You steal away my smile
Replacing with hurt
My mind consumed with ease
Making me think I'm dirt

I'm tired of the pain
Future dark
Bleak
Display doesn't seem like home
Gets me not wanting to speak

I try yes I attempt to move on
Right the flaws inside
Always reminded of the past
I can't run or hide

You are doing just great
Dandy
Look up with determined grit
Here below the surface
Admit defeat and quit

For so long been a victim to your charm
Sweet and seductive smile
So I have seen voodoo put to work
Learned to accept it, at least for awhile.

Time has taken toll on us
Which is an excuse for behavior
Watch me grow up and grow tired
Of you being my savior.

What do I do to rescue myself?
Heart does not know how to fly
Is the leap worth the risk I take?
He isn't a hero, he's just a normal guy

Like a feather long to float far from here

Falling gracefully
Greener grass

Your lips function as a compass
Guiding way

Every time we kiss come closer to the peace I desire

You blew me away
One simple whisper

Away from living hell with wind created by a single word

You had come rushing in
Turning life upside down
Tornado of the loveliest design

It was your hot breath that sent my whole body tumbling in a whirlwind of time and ecstasy

Before a breeze could not even shuffle papers resting on my desk
Now a sigh is all it takes to devastate my life
As long as exiting YOUR mouth

Come to warm meadows with me

Way
Way
Above us we'll go

Two letters uttered from you
We'll shoot like rockets into the sky

Hi

Riding home in a hellbound car
My lover by my side
I tried to steer a different way
But it seems by rules I can't abide

So I rest my head against the glass
Scenery a pillow
Whooshing noise a bed
Led towards a house blanketed in snow
Wishing I could stop time instead

The drive is such a neutral place
It doesn't hurt to be alive
Between the nosedive and the pole vault
The steady up and down I survive

I hold him close as I can
Can't make the past go away
Can't erase pain or sadness
Memories hold him captive every day

I want to see you smile
No matter what that takes
Understand if we can't fix our love
I've made too many mistakes

I desperately wish to go backwards in time
Do things the right way instead
In the moment we never can be sure
The future waiting ahead

I would not hurt you on purpose
No intention to cause you pain
If able to warn my younger self I would
Heart would never wear that stain

When we started I was immature
Had a lot of growing up to do
Nobody had meant as much
None could ever matter like you

I do not understand how I got so lucky
Fell into my lap
Found everything I was looking for
Without any compass or map

How we stumbled upon such treasure
Most spend whole lives without
We beat the odds and circumstances
What others only dream about

These days sense feelings slipping
Through fingers bit by bit
Try to catch the pieces as they fall
Scramble as ground they hit

Hands cannot hold the weight we carry
Full of old resentment
Wonder if we were brave and let go
Our lives would one day be content

Attached at hips from the get-go
In sync
It didn't seem real
Disbelief that an angel like you
Shared the same attraction I feel

In love
Free of worry
The first time in my life
Made me want to be a better person
You'd be proud to call your wife

Then lost sight of our initial goals
Touch with reality
First steps toward the end were taken
Sets of eyes too blind to see

It began to disintegrate
We were weak and unable to change
The happy ending envisioned
Moved out of range

Now it is a constant struggle
Getting over past distress
Clings to every passing moment
Pre-existing stress

And I am doing my best to help
Problems keep stacking up
Efforts no longer impress you
Did they stop being enough?

My attempts to you disappointing
Rekindle the spark we once had
Demeanor remains indifferent
Whether I am angry
Happy
Or sad

Let go I'm afraid I must
If I even can
Without you have no purpose
Safety net or back-up plan

Cause it is obvious you are all I want
After all these years
A reason I'm still holding on tight
You are worth unanswered questions and tears

We are on two different pages it seems
I'm the last to know
It's my turn to bathe in rejection
To watch you go

That misery has circled back around
Drowning relentless regret
Torturing mind nightly
I'd still never choose to forget

Though things are different now
Moments shared will stay the same
Heart is yours to own forever
Regardless who owns your last name

Perhaps our roads will cross
Present ******* is left behind
Separate definitions of success
Magically realign

Cause I am sick of waiting for nothing
Been awhile since you showed you care
To get used to your neglect is tough
Be grateful just having you there

You consume every thought
Obsessing words you say
Coded meanings
In vague clues thrown my way

Mind when I am stuck stabbing my skin
You've been there before
Swear I'd throw all my points in the trash
You'd not talk to other girls anymore

Alone
I don't know what to do
Become the only one you need
It's too late for that
Your soul is ready to be freed

I miss you when you're home
Your focus is miles away
Not flirting with some pretty girl
Business gets in the way

