The cycle of the seasons
once again presents a change.
Greens and blues are now the colors,
as the scene has rearranged.

Crepe Myrtles shed their blossoms
in blizzard, pinks and reds,
And bulbs with care once planted
now emerge from flower beds.

I walk upon a sea of blue
that waves with every breeze.
Bluebonnets on the Texas plains,
a view that's sure to please.

They ripple with the grass
in tempo with the wind.
How lovely to just sway and hear
the message that they send.

It seems as though the world awakens,
stretching with a yawn.
As luscious grass emerges
from the brown muck on my lawn.

I smell the air
and taste the breeze.
I sense a presence there;
a kindred spirit next to me
that hovers everywhere.

I've been scolded by your history
Oh maternal instinct
I want you to know
That had I been
What transgressed
Would  have passed long before it was born.
I wouldn't put you through those trials.
I wouldn't trick you with fake smiles.

Hard to blame any one
For the corruption of the mind
Its  like a noticable Design .
From the begining
If Adam were such a holy being
If creation had been pure
He would have eyes
that would  be seeing
He would have understood     that allure.
My question is why leave a trap
To condemn
When curiosity  can equal sin.
Where is the meaning
Given to us by other men.
Have you ever had an independent thought
Free of  those notions closing you in.
Develope that which is with in.
The mind.

Journal entry #1


After driving home from my first therapy session.
I parked my car and sat there for a while.

Digesting, I guess you could say.
I let the words of my therapist circle my brain like a category 5 hurricane.

Her master plan of getting me over you, our divorce, and all the pain that still firmly consumed me was something I really didn't want to do.

(Make a musical playlist of all the songs that reminded/remind you of your ex husband. Find songs that he's dedicated to you, sang to you or just songs that hold sentimental value to you. Furthermore, she said I needed to cry, grieve, let it all out some way.)

But I didn't want to.
Why dig up **** you've buried?
Why resurrect what's been dead?
Breathe life back into feelings I wish never existed?

I sat in my car for hours.
Hating the idea of resurrecting my love, my feelings for you.
And I'll admit I got close.
Almost convinced myself to blow it all off...
Say to hell with this ****.

But then I heard my mothers words ring out in my mind.
"I see your pain and it brings me nothing but pain. I don't see my daughter when I look at you. All I can see is the reflection of your pain in your eyes."

It cut deep, not ganna lie.
And if you knew me personally, you'd know how much I love and adore my mother.

I exhaled in defeat...
Rolled my eyes...
Got out of the car dreading what I knew I had to do.

Journal entry #2

Curled up on the bathroom floor.
I stare down at my phone, so long, that my eyes glaze over.
Surprised I remembered all the songs that use to set my soul on fire.
Music was always my second love, and then there was you.

Already tipsy, I take a long swig from my bottle of jack and say to myself, (Rip it, its just like a bandaid just do it.)

I hit shuffle and the first song that plays is...
(H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line)

The pain that washed over me was excruciating. It made every hair on my body stand and shiver. Tears fell from my eyes as my mind brought me right back to that time, and that place, in that car, as I brought you to our home and you sang that song to me.

I remember thanking God in this moment.
I finally had you back. I remember thinking how lucky I was... Blessed.
Thinking we conquered it all.
Feeling like I had died and gone to heaven and there you were.

I felt short of breath, I felt like I was suffocating. Because I  never knew such a happiness existed...never wanting someone so much in your life..

Try to see this through my eyes.
Life hasent always been good to me.
I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
But then, in walks a man I thought was sent from heaven.
Maybe, it was finally my time to be happy?

God is that you?

Too blind to see it at the time, but God was saying No the entire time.

I was blown away, what could I say?
It all seemed to make sense at the time.
Stupid me, thinking he loved me, as much as I loved him.

Journal Entry #3

It's been a few days since I listened to all those songs that reminded me of you.
But before I begin..
Lemme just ask..
Have you ever listened to a song that just touched you?

Its weird just today I was on my way home driving in the snow.
This song came on that I hadn't heard in years and it brought me to tears.
Not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness.
This song reminded me of who I use to be.
So confident.
No ***** given.
No holding back.
I spoke my mind.

I was such a fun loving person before I met you.
And this song made me realize that I had given so much of myself to you, and along the devastating way, I lost myself.
I lost so much of myself trying to love you.

The songs called "Don't let me stop you by Kelly Clarkson."
Below is my version revised of her original song.


I used to be a little bit shy.
Little bit broken inside.
I kept my deepest feelings inside.
Speaking up to anyone about my feelings has always been hard.
But this just can't wait.

I finally found myself again.
I'm feeling pretty brave.
So no more holding back with you.

This is gonna sound kind of silly,
But I couldn't help but notice
Feeling like there's something between us.

But I'm not into games.
Got no patience for that kind of game.
If you don't need to be with me,
And I don't need to hold on,

Then by all means...

Don't let me let me stop you,
From doing what you wanna do.
If You don't wanna stick with me just it's cool.
It'll take me no time getting over you.

I'm not glass baby.
If you wanna leave baby you can leave.
Just don't pretend that you're into me.

There's a lot of things I can take.
Got a high threshold for pain.
But let's get one thing straight,
I'm not down to share you with anyone.
If that's not what you're looking for..
****, nice knowing you, but honey there's the door.

I'm not worried, cause I know that I can find someone who'll give me what I want.

I don't wanna hear goodbye,
But either way I'll be just fine.