Been here for at my lowest
When I get high
Don't know why you do it
After the tears I made you cry
Wanna make you proud
Be reason for your smile
Support sobriety with my own
More than just a little while
You've put up with too much *******
Definitely deserve a break
Apologize for increasing stress
Making your head involuntarily ache
I know I have not been the best daughter
In so many imperfect ways
Promise I'll change and try to help more
Hopefully I brighten the rest of your days!

Today you are turning 51
Hope your birthday is lots of fun
May have more wrinkles than you did at the start
Don't care if you're old
You're young at heart

Happy birthday to sherlie
The best person I know
Another year has passed by
You continue to grow
Though we are not as close as before
The love that I hold in my heart
Has only gotten stronger with time
Even when we are miles apart

Happy endings are
Not real, only happy for
A little whiles

We may never be as foxy as we once were
Smiles falling out
Heads turning grey
I love you no matter how many wrinkles you have
How much or how little you weigh
Fight like foes but you're my best friend
Happy ******* valentine's day!

I want to feel sun again
I am tired of the pouring rain
I do not deserve to live my life like this
In the presence of this constant pain

I have given everything to you
Trust, mind, body, heart, and soul
Although you cannot see it
Inside me is a gaping hole

Never will I fall for anyone
As hard as I fell for you
You took the innocent part of me
That wasn't afraid to love and lose too

Can't you see how hard I am trying?
Look at the sacrifices I have made
You have given up nothing for me
That does not seem like a very fair trade

I am not the only one with flaws
And the way you are acting proves it
You said I was immature
I think you are a hypocrite

It sounds as if all you care about
Is what's best for you and your routine
Do you ever think of anyone?
Anyone besides yourself I mean

You know goodbye has not been easy for me
I am just trying to express how I feel
So sick of watching you be okay
And treating this like it is not a big deal

Ignoring me will not force me away
It just makes me confused and worn out
And I worry that I am wasting my time
On an "us" you care nothing about

I long to be appreciated
Want one person who will love me back
Not someone who cannot be with me
Unless I get my life on the right track

Something invisible keeps me here
I do not know why I cannot let go
I am in too deep to walk away
Loving you is harder than you know

If we were kids again
This time I'd love you right
I was so much happier then
Filled with warmth and light

You were the sunshine illuminating my sky
Permanent smile on my lips
Looking back it makes me cry
The way I watched your love eclipse

Loved you unconditionally
Which means that I still do
Although you no longer feel the same about me
Can't control how I feel about you

You and I were water and fire
Together we both made steam
But it wasn't just lustful passion or desire
It was everything I'd ever dreamed

Why do all good things have to end?
You were there by me through the worst
Not only my partner
Also my best friend
I tripped and fell for you headfirst

Shouldn't have let you slip away
Made sure my grip was tight
Done more to make you want to stay
Put up an even bigger fight

I tried my best to change your mind
Make you see that I'm the one
But I guess I was a step behind
Because you were already done

I won't beg for you like you did me
Instead gracefully let you go
If you love something you set it free
Though it kills me to do so

For your happiness is all I want
I yearn to hear your laughter
Even if that means viewing you flaunt
Your new happy ever after

You may not deserve it
But I am glad for you all the same
I understand why you chose to quit
We both are equally to blame

I long to scrub your name from my skull
Or to hate you for breaking my heart
But I can't shake the magnetic pull
Hypnotizing me from the start

You don't have to say a word
Know me all too well
All it takes is a touch
It's absurd
And I am put under a spell

I don't know why you do this
Waste my time with games and lies
Heal wounds you inflict with a kiss
Why bother to apologize?

Wear me out while leading me on
Too exhausted to stand
Then after completing a marathon
Without reason suddenly disband/
Don't even offer a helping hand

You just leave me heaving on the ground
Out of time and out of breath
Without looking back or turning around
Not caring about my life or death

You keep me on the back burner
Explain how that is fair
I may not be the fastest learner
But I'm not totally unaware

Yet despite your blatant neglect
I remained steadfast through the tears
When arguing showed each other disrespect
But we lasted many long years

You didn't take life too seriously
In contrast to my heavy heart
We balanced each other perfectly
Relationship a work of art

The joy was worth the suffering
I'd go through the same hell twice
To experience the ecstasy you bring
Willingly make any sacrifice

