I miss what we had
Twisted
Alone
Broken
We've grown far apart
Losing
Crying
Hurting
You've moved on, it seems
Independent
Carefree
Rebellious
I haven't moved on
Clinging
Hoping
Searching
Your texts still make me smile
Guilty
Addicted
Confused
But your smile makes me wilt
Sinking
Withdrawing
Frowning
Your happiness reflects my pain
Great
New
Visible

I'm leaving this pain behind
I don't need it anymore
I can't be friends with this person I don't know
She doesn't want that anyway
She just wants to prevent
Another death
From another
Depressed
Hurting
Being
She doesn't want to become
Just friends either
She wants separation
Forever
To be left alone by the annoying
mosquito
That buzzes and buzzes
In her ear
Trying to remind her
She isn't single
She's promised love
She's said she cares
She swatted at this pest
Missed a few times
And hit it
Struck it down
Until it ceased
it's incessant buzzing

Though we're not as close now
I'm still in love with you
We've grown apart
We've made mistakes
We hold each other tight.
I stroke your gentle hair as I whisper in your ear
You listen this time, comforted
We leave our bubble of love and compassion
I walk you back home
And kiss you goodnight again
Like I used to before
It made me smile, it made me laugh
I love you, from the bottom of my heart.

I never wanted it to end
But it did.
And though it's hard accepting that
I'm still not stupid
I'm not going to try to convince you I'm right anymore
I'm not going to follow you like a servant
I'm not going to love you like I did
I'm through being with you
I realize it was ****, and that's fine
I know I did all I could
I know you didn't
You admitted that it was unfair
Far too late, but early still
Our commitment wasn't made golden just yet
Symbolized by the bands on our hands
I wish you the best life in the world
I know you deserve that much
Because I've lived it, and it's great
The only problem:
I lived it through you

The only person I want to talk to
Has left me, alone
I sit, mired in love
Aside from my sobs, I sit like a stone
My shirt's soaked wet
From my tears, and blood
I never thought it would end.
I never thought it would come like this
I never thought this gun would be in my hand
I never thought I'd think this again
I never thought this love would be over
Or my life.
BANG

Never far
Never close
Not these feelings
Never again

Always asking
Always crying
**** these things
Always alone

Sometimes happy
Sometimes sad
**** it all
Sometimes angry

Possibly crazy
Possibly sane
I don't know
Possibly suicidal

Probably dead
Probably alive
Languish in grief
Probably the end

When you jump, think of me
Not before
Savor that feeling of life
And then think about the dying as you are

When you step, think of me
Not before
While the rope is set up
And the chair's underneath
Because my harsh words are wrapped around your neck

When you pull, think of me
Not before
When you're buying ammo
When you're setting up the tarp
But for the split-second of your short life
I deserve to be in your thoughts

When you die, I'll be thinking of you
Of our love
Of the past
And I'll join you, wherever you are
Because Hell's okay with me if you're there

I love writing to you
You make me complete
Complete like a finished puzzle
Puzzle Pieces, that's what we are
Are we going to last long?
Long have I hoped for someone
Someone who helped me
Me and you together forever?
Forever is a long time
Time seems to move fast
Fast and furiously erasing the past
Past that haunts me to this day
Day and night, while thinking
Thinking of our future
Future so uncertain and scary
Scary, yet I can't help but be hopeful
Hopeful that we will last
Last for a long time, together
Together, nothing can stop this train
Train hard making seconds count
Count the days we've been with each other
Other than that, I'm blind
Blind as a bat to the outside
Outside of us, I feel nervous
Nervous that I can't make it through
Through the hard times
Time's trying to catch up
Up to our heaven
Heaven must seem like this
This has been great
Great love has yielded great trust
Trust in my words
Words may be cheap
Cheap as in free
Free, ah baby, that's how I feel with you
You are my sunset
Sunset so beautiful you can't help but stare
Stare intently to capture every detail
Detail my feelings so you understand
Understand I love you

Where are you?
I look for your face in the darkest of places
Who are you?
I try to erase all of your traces
What are you?
You demon, you devil, you smiling serpent
Where are you?
I'm seeking this out, to put it to end

How can it be
That I can be happy?
I was deathly distraught
Hope was gone, I thought
And you appeared out of the gloom
To start something that'***** full bloom
You plucked me up from the lowest of lows
How long it'll last, neither one knows
But the future of us
Won't cause me to fuss
Because if I'm with you
My love, babe, is true
Letting you in helped me
Finally, after this long time, become free
I may not owe you my life
Still I want you as my wife
Because I could be much worse
I could be in the trunk of the hearse
And I don't say that lightly
And I dream of you nightly
And my former love
Has been replaced with a dove
You have completed me
My one, and only, baby

You hear what you want to hear
Ears open to things you love and fear
All else cascades like a hurricane
Against the wall you've erected around your emotions
Can I blame you for the security?
Can I blame you for the way you feel?
No. I can't. And neither can you.

I hope this brings you happiness
Which you so dearly seek
I'm sorry I couldn't bring it to you
Please understand, I am meek
See I believe in a thing called love
And that's what makes me weak
I believe in its power over me
Something not to throw away, but to tweak

I hope in the end you're happy
Because you deserve to be
I want you to know I won't be there
When your life is a small raft on a sea
I want you to know
How much you've really hurt me

It's not the letters that bother me
It's the way they are worn
It's not the ignoring me that bothers me
It's why
It's not the cheating that bothers me
It's you doing it
It's not our arguments that bother me
It's the way we argue
It's not the necklace that bothers me
It's what it represents
It's not your life that bothers me
It's just the way you live it.

I want you to know
What you mean to me
You're the whole show
And not just a scene

I want to watch
As we grow stronger
I want us so badly
To last longer than longer

And I know you know
How I feel about you
And I hope I show
You that I want to marry you

Because though I
Know now's not the time
I want it so badly
I want you to be mine

And I don't want you to think
That I don't think I'm yours
I don't want you to sink
Crying, on all fours

I want you to understand
The feelings within me
Because feeling them with you,
Well, they set me free

And that is to say
That you make me free
Not just for yesterday
But for as long as I can see

And though I realize
That we may not last
I've done my very best
To learn from the past

To treat you nicely
And respectfully too
I feel that's the least
I can give to you

Because when you smile
The world is right
And when you're sad
I stay awake at night

I try to think
Of what I can do
To make it better;
Your life, and mine too

We have a connection
Like twins from a womb
Able to talk through
Whatever we need to

And that means more
Than you could know
If I was with you,
I'd take ten years of snow

I'd bear the hard
And the boring life
If I could have the chance
To call you my wife

And that's not to say
That I want decisions soon
That I need an answer
By tomorrow afternoon

But it is to say
You mean so much to me
And honestly, when I think of it
There's no one with I'd rather be

I hope this makes
Your heart swell up
But I don't need it to
Your love is enough