To naively trust your playful smile
Is throwing all sense up in the air
Should be more wary of strangers
Of the danger I am aware

No reason not to trust your hand
Yet no reason why I should
Don't even know each other
This can't lead anywhere good

It is really so revealing
Only takes five weeks
You already need somebody else
Moving between another's sheets

Looking at the terrible facts
Betrayal was truly unexpected
So many times you have hurt me
Yet I thought our love was more respected

Let's hope distance strengthens us
Afraid to lose your heart
If you give it to someone new
Mine is going to crumble apart

I am human after all
Tempted each day
I am foolishly blinded by love
Sliver by sliver resolve fades away
I am immobilized by agony
Weight grows hard to bear
Tip over so I can be free
Off edge to fall somewhere
Toppling head over heels in a haze
Comparable to Jack and Jill
Chain snapping as moment occurs
Crashing at bottom of this hill
I am the statue everyone sees
Poised awaiting instruction
Off-track I tumbled through the trees
Cracked by calamitous destruction
Start healing wounds all over skin
Created from own poor decisions
Gravity not willing to let me advance
Rolling accumulated incisions
Back and forth I wander
Earth tilts beneath my feet
Dizzily confused I can't figure out how
To steady myself preventing defeat
It's impossible getting where goals are
Wobbly with each step I take
Top of the mountain seems so far
Luckily legs do not ache
It seems this journey will not ever end
The wind
Ocean
Temperature
Ground
Rattling bones that comprise my skeleton
Rampant running around
It's not fair punishment by any means
Served my time in this location
Already processed surrounding scenes
Fists balled due to brain's frustration
Downward I cast exhausted eyes
Driven by instinct to carry on
I am accepting of demise
All hope is gone

I sit in the dark in solitude
How did I get here?
Know how to get out
Paralyzed by fear

Bleed good intentions
I'm running out of red
See all my weakness
Instability in my head

So pretty appear to be
I perfectly play the part
I'll feel how I look one day
Til then inhale myself apart

We wrap ourselves in the unreasonable hope
This feeling will return
We aren't irreparable yet
We can douse the flames before it all burns

We've already began transforming into ash
The glow starting to fade out
Foundation crumbled long ago
A little late to save that part now

I cannot extinguish the fire that devours
Heart beating fast and hard
I want to ***** heat before it sears too deep
Rendering our love fragile and charred

Blood and tempers mix, form an inferno
Red reflections in air
Simmering thoughts escape my mind
Too boiling for me to bear

Every room is smoky and unsure
Failing to smother each angry ember
I'm suffocating in warm regret
Choking mistakes I involuntarily remember

My soul blackened from the burn
Screaming blisters appear in my heart
The darkest coals are all that remains
Of past love we shared, once bright, now dark

I wish I was made of bulletproof skin and a barbed wire mind
Heart was buried treasure impossible to find
In need of good luck if you've any to spare
Seems mine was carried away like a balloon into the air
I dream of following but I can't sprout a pair of wings
To the earth anchored by melancholy
Held by a thousand strings
Full of too much sorrow there's hardly any room to move
Grief sits on shoulders
An anchor weighing too much to remove
Mirrors at every turn mocking me with my own reflection
Tormenting reminders of each mistake and imperfection
I do not know how much longer I am able to stand on these two feet
Exhausted from daily performance mastered and am condemned to forever repeat
Don't believe my own worth though I try I can't love who I have become
Disappointment stings worse than bees so do all I can to stay numb
I'm waging war with myself and taking bets on which side will win
Back and forth tug of war constantly makes my head spin
Heaven? Hell?
Good? Evil?
Light? Dark?
I have no clue
I'm so lost in madness contained in my soul that it is tearing my heart in two

Make up *******
You always do

Is there a sliver of hesitation when the colorful stories you animate roll off your tongue like hot butter melting across a frying pan?

You alone have this mystical ability with words
Spinning ordinary
Innocent
Letters with sick deranged threads
Vindictive deception

But don't even realize you're doing it

It is remarkable

Those who lie dearest to your heart
Care for
All we have is now
Might not get another chance to express feelings
Time may not allow

Strong since I met suffering
Visions of future bright
Silent but risky assumptions
Have more than just tonight

All I do is wish for forever
You never truly know
How many moments remain taken for granted
Or chances left for love to show

We live on our little island
Beautiful planet
Remote
Such a deserted place
To reach you'd need a boat

People start whole wars
The bigger picture unseen
Red flags all ignored

A few weeks ago retained the delusion
You may return to me
Now that I've witnessed your calloused behavior
Allowed pain to set my broken heart free

In end I'm surprised
An old habit slowly dies
And beginnings rise

Chase happiness as fast you can

Because you are only getting older
Slower
And more out-of-shape
So your best chance at catching that **** is RIGHT NOW!

