feeling whole wasn't an option

There's been empty spaces
in me since I can remember

I thought you were going to
   fill them?

Why are you telling me to
   snap out of it?

I'm sorry I'm sick
I'm sorry I'm sick

I feel everything dying
within

I let you in, you tore
through my life with a
machete and my heart had
the brunt of it all

I don't hear it beating anymore

  Is this the afterlife?

Can't be
I've been in hell

But you are lucifer and
  you persuaded me to "heaven"

"heaven" filled with silent episodes
and meaningless ***

I clawed my way out
to release you

and then you pushed me
into my well

there is a flood here
The water is rising me to the surface

but I can't hold my breath
for very long

you sink your ship

find your good and save
me from yourself

your eyes like black holes

i'm looking into them but
you've left me already

I want to save the ship
in your head
but my arms can only hold
so many buckets
and xanax serves as cannon *****

I can't swim
this must be a dream

I can't swim

I'm sinking with your ship

but I can't be the captain

not again

I never thought it would be me again

h    e    a    r     t    b   r    e    a    k    e    r

i've been torn

to pieces
itty
bitty
         p    i    e    c    e    s

I never thought I would be

the evil

I just wanted to be happy!!
is that bad?
don't I deserve that?
why am I guilty?

I didn't do anything wrong
why is it wrong to be happy

I just need to find happy
where is happy

I've lost happy

I've lost happy

How did I lose Happy?

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.

Your name
is more of a trigger
than your face

you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave
you said you would never leave