As you learn to correct mistakes
Pain humbles so you can grow
Eyes will cry, hands will bleed
You will appreciate it later though.

The stony paths you walked
Regret that haunts your brain
Sleepless nights, thoughts left unsaid
Are the pieces falling into place.

I don't need the shirt that smells like you,
Close to me to fall asleep at night,
But honestly, it really helps,
To pretend that it's you on my right.

Each day seems dimmer when I awake,
Without your "good morning" and embrace,
Its hard to stare at a cup of tea,
When I really want to see your face.

And hear your voice and feel your touch,
and your warm breath instead of steam,
By the time I'm left with an empty mug,
I'm deeply lost in some daydream.

Life is fine but it would be better,
If I could kiss you every day,
Its harder than I thought it would be,
To have my love be so far away.

I am feeling less than human
No longer worthy of love
Each day i live out
What nightmares are made of

I am contemplating silence
The kind that doesn't end
That way I will never have to
Find out what lies around the bend

I am afraid of what I've become
I should leave while I still can
To split before I hurt someone
I think is the smartest plan

I should have known from the beginning
I would end up spiraling down
I thought i could avoid my fate
Now in addiction I drown

I'm only happy when I'm high
It is a temporary reprieve
from the pain so I cover up
marks on my arm with my sleeve

I have never felt like such a failure
Nor felt so frail and so weak
I've lost all my appetite
I can't find the will to speak

I wish I could beat the ache
Rise up and take my life back
If I were stronger then
I could get my life on track

Instead I hide my suffering
Hold the hurt I feel inside
Now everything that once was good
In me withered away and died

A flower in December
Once beautiful and innocent
My soul is no longer blooming
My petals are all bent

Is it too late to save myself
from the path I have chosen to walk on?
Can I rekindle the fire
Within or am I too far gone?

I want to believe there is still a chance
To change the person I am
I wish I was not this girl
Who would do anything for a gram

My life has been like this too long
To be exact: almost a year
I cannot remember when things went wrong
I do not know how I ended up here

I should have thought things through then
Before I took my first hit
Honestly I had no idea
How hard it would be to quit

First stage of change: acceptance
What is the second? I don't know
That is the problem, I'm ready
But have no clue where to go

I need to move an inch forward
Because my life is at stake
I want to feel how I used to
Before I made that fatal mistake

The outline of your body my favorite shape
Yearning to feel lips touch my necks nape
I had danced before
Never standing still
Around you atoms tango with an unsurpassable thrill
Your words are melodies spoken with ease
Cells waltzing with eachother doing what they please
And let me take a moment
Explain how I feel
Sound of your laughter tingles like an electric eel
The rain and clouds do not feel still like bad weather
Sun shining in hearts as long as we're together
To life you have brought enlightenment and love
Souls seem to fit together better than a glove
All woes from the past depart when you're near
When you leave they take some time to reappear
I rise in the morning without seeing your face
There is nothing I hate more than the space
This must be fate
Destiny
Our lost souls meant to be

Revealing twisted thoughts that emerge in my head at night
Needlessly pouring my heart to you
The cold chaotic chess game that lingers
I wonder if you feel disturbed sometimes too

Honestly, I never knew that you,
Would ever mean this much to me,
I never imagined that one day,
This was how things were going to be.

I never thought that i would hold you,
Or miss your voice, your smile, your touch,
I guess I should have known that you,
Would make me care about you too much.

I cant get you out of my head,
Im always hoping youll text or call,
Im losing my mind and i love it,
Im scared but i crave the rush of the fall.

It's been so long since I've felt like this,
Excited to wake up every day,
I wish I could spend each moment with you,
When were apart i ponder words you say.

When we were young i never thought,
That I would come to love your eyes so blue,
I never knew that I could feel this way,
About you, but im glad that I do.

I love you, even though you hurt me,
I want you, even though you said goodbye,
I cry. I cant stop the tears from falling,
Even though your eyes are probably dry.

