Screaming.
From the bedroom four doors down.
From inside my own head.
From my dad, as he leaves.

Screaming.
From the bedroom three doors down.
From inside my own head.
From my oldest brother, as he leaves.

Screaming.
From the bedroom two doors down.
From inside my own head.
From my next brother, as he leaves

Screaming?
No, the next door is passed.
Nothing is wrong.
Targets aren’t painted for the adopted.

Knock, knock.
The door.

What a great day to be a McKay.

I look in the mirror everyday
And say
'You are beautiful and amazing in every way'
To keep your mean thoughts at bay

And then I get to school, just like every other kid on the shelf
And I forget what I had already told myself

I see you
Hear you
Say I am not worth living space
And I smile
Because everyone thinks I don’t care
But inside
You ripped a hole

One day
I’ll look in the mirror
After hearing you yet again
And write on the glass
'Here’s your space back'
And put on the tight necklace
Hanging from the ceiling
Watching the light leave my eyes
Because I stopped trying to keep your mean thoughts at bay

You’d think I’d be okay by now
But I’m still feeling broken
I feel like I’m the porcelain doll
That the creator just can’t repair

343440000 seconds on this earth
Seems like  enough time to figure your life out
But here I am
Still lost

i am jet lagged
but not from flying;

from falling

I’m still waiting
To fall apart
I thought I did a long time ago
But it turns out
I was just cracked
But now I feel like the cracks are splitting open
And at any moment
I could break
Shatter
Crash

I’m still waiting
For everyone to leave
Finally realizing that I’m not worth anything
I’m at the edge of my seat
Because a few
Have already trickled away
And at any moment
I could break
Shatter
Crash

I’m still waiting
Feeling unready
For everything sure to come
And so I sit and think
About the day
That the ‘at any moment’
Becomes a ‘this moment’
And I break
Shatter
Crash

the problem is
i care
too much
about
not caring