I remember relapsing on the floor of my mothers basement.
I still remember what it was like to feel my conscious
leave my body and
float into a complete world of
darkness.
There were no pretty patterns or
surreal hallucinations.
The bright light that everyone
spoke of
was not there
and I wondered
if I was to blame for it
being gone.

And at the same time,

I remember what it was like to wake up.
To see my mother, father,
brothers, sisters
and friends
standing over me.
Crying helplessly wondering if I would
ever be the same again.

I remember what it was like to look into their eyes.

And I remember what it was like to push every single one of them away.

I remember what it was like to argue and walk out on
the same people that said they would
always be there.

I remember because it was the only time in my life that I
truly didn’t care.

But here I am today.

Trying to find the words to make you believe
that I am a better man.

Here I am,
pulling truths from parts of me
that I have not visited in years.

But being transparent does not
******* me like it used to.

It motivates me more than
ever before.

This shaky,
raspy,
unattractive voice of mine
is all I have.

And by any means,

I am going to use it.

There’s only a few other things
I was put here to do.

And if speaking
even when I’m not
spoken to
somehow
saves my life,

then so be it.

Because I remember
what it was like to
keep everything bottled up
and how it got me
absolutely nowhere.

I remember being stepped on
and squashed
as if I did not matter.

I remember what it was like to have
no faith in myself
because that was what everybody
taught me to believe in.

That it was wrong to step out of line
if it meant losing friends or
loved ones.

And I believed them because I didn’t know
anything different.

I didn’t have any independence.
I didn’t have anything to stand for.
I was just a little kid,
four-foot-something,
trying to make it through
another day.

And for every night I prayed
for tomorrow not to come
to a God that I do not believe in,

it always came.

And even though this embodiment
of doubt,
that is my existence,
has never been a breeze-

I can only hope that it has been
worth fighting for.

That every day and every night
I spent hungover or
strung out on the floor
did not go in vain.

And all I can do now is work hard
every single day.

All I can do now is give every ounce
of energy that I have to
making a difference
on people that are going through
what I’ve been through;

to give someone a voice that is
comfortable and
familiar.

and despite the cliché,
maybe even some hope.

Because I remember what it was like
to figure it out

all on my own.

I fell in to you recklessly and without a thought of what the repercussions would be if you refused to catch me.

*djm

(reposted for a very special friend)

Reaching........for her hand........
a tether,
between two hearts

"Come, and I will take thee
to a new land...
and only you
Will know it's name"

"Where fireflies sparkle
as stars on an 'ebon' nite-
Where fairies dance,
as Luna sings....
Whilst' Unicorns feast
on the Heather"....

"Sleep... my lady, sleep"......
for the land of which I speak...
Awaits you* ..............

"In your dreams"


r.riddle: 08-05-2016

A praise for my God!
By Lisa Noe

Warmth drenched me like sunlight beaming upon the water.
It was a unique feeling I received upon kneeling on my knees;
Asking You to aid me yet again, and You always send an answer.
Perhaps sometimes it is not the answer I wanted or expected,
But in Your wisdom You send reply along with an angel to guard.

I shall never leave You my Lord, You are my salvation from life.
You are the rock upon which I build my home. You are my foundation.
You’re each brick, all the mortar that holds me together, You’re my strength.
You are the stretching sky, the deepest sea, the mountains high.
You are in every thing that creeps upon the earth, You are life, You are Spirit.

I pay homage to you for you lit the sky, you give drink to the earth.
You shade the earth in places, giving oxygen to all the green trees.
You feed your people with your words spoken from you private place.
Oh the Holy Laws upon which we guide our lives, they are so just.
You are the Master of the Universe and that’s written upon my heart.