But have to accept what little you give
No matter how it kills me inside
Refuse to compromise or cooperate
Truth you're determined to stubbornly hide

To say goodbye completely destroys me
Bring to life my greatest fear
What's the point of holding us down?
I'm not even wanted here

Hold me and I will try to absorb your pain
What we have is so difficult to explain
Words said pace through my mind
Voice the warmth I can't leave behind

Unable to cautiously proceed
Losing my judgement with trembling speed
Simple questions ask myself often
Answers have all been forgotten

Is love eyeless?
Is it just me?
Does it always make truth hard to see?
How can love hurt bad when it's supposed to be good?
Don't know
Don't know
Though here before stood

We're broken individuals
Together we make a whole
All the pieces I am missing
Are parts making up your soul

Seeking happiness in the wrong places
Then wonder why I am not
Blame fate for most my problems
When I am chasing my tail in the same spot

Sit and watch the world spin circles
Wait for opportunities to drop into my lap
Neglect health in the process
Realize I'm about to snap

Ready to give up this quest
Staring at a looming distant goal
Contemplating if I am the only one
Emptied of happiness, a hollow soul

Everything fine fake
Just can't take Hollywood snakes
At the stars eyes ache

I had a dream last night
That you were here with me
For eight hours straight your baby blues
Were all that I could see
But morning shook me awake
I realized I was again alone
When you said the word goodbye
You took away the arms I call home

We say things we do not mean when we fight
This is not anything new
What concerns me is the painful fact
Some of those words are true

There is dissatisfaction
Between hope and truth
Expectation the one to blame
Fool we acquainted in our youth
Break bones with reality
Cut throat with an honest knife
Pull open and bleed out my dreams
Get used to the brutality of life

The soul is something to nurture
To be touched with gentle hands
Will only blossom when cared for
By someone who understands

And your eyes feel like a dagger
Piercing through my skin
Puncturing vulnerable parts
Hidden deep within

Once full of serenity and strength
My body now lies hollow
An ocean of potential dried up
Empty pit where demons wallow

Drawing me in against my will
Like a fish caught on a line
Powerless to escape the hook
Captivity hard to define

Freedom drowned in a sea of regret
Pulled by the tide's direction
Swept up in the undertow
Waves crash and silence objection

Reasons remain a mystery
My heart caged without knowing why
Held hostage by past transgressions
Imprisoned by forces too great to defy

Some people touch you
Set your skin on fire
Body up in some invisible flames
It's common to touch your surface
Reaching your soul takes specific aim

If someone sticks out and waves their hand
During your coldest longest hour
They deserve to feel warmest
You have the power

It does not happen often
Matter of fact it is quite rare
Go and put yourself out
When it's their turn they're not there

Who is beside you in celebration
And ALSO in your greif?
Should be thankful if just one person
Has your back
In you shows belief

How do I make you truly love me
As deeply as you said?
Words you spoke out loud to me
Never matched ones inside your head

How do I make you miss me too?
Laughter, breath, and devotion
Are you capable of feeling
Greif or any emotion?

How do I make you care?
Enough to be a decent guy?
I am not asking for perfection
Just want you to ******* try

How do I make you share the truth?
You're not even honest with yourself
You built world of fantasy
To deny deteriorating health

How do I make you forfeit the drugs?
Tried to be an example, lead the way
The love in your heart wasn't strong enough
And I am starting to see you'll always drift astray

How do I make you love yourself for who you are?
Accept beauty of each scar
No one will stay if you don't
Hard to love someone who doesnt know who they are

How do I stop pain we feel?
Aching resounding in every bone
I cry when thinking about what we lost
Only if I am alone

How do I make you change your ways
Stop living life the way you do
Hardest question of these to answer
How do I quit loving you?

I do not know, I always **** up,
Constantly making you mad,
Being together feels so good,
Our lives are turning out bad.

You said you need help, I try,
I find myself caught in a trap,
Baited with doubt, fear, and pressure,
Can't get out to aid you before you snap.

Used to being a damsel in distress,
It is difficult to take on another role,
Not looking for a hero to rescue me,
Just don't think I am ready to save your soul.

This is pathetic truth of who I am,
Addicted, weak-minded, fool,
Still dream of bettering my whole self,
Despite efforts, I cannot find the tool.

I am looking for a teacher,
Who can show how to escape my selfish ways,
Once I learn to grow and be selfless
Will deliver a future full of happy days.

They say happiness
Is a choice. Why doesn't it
Feel that way to me?

What is happening to my spirit?
I am losing touch with who I am,
Fallen far from where I was,
Too ****** to give a ****.

