my heart aches for things that have not happened,
will not happen,
and will never happen again.

There was a time
When I was young
I believed in love
In blissful fun

I still had hope
In happily ever after
Then what happened
Turned my life to disaster

It all began when I fell in love
Young and naive is what I was
I had no idea what would lie ahead
Once I gave you my heart, climbed into your bed

Just a child inside
A women's body only to be seen
I didn't understand love
I wanted to scream

I kept my mouth shut
The romance was done
I realized that night
He was not the one

Where was I to go now
I was prisoner to him
He had all the control
He sold me in sin

I'll never be the same
My youth taken away
I'm no longer pure
I can't escape, I must stay

I give up on love
Life is no longer mine
I'm forever his prisoner
Please be gentle, be kind

It was new
It was shiny
They said put it in a case
Don't let it break
You didn't realize he was breaking it
Chipping at it with every word
Every kiss
Every touch
Had nothing but hurt behind it
It isn't a sickness
So there's not a new one
You have to fix it
Mend it
Mourn it
Learn to live with it broken
The ache will always be there
It'll fade with time
But it's there
You'll miss the way he kissed your forehead
And how he used to wipe away your tears
The long talks till midnight
The firsts you shared with him
He was your first kiss your first everything
He took it all
Silly girl didn't know she could fall

I think of it, sometimes
in passing that corner. or

climbing those stairs,
two bodies entangled against

the rail. getting off
the rails. did they, too

recognise something
stranger in a stranger?

something I too thought
I had found. that night

I saw it. I was sure. the light
behind the pain. fireworks

behind closed eyelids.
ready to chase it all down

the rabbit hole. I was
already falling: Wonderland

wondering, wandering lost.
but no. it was just -

just a wet puddle
on impassive bitumen.

just a mirage. a trick
of the light.

whose light? I suppose
it was nothing, just

something very
ordinary

after all.

I wonder if he misses me
I know it sounds insane because she exists
But I wonder if at night he is somehow reminded of us
The way we lingered over one another
The sweet torture for both of us
The way we wrapped up like tying a knot at boy scouts
I wonder if he has rid the remnants of our love
Or if they are held holy to his left side

It's not so bad
During the day
When the sun warms my skin,
And the breeze cools my nerves
When my thoughts are preoccupied
With trivial tasks

Then day turns to night
And the sun lies down to sleep
The moon peaks through my blinds-
Its stark silver light casting ominous shadows

I wonder when I'll see you again

They say that secrets seek refuge in darkness
But I find my innermost fears all the more illuminated

YOU TREAT ME LIKE **** BUT THEN YOU KISS MY NECK AND ALL OF THE BAD THINGS FADE AWAY AND MY THOUGHTS ARE THE SMASHED GLASS OF LAST NIGHT'S ***** BOTTLE AND THE STAINED LIQUID ON THE CARPET AND I CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE YOU ARE TOXIC BUT I CAN'T LET YOU GO

I long for you in the morning
I long for you when I'm cold
I long for your feeling of peace and home .