I am sure you no longer think about me
But your image never leaves my brain
Can't stop myself from acting crazy
Your absence drives me insane

There were many times of strife
But many more of peace
I have no purpose without you in my life
Helpless as I watch my self-worth decrease

I am torn into a million shreds
The future we planned for now shattered
As we sleep in separate beds
I scramble to catch the shards that scattered

Yet you somehow are still intact
I haven't witnessed one cut
Wonder if your composure is an act
Because I am anything but

Got holes all over my body
Invisible to the naked eye
Bleeding out hope and dignity
Just not enough to die

I hate the 'now' I am forced to inhabit
Because the present doesn't hold you
More ****** up than I dare to admit
Nobody has a clue

Most days I hang on by my fingernails
Barely getting through the sleepless nights
Don't pay attention to any details
Cannot tell black from white

Nothing makes sense without you here
Surroundings just colors and shapes
Living out my very worst fear
With nowhere to hide or escape

You are my sanctuary
The happy place I run to in distress
Now the closest I get is memory
But it suffices less and less

I trust that in time you will realize
What a huge mistake you are making
But if you come crawling back don't be surprised
If my love isn't there for the taking

I yearn for the seasons to ease the sorrow
Drenching my weary soul
And patiently wait for an easier tomorrow
To replace the bliss you stole

You threw away my affection
Without a second thought
As swiftly as you change direction
Our time together you've forgot

You'll be sorry when you feel regret
Because you always eventually do
But I'm done being your marionette
Manipulated by you

It will be the hardest habit to quit
I know I'll still love you for an eternity
No matter how much it saddens me to admit
I suppose we are not meant to be

Love who I am on the inside
My surface seems mostly dark and cold
Never learn from my mistakes
I am selfish and hard to hold

Roses are red
Violets are blue
**** all the haters
Who think they know you

There will always be doubters
But our love is real
And none of their opinions
Can change how we feel

No one else matters
They'll never get it anyway
But they better get used to it
Cause our love is here to stay

Haunted by memories
Of you in my head
Ghosts of all the would-haves
Composed of words better left unsaid

A lot of my favorite memories were made with you
In this old cozy cabin, most of them took place
Before I saw your other side, before I knew
Darkness hiding behind that handsome face.

The first day I walked through the door
Back when you were barely more than my friend
Tense attraction between us we couldn't ignore
We caved in though we were scared of how it might end.

The night we slept together for the first time in your bed
Felt like the thousandth time
We didn't have ***, just basked in the glow from words unsaid
That was the start of a steep and dangerous climb.

All the parties hosted together
We would laugh with our friends and drink
We didn't care if it was Monday or if there was bad weather
Would push it to the very brink.

Owning a puppy, losing him to death
I don't remember ever being held so near
In that car I cried so hard greif captured my breath
You didn't let go until the fall of every last tear.

I met your parents, I was nervous
Knew I would never be the girl of their dreams
Certain their opinions could not stir us
Still relieved to see approving gleams.

Out back, I'd let the dogs run around
Cannot imagine a place I'd call home more than here
I resist the urge to collapse to the ground
Give up, succumb to my deepest pressing fear.

To me this house will always haunted, yet perfect
Do you come here and think about me?
It is worn furniture and bloodstained ceilings that make me recollect
The bittersweet shadows of your ghostly memory.

When the world tears you apart
Do you follow your head or follow your heart?

Health is stuffy and boring
I cannot focus at all
Not one task better to do
Than stare at blank wall

Droning on and on
That door far away
Is it bad that I do not understand
A single word or phrase you say?

Zoning off into distance
Mind up in the sky
I am not paying attention
And I'm not gonna try

Torture is a waste of time
And I am not the only one
Who is waiting for the bell to ring
And class to be done

Time goes by slowly
My brain wearing down
This madness so dulling
I would rather drown

Wait and hope silently
Anxious shuffle in my weary head
Still the teacher carries on
I do not know what's being said

It is cold and I am tired
Wish I could get out
Outside sit patient, quietly
Inside I scream and shout

This poem ***** I know
What can I say?
I am just wasting time
Til the school bell rings today

You have my heart in chains
After all these years
The mercy of your affection
Hand that wipes my tears

