The smallest things
Seem so overwhelming
Take a shower
Get dressed
Get out of bed
Clean
All of them
Seem so hard to do
They take so much energy

I've learned that the only thing that helps

I s

T o

B r e a k

I t

D o w n

Even with the small things

Wheneverharmonicathingsredpilemicrowaveovereachotherlight­bulbitsbalconystartstogetbananacrazy

Breathe
It's all okay
It's night now
Dark
And quiet
Your dreams will take you far away from this terrible world

Breathe
It's over
You can just lie in bed
And listen to your cats meow

Breathe
Just take a breathe
In
....
Out
And over and over again
Until you calm down

Breathe
Just focus on the present
Because you are alive
Now
And you want to say in 2026
That you survived

Breathe
You can close your eyes
And let yourself go
Even though it's hard

Breathe
Slow down
Think in verse
Look out the window
And listen for your dog's heartbeat

Breathe
It's finally quiet
on the outside
Try and exhale the noise
on the inside

Breathe
And know
Nothing is that big of a deal
Just a part of life
After all
We all end up dead
In the end

Broken glass
Breaks skin

Now it's bleeding

I am like a broken glass
Super glue doesn't hold
Peices missing
A mess

I am like a broken glass
Made to look somewhat together
With ****** clear tape

I stay on the shelf
Because most people don't know how broken I am
Most people don't realize it when they look at me
But I know

I am like a broken glass
But just wait until they fill me
That's what I should be able to handle, right?
That's what glasses do
Just wait until they try to take a sip
And then feel water sliding down their body
And down to the floor

So I just sit on the shelf
Knowing I'm broken
And feeling bad for anyone that tries to pick me up

A strong sense of smell
But I can't smell out the lies

A strong sense of hearing
But matter how many times I listen to our recorded conversation
I can't hear what I said that made you snap

All of this makes me wonder
If you're right and it's me
Or if it was you all along

I know that you see things
As the remix
Or maybe the movie version
That instead of all the good parts getting left out
It's the bad ones
You don't remember any of it
And you caused it
And I remember all of it
It's engraved in my head
I can't pick it off
Like I pick off my skin
I can't ignore it
Like I can't sleep
And I can't pretend it's okay
Like it wasn't abuse
Yes
You didn't beat me
But you still bruised me
And whenever I move
I ache

The noise
Overwhelming
The mind
Racing
The anxiety
Coursing
The calm
Sinking
The food
Inedible
The people
Loud
The loneliness
Skyrocketing

Cafeteria

Don't cry
Just breathe
In----out
Relax
Everything's okay
So what if you don't sleep?
You'll be okay
You've done it before
Just don't cry
Don't run
And only scream silently
Because no one has to know

Life is like candy
You first must open the wrapper
Then get the sweets inside
And when it's all over
All the different layers and phases
You die
Most people get stuck on step 1
And unfortunately then skip to 3
But to get number two
You have to be more than lucky

I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

One day I hope to be healed enough to truly believe that people are capable of loving me

Cars
Are
Where
All
The
Bad
Things
Are
Brought
To
Light

Always
So­mething
Life-changing
To say

Always
End
Up
Crying

I
Fear
Stepping
Into
Cars
Now

I
Can't­
Leave
Them

Lying on the bed
My friend sound asleep on the other side
And her cat that runs away from family comes
And lays next to me
Rubbing against me
Asking me to pet her

It makes me feel okay
It makes me feel home

Everything
Is at least
A little bit better

I'm telling you
Cats always know

People are so strange

I was messaging one person on here
About some struggles that we both face
It was a pleasant, polite conversation
Very normal if you ask me

He asked me questions
And I answered and asks ones back
Normally

The thing that was weird
Was that when I said my age
(Honestly)
And he saw I was a child
He just said
"Bye bye"

That's okay with me
I don't talk to people who don't want to talk to me
I just didn't know children and adults couldn't have conversations
Oh well
Thanks for educating me

I felt like nothing was changing
Day after day
Of school
Sadness
Anxiety

Then I look up at the clouds
I looked at them for a while
And I saw that they were moving

Please
Take me with you
At least for a ride..

Even though
The ground is covered in snow
I know if you dig a little deeper
You'll find it to be warm

I would prefer
That he would seem completely
Bad

But I got a really confusing mix
That makes me head go crazy

He knows how to manipulate
Without seeming manipulative

Word things
So that you can't say no

And tell you untrue statements
Until you feel you don't even know what you know

But he does it in a way
That looks ever so innocent

He does it in a way that looks as if
he's in the right
Like the victim to an unheard of crime

It confuses me
And though I know he's wrong
And that he lies
It messes up my mind
All the time

I would prefer
That he would look completely
Bad
Than whatever this is

It means almost nothing to me when it is said someone loves my curly hair
It means almost nothing to me when people say they love my green eyes or anything else


The best compliment I have ever received is
"Liana, you're so weird, but in the very best way!"

