this time when I say
I am done with being imprisoned
No date on this one..
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
You give me butterflies
I saddens me to say
I think it would be easier
If you would go far away

I still love when you smile
Even happy the reason isn't me
It would be better if you would be
The person I believed you could be

If we were true friends we'd talk about
Exact emotions we feel
You wouldn't have to lie to my face
I know it isn't real

If you want, ignore me
Wouldn't mind at all
It's softer to my sensitive ears
Than mumbled words exhanged down the hall

Know where you're coming from
Been in the same place too
I understand, you don't see
I am really happy for you
True love is when you want them to be happy, even if it someone else making them  smile
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2019
I miss the person I was with you..
More than I miss YOU.
You made me want to be a better person and always strive to be better
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I miss all the small
Things you would do to show me
How much you loved me
.....
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2018
I miss you when you're gone
I can feel you miss me too
But the image of your face
In my mind pulls me through
Another love text to Tay. I'm needy and clingy most of the time. It's especially hard when there isn't much to focus on but him.
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2019
You say you miss me
You don't miss me all the time
Just when you're lonely
I miss you 24/7
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I miss you even though you are here
Miss you not by name
By how my feelings really are
We both know it is not the same

A week can last an eternity
When there is love set in my heart
Forces on the outside
Determined to keep us apart

I miss you even though you are here
Sitting down next to me
I do not miss you at all
I miss how things used to be
Another oldie
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2019
I said I would not let you back in
Here I stand exposed
Heart holds on despite the hurt
I am not blind-my eyes are just closed
I think more people should fall in love with their eyes closed
Amanda Kay Burke May 2018
Stop saying I am
Enough when it is clear to
Us both I am not
Be honest, if it were someone else in the same position what would you think about me? All I do is make your life worse.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2021
I'm not pretty but that is what they say
Do not believe yet still I reply "okay"
I have cuts across my heart
Sorrow portrayed as a work of art
I'm always sleeping in late
Life lived in a foggy state
Dark circles rest on face
I've had plenty hours
In dreamland dancing barefoot picking flowers
Permanently bitter due to much neglect
Too far gone for innocence to ever ressurect
I'm too cynical to let anyone near
Not warm enough so people disappear
And I cannot fathom why anyone would stay
It's no surprise when good things slip away
I fake laughter to disuassade any concern
Joy is a blessing for which I desperately yearn
But in conversation I act like I am fine
Do very best not to reveal a single sign
I wear dark eyeliner to match my point of view  
Even black isn't quite enough to mimic the hue
Because insecurities constantly bring me down
Erasing smile then replacing with frown
I self isolate
I know deep inside
Loved ones would be better off if I died
Why are my demons so persistent?
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2020
I am the dreamer still naive enough to believe in "happy-ever-after"

Known for many years that happy endings are unlikely and that even the best relationships/friendships  come to an end eventually
I am wise enough to realize the difficulty of finding Prince Charming in today's cruel society

Instead of  fairytale romance I grew up with we face a world strewn with sexting, online dating, and a myriad of other technology-polluted dating norms

**** pics are plentiful and chivalry scarce

Hungering for lustful acts of pleasure while I simply thirst for meaningful connection

Gaining not one while those around me ravage conquest after ****** conquest

Rather live a stoic empty life than one full of temporary careless moments forgotten before they are even completed

So I wait to meet my knight
In the barren fields of a loveless plane

Carrying antique values like heavy sandbags
A challenge to bear
But providing necessary balance
You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one
-John Lennon
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