On your shoulder stands a monster
Name is insecurity
Grotesque green-eyed gargoyle
Subverting surroundings you see

My heart an antique treasure
Covered in dross and dust
Every afternoon bricks wedged between
Barrier built by broken trust

In haste to label me a villain
Strengths overlooked without a second glance
Few foolish mistakes I may have made
We will never succeed if you don't give us the chance

There's plenty space for us to grow
Turn over a new leaf
Full of abundant paranoia
No room in skull for belief

I cannot take anymore upheaval
Over and over again a skipping track
Interrogation ripping flesh
Infinite questions break back

On map I illustrate details
Appeasing you is tough
Doesn't matter how accurate my statements
Efforts seem to not ever be enough

I feel indignity
Gently caressing insight
Embracing like a family member
Not afraid of standing up for what's right

So very tired of being pegged as the bad guy
I take cover from insinuations
In a brave moment of futility
Kick the door in to house of expectations

I dance in entryway like the whole world is blind
Until I collapse because you make it so hard
Each invalid word flung my direction
Slowly wriggles through thought's guard

It comes together
Pieces of a mechanism
Dismembering my self-esteem
Out of nowhere insults are thrown my way
Rage rises in me like steam

My voices speak brutal tones
Echoing deeply within brain
Sometimes can't tell if my demons are lying
Till morning sheds light on what's sane

Sleeping dogs won't keep eyes closed
I'm turned upside down
I can't help but crawl back to your arms
When day shifts perception around

Every which way emotions are conflicted
Rest when you realize you are wrong
Leaving me alone in peace for awhile
Until next episode comes along

Till my fatigued legs are forced to start running
Miles to showa the light
Fly to a place with less distress
Pinky promise we will be alright

And wait for you to come to your senses
Whether noon or months from now
Playing out scene however it unfolds
In future like a garden we will bloom somehow

In jungle of life where so many are ruthless
Are the only man who catches my eye
Contrary to what imagination might assume
Have no inclination or need to glance at another guy

I told you before and I'll say it again
Simply not that kind of girl
Fact that you would even entertain that notion
Truthfully makes me want to hurl

We have faced fair share of challenges
I'm sure there are more to come
If you want me to be better try building my confidence
Instead of opposite like calling me dumb

Why does it look like you create obstacles?
If let be the path would remain clear
You search so persistently for problems
Eventually they are bound to appear

Making mountains of molehills
Just wish for you to appreciate what you've got
May never have as much to offer as you
I give you my love and that's a lot

I'm left wondering where things went wrong
Striving to present my best
Will you notice what's so obvious to me?
Despite our issues we both are blessed

Think if eyes were truly open
Have nothing but faith in me
Loyalty and devotion are screaming at top volume
You are too focused on my shortcomings to see

Now that I know what
This means you can't do it to
My brain anymore

Don't tell me to get out
If you do not want me to leave
Sad the day I actually do
Goodbyes worn on our sleeves

Necessary walls put between us
They cause stress to strike
Can never meet in the middle
Different views but so alike

When will I declare defeat?
Be the first to grow up?
Time to realize you never will
Stop counting seconds you interrupt

Animosity steadily building
Stone expressions swapped with pride
Oblivious to own ignorance
All the insecurity inside

Too stubborn to see truth
Is no way to change your opinion
Will forever be correct in this kingdom
Over which you hold dominion

There's nothing adequate to dethrone you
Don't acknowledge words I say
Wish we could live in harmony
Spoken sentences of spite stuck in the way

You do not make me feel welcome
Gravity of your rage makes me small
We're often overlooked in our haste
Broken heels pressed against wall

I never desire to leave the premises
With you memories were fondly made here
Living in endless frustration
A tender touch so insincere

Leaves me feeling captive
Instinct exclaiming
"Fight or flight?!"
How can I escape your wrath
Except running to him and proving you right?

