You are the rainbow that forms when the sunshine beats a rainy day
You are the painkiller that defeats my headache
You are the kiss a lover gives their lover when they come home from work
You are the family that adopts a helpless child
You are the passing grade a failing kid receives
You are my everything, and I love you

"but you were doing just fine before I came here..."*
Your definition of fine and my definition of fine are very different

-i really can't sleep, nothing is working

                                                -that's okay, close your eyes and count to ten

-no, i can't sleep, my mind is not functioning.

                                              -that's okay, i'm here. close your eyes and rest

-i need help, no one is listening

                                           -you should rest. close your eyes and go to bed.
-
-
-
-
                                                                                            -see you tomorrow.

to often i am living in my head



                    creating situations for myself


                                                         and only me

everything is falling apart
everything is straying away from the set plan

everything is crumbling down to pieces

and i'm left to be a bystander to my own demise

You would think one would get used to it after a while

The constant movement,
up then down.
down then up

and yet, it's always such a shock when i hit the bottom
yet again

****





                   you

are you too shy to talk?


                                                         or


too shy to tell me to go away?

i'm a time-bomb
tick, tick, tick
fully loaded, i'm ready to explode
tick, tick, tick

my time is running out.

We all have goals in life

                         get rich
                         move out of your birth place
                         travel the world
                         fall in love

But how tragic is it that we die on our death beds, remembering the times when we were happy

Yet in that moment, never appreciating it because we were complaining  about what else we could be doing

I'm aware it's not really my fault,

                                                                     but I'm sorry.

Every time i see your face
it sends sparks through my stomach
that triggers a smile to grow upon my lips
that makes my face turn an unknown shade of pink

it causes my toes to curl up in my socks
and my fingers to clench my phone
like im protecting it from flying away

my brain runs twice as fast
because all the molecules in my body are out of whack

just from seeing your face
frozen in time

life is simply dry

                                               if you do not

                                                                                 open your eyes

the sun shined just right at the right spot
the clouds were in the right place
the right things were said
the right actions were made

and everything went *well

I want to be wanted
I want to be looked at and have someone say "that's her" with a remarkable grin on their face
Don't tell me it's not important, or that being wanted isn't needed
Because it's something I need
Just for once, I want to feel loved
Just for once, I want to be needed
Just for once, I want someone to want me

When I'm sad, you sit on my lap
You constantly purr to stir up my mood
I found you in early June
Since then, my life was full of joy
You used to be so coy
But now you're my best friend, and I love you
My furry little friend

you said you don't want to be a sibling anymore

fine, i'll make that one wish come true.

but once i'm gone, don't you dare miss me.

once upon a time,
when the sun shined a bit brighter,
i heard the birds chirp in the morning
when i was awake before ten am.

the following weekday,
my mom smiled at me, as she sent me off to school without a fight
i arrived at school with a smile, greeted by 'friends'
'hey! how are you!'
'can i copy your homework?'
'lets get breakfast!'

however now,
i'm awoke to shouting, 'wake up, wake up!, you've been asleep all day'
so i follow that comment, and sleep for another hour, what do i have to miss?
half the day is gone, no point in making it up

the week day brings, 'time for school!'
forced in the shower, 'you've got an hour to the bus comes!'
handed a cup of coffee after being dressed, and shipped off to school
'i'll see you after school!'
despite pleas of staying home, there's no point in fighting anyway.

no more chirping birds
no more bright smiles
no more happy child,
you're a teenager now.

a **** sad one, at that.

The sweet sensation that I craved.

The sweet sensation that I missed.

The sweet sensation that brought relief

The sweet sensation that I might keep

Don't get to attached because nothing last

Just before the amusement park ends, I want to take one last ride.
The longest day of them all is about to come to an end, so this ride will be the best.

Stepping up onto the beginning, size doesn't matter for this one; the stepping stool makes us all tall enough
The hardest part of anything is probably ensuring that everything in place and ready to go

then...

BOOM!

We're off!

With this ride, all or nothing.
Either it happens or it doesn't.

Everything is so sudden, the ride is beginning to take it's toll.
Dangling, everything is below.

Is this really it?
It's like a blast from the past, everything is rushing back.

Do you remember how happy your mom was when you got all A's on that report card?
Or how happy your dad was when you got into that special high school?
Or how you made that whole class laugh with one joke.
Or how you made that guy laugh with that same horrible joke.
Or how happy your sister was when she got into college?
Ya'know, life isn't all about you.
What about your cat? Where's he going to sleep now? In your empty bed? You're selfish, he's going to get cold!
What about your best friend? Who are they going to text all night now? A phone that won't answer?

The ride is getting closer to the end, it's getting tougher to process even

the
           tiniest
                         thought.

Closer.

You're
              closer
                       toward
                                        the
                                                  ending
                                                                ­ now.

blink
blink
blink


that's it.

                                                      You're­ done.

It's over.

there are no 'rights' in life

there's just things that should be done

and shouldn't be done.

don't hop off the ride before it's over

the ground isn't ready to support you

it may give way, and you'll be forgotten

among all the others that left too early