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 Nov 2012 Z
Nik Bland
Breathe
 Nov 2012 Z
Nik Bland
Breathe
We've only just started
And heartbreak seems inevitable only because it is

Just breathe
Shed your tears if you wish
For these days of sorrow are lessons

Deeply
Take in the age you show
Weave in the stories and scars in your tapestry of time

Calmly, Serene
Taste life, both sweet and bitter
See the rain clouds as they are, highlighters of the sunshine

Love is breathing
Living is dreaming, nightmare or vision
Dare to dream, dare to love, dare to look, dare to live, dare to...

Breathe
 Nov 2012 Z
L Smida
Everything I thought I knew
Was simply just a lie
My first lesbian girlfriend
Took off with a guy
My heart fell for another
But she only made me cry
A perfect whole year
Until we finally said goodbye
An angel came to my rescue
She made me feel like I could fly
She told me she loved me
But she never came by
She didn't wanna see me anymore
With the cops I had to comply
No reason, just a clean break
Our river of love ran bone dry
My best friend from years past
Makes up stories about getting high
I'm not impressed I say to myself
Nor is anyone else I can imply
I asked my mom about her new friend
And there was nothing to deny
But just a friend she kept on saying
I saw the lie in her eye
My dad left long ago
Not sure why he didn't stand by
He said he couldn't take it anymore
And I asked the simple question why
He still loves her I can see
He didn't prove anything with his sigh
But apart they will always stay
No one for me to rely
The tightly wound strings
Will shortly untie
And then what, I worry
My love is on short supply
It's been wasted on trusting
The ones that underly
No one can be trusted
Not even the good guy
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
+ and -
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
There is a state of existence,
                                                 where a person is neither A nor B
he's inbetween--
he's the addition, the subtraction, the shove and retraction,
                                                 I've spent my life "+"ing and "-"ing
building empires of handshakes,
floating from bar to bar with drinking pals,
crowbarring ice off queens of black venom,
                                                 I'm the distortion in the middle, but I can't see the end--
I never promised answers,
but the soft hands, the wet eye'd, and the widows
cry out for closure,
                                                 I get edgy and the "+"ing turns to "x"ing
Instead of answers--
I take the As and Bs,
I inhale their the white-knuckle moments,
I simmer in their fading passion,
I glide through their dying beds,
Instead of clear answers--
                                                A x B x A x B x A x B x A x B
=

(unfamiliarperfume, missingherwedding, socialnetworkwindowshopping, backroom, thestoplight, theschoolzone, dirtylaundry, rejectedphonecalls, hisgirlfriend, herboyfriend, hisboyfriend, hergirlfriend, otherwives, otherhusbands, blackout, clenchedfist, animmatureandirresponsibleflirtationwithaddiction, howlingatthemoon, gettingoffonthepast, leaveherinthenursinghome, makingthewake, mowingthegrass, droppingthebouquet, tooold, tooyoung, toolate, toosoon, toosweet, toocruel, toofat, toothin, toonosy, toodistant, toobad)
---------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­----------------------
                                          ­                            Best Laid Plans              

And in the grey of early morning,
they look at the equation,
they look at the proposed solution,
and inevitably the As and the Bs
say to me,
"Now, simplify it."


I get edgy
I get edgy
I get edgy.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
Anna's got unsavory passion for heavy brows and bent lips.
She used to tell me, "Baby, you're so strong."
From the top of the spiral stairs, she'd sing songs.
I never felt comfortable, but I'd hum along.
The beer got cheap.
My sorrows got expensive.
The first of December, the blackbird, the rent check,
and chicken scrawl sent her into the snow.
I watched through gap'd fence.
I watched through portal
while Anna danced barefooted with a politician
who looked like Dylan Thomas, but spoke like
Don Juan.
What a wicked woman.
What a ******* cacophony.
What an icy wind.
What a fever dream.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
The Postman
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
Letter, letter born to return to sender--
extra-marital, maritime, marine, mercy, mercy mine--
two drinks in; four from home,
letter, letter born to return to sender--
.38 special, sexless, spiteful, spitting, spitting rites--
three drinks in; three from home,
letter, letter born to return to sender--
double-decker, drugged, dangerous, daggers, daggers dried--
four drinks in; two from home,
letter, letter born to return to sender--
clusterfucked, fancy-free, foreign, fine, fine unwind,
five drinks in; one from home,
letter, letter born to return to sender--
ether cloud, Evelyn, earthware, everyday, everyday signs--
six drinks in; on the carpeted floor,
letter, letter born to return to sender,
whitewashed, weakly, wounded, wishing, wishing for home.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
Over the rims of her thin, steel glasses comes the power.
The confident no, she loves to deliver over and over.
I've an itch.
I've got an anger.
I've a second story window.
I've a bottom-shelf bottle.
Study, study,
my little scholar,
but remember:
every student has a holiday,
and every underdog has a heyday.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
In an idyllic garden behind Hank's old apartment,
Grace stumbled in high heels toward my then sturdy arms.
I'd finally gotten her drunk enough to notice,
and I was finally sober enough to appreciate.



Grace left before I woke in the morning.
I haven't seen her since.

That was 300 miles ago,
and a decade away from here.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
No home, no front door to unlock,
a life of roams, tires burning rock.
With powders, pills, and subpar poisons,
I remember your childish face,
the reddish furl of your hair;
your spine-tingling body strut cascading into French heels.
No luck, no fat genie or 7 on the die,
rainy bucks, broken umbrella with sigh.
Like songbirds, sirens, and symptoms
gracefully disappear without a note of gloom,
your smile, the original resurrection,
slides from tangible memory -- into mythos -- into misery.
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
secret message
 Nov 2012 Z
JJ Hutton
cleaning up the mess of documents
on my hard drive
I find one titled
"secret message"
double-click
it reads
"i love you."


wish they'd signed it
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