I'm happier sleeping in car with him
Than my warm bed with a heart full of fear
Maybe if house felt like a home
I would actually want to live here

I think worst part of this
That it is so hard to pretend
You are meaningless
Nothing above a friend

My feelings did not ever end
Or begin to fade
Acted like my love disappeared
All along was a charade

My heart never quit yearning
To again be by your side
Just stifled the urges with cheap replicas
Emotions beneath a thick layer of pride

I want you knowing how much you mean
But worry you'll tear me in half
I am different now
Ghost of the girl in that old photograph

Give me the boot and I'll walk out the door
You won't have to see me anymore
I will run away as far as I can
To El Dorado or Wonderland
I'll leave the cruelty and unfairness behind
In search of peace that here couldn't find
I will rub a lamp and make a wish
And a genie will fix all of this
I'd give anything to make the pain go away
Despite my efforts it is here to stay
I don't want to fight with you despite what you think
But we go round and round like we're at a roller rink
When trouble comes knocking I panic and hide
And wait but the struggles never subside
I long for a sanctuary but instead get a cell
This house is a hell I've come to know all too well
Tears soak my pillow
I'm chilled to the bone
Even around family
I still feel alone
Nails pounded into skull
Another headache drags me down
Misery floods this spinning room
Afraid that I might drown
Broken beyond repair
Something's always wrong
It seems like everyone expects
Me to **** it up and be strong
That used to work but I am much weaker now
I want to make you proud of me but I don't know how
Stuck chasing my tail in circles while you hope
I will get better but we both know I won't
Viewing life in shades of red
Why can't it fade to black?
I don't have enough muscle to carry
Weight of the world upon my back
Singing sad songs systematically off key
Somehow forgotten what comes after Do Re Mi
In my heart sorrows move and make ripples all throughout
Waves form as memories kick and thrash about
Even if life relents a little and shows me some room to breathe
As soon as I relax I find myself between turmoils teeth
Poor judgement leads me to the worst destinations
Have only self to blame for present ruination
Eyes blinded by expectation and comparisons to the past
Eagerly jump to conclusions too fast
Too many failures tallied like marks
Then rubbed in my face with spiteful remarks
Arguments come and go without a moments notice
Sometimes feel as if I am under hypnosis
As if it is another host in my body residing where I stand
Answering some evil inaudible command
When all innocence has been hidden somewhere too dark to seek
I just continue to lose myself week after week
Have to wonder where the hell I went wrong
I used to laugh and it didn't feel wrong
Still wear a smile but it's as fake as fool's gold
My frozen hand is too cold now to hold
A few more goodbyes and I'll be swept away with the wind
Stagnant air coats my lungs as I breathe disappointment in
But I think I am ready to finally take off my mask
And tackle questions I always silently pray people won't ask
My poker face was never the best
It's about time I show my cards
Because I am exhausted from bluffing
I'm letting down my guard

I try to give you the world
Wrapped in hope and happiness
You deserve not only that, but so much more
You always end up with less.

Not only do I look at the cup as half empty
It contains poison
Lost my positive outlook a long time ago
Humor hides my broken feelings
Having breakdown inside though

Full of darkness dampening my mood
No light to cancel it out
On the verge of hyperventilation
Tears fall of sorrow and doubt

I am hollow
Fighting restless itch
Tried pulverizing negativity
No matter which weapons I arm myself with
Is too abundant to expel from my body

My voice quiet and unsure
Words are stronger than stone
I am told I should look on the bright side of things
Stormy weather is all I've ever known

Heard silence when needing comfort
Snowed when I longed for the warmth of the sun
Witnessed those I care about
Walk out door one by one

Wasted hours weeping in vain
Knowing tears would not change the past
I was foolish enough to get my hopes up
Despite the fact good things rarely last

I lost optimism the older I grew
Cannot find silver linings anymore
The partially filled glass knocked off the table
It's completely empty on the floor

Are you ready to try?
Will I be left behind?
You listen to what I say
Not sure if I'm okay

I'm writing songs
Words come out wrong
Taking time
Let you inside

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Dopamine
Dopamine
Dopamine

To reach beyond walls
Can't grasp trust at all
Just pick me apart
Exposing who we are

This house ain't home
I live here alone

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
Couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier on three
Old friend fear and you and me
Dopamine
Dopamine

Need to feel alive again
Need to feel alive again
Stuck in prison

Even when we care
Life seems unfair
No place I can see
Where I am free to be me

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
You
You
Dopamine
Dopamine
Don't let the days go by
Dopamine
Dopamine
Dopamine

I want to be your other half
So good at loving you
Not even sunshine could warm you up
Make you glow like I do

Your ghost visits me
When night falls I dream of love
Sweet dreams to our fears

Reach out your hand, grab a chance,
Life has much to offer if you allow,
When you are older you'll look back and regret,
Not doing what you are afraid to do now.