The pearly snow
Beneath my feet
As I tread

Underneath
Looking
Sky unfolds before me

Bright blues
Your silver-lined clouds interrupting the otherwise smooth ocean of air

Vast
Vibrant
The white-capped mountains zig-zagging along the distant horizon

Trees laid bare in front of eyes
Waving branches
As if in distress

I am inhabiting a dream

Believing found poignancy to be a temporary illusion
Too beautiful to exist in actuality

Reflective sight reminding paradise does in fact take residence on earth

I am sorry I never know
Correct words to say to change your mood
You need me now and I fail completely
Every morning I wake with an attitude

Hunger sits inside my soul
I am scared one day of spiraling down
Out of reach, then my demons
Will whisk me under wicked waves to drown

I tell my heart to stay afloat
Swim even harder for you, I, and we
Kick cruel devils, keep treading water
I barely have head above this miserable sea

Throw kindness around because world needs more
Like birds let it soar through air
Confetti Earth with goodness galore
Your actions inspire others to share

I used pure imagination
To picture a future with us together
Closed my eyes and visualized
Brighter times ahead; sunny weather.

I knew I was daydreaming
I might not one day be your wife
But I do not want to live without you
I hope fantasy comes to life.

Turn the page, begin a new chapter,
I have placed the past at the start of the book,
Good day to start the rest of your novel,
The time and place to change is now; just look.

There is no better moment than the present,
Do what you have always wanted to do,
If you wait for the "right" opportunity to come
Might accidentally pass by you.

Every day a chance to write a new story,
An idle pen is of no use,
Neglecting the blessings life has to offer
Is it's own unique form of self-abuse.

Every time I attempt to change
Find myself somehow stuck
A period of indecision
Or pit of endless bad luck

Temptation is a persistent *******
Keeping on a high ledge
Put a stick in my moving spokes
Taking away the edge

Medicine will not let me run too far
Invading corners of my mind
Coerced into staying here
Relief I only briefly find

I saw a future temporarily
Moment quickly burned out
Was making steady progress
Turned around and went a different route

I do not know why you do this to me
It's clear I'm not a priority
My eyes open
You prefer them closed
Too late to cover betrayal exposed
To me it's obvious as it can get
Stalling makes me more upset
Either way going to find out
You'll have to confront my pout
The death of consideration at our door
Birthing doubt that loudly roars
Staring at undeniable truth
Witnessing what's in front of me doesn't take a sleuth
My desires to back-burner are pushed aside
Then have the nerve to claim you "tried"
When faced with actions you turn tables
Insisting it's my mindset that is unstable
I've went through cycle over and over hoping it will end
Telling myself to not get angry because it's YOUR money to spend
Even though it's true can't help but feel hurt within
Never learned how to be confident in your ability to win
It must be a lifetime of letdowns and loss
Foolish failures have filled my flesh with frost
Seeming obligated to protect you from your habit
Of course you persist on chasing that white rabbit
As merely mortal you are not to blame
Pull is too severe calling out your name
In your optics a wild glimmer awakens
Want to tame it before your morality is taken
The dawn bridges bad past to promising present's fresh start
Gentle wind whispers words to calm currents crashing in my heart
I follow instincts and they lead to the front door
We would walk together but you don't mirror my strides anymore
And time trickles slower just for having bodies near
I'd live over your shoulder advising choices in your ear
Without fear of flailing or getting lost or stuck
Wandering paths anywhere without giving one ****
I would not hold against you the mistakes recklessly made
Wouldn't be so quick to throw your direction shade
I am a little hasty with my poor attitude
Afraid to fly your leaps of faith I automatically exclude
Rooted in wildflowers intentions sway easily with the breeze
Paint feathers black and white to match piano keys
Borrowed from sunsets is glow warming my ice
Sky calls out a sole last roll of the dice
But the ground quakes beneath our feet
In too much debt to surrender and retreat
A compulsion from a screen formed and it appears it's here to stay
Daring you to raise your bet until there's zero pennies left to play
I carry stress for both our hands
Aching brain responds to negativity's demands
Right this second selfishness has me seeing red
Soon as you mumble "sorry" I'll be holding you in my arms instead

Though I am by myself
You are always with me

My shadow had taken shape of your own

The silence loudly leads me down long winding paths deep
The darkest crevices of my troubled mind

The more I veer to avoid pull attempting to navigate thoughts to a happier place
Faster I race to the opposite destination
Location I have grown to rightfully hate

Why must memory torture me so?

I wish I could harness control

I long to shrug off my shoulders like a coat two sizes too big

Heavy
Unbecoming

But you stick tighter to my body than my very own skin

Take more space in my veins than my blood

Your life holds far more importance than the pathetic one I endure myself every day

I bottle emotions up
Learned that from you

I know that is not healthy but since you are never going to get better there is no point in me getting well either

It appears to be working swell for you so why not give it a shot?

Being a 20-something year old crybaby sure was not doing me any favors

Only still am an emotional wreck
I am a little more fluent in composure now

So writhe on the inside instead

A blank expression while war rages within

Morals and values defending self-esteem as best as they can from attacks from demons with their most powerful weapons
Doubt
Degredation

Battleground foggy with lies you said
Bombs exploding with the sound of laughter
Smelling gunpowder from the fireworks set off just by merely visualizing your face

A whole ****** battle concealed by layers of makeup and brushed brunette hair

And worst thing about this isn't even the casualties

It's that you are not even worth the fight