Isn't it strange
How we are all living on a random sphere
In the middle of a nothingness
Thats also everythingness
and has trillions of other giant yet tiny spheres too?

If you cry, dear
I'll let you
Hold you in my arms
Tell you that you'll be alright
I'll collect your teardrops
And release them outside
On a dandelion seed
And say
"Look at the beauty your sadness created"

And maybe you'll say
"But it's a ****"

And then I'll respond
"But I love and want it in my garden
It's beautiful
And so stubbornly alive
Just like you
Because instead of dying
You cried
And now the world is more magical
Now the world is just more poetry"

And then we'll hold hands
And walk on the same earth
At the same time
And think about how many more dandelions we can grow
If we keep on existing

And we do
And we laugh
And we cry
And we live
And we almost die
But we don't
Because we need to tell more weeds they're beautiful

So you know how sometimes when you start to give up on humanity
someone wonderful happens?
Like when you just walking somewhere and a stranger says that they like your outfit
Or someone that you've never before smiles and waves
And you think that maybe
People aren't so bad?

My idea of a successful life
Is to be that person
As many times as I can

Bright and beautiful
With daisies in her golden flowy hair
The sun rises each morning
Bringing light, warmth, and comfort
to all the people
As long as they don't look right at her

If they look at her directly
Their eyes burn
Because they see that she is burning

She quite literally spreads her sunshine
She doesn't have much left for herself sometimes
So every night she lets her lover
Take a turn in the sky

Shiny and beautiful
The light in the dark
The moon crosses the sun
To take over the night

They share a quick kiss
And the sky fills with color
Stunning
But doesn't last forever
They wish they could see each other longer
But they have matters to take care of
The moon now owns the night

But the sun isn't the only one
Who brings comfort;
the moon is often the only one there
For the terrified and sad
The creative and restless

The dreamers are awake.

The moon is there
Constantly changing
But there
A reminder that things don't ever stay the same

But eventually
The moon wishes to see their love;
The bright and beautiful
Even if it's shortlived

Sunrise lights up the sky
And the sun is ready to shine once more

Oh no
Tomorrow is monday
Tomorrow is the beginning of the end
Of everything
How I am so supposed to smile with that knowledge?

We are all suns
In our solar system

Some suns are arrogant
Only caring about themselves
They exclaim
"I'm the biggest one!"

And some suns are kind
Hating some
But loving most
They exclaim
"We are all stars
We should all be one"

They say to live in the moment
Which I admit
Usually is a good thing to do
But for a second now
I want to live in the past
So I can feel like
Everything has worked out
(And this time not for you)
And so I can appreciate how much better things are now
Big- like how we don't live together anymore
And small- How all the plates finally match
Both are good enough

And then I can return to the present
With a more pleasant
Point of view

Stop
Just for a moment
From your reading of poems

Leave your house
Or look out your window
And see the sky

Take those terrible emotions
And feel them
Set them free
In a scream
A painting
A song
Or maybe a poem

Stop
Just for a moment
Turn off your phone
Open the blind
And just exist

We need to think those bad thoughts sometimes
So they don't pile up and overflow our mind

Do you want to take a walk?

Yes?
Take a walk.

No?
Take a walk.

Stand there
On the grass covered with a coat of snow
Smell the cold
Feel the peace
Touch the white that fell on the chair in the backyard

It's uncomfortable
I'm wet and shivering
But loving every second

Memories of snow days
When I was little
Flood back to me like a tsunami
It hits me
Except I like it

Suddenly
I'm making snow angles
Building snow men
Watching soft cold comfort fall from the sky
Hearing the fact that every single snow flake is different
And being absolutely mesmerized

I remember sticking my tongue out
Trying to catch one
Trying to taste the wonder of those flakes

Now, many years later
I stick my tinge out again
Waiting for a snowflake to fall----
But it doesn't come
It doesn't land where I want it to
I'm older now
Things have changed
I miss the way they once were
When things still weren't great
But at least
I got to taste the snow flake

I stand in the road
Just a little longer
When I walk

Just a little tease for death
In our never ending game of hide and seek

It feels powerful

Going about the day
Tiresome or exhilarating the same
Becomes unbearable
When the knowledge
Breaks the window to your head
That you have school tomorrow
You don't get write, read, walk, or create all day
You just sit there
Listening to and then discarding useless information

D(r)ead.