It doesn't matter how youre doing,
It won't change or stop the way I feel,
My arms have a longing to hold you,
The heart I own isn't made of steel.

I still want you to be happy,
I want to see your beautiful smile,
I just don't want you to forget me,
At least not for a little while.

I want my name to run through your veins,
Im desperate to hear your voice,
I wish you would ask for me back but,
Its not up to me; this is your choice.

Im waiting for you to change your mind,
For you to realize I'm your crutch,
Despite how much im suffering,
My heart still needs to feel your touch.

I wish I could freeze moments shared in the past
The courageous minute time sealed certain fate
The little girl I was, stubborn, stupid, and immature
Wanted too badly to be your forever mate.

My young heart; pure and poetic
Easily misled by alcoholic lips
Remember our first real conversation? I melted
I long to have those same sweet stomach flips.

I watch you now, older body and face
Laugh at how blind I was to your flaws
While clouds darken the past even more
You breathe in the same hurt you cause.

Cannot see beyond the suffering
I watch you try to rekindle the fire
You dance among burning embers
Absence dismissed, I begin to tire.

A soundtrack to our summers
Birdsong always seemed to fill loyal air
Now cheerful melody seems mocking
Inhaling their tunes with barely a care.

Out the window, I recognize clear roads
Recollect ancient paths, sigh and reflect
The breeze is the temperature it was then
Can't withstand the ice memories collect.

Heart trips over unclaimed baggage
I cannot see how big yoursuitcase really seems
You're dying, at least part of your life is
You are fine with losing all our dreams.

In your gaze rest a few hints of regret
Out of time, still let it finally show
Bedroom reminds me of the worst pieces of us
Feel like the walls contain secrets only we know.

Sitting on my floor, staring at a small mirror
An assaulting intruder is what I see looking back
An unwelcome guest forced her way in
My view alights an invisible attack.

The fangs you sunk beneath my skin
Always had me ensnared
You were worse than a drug, loved your high
No matter what family said I never cared.

Sight muddy from substances, I was stumbling
Didn't think I could be ready to say goodbye
Back in those days I owned no worry or concerns
Now I am chased by echoes of a beautiful lie.

Did I fall for you, or your friendly illusions?
Looking backwards, its hard to seperate
Which chapters were real and which were fake
Regardless, they will not cease to resonate.

If we are addicted to the chase
The rush received when we catch our prey
To a life of fetch I will resign
Bring back each time you run away

Then you are finished fleeing
Feelings will give a shove
And I will switch tired places
Will be your turn to go after my love

Thrown high
Cartwheeling midair
Heart is a toy for you to chew
No matter how distant I lay fallen
For some reason still pursue

You are the bone
Can't resist
Treat I never can earn
We make a boomerang
Without me have no way to return

But if I do not have you I have nowhere
No house to return to
Depend on me to continue flying
Like I depend on you

This game can be played with two
We go back and forth tossing *****
Obeying repeated commands loyally and prompt
Whether returning sticks or missed calls

It does not really matter who chucks
Who sprints after affection wanted
We're both addicted to the thrill
The hunter or the hunted

Fill the hollow crevice of my existence
With light, show me a warmer way
Stop numbness from taking over
I am slipping further0 into dismay.

Down the senseless pit of despair
My direction is out of control
Darkness paralyzes my mind
Strangling thoughts that crawl and roll

Constricting my body until I give up
I kick the air but cannot land a blow
The empty space will never stop resisting
The sound of my own scream has become my foe.

The endless void swallows my voice
Here the tears I cry fall forever
The lies I have told mean nothing now
I knew my will was always meant to sever.

Faced with nothingness all around
This is my life; a ******* hole
It's slowly shoving me outwards
Little by little, pain taking over my soul.

Chaos has reality gripped
In a tight but unsure grasp
Confusing the mass of color
And motion contained in its clasp

Bullied by the tidal wave of isolation
Head above water though it is strong
Giving up the ability to move
Surviving by the current floating me along.

