If more cataracts consisted
Of that gel like substance
Flowing with honey and sparkles
Like the ones that alight in her hair
Especially when I hear that silver screened laugh
The world would ultimately be
A much better place

The fluttering purple bejeweled wings
Spanned in diamonds from ogre's rings
Make her heart and her mind start to sing
When his presence is felt in a room

Reasons for having life;
keeping it, giving it, sustaining it;
glitter speckles around the shell
of a protective covering that breaks only
when tears splatter around the vortex
that is the human heart.

And building it up?
Naught is easier than the
gradual accumulation of
galactic residue that can
keep, give, sustain
the heart;
and the eyes?
and the ears?
and what of the soul?

Protection is not found in years
or the ticking of an idle clock
who's days in the attic number
far higher than the minutes
of eternity counted by Zeus;

No, it is a given, taken element
which lives fast upon the air
that wheezes through stars,
squeezes past arguments,
and opens eyes.

Forever.

To drown is to feel more bleakly alive
Than the gold studded bees in a sapphire hive.

To choke is to breathe in the Northerner's wind
that exhumed itself from the smile he grinned.

To burn is to feel the passions he hides
that tear up his heart and corrupt his insides.

And to live is to feel like you're finally dead
Because life is not life, when it gets to your head.

Give my heart a flaming rest, set down from up on this pedestal
And away from this oaken throne

Let it drift away on the undulating waves of insanity
And fade into the fogs of memory

Mark it with your own decided determination
And withhold your silken vocal strands from uttering a word towards mine

For who can forget what was never there
And who can regret what was always fair?

Mama always says that you are
what other people think of you,
how you present yourself to
each and every acquaintance.
The way people see you,
even if it isn't how you meant for
them to see you,
is who you are.

A monster.
An object of hatred.
A manipulator.
An abuser.

Though I can be told by few
that I am good for recognizing
my mistakes and my flaws,
does the good outweigh the
bad within myself?

I kept warning you not to
get too close to me.
I knew you wouldn't like
what you would see.

What makes a good plot?
Is it the driving forces of a whirlwinded love, a mad minded passion, and a heedless fear?
Or is it the calm rolling thoughts that peep into your window every night begging for an audience that whisper to the genteel with the silence of a weeping willow?
You decide.
Reality?
Or empty-minded desire?

But what if I can't?
Am I just fooling myself
in thinking that I'm
any different
from the girl next door?

I mean, I look the same.
And act the same.
But inside, where lies
a cavernous gap of
dust and ashes
and deadening roses
lies a multitude
of sparkles,
just waiting to be
let out into the light and
shine.

everyone says to have virtues
but how can i
when everyone's are different

i suppose i'll just bang my head on the keys
and become a composer instead

To know with a full heart
that he loves you
in return

If I concentrate, I can fit myself into a four beat measure, just between the lines caging the letter F.

Forever I'll find myself falling for a figure I fear I won't see for another few months....
You can feign disinterest, but fair love fights all....and wins.

how was it
that the same lips that ensnared his affection
could ensnare the silence
of death?

To lead the land with a steady hand
Is easier said than done.
For since you have power
And have vowed never to cower
Your real troubles are just begun.

To lead the land with a steady hand
Takes more than just being the boss.
You must be willing to make sacrifices
-Not of  your own devices-
To stand up and bear your own cross.

To lead the land with a steady hand
Requires courage, will, and time.
Forced to make very hard choices
Over employees and invoices
And explain the reason where there is no rhyme.

To lead the land with a steady hand
Is a pressing, tiring feat
But upon returning home
You have no time of your own
None to rest your wearisome feet.

To lead the land with a steady hand
To us you try to explain
The principles you use;
Misunderstood, they light your short fuse
Deep breaths, then you try to tell us again.

To lead the land with a steady hand
Is not appreciated as it should be
For in all that you do
In all you charge through
Those unfamiliar do not seem to see.

Your hands do not shake
Your legs do not quake
And rarely do you ever venture upon a mistake.
None but you really knows what it will take
To lead the land with a steady hand.

I think I might finally understand
My services are at your demand.
Lead me, father, help me learn how to command
And to lead the land with a steady hand.

My little music bubble
is a mass of empty space
that only opens up to me
when I've fallen from grace.
It's glossy walls do shimmer sweet
with light and life and sound,
but questions as though I do have-
will it lift off the ground?

I enter with a careful toe
and hear the start of songs
that I'd forgotten to forget,
reminded of my wrongs.
All songs that played remind me still
of lives that I have lived,
yet something in my heart does reach
for something underived.

So pop my bubble, all you folk,
who wish to see me crash,
harder than ever, in your minds,
do I deserve to bash.
Make me sink rather than fly,
for in this lonesome time
I'd thought that we had said goodbye,
yet you continue to rhyme.

Left here I am with notes and sheen
of rusted rainbow hue,
left here am I with gloss and sound
that reminds me what is true.
Steering upwards I will vy,
as I drought with my tears,
for in sometime, as time goes by,
t'will be forgotten, in those years.

show her all my words.
complain that i've really outdone myself this time, that i've officially broken you into a thousand pieces.
but you know that it isn't me and that as much as the past attributed to so much of the anxiety i feel on a daily basis in so many parts of my life that i feel defective and sometimes want to die because of, i bear you and no one else no ill will.
but i don't doubt that by now all my words and all my truth have been passed on to her screen, and that you feel i'm out to get you.
i'm doing what i should've done a long time ago, protecting myself and my happiness.
i won't let you, unable to let go of something that happened in the past and ended for good reason, tear me up over something that any unselfish person would let go of for the sake of the sanity of those others involved.
i won't let my anxiety and insecurities, half of which are caused by you, ruin my relationship.
i won't let this rule my life.
and you shouldn't either. it isn't healthy. and i'm nice enough to not feel the need to constantly be depressed and upset and blame you or myself about what happened. because i'm actively trying to fix things and move on in as healthy a way as i can.
so tell her, show her all my words if that will console your conscience. i don't care. i lost her because of you anyways, but unlike you, we ended on good, civil, and honestly heartwarming terms, and i still check in on her anonymously to make sure shes doing okay. because i know she's not toxic.
i had just hoped at this point you would care enough about you and your acquiantances to make your problems just that; yours, and yours alone.
but show her, if it brings you comfort.
and while you're at it, tell her i say hi, and good luck in college. i know she'll be massively successful, and i believe in her every step of her journey.
and the same goes to you.
just fix yourself.