I love
The idea
Of thanksgiving
It's a holiday
To be grateful and eat good food
But I hate
How my dinner
Will just be two people
Who ordered takeout
Because the rest of the family
Is dead
Mad
Or thousands of miles away

Dear, The thinkers, Dreamers, Poets, Artists, Passionate people, and Questioners

Thank you
Without you, the world would be nothing

From,
A strange stranger

300 people
Have heard what I have to say

300 people
Liked it

It's crazy to me
That even one soul
Could care about my words
And my woes
But 300!?!

300 people
With thoughts
Feelings
Love
Sadness
Pain
Problems
And poetry
Have read and enjoyed
Wow, this is a dream

I've written
Quite a bit
About feeling lonely
But just a second ago
I looked at the number of followers
And saw 300
A beautiful number
Built from beautiful people
And I felt together
And like I was no longer a weirdly shaped puzzle piece
With no existing puzzle to fit in to

Of course
I write for me
But it sure felt good
To see

Thank you,
Each and every one of you,
You mean so much to me

The feeling
In your chest
Of something pulling it inside of itself
Twisting it
Twisting it
Twisting it
Until it bleeds
It throbs
And it won't stop
It won't stop
Why won't it just stop?

But do you know the feeling
Of just wanting someone to notice
To care
To heal the wounds or at least tell me that they are able to be healed
That a certain amount of care
A certain amount of gentle, loving handling will be able to fix it

There is so much broken
And it hurts
It hurts like hell and no one sees
I AM BLEEDING IN FRONT OF THEM
AND THEY STILL DON'T SEE

I sit in class
Stare at my empty paper
Write the same words
Over
And
Over
And
Over
And they hand me a test
Or they talk about drama
Or they pretend I don't exist (are they even wrong?)
When I just needed a hug

I needed to wrap my arms around someone
And no longer feel like I was on a different planet than everyone else while simultaneously being directly next to them
I want our bodies to touch,
Our souls to entangle,
And our heartbeats to slow eachother down

And now I hug my pillow

I know I have people who care
But they don't see
And if they don't see
They won't have a reason to hug me

And my chest is still twisted
I want it to stop
I want it to stop
I want it to stop

H
     e
         l
               p
      

        M
    e

Words are flowing out
Like an endless rainbow of sorrows
Coming right out of my heart

The red of blood
The pain
The guilt

The green of grass
Trees
And my eyes

The blue of the sky in daylight
The ocean
My heart

And all the rest
Of the beautiful and sad colors
Bleeding out of my pen too

Day after day
Alone on a hill
The girl with the fake smile
Is keeping perfectly still

But nobody wants to know her
They can see she's weird

And no matter how hard she tries
She can't be the way they are

But the girl with the fake smile
Sees the tear a boy in math tries to hide because
"Boys don't cry"

And what looks like a stare into space by that person who sits in the back
But what she knows is just her reliving something bad

But day after day
On that hill where she watches
The girl with the fake smile
Waits for someone else to see
That the hill she's on all alone
Is one of misery

The heart
Is not an *****
As many think

The heart is a muscle

Does the fact that mine was crushed far too often
Make it weak
Or make it strong?

I want to scream
So loudly
That world will stop spinning for a second
And acknowledge that I'm angry

That the ground will collapse
Deep enough for me to fall into
And never come out

That time will stop
Maybe for an hour or two
Or maybe forever

Why did they have to tell kids
That the moon wasn't really following their car?

I liked to think that it was protecting me
I liked to think that it knew that I may have not been safe in that car
That maybe it cared enough about me
To choose me
And keep me safe
Even from afar

When trees would cover it
It would get scared it left me
And that I was all alone in the world
But then my teacher told me
That I was

"It's an illusion" she said
I hid in the bathroom and cried
I felt lied to

Why do they take that sense of wonder away from us?
Why couldn't I still believe that the moon follows my car?
Why couldn't I still believe it was keeping me safe whenever I was in my dad's car?