My consciousness is traveling lethargically
I no longer feel my torso or limbs
Attempt to wiggle a finger but it won't budge
It takes all my strength to speak and part dry lips.

This is where existence ceases
Where time's beginning meets its end
An unending loop of monotonous emotions displayed
A breif instant in which Eternity life does suspend

I must be the luckiest girl,
That's the way it seems,
Because you are in my every thought,
You're even in my dreams.

Your lips brush against my skin,
Your hand is holding mine,
My heart is pounding in my chest,
Our minds intertwine.

Across the world is somewhere,
My soul finds happiness,
It's hidden in your smile,
And your sweet caress.

My hands shake and quiver,
Nervous, but never scared,
Do you really know me?
Have you ever even cared?

My skin pale and lucid,
A blush sweeps up my face,
A shiver runs down my spine,
My pulse starts to race.

Everything in this moment,
Is just how it should be,
My heart Happy, once again,
Us together, finally.

I am difficult most days
I'm guessing because I'm a mess
Eats me up to know I'm damaging
People close get hurt and I am distressed

I cannot take their advice
Or tell the truth so instead
I silently float in a pool of omission
At the bottom scribbled words unsaid

Desperately trying to hide and deny
Dysfunction under a thin cloak of happiness
Like fireflies in the cool evening wind
Each smile fizzles out giving way to darkness

The way your touch sparks fire
Underneath my skin
Light from flames is blinding
Can't see danger I am in

Efforts to exstinguish
Blaze are all in vain
Because it sears not just in muscle
But throughout every vein

And the emptiness in my life
Little by little starts to fill
As you pour yourself into my cracks
With alarming skill

Hide my hesitation
Whenever you are near
I cannot continue any longer
Halted by this fear

I don't want to get hurt again
Lonely is easier to withstand
When it is of your own accord
Instead of by another's hand

Today all yesterdays disappointment
Has rendered me bitter and cold
But maybe tonight at least briefly
Some of my despair can be consoled

Throw out jaded perspective
It hasn't done me very much good
Guarded because those closest to me
Did things they swore they never would

Broken promises broke my heart
As clique as it may sound
Which is why I am reluctant
To keep you hanging around

I can't seem to manifest love for myself
There is nothing to even like
Emotions refuse to do as I command
Like my brain is on strike

All together with my issues
And the time that it would take
To even consider lowering defenses
When it could turn out to be a mistake

Is too much to put belief into
Though it feels nice to pretend
That the time we spend together
Will not come to an end

The naivete I held before
Now lies collecting rust
Within my body's graveyard
Along with any chance for trust

Because I don't think it's possible
For happiness to truly last
All I need for confirmation of this
Is one glance into the past

History warns to be careful
Memories haunt me every night
If only I owned a time machine
I'd go back and do things right

But if by some divine intervention
Our paths were meant to intersect
Then there is a reason
For us two to connect

I'm not saying it will be easy
Stay away if you can't navigate
The twisted corridors of my mind
Don't even stroll through the gate

But if you are ready to be patient
Understand intimacy must be earned
Then prove to me you are serious
And worth the risk of getting burned

A strange soft stirring begins in my heart
I’m not sure what caused this fluttering to start
Like innocence still uncorrupted captured in butterflies
Except my stomach is no longer where the majority flies
But just a little while ago a few still hovered there
But to trap or imprison them I wouldn’t dare
There hides a few more in the lungs in my chest
Only flap wings when I can’t catch my breath
When silence is the single sentence I have to not speak
Your smile leaves me speechless
Knees growing weak
No clock
No noise
All surroundings fade away
Colors suddenly emerge where before was only grey
Waiting for your melodic voice to disrupt that magic spell
Heaven momentarily suspended til one word snaps me back into hell
The illusion of perfection not once falters or affrights
As you come closer the swarm inside my body takes off in simultaneous flight
It’s mindblowing the way my senses react when you are near
How you still manage to give me butterflies even after all these years

Jump with new courage
With them leap like you have wings
Fly as free as birds