I remember a teacher telling my mother
That I was
"One sweet cookie"
And she was right

My father was the scorching tea

He grabbed from my comfortable bag
Loved me in his
"Unique way"
Left me soft
Feeling like it was finally olay
Then
Took a big bite
With his ***** mouth
And broke me

And after all of that
He thinks he can just buy a new pack

How wrong
Can he be...

I cry
Cry
Cry

I make my mother sigh

I know little me would have been confused because I thought big kids don't cry
Only daddy did
Every night
Even then I knew he wasn't big
I guess


I cry
Cry
Cry

I make my mother sigh

She doesn't know how to help me
I relate to that honestly


I cry
Cry
Cry

I make my mother sigh

She's sad that she's sees herself in me
I don't know why
Why
Why

To return home
Alone in your bedroom
Where no one can see you
And to finally let yourself cry
Screaming silently into the night

She is a dog.                   She is my sister
Your half sister.             We share our trauma
She bites.                        She was neglected
She barks.                       It’s not her fault
She’s dangerous.           Her owner is dangerous
I hate her.                        I love her
She pees on my bed.     My dad locks her in my old room
We are so different.        We are so similar
So far apart.                     So very connected

You only love me when I let you pull apart my peices

I woke up in the morning wanting to pick dandelions from my backyard
so I got up from bed
Went outside
Sat down on the hot pavement
And inspected one

To me it was a beautiful flower
But it was crazy that they are usually considered weeds just because they decided that they weren't wanted
I wanted that dandelion though
so I picked it
I smelt it
Appreciated it
And sat there in silence
Listening to nothing but the birds in the sky chirping to one another

I started to feel bad for the dandelions too;
Not because I picked them out of the ground but because nobody else wanted to
I felt bad that everybody else decided as a society that they were weeds and that they should be thrown out and not admired

I look at a planted flower and I realize that it is no more beautiful
It didn't smell better
And that I didn't want it more

I put the dandelion I picked in water,
And put them in my room

I'm gonna look for the dandelion-like "weeds" in my school now

Thank you dandelion for everything you've taught me

My bedroom is dark


Like the place my mind takes me to when I wonder off

Thank you darkness,
For you have made it possible
To see the stars and moon
In the sky

Thank you darkness,
For without you
I would not have been able
To imagine the light
at the end of the tunnel
And so,
I would have no reason to keep walking towards it

Thank you darkness,
For you keep everyone
"In the dark"
And I wouldn't have it any other way
Because if we knew the future
There would be no point in having it

I fear you
Everyday
Every moment
You're a silent scream
always taunting me
You're unpredictable
Will I see tomorrow?
Will they see a tomorrow?
Why am I still in bed worrying
When there's a whole world?
I fear the last times
The last times I don’t even know are last times
My head takes me to places no one wants to go
You take them away from us
Anyone has the power to use you
We have to trust each other
But not too much
to avoid you

Dear death,
How dare you?

A pink promise
That you won't read
my heart and soul just yet

These poems are the sewer for the flood of terrible thoughts constantly raining down on my mind

Please understand
...
That this is where you stop reading Mai

Read everyone else's though,
This website saved me
And I could not recommend it more
(Seriously)

Dear seven year old,
Yes, there is a monster
But it’s not under your bed

The monster is in your head
But maybe it’s not even a monster
Maybe it’s just buried pain
Because they told you not to cry

Dear seven year old,
Yes, you should keep crying
Otherwise the tears will build up and flood your insides

The tears do not care for being stuck
They need to be released
Into the stars

Dear seven year old,
Yes, your plea for better times are being heard by the stars
They always will
Keep wishing on them

Wish on 11:11 too
Because to wish is to know what you want
And knowing what you want
Telling it
Makes it so much more likely to happen

Dear seven year old,
Yes, you still feel like the kid sitting under the slide and just observing life
And you’ve come to appreciate it

Observing, looking, watching
Make all the difference
Almost as much as writing

Dear seven year old,
Write.

Dear thoughts/brain,

I need a break
Please shut up
For me to love us
I need you to go away

Stop flooding my brain
Its overflowing
Soon it will explode
Please
I beg if you
Even just for a day
Take a hike
Or entertain yourself some other way

I know you like to watch me fall apart
Drown in your result
But it's too much today

Respectfully
Lock yourself  up
And throw out the key
For me

With mixed feelings,
You

I don't know much about death
Except that it takes your loved ones
It is a big question mark
Taughting me
Constantly

I think
Our brains
Simply can't
Comprehend
That they one day
We won't be there

I don't know much about death
But I know
For some it might be loud
A gunshot the last sound they here
And for some it might be quiet
Alone in world with their last tear

I don't know much about death
But I know
For some it might be at age 6
A very tragic thing indeed
And for some at age 90
Holding the hands of their children
Maybe just as tragic

I don't know much about death
But with great sadness I know
That while some stay until they can't anymore
Some want to go

Death
Holds suspense, grief, and longing
In the palm of his hand
And he boasts it

"what do you wanna do, Liana?"
My mom asks me

"Death"
I respond


"Do you want to eat something?"

