I wonder what it is to you, just a way to pass the time?

Its a perfect daydream for me.


You lay there asleep, golden in the morning light that was pouring through your windows.

You seemed so Perfect in that moment. I never wanted to look away.

However this goes you should know you've given me peace in ways I could never express.

Caught up in the fever you gave me,


I'm no good at playing it cool,



Maybe you could teach me?

Longing is trammeled in my throat
Oh the honeyed years
Before I knew what to miss,
Untrusted, unspoken
I exhale its blue haze
Between the last note sung
And the first note heard.
You are the wonted dream—
The consoling ache
Wearing away at softened bones
With every wish
Unheard, unanswered
The stars are so beautiful and so cruel
Our untethered threads
Adrift in the firmament
Uncut
Yet untied.

I'll remind myself to keep my head on tight.

To dot my "i"s and cross my "t"s,

To watch my step and mind my manners.

To take it all in.

To ride the wave from crest to crash,

To breathe deep and laugh loud,

To hold me close and have my back.

I will do my best to tread lightly,

Except when you don't want me to.

I will try to handle you with care,

If you do the same.


I will do my best to keep my balance,

And not lean too far in.

Unless you're leaning too,

Then I'll meet you halfway;



I promise.

I sit,
anxious and tense as a squeezed spring.
Nervously checking my phone awaiting that buzz.
As the minutes tick bye my chest is ratchet strapped a tad bit tighter.
I've been on paths like this before, in similar forests, and the deja vu feeling im experiencing is giving me PTSD.

"Can I at least hug you?"
The question crawled from her throat in a scratchy and pitiful way.
For a split second I realized she was starting to cry.
"If you want, sure"
She wrapped her little arms around me and I left mine at my side. We had had a final farewell hug more than once before this one.
I was always distraught. My world was collapsing. This time when she pulled the rug from under my feet, my world really did collapse. I cried like a child taking his first confused breath, at the top of my lungs and so full of fear and confusion.
  I cried and hurt so much that when this hug finally came, I had hardened over. I couldn't be soft for her anymore She had broken that.
    Her arms dropped from my side and she stepped back, looked at me, silently.
    "Anything else?" I asked.
    "...I don't think so"
    "OK well best of luck in everything you do, see ya around."
And then I turned, walked away, got in my car and drove down the street. I didn't look back at her gate. I drove home, cried some more and probably drank, because I don't remember.
    This is a form of farewell too. You've thrown me aside and its not fair to myself to still have you as a subconscious muse. This will be the last time I write about you in a long long time. If you happen to see this, know that there was nothing I wanted more than for that embrace to last an eternity.
    So there it is, so long, see ya around.