Trying to forget my conscience
Thoughts inside my head
Yelling at me to search harder
Chase someone else instead

I am tired of feeling guilty
Know I'm the one to blame
You try convincing me I'm not
But it doesn't stop shame

I could do more to stay away
It's difficult to turn around
I need to go and leave behind
The greatest thing ever found.

I could cope with the hurt
Questions and memories too
The fear holding me back
Is surviving without you

I am selfish and terrible
For allowing it this far
I wish for you each chance I get
Dandelions, shooting stars

I swore I wouldn't be that girl
Let you leave her for me
I said I'd never want to ruin
Love though you are unhappy

It's too late to set you free
My heart is clurching you tight
I continue pushing back guilt
I hope our story ends alright

At the bottom
This empty hole I've dug inside myself

Waiting to be saved

Catching a glimpse of light above

Those glimpses are getting fewer
Far between

I think about the idiots who told me
"It's mind over matter"

I had a mind
To lift above matter
Ever since I lost it the matter is too much to bear

A girl used to inhabit the sky
Cried every day without fail
Until teardrops froze her to ice
And her shattered pieces fell like hail

Half of me yearns to forget your name
Memory that burns like an ember
The other half is stubborn
Determined to remember

I see so clearly now
That I've had some time
Living in a separate realm
Somewhere I cannot find

Do not know where your mind is at
Only focus on one thing most of the day
Where do your thoughts go when you're well?
When you're high and your problems drift away?

I long to know where your heart goes
Often it runs somewhere far
It's there more than here with me
Some distant planet or star

To follow is my desire
Where my hands can reach
With not just physically
Aim to practice what I preach

The way you turn emotions off
Only a moment of dissent
Has me hiding so maybe you won't see
A thick yet transparent loosely guarded discontent

Cried many tears for you
Added up and washed my sight
Point of view began to change
Presently I realize that it wasn't right

The way life lived day-to-day
May not have noticed back then
Should have noticed a lot sooner
Of your flaws
It was easier to pretend

Well guess I should regret that now
A few years down the road I will
Hard to explain
Despite all the games
Do it all again for you still

You and I have something unique
Heart has never felt love this strong
Blind I may have been when we met
Still feel your arms are where I belong

To say I love is an understatement
Blame cupid
Making me fall
Maybe Aphrodite
Or St. Valentine
Has me heeding to your every call

Maybe it is the universe
Pushing us close with an invisible force
No cause for my attraction to you
Guess destiny is just running its course

Your behavior proves to be unchanging
Lose more you each day we make it through
More than 1/2 of your presence
Need to have all of you

Totally submerged in an ocean of fear
I lay my heart on the line
Those three little words I am desperate to hear
I feel like you're no longer mine

Shallow breath razor sharp in my throat
Puddles of tears soak the floor
In a flood of pain and I can't float
So I drown until I wash ashore

Halfway to Hell
No way to turn back
So we stop right where we are
Have no idea how we got so off track
I just know that distance is too far

I want to hold you close
Like we are supposed to be
Keep you cozy and protected
Help you realize and see
The truth you try hard to deny
All my life I've had no doubt
I am half
In your presence
Whole
Partial without

Love you find in fairytales
Is falsely portrayed and blurred
Knights and princes do not exist
At least that's what Ive heard

Happiness is a hoax
Impossible to reach in chances
I guess it all depends
On fair or poor circumstances

Boasts of castles are dishonest
There's no such thing as forests enchanted
These are hopeful ideas
Well-meaning people implanted

A story does fine to entertain
Listen closely when I say this;
A frog won't transform into the man of your dreams
And you can't wake from a coma by feeling true loves kiss

Miss how happy we used to be
Permanent smiles we bore
Back then basked in momentary bliss
Not bothering to worry what lay in store

Lived day-to-day simple and carefree
Fueled by passion exploding in every kiss
In your arms discovered deeper meaning
Fell hard despite obvious risk

Thought I knew what love was before
Showed me I had no clue
One touch transformed all I saw and felt
Inserted into my world little pieces of you

Relentless pigments emerged into view
Gone were the shades of blue, black, and grey
You gave a wide spectrum of magnificent colors
Just so you could tear them all away

Would hold you til I had to leave
I would go to work, you'd go to sleep
Avoiding looking at the clock
Silent in seconds we felt creep

On a thin thread of comfort I swung
Oblivious to the inevitable snap
This fragile heart too optimistic
To believe we would ever break in half

I would come to learn though
Through ten thousand shattered dreams
You were hiding things all along
Happiness is never as happy as it seems