"No, I just want to die"


"What are you thinking about?"

"My death"

She laughs
Smiles
She doesn't understand
She doesn't want to understand I'm not joking
When I'm telling her

"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
She asks

"I don't want a tomorrow. I want to die"
I answer

She giggles
"That's not an option" she chuckles
She doesn't know

People fear death
Or more so,
What happens to our consciousness when our bodies can no longer be vessels for it
And I think
It is much like leaving the womb

You have this whole world inside of there
You like it (sometimes)
But you know you must eventually leave
And you don't know to where

You think it's probably far away,
But in fact it's
Right there
Only inches away

I think death is
Right there
I don't know if that makes everything more or less scary

I'm a deep thinker
In school I am distracted
Questioning too much
Asking why it is that we're doing what we're doing
That we have to listen to what we are blindly listening to
But asking why there
Is considered arguing
So I become a "problem"

In the outside world,
I overthink everything
Wave to theoretical strangers in planes flying above
People are embarrassed to be seen next to me
"Why is that girl holding her head to a tree?"

In relationships,
I'm called intense
I speak too much of what I think
And I see the slightest change in the pattern of the way that they blink
I feel too deeply

In life,
I'm feeling too much too
I say it's just solitude
But it's more than that
I'm lonely
Because lonely means unseen
Not alone

At parties,
Everyone wants things to be light
They enjoy being asleep
But no matter how much I want join them sometimes
I was born with a mind always racing
Never stopping
Always asking
Always feeling
So so much
And I can see all the problems
They're everywhere from
Problems they see just as reality
But i can't tell them
If I don't want to be met with looks of displeasure and disgust
Silence,
And worst of them all
"Anywayssss"

Depression's a *****
Won't leave me alone
It thinks that my body is her home
And no matter how many times I assure her
No
She just keeps coming right back
Each time stronger than before

I feel like I'm a waste of perfectly good air
Everyone hates me
And I think I hear death calling my name

The bump on my skin
Like a bomb
I feel I must make sure
Doesn't explode
Even though in reality
I know it won't

I peel it off
But that sets it off
What have I done?
Now there's blood

Why does it feel rewarding
To see the bright red liquid
Pour down my hand?

The pain is a cue
To feel mad
At myself
For I have caused it

There's just one more spot
I need to peel
I swear this is the last one
But it never is

I just pinch
And peel
And pick
Until my physical pain
Can outweigh my mental one

I'm sorry that it worries you
Or makes you feel awkward
But I can't
"Just stop"

"why are you always bleeding?"

"Did you get in to a fight?"

"Who did this to you?"

"What happened?"

"Are you okay?"

I want to say:
"Dermatoliomania"

But I say
"Nothing
I'm okay"

They don't need to worry about me
I'm almost decent as can be...
Sometimes

They said I’ve changed
That I’m different than I was in September
That they liked her more

Of course they did
She was another dead fish going with the stream
She was scared
She didn’t want to make them upset

She tried to pretend that she was sane
That she was normal

She was sad
All the time
She was trying not to cry

She’s gotten better
Why is that not good enough for you?

The scars are starting to heal
Don’t make me make new ones

I want to distract myself
Not think about the horrors that keep me awake at night
Memories replaying
Over and over again

But the hurt silently shouts to me
"You can't drown me out"

Walking in the snow
Cold and wet
Lugging your broken suitcase up hill
Can really get you out of your head

Doctor said
I just need rest

Came back a year later
Still messed up in the head

Doctor said
Just drink more water

Came back two years later
After I took a test and it said I was depressed

Doctor said
I'd be fine
I just needed a therapist

Came back one year later
After 4 of them
Not feeling the best

Doctor finally said
There's a problem
And set me up with a psychiatrist
To give me meds

I hope I won't need to come back again

Do I write too much?
All of these words
Accumulating so fast
Just waiting to be let out
They're getting clasutrapjobic
What can I say?
I wish I would stop
I ask them if I may
They say no
Not in a harsh tone
But just one saying that they need to be let go
"Okay" I tell them
It feels good after all
But do I write too much?
The question still stands tall

Dear Faby,

If you are reading this
I am very mad at you
You promised
You wouldn't look for me on here
I showed you some of my poetry
But all that I was willing to share
The rest is too personal
For your ears

I love you
My dear friend
But please don't continue reading
It's an invasion of my privacy

"Don't worry
Be happy"
Bobby tells me

"Don't worry
Don't do it
Be happy"
He tries

"I'm trying
But I can't"
I respond
My head hurts
Fingers throb
Brain overflows

"Don't worry
Be happy"
It's on loop
Like it always is
When I'm anxious
And able to

"When you're worried
Your face will frown
And that will bring
Everybody down"
He explains

"I'm sorry"
I sob

The dread for tomorrow
Is almost
As bad as tomorrow itself

It doesn't matter
How deep the water is if
You're drowning in it