Now I look up at the sky when I'm driving
And see the moon
And wish I would still try to send it messages of thanks
And sometimes I do
Even though it seems silly

I pretend that I believe that the moon still follows my car
Even though it stopped many years ago

She said she felt bad for my father
Because I wasn't speaking to him anymore

Then she read my poems

The stars
The dark
The silence
The empty streets
The night

While I dance in the cold
Music taking me over
All of them
In their wonder
Are on my side

I look up at the ceiling fan
The brownish red wood of the five blades
Three bulbs shining down on me

It looks perfectly clean
Even kind of happy

Then I look at the other side of those blades
And I see dust
Grayness piling over eachother
On the other side of those blades
Is the silent suffering
Sometimes spilling over the edges
Though barely visible

If you don't look closely
You might have no idea
Plus, it doesn't really matter
It still fans you
And helps you feel good


Do you ever feel like the fan?
Or are you a person in this situation?
What do you notice?

Tell me about your problems
Not that serious but I listen
Glad to of course
Honerd that you wanted to speak to me

But then you went and ruined it

I wanted to say something about myself and you said
"But it doesn't relate to me "

You ring in my ear and my mind
You were too loud
And I was forced to be around you too long

           "S

                             h
    r
                   e
   e
             e
                       e
              e
                      e
      k"

You go In your haunting voice with your haunting actions
Yet another thing if yours
With a result that makes me feel bad

To call someone autistic
Is to call someone stupid

To be unique
Is to be weird

To talk a lot
Is to yap

To not talk at all
Is to be emo
As is to wear anything black

To get good grades
Is to be a teachers pet and nerd

To get bad grades
Is to be "special" and slow

To like to read
Is a crime

To like to write
Is a felony

To hate your teachers
Is to be a trouble maker

To like your teachers
Is too be one's pet

To eat lunch
Is to be big

To not eat lunch
Is to be to be flesh and bone

To have OCD
Is to like to keep things neat

To be bipolar
Is the occasional mood swing

Bad
Means good

And Gay
Means bad

These days
Everything's ****** up
It's 2024
Things should be like this anymore

Write
Just write
You might make a masterpiece

Smile
Just smile
You don't know what it could do

Walk
Just walk
You don't know what you'll see

Be
Just be
You might just learn to be happy

Not every smile will change a life
Not a every walk will be inspiring
Not every poem will touch a heart
And being is a complicated thing to be

And though these things are simple
I know they may be challenging
But all of them together
Have the potential to make the world
Just a little bit more loving

The sky
Has finally
Let itself cry
Finally
Put itself first
And I'm not angry about it

I can be covered in rain
As long as I know
It's just the sky
Doing what everyone deserves to do

Everyone needs to cry sometimes
Doesn't matter
What gender
Or if you are up so very very high
You deserve to cry

Dear sky,
Thank you
For always being there for me
And everyone else
When they cry

Dear sky,
It's okay
Let it all out
I don't mind

Snow flakes fall
Look like they will stick to the ground,
Build up
Make something wonderful

But when they finally reach it
They melt
They go away
Like my dreams of building a snow man

On the hardest nights
that you go outside
When you can’t breathe
Can’t stop shaking
And you look up at the sky
Desperate to feel better

For the vines to soften their grip
For the monster to hold your hand
And you see something bright up there
Something you didn’t even know you needed
A star
You
And suddenly
Its magic makes everything okay again
For a moment the blood stops pouring
Just to marvel at the brightness

But the star is all the way up there in the sky
And no matter how many time you shout how much you love them
They never get to truly know how much they saved your life
Sometimes even
They think that their brightness is too much
Hated

And they want to stop their beautiful burning
In fear that it is too much of something beautiful
That they don’t truly understand how beautiful it is
And that it can’t be too much

Dearest star,
You are never going to be too gay for us
Love is poetry after all
Love is all of your unfinished poems to your unfinished story
And just know that we love you
So so much

Just perfect

And I know,
Depression blocks that all out
It whispers everything you don’t need to hear
It tells you you’re not enough
But sweetheart
We are so lucky that the cloud moved
And that we get to marvel at you

so fold the paper crane
but don't you dare call it wrong
fold the peach paper
into a shape as magnificent as you
but don't cut it anymore
it is already stained red

and make people happy without losing your shine
glow as bright as your heart desires
you can please people
without losing yourself in their storm clouds
you are too bright a star
to dim yourself to their darkness

