"What was it like to lose him?"

"It isn't one single feeling when it happens. It's an empty feeling, that follows you around forever and ever."

-bcg (it never leaves)

do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,

she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.

she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.

she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.

she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.

it's all too easy to
revisit old habits

familiarity gently strokes my
long hair after trauma
as he plots to cut away at me
with a friendly grin on his face

until i fully realize
familiar is not always synonymous with comfortable
i will continue to tell myself
to stop searching for happiness
in the place that i lost it.

then again,
maybe i‘m just insane
for thinking
you can look
at me with the
same eyes I look
at you.

a cold night breeze
surrounds us; she holds my hand
i feel nothing, but im here
she doesn't understand

What My Heart Knows

There are many questions but my heart knows...
While I was walking I stopped for a while
And thought of the things I don’t have in life
But I suddenly realized I have you and I feel complete

There are many questions but my heart knows...
Sometimes the love we are looking for
Is right in front of us-
Too close for the eyes to see
Only close enough for the heart to feel

There are many questions but my heart knows...
True love doesn’t have happy endings
Because if it’s true love
It would be never ending

There are many questions but my heart knows...
Love has its time, seasons and own reasons!
You can’t ask it to stay
You can only embrace it as it comes
And be glad, for a moment in your life it was yours

There are many questions but my heart knows
The tears shed over the heartbreak are the words left unsaid
And the deeds left undone
For absences does love like wind fuels a flame
It extinguishes the weak and feeds a blaze

There are many questions but my heart knows
The difficulty is not dying for love,
But finding a love worth dying for.
Much harder...
Finding that love worth living for

There are many questions but my heart knows
You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see
You can block your ears to the things you don’t want to hear,
But never could you close your heart to the things you feel

There are many questions but my heart knows
Never say goodbye when you still want to try
Never give up when you still feel you can take it
Never say you don’t love a person if you can’t let go

There are many questions but my heart says
Don’t ask the sun to keep shining on you,
It can’t, the clouds exist
Don’t ask the leaves not to fall
It can’t, the wind exists
Don’t ask me to stop loving you
I can’t, you exist...

                                                      -Vas Bismark

1.
Everything
                    Started when she was seventeen
                                            You couldn't tell her anything
                                                        ­                      Say he wasn't everything
Who could tell her?
                     What to believe
                                               Tell her stop Or not to breath
                                              Because that's what love is its like breathing
                                                       ­         Yeah that’s what she believed
                                                        ­                      She believed she was living
                                           On a wild ride of life
                                                           A catalyst to somewhere like paradise
She said send me ' send me away
I will live to love another day
And kiss me, kiss me goodbye
I’m going on a wild ride
And love me, love me tonight
Loves a catalyst to paradise.

2. And everything
                          Started out like a dream
                                 But now she was waking
                                                      Waki­ng up to everything
                                                      ­           Life played out like a movie scene
    And is this is what life is
                     When hearts are breaking
                                      When hearts are breaking tearing up everything
                                                      ­                                                                 ­                               Just- like -an- earth quake--- nothings left...
You still can’t take her respect
                                           Tell her love isn't everything
                                                                ­       There’s no mistaking that
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                      She might not make it back
She knew when she took that ride
                                                       A catalyst to paradise
She said send me ' send me away
I will live to love another day
And kiss me, kiss me goodbye
I’m going on a wild ride
And love me, love me tonight
Your loves a catalyst to paradise.

3. And everything changes
                                  We all have to live life and No body is always right
                                                      We live and learn we all take our lessons
                                                       With our pride and our blessings
                                                       ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     We all take our turn on a wild ride

                         A catalyst to paradise  to find love  in someone’s eyes

Say send me ' send me away
I will live to love another day
And kiss me, kiss me goodbye
I’m going on a wild ride
And love me, love me tonight
Your loves a catalyst to paradise.

loving you
was like having heart burn
on the wrong side of my chest
and doing my best to pretend
that still I felt nothing
in all of the places where
you once touched me

neck
collarbone
the backside of my knees

you destroyed me from the inside out
with such delicacy
that at times
I convinced myself it wasn't even
happening

loving you was a disease
that I wish
I could remember having

but now
I simply
feel
nothing

Theres two kinds of breaths that boys steal.
The kind that results in unbelievable euphoria,
and theres the kind they ripped out of your lungs.

The difference is;
one makes you senseless
one kills you.

In all honesty I miss feeling sober.