a tear in a ship's sail--
the last leaf on a tree that has become rotten--
11:59 p.m. on the last day of the year--
the last pill in the bottle--
it is all a feeling of hopelessness--
[why did we ever think differently]
but also a foreboding feeling of peace--
[should I, can I start over?]
and we are terrified by the idea that we
could begin again.
because it will be new,
and it will be different,
and that scares us like the first circle of hell--
-
because all we have ever known
is the pain that comes with loving people
when they do not, cannot love us as much in return--
-
because we are comforted by pain,
for it has always been with us,
and we fear what life would be like if we were ever whole--
so what would it feel like
to start over,
alone--?
to let the tear rip us in half in the middle of the ocean (alone)--
to let the leaf fall, and the tree decompose (alone)--
to watch the sun set on the old year and the sun rise on the new year (alone)--
and to take the last pill, and see what happens next--
in our emptiness?
-
alone does not become me,
but it will make Us strong.
I do not know why you came,
but I hated to watch you partially leave,
now get the hell out.