And of course, you may not be blue eyed barbie
but you are beautiful in your own way
you are a meteor shower
and believe me, that's so much better
a rare phenomenon
a magical occurrence

Every scar
Ever ***** up
Every tear
All of it
Is beautiful
and whatever you wish
just know you cannot be extinguished

Out my window
Is darkness
Where there used to be light

Bare trees
Where there used to be colorful leaves

Houses
Filled with memories

And the sky
Holding nothing
And everything

I look up at it
Think of poetry
And wonder
All the whys

I look up at it
Try to find the star that I made my dog's the day he died
Try to feel okay
Try to be calm

I feel so small
Which is what I am
Just a microb
In this big
Scary world

I wonder
What the view
From their window
Looks like
For everyone else
In this very same neighborhood
Maybe even same street

Maybe looking at the same house
Same blade of grass
But seeing things entirely differently

Is of world out order the
Children raising Parents
Schools making kids like learning less

Is of world out order the
Instead of trying to protect ourselves we hurt ourselves
Instead of protecting each other we **** each other

Is of world out order the
We're going back in time with rights
Safe spaces are scary

Is of world out order the
Kids are making the parent’s money
People starve themselves on purpose

Let's around switch it

I walk in the hallways
And I hear someone say
"This is the worst day of my life"
And we just had class together
And I know
Someone stole a pencil of his

I can't help but wonder
How could it be
That for someone it might be losing a pencil
And some it might be getting beat really bad one day
seeing a parent being put in jail, maybe leave
Or seeing your father say he wants to die
And get on his knees crying and shouting
In the middle of the street
Oh why
Oh why

Cry
Cry
Cry
"You have had enough time!"
I tell my tears
Though they keep
f
  a
      l
        l
           I
          n
        g


Scream
Scram
Scream
"Just as long as no one hears you"
I whisper to my voice
Though in my mind
All I can hear is
AHH
AHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Smile
Smile
Smile
"Keep it up, but only at the right times"
I tell my mouth
Though sometimes I catch myself

             o        w     n     i
     r                                     n
F                                              g

They tell me I'm mature
That they forget I am a young teen when they talk to me
Or look at me
That I think far too much
And far too deeply
For someone just in middle school

And though
I know that they say it with love
But it is sad to me
For I was not born this way
Things had to shape me
And make me grow up quicker than I should have

I had to be the responsible person
Way too often
I had to comfort my father as if he was my child
I had to learn to analyze people
To keep myself safe

I have always wished I was older
So this wouldn't be weird
But I also wished I would be younger
So I could be carefree for once

Self awareness kills me slowly
I fear I have too much

They "teach" you science at school
But the final goal is to pass the test
So you passively connect things in your head

But you don't enjoy
How it makes you feel so small in such a big world
And how you figure out how things work


They "teach" you English in school
But the final goal is to pass the test
So you have to write the poetry about what they want to hear
(Things you don't believe)

And you don't enjoy
How the words relieve you of stress
Make you connect with characters
And escape yourself


They "teach" you history/social studies in school
But the final goal is to pass the test
So you have to memorize the definitions of words
Without even processing them

And you don't enjoy
All of the things we have done before
And how different and similar we all are


They supposedly teach you in school
But honestly
They just make you hate learning
So even the curious minds
Who want to
Will not feel like it anymore

She looks at her from a distance
With admiration and envy
For she's beautiful
She wonders why she couldn't be

That girl being watched
Looks at her
And thanks how she would do anything
To look that way
For she thinks that she is this sicking word;
Ugly

There are so many things I need to get done
And there is both too much time that I feel I can delay it
And not enough to get it done

The noise and messyness of life
Surrounding me constantly
I've learned to think in verse

The
Breaks
Between
The
Lines
Help
Me
So

To think in verse
oh
It is so not a curse

It makes the simplest things
Seem fascinating
And the biggest things
Less scary

Thinking in verse
Makes me merry

Ideas floating through my head
Making it less haunting for me when I'm in bed

I've learned to think in verse
It gives me such perspective

I've learned to think in verse
Making my thoughts branch out
And out
Into something crazy