I wish i had the strength to say
what i do quoth in rhyme,
but someday i will look away
and show my words in time.

So welcome my arms instead of words
and my lips instead of letters,
for nothing is surer than this is sure
that i'll show instead of speaking better.

When you're sad they never text first
But not surprised

Another day older, another day bolder.
But they never mentioned
it'd be this much colder.

reaching out and realizing no one is there
realizing the one thing you're running from
is your own mother

There are so many people I want to help.

But first, I have to focus on myself.

How can I help her if I can't help myself?

Hypocrisy.

When rain hits my skin
that's already drenched in self loathing

I feel less like myself and more
like the girl I wish I was

loved and adored and simply covered
in warm wet kisses

maybe I just need to fall in love
with a real rainstorm

instead of the ones that fall
from the depths of my eyes

they
d i  s   p    e     r      s       e
like paint dropped into a glass
of melted ice
and try to enjoin once again
but are u n a b l e

they
tolerate
what they think they deserve
which isn't much
and push to give more
of themselves away

they
plop
like coins into a fountain
only asking for a wish
but not expecting one
in return

When God punishes you for no reason other than the fact that you simply weren't capable of moving yourself a couple hundred miles...

I may have puppet strings
Attached to my bronzed shoulders
Controlling the movements of my hands and heart
But even then, I know how to control
The beating of the cords
Within my star spangled throat

When the words in my head
Don't make any sense
But they rhyme

Doe eyed
confused at common sense
emotional
has a soundtrack to every part of her life

She belongs in an anime

Happy am I when I happen to hear your voice....how on earth am I to hold on to life when I hate being alone, not with you?

To turn up your headphones as loud as they can go
only to realize that your eyes are still open

Change yourself,
do what you like.
You'll always just be
the same old Mike.

Be what you will
your actions are past
no one can judge you
memories won't last

I know you think
they're too strong to forget
but I know you enough
to know you regret

Regret is a tool
used to make better a man
so don't tempt forgetfulness
You are you. So stand.

I hate how that quintessential part of me is gone
that I can appreciate a harmony or a triad
but don't make them anymore
who am I, really, without that part of me?
there's so much I'm missing
and I don't have the courage to hit the keys again
but I just want to be part of your symphony
and I'll do whatever it takes
to feel that again

If I was a painter, you know what I'd do?
I'd paint what I feel every time I'm with you.

In beautiful shades of grey and blue
Would be the scenes that are lacking you.

I wanted to visit the Alamo.
I wanted to see the cracked down walls, I wanted to walk where they had walked.
Christmas still vaguely lingered in the air, and they said they would take me there since they hadn't been and history is such a large portion of my interests.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
I made excuses to not go. "I'm sick" or "I was going to hang out with my sister" or "You live here now, I'll go with you next visit". Somehow those tided them over until my plane ride back home.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
They knew I had great plans of pictures and acquisition of knowledge and that this trip would only add to those if we had just gotten in the car and driven the hour to go, but I was too scared.
I wanted to visit the Alamo.
But you were too close. And you scared me away.

I can't believe it.
How could someone like you
Want to choose someone like me?!

What have I done
To corrupt your mind?
Poison. Enchantments?

Help me understand
What it is I've done to you
So that I can properly apologize
For compelling your so recently broken heart
To come and mesh with mine.

I've been broken so long
And it feels like you could fix me
I've wanted you since I met you
But why do I feel so guilty now.....

If my heart knew half of what my head does
It wouldn't be so easy to break

I had thought things were going well.

2:40, two days in a row.

I can't tell what your triggers are, she says, Perhaps small spaces. Or loneliness.

Someone, please, I'm slipping and just need one thing.

I need someone to rework my cogs and wires to help reprogram this mind of mine.

I need arms to hold me, platonically, romantically, I have no preference.

Whether it will last or whether it will last only one second, I have no care.

Why? Why am I always the one left behind?

I can't keep holding people up from down here on the ground.

Yesterday

I met someone who understood, who felt, who had the experiences I do
and knew

he knew

if only our conversation hadn't been cut short

because for a moment there

I actually felt like this cloud had become
a little less grey
and a little less heavy

In thine own garden lives thy key
to unwarranted blessings;
yet chart thy days and scour thy nights
for skeins of love's great testings.

For yon and hither lives do mingle,
twain they do traverse,
but forget, do not their minds of iron;
twas the blessing that baned the curse.

all i do is break up friends
hurt their bonds
burn the ends
all i do is make them cry
and it's my fault every time.

all i ask is not for love
time to remove
it means to shove
all i ask for is empty
for everyone to leave me.

We're all nobodies, the lot of us,
trying to hold on, to brush off all the rust.
Silent screams, empty stares
Losing hope in all we've tried to trust.

We are invisible
Broken skin and broken hearts
hoping someday someone sees us
Nobodies
Nothing to share and nothing to prove
everything to shoot and nothing to lose
All alone with our thoughts and our knives,
will no one become someone?
It's taking over our lives.

We're all no ones, the lot of us,
living in a world