Leaning on toxic substances sweet,
Mind wrapped, thoughts of oblivion tight,
No sunshine visits this tired place,
Only endless burnt edges of night.

Exhausted, nowhere to rest,
Without light to guide my way,
No moon or stars appear in my dismal sky,
They faded to dust one somber day.

I continue, directionless, weary,
Realize I'm getting more lost,
Stubbornly walking the wrong road to escape,
Determined to fill veins with warmth at any cost.

Out of sync, out of patience and time,
Nearly out of good luck
Waterfalls in eyes begin to overflow
Rain I cannot seem to dodge or duck.

Red puddles form, pools on arms,
Evidence of yet another failed plot,
Look for magic that does not exist,
Expect to find in a bowl or shot.

With each I feel less and less there,
No motivation to see tomorrow dawn,
Day in, day out, it is the same routine,
Harvesting the flesh I depend on.

Night drags, no morning in sight,
Flying with prescription pair of wings,
Soon I will crash, a spectacular comedown,
The air laden with dread and melancholy things.

This time of year reminds of lost days,
Better moments, it was effortless to laugh,
Weeks and months went faster than I liked,
Bliss found in an old photograph.

Golden glow of juvenile wonder,
Wasted in midnight frightened mistakes,
Have not seen that innocent side since then,
Only smiles that appear now are simply fakes.

I am waiting for the tides to turn,
I will be carried back to shore,
Far from depths of disappointment and dismay,
To a make-believe land, I won't feel lonely anymore.

Arms tired from treading thick water,
Starting to sink to bottom,
Legs about to give out for good,
Wouldn't mind if they caved before Autumn.

What if I built a boat to bring me across oceans?
A plane to sail to the skies?
Sea rushes too quickly, no time to start,
To avoid crashing, cut silver ties.

The white clouds are now my only map,
Detailed, woven from incorrect waves of hindsight,
Hide the sun, golden glow burns eyes,
Covering progress, I venture out at night.

Basking in the moonlit cloak of guilt,
Far from peace am I,
Close as I let myself get I suppose,
Can't seem to reach it and I don't know why.

I am sick
Crying all the time
I feel like you are no longer mine
You never want me anymore
It cuts deep each time you ignore
I just want to be why you smile
If not always
Just once in awhile
I am afraid that if we stay together
Soon youll ask me to depart forever
What you feel
Never know
How you think of me
Rarely show
I am sure you'd say you love me if I dared to ask
How much of that love is only a mask?

There is one lesson you taught me
Sticks out more than the rest
And that is to love myself at my worst
Not only when I am my best

I am human after all
Tempted each day
I am foolishly blinded by love
Sliver by sliver resolve fades away
I am immobilized by agony
Weight grows hard to bear
Tip over so I can be free
Off edge to fall somewhere
Toppling head over heels in a haze
Comparable to Jack and Jill
Chain snapping as moment occurs
Crashing at bottom of this hill
I am the statue everyone sees
Poised awaiting instruction
Off-track I tumbled through the trees
Cracked by calamitous destruction
Start healing wounds all over skin
Created from own poor decisions
Gravity not willing to let me advance
Rolling accumulated incisions
Back and forth I wander
Earth tilts beneath my feet
Dizzily confused I can't figure out how
To steady myself preventing defeat
It's impossible getting where goals are
Wobbly with each step I take
Top of the mountain seems so far
Luckily legs do not ache
It seems this journey will not ever end
The wind
Ocean
Temperature
Ground
Rattling bones that comprise my skeleton
Rampant running around
It's not fair punishment by any means
Served my time in this location
Already processed surrounding scenes
Fists balled due to brain's frustration
Downward I cast exhausted eyes
Driven by instinct to carry on
I am accepting of demise
All hope is gone

Gaze full of hurt
Prophecy now unclear
Terrified of breaking you
More than I appear

I may seem composed
Unbothered to the untrained eye
It's destroying me within, believe
To be the one saying goodbye

I never played the field
Not used to being the one
Who steals hearts, smashes them
As soon as they stop having fun

I see shapes through loves blindfold
The sharpness of your rotten core
I am deciding loneliness
Is better than our hearts raw and sore

I know demeanor is cold
On a leash keep emotions felt
Shallow breath gives away
That my adoration is starting to melt

When calamity ultimately manifests
Into a mess you'd rather hide
Disruptive indiscretions occur
Bruises are born inside

A different suffering spreads
Polluting narrow veins
Morphing my blood dark and slow-moving
Spiraling down my arm red drains

I wish I could resuscitate the spark
Then I wouldn't feel so guilty and bad
It doesn't matter how we got here
What matters is that we can't go back

I love the one who
Hurts me the most, you hurt the
One you love the least