I learned to think in verse
And it might be because my free time
Is poetry immersed

In and out
And out and in
Poetry made
And
Poetry forgotten

Thinking in verse
Pulls me away
And toward
This beautiful and treacherous world

When I see my bleeding skin
I think of you
How you did this too

When I cry
I think of you
How it's your fault

When I see a good father
I think of you
And how I'll never get that too

When I think of that big tree on what used to be my front yard
I think of you
And how you kicked me and my mom out

When I feel depressed and terrible
I think of you
And how you're proof that it doesn't always get better

There's this kid I know
Associated with making trouble
But quite wrongly so
Because before he even moves
They tell him to stop
As if they know squat

I don't wake up in time
My mom is yelling at me
Loudly
But she doesn't even notice what she's doing
Or she doesn't care

I can't be yelled at by her
My eyes are beginning to water
My chest is getting tight
My tired cold body gets tense
I can't go to school like this
Not now at least

"Mom, can I go to school a bit late today?"
"No"
She says
She yells some more
I still think she doesn't know that she's yelling
"Mom, you're yelling"
I say calmly as tears leak out of my tired eyes
All I hear is anger and
Disappointment because her daughter is acting like someone her age and not someone who seems especially mature

"Liana, if you need to go to school late
You need professional help"

She means a psych ward
And I know it

No, no, no
Fear spreads through me like a virus
It takes control
It makes me power off
My screen is glitching
I don't work anymore

If I want to act like someone my age who got 3 hours of sleep I need to go to a mental hospital where I won't go to school at all?

As I get up out of bed
Run to the bathroom
To cry

I brush my teeth
Wash my face from the tears
But new ones spill out
They won't stop coming
It's a thunderstorm
It's been brewing for a while

Come back to my room
My mom in there doing something
I step into my closet to change

What am I doing?
She's your mother
she's your sane parent.
So many would wish for one like her
I think

After arguing
Crying
Explaining
She says
"I'll take you to school after my shower"
And now I'm writing

I can't go to school like this
I'm a thin plate
Just waiting to break
And school likes throwing things like me
So I'll split into a million little pieces
And maybe never put me back together

There are few things in the world
That when you look at
You think
How could I ever have cried?
My favorite
Is when your sitting in your room
Writing
Painting
reading
Or stressing
And you look out the window
And you see the sunset
And everything suddenly
Feels alright

The pick and orange
Working together
Swirling together with all the other shades
The peace that comes when you look at it
Ever so beautiful
And ever so needed
Just
One of those few things in the world
Oh how I love it so

What if they weren't even silent
But no one cared to see where the sound came from?

What if they knew where it came from
But didn't care enough to fix it?

Oh brain
Please stop
...
I don't need anymore thoughts

If we all different
That means we're all the same

If we are dumb
That means
Thinking we are smart and being wrong
Is easy

If we all think outside of the box
We all think inside the box

They say good always beats evil
So when we grow up
We get disappointed again and again

There are a dozen songs playing in my head
Melodies mixing together creating a mess of music
I am lying on my bed
Jumbled words like a sea without logic

Tears rolling down my cheek
For I left my heart open
It is strong but also weak
Things knocked it over and the glass is now broken

My ceiling fan stares down on me
Telling me all that needs to be done
I just need a moment in silence just to be
Things barely ever even seem fun

The whole day's energy
Was spent on keeping myself together
And now
I just need to be broken

To a stranger
I might look weak
Crying at 11:00pm
Outside in the cold
Headphones on

I might look crazy
Spinning
Reaching out to the far away stars
Standing on a tree stump in front of a random house
My favorite place to be
Waving at every passing airplane
Wondering if they're waving back to me

Maybe a bit strange
For most teens don't go outside to walk
Especially so late at night
Alone
For that

But I know
If I was the stranger
Looking out their bedroom window
Watching
I would smile

All humans do
Is to result in happiness
We do everything in our power
“Once I get __ I will finally be happy”
We think
Then after a while
we get it
And we may be happy for a bit
Then it's over
And we want something else
“If only I had it!”
And it starts all over again