Yesterday was her birthday
I don't even remember how old she is
All I remember is the blows she gave me and the bruises that formed
So is she really my mother? No.
I don't have a mother. I have three mothers;

biological mother, adopted mother, stepmother.

None of which I wish to consider my mom.
One abandoned me, the other abused me, the last one hates me.
So now all I'm left with is my memories and the hope to never become like either of them.
For if I do, I swear to god I'll never forgive myself.

we have infinite potential lives
i can almost see how my life would play out with her
we would decide to hang out and watch mindless tv
shifting closer and closer to each other, side-eyeing when the other isn't watching; but we're both secretly watching each other instead of the show
i don't know how i'd bring it up that i'm into her, or even remotely have an idea on how i'd make a move
but in this infinite possibility world, i could figure it out
we'd keep it casual at first, just the occasional sleepover turned into a makeout session, then maybe further
we wouldn't tell our parents and the door would be closed
we'd probably tell our close friends, but not the whole school
we'd be lying in bed together one night at 3 am
when she'd ask me if i wanted to be something more, if i liked her that way
but how could i not?
she was special, passionate, always friendly always compassionate and this strange type of beauty that you just don't find down the street
i'd tell her of course, and maybe we'd tell more people and walk in public hand in hand
i can see it
i don't know if we would last
but i know i would cherish our time forever

"Turning gay."
Oh how that term annoys me.
You cant just turn gay.
You're born that way,
Its the way you are.
You may realize it,
Or come to terms with it,
But you dont just wake up one day,
Out of the blue,
And say,
"Oh my gosh! I'm gay."
Because then it would be like a sickness.
Something that you can go get reversed.
Its not a sickness.
Its not something that can be changed,
With therapy,
Or meds.
You're born gay,
Or you're born straight.
Just like you were born with black skin,
White skin,
Brown skin,
Or whatever color skin you have.
You don't just turn to the other race,
Do you now?
You cant just turn to the sexuality.
You cant turn gay.

Don't stand there and treat me with pity,
If you pity me,
Then tell me.
If you you hate me,
Then tell me.
Don't treat me like the lesser,
Because I'm not.
Don't treat me like I'm sick,
Or confused...
Because I'm not.
Gay does not mean lesser.
It doesn't mean sick,
And it doesn't mean confused.
It means that we are open,
Open and beautiful...
We can see the possibilities of love.
We have a different view on life.
We see things from a different perspective.
We're not lesser,
Or sick,
Or confused.
We're different.
Please,
Learn to understand that.

An open letter
To all the pieces of ****
Who use gay as an insult.
You really need to stop
Pretending that you are better
Than someone else
Because you prefer to
Put your **** in a different place.
You really need to stop
Pretending that being straight
Makes you more worthwhile.
You really need to stop
Pretending that "no ****"
Is an acceptable thing to say
Ever.
You really need to stop
Pretending that you're not afraid
That a man will look at you
The same way you look at women
You really need to stop.

Gay means happy
A ****** is a bundle of sticks
And you are homophobic.