i screamed your name until the ceiling cracked 5.7.25 (3:55 pm)
i cared too much about you to let you go
i cried for hours
i screamed your name until the ceiling cracked
and fell on me

i knelt in the shards of a roof and cut myself with them
until grief ran in red rivulets

it wasn’t fair, was it
because it also wasn’t your fault
it was mine too,
there’s blame to share

the fall 5.20.25 (4:29 pm / 16:29)
none of us are really afraid of heights
we’re afraid of the fall
we’re afraid of the pain
and what will happen when we hit the ground

is it wrong to not be scared
is is wrong to want that

i’m insane i know
i’m not all right, yes, i know

i know i wouldn’t care if i slipped
i know i’d be happy freefalling down
i know that wouldn’t be a bad end of me

maybe that’s wrong
to want to destroy such a gift
life

[playing: dandelion and hampstead by ariana grande]

let the stars fall 5.22.25 (8:01 am)
it’s time to give up
isn’t it

time to let the snow bury me and the hail crush me
i’m giving up, let the stars all fall down

it’s dangerous with me tonight,
just go
i’d save you,
but why?

i’m giving up
what’s even worth living for?
you? me? us?
certainly not the universe, no

forever dissecting myself
in front of a mirror,
i’m not a blonde and blue-eyed barbie

oh it’s time to give it all up
and i’ll do it willingly

[playing: meteor shower by cavetown and hello? by clairo and rejjie snow]

paper crane 5.23.25 (7:21 pm / 19:21)
i’m like a paper crane
that my own fingers folded
shaky and bent and wrong

on peach paper i cut and cut to pieces
until the crane
that broken bird
is gone

it hurts to **** it
but i feel better after,
is that wrong?

maybe falling is a beautiful thing 4.30.25 (9:25 am)
daisies grow wild in the woods
in dappled sunlight under the trees

fields of white petals
and yellow pollen floating in the air

maybe falling is a beautiful thing
maybe drowning is a peaceful thing
maybe dying is a lovely thing

maybe lying down in a daisy field
and falling asleep forever
is a painless thing

maybe i’d do it
if it were possible

can i help you 5.23.25 (6:11 pm / 18:11)
please let me in
just this once
i need you to be alright

Ariane 5.23.25 (5:44 pm / 17:44)
ariane i couldn’t not love you
if i tried

ariane it’s all i think about,
you and i

ariane i don’t think we ever could be some
kind of crime


oh you
you you you
i can’t get over you

[playing: i’ll die anyway. by girl in red and halley’s comet by billie eilish]

gone 4.29.25 (5:17 pm)
gone,
so gone
a hole in the universe
where you used to be
cold air where you were
once breathing

you’re gone
and i can’t bring you back

impossible 6.21.25 (2:07 pm / 14:07)
it feels so
impossible
to carry on

i know i wrote a poem called carry on
that day was a good day, may 7, 2025
that day was a day i might have been happy

it feels so impossible to go back there
that light and love are impossibly far away
everything good is impossible for me

i want someone to make impossible possible
i want someone to at least want to help me
please
is it so hard?
i've tried for you, would you try for me too?

maybe that's impossible too
just wishful thinking
there's no one here for me

i’ve tried so hard
it's impossible