Did I love you with all of my heart? Guilty.

Did I take care of you from the start? Guilty.

Did I help you learn and play and grow? Guilty.

So why then, now must you go?


Was I not enough? Guilty.

Wasn't I tough enough? Guilty.

Perhaps I left the leash too long? Guilty.

The choices you made were all wrong.


Am I fading now into the dark? Guilty.

Did I never even make a mark? Guilty.

Did I try and cry and fight and yell? Guilty.

Now you're leaving me right here in hell.


Was there something more I could've done? Guilty.

Will I be looked down on by everyone? Guilty.

Will I cry all through the night and day? Guilty.

How I truly wish that you could stay.

I took the crown off my head
To make myself more approachable
To you
And in doing so
Forgot that I ever owned one

I'm trying now

To think about,

The thing I just forgot.


Where did it go?

It was right here.

And now I am without.


It's hiding now.

From me, I guess.

It must have run away.


I wish it would stay

Here with me.

I didn't want to play.


Is that it, there?

Behind the couch?!

I wish it would stay put.


I quietly

Run up to it,

And touch it with my foot.


Oh, my God!

It isn't mine!

It angrily kicks back.


"What the F,

you doin' B?!"

It verbally attacks.


I cower now,

Behind the desk.

"Leave me be and go away!


I didn't mean

to startle you.

Where is my thought? Which way?"


Just then it reoccurs to me.

Oh, right.

That's what it was!


I think it now,

Inside my head.

"Man, that's a good buzz!"

I.
discolored snapshots
breathe life into memories with blurred edges
unabated joy in thoughts of, "forever will feel like this"
Silver Bells tasted like pine boughs and cinnamon

she built home out of air
filling lungs with life that made love
into the root of all things beautiful
ragtag Charlie Brown trees, the most beautiful of all

II.
Fall fell hard and the trees died too
lights and empty gestures, for the sake of children
eyes clenched in prayers that, "forever won't feel like this"
breathing in the smog of auld lang syne

can't save what couldn't be saved
sometimes things end without ending
love in seedlings or old oaks still scorch a heart
Silver Bells in saline reminders of nothing feels familiar

III.
stomped into submission beneath icy indifference
short breaths feel alive in crystal shards that penetrate lungs
when they try to break free from truth
normal in stifled emotions where a toothy grin pretends it's elation

Silver Bells smile without a voice to jingle in
and snapshots prove happiness is possible...or was--once
believing that angels walk with us
teaching us how to make love into the root of all things beautiful

maybe, "forever, we can try to build home out of air"

I can hear the waves speaking to
my soul, swirling rhythms of blue
light beaming in my sight, a smooth
bridge of poetry rising all over me,
a bride of glory and passion nudging
up against me, sparking creative
inventions and insights inside
my mind.

I watch the sun shine in its
magnificent kingdom, glittering
cheeks of goldenness, sweet
tunes of enlightenment filling
the landscape, as the puffy
clouds float in a bed of brilliant
seas.

And as the afternoon fades away
into the evening, I can see the
deep glow of dreams rooted
in this space.  The great white
pelicans soaring above me,
distinguished creatures of
dominance and depth.  The
river of trees blowing in
the breeze.  The vivid
purplish hues carved into
the sky.  The dream chasing
perfection rowing across
the skyline, as my heart
is reawakened in this
world of thrilling creations.

I picked the words out of his soul one by one
Then I instantly put them back
Because he didn’t know who he was

There's an exit sign above the shrine.
It reminds me I can leave at any time.
There is no clock, though.
That reminds me that it's all relative.

Where wishes are made
To be more popular, more pretty,
All manner of desirable things.

A tradition
Created by adolescents,
In a need to fulfill their dreams.

Quick to believe open lies,
Always eager to believe
Your empty, fragile promises.

1:11, this vision fades,
A mere 2 hours
Is all it takes.

One begins to realize
The emptiness of dreams
In the presence of the nightmare.

The nightmare,
Which is always there,
Residing in the darkness at the back of the mind.

This was me, long ago.
Now I reside in a deeper, darker time,
In the world of 2:22.

I live in a world unlike any other,
Where ghouls and ghosts
Constantly live.

And traumatize these nights.

Please stop working
We were busy
and tired this year.

Do you hear it ?
The bell's ringing
Everybody 's singing
carols on streets.
Do you see it ?
Christmas tree
in your central city
with colorful lights
sparking so bright.

Let your soul feel
a new new year
'cause it's high time
to enjoy Christmas.