You're mesmerizing beyond measure
Smile leaves me paralyzed
The sole word you have to utter is "Come!"
Legs move to my surprise

I obey each wish and command
Your approval I seek
All you need done to hear me talk
Simply call out to me "Speak"

You are not aware of power
Love feels like a restraint
Pulled me along by your heels
Never guided me straight

I am obedient pet
One that knows how to sit
I am too happy to lie down where I'm told
When you tell me to "Stop!" I quit

The fact is I keep heart locked up
In pound waiting for you to change
After all this time
Remains in your ribcage

The beat of my heart changes in your presence

Can sound like slow steady thumps one moment
The rhythmic blinking of two piercing eyes

But the millisecond you approach me
The heart stuck on the invisible metronome within is flung wildly

I do not possess the strength to control it

I have enough leverage to confine it to the prison inside my chest

And after it's behind bars I feel it pounding against its cell
For freedom

The easy paced beat suddenly switches to the fast thumping of a dogs tail wagging with sheer delight
Hitting the floor repeatedly

I take a minute
Reflect on the difference and I have an epiphany
THIS is how my dog feels when I come home from work each day

My broken heart froze that day last year
They warned me it would happen
You are the reason I'm sitting here now
Chasing thoughts as cheeks dampen

Know I should not blame you for the tears
We are equally in the wrong
Try though I may to distract myself
You are all my mind can focus on

When you left for rehab in Florida
Like shattered glass pain began multiplying
My world crumbled even more
When I discovered you were lying

Something deep inside involuntarily snapped
What was tightly wound dangles loose
On that swaying heartstring read one word: "goodbye"
Carved meticulously into my recycled noose

Hanging myself with self-inflicted emotion
It was more than just a suicide
Because the instant I killed myself
Our beautiful love also died

My heart is made of delicate glass
Understand that it breaks easily
The tiniest obstacles in my path
Freeze my heartbeat temporarily

Other times it feels as if
It has not yet pumped blood at all
Like red waves building up dammed in
Cannot push through my scarred heart's wall

Sometimes it is so full it bursts
Overflowing love right out of my chest
But that bliss also means when it bleeds it hurts
Great joy comes with proportionate unhappiness

Porcelain cracks
My heart is made of plastic

Earth will quake
Glass will shatter
Ceramic vases and statues falling to the ground and breaking apart
China plates will smash
Pieces scattering zillions of different directions

But me
Body will remain strong and unscathed
While others try gluing themselves back together in vain

Holding head in place until the shaking is through so the screws holding it on don't rattle loose

And I am not sure when this transformation occurred
It used to break often
After one too many beatings it evolved into this cold lump in my chest
Safe and sound regardless of who tries to destroy it

You had me in boxes stashed under your bed
Understanding I was locked away
Didn't want to let me inside your head
To own more than each passing day
You kept out of danger
Towered over to protect
Waiting
Crawling somewhere stranger
Prey limping with a broken neck
But that wasn't intention
Comes at the darkest part of night
Unrelenting unforgiving tention
Never saw before in my sight
Dragging heavy eyes along bathroom tile
I can't pull them away
You and I wrapped in compulsion we compile
Here I am heart on display

And I tried my best
Page lit up with blazing words
Hearts fire explained

There is no heaven
There is no hell
Those are just lies
Us humans tell
I found both
Not in the skies
Or underground
But in your eyes

What if this is it?
Too long world lived in a dream
Hopeful delusions

Heavy-chested, I try to release emotions,
The moon shakes its head in dismay,
Seasons unwinding, heartache in slow-motion,
And in weather hides words I can't say.

In the thick sincere compliments
Concerns flail, attempt to get out,
Bang on barriers, will not budge,
'Life consumed, hopeless doubt.

Mind enveloped in fear,
Shackled by trusting nature,
Wings clipped, self-made prisoner,
I wonder if you sense restraints stir.

Certain only one choice allowed,
A crowd of disapproving eyes stare,
Maybe stars can take me far from this place,
They twinkle, dreams in night air.

Want to shine with a similar light,
Ugly areas stand in protest,
Hold back the glow, I seem dimmer,
Searching for a spot to rest.

Weakness planted in crevices,
Rosebushes bearing thorns blooming,
Learning to love myself even when no one else does,
I'm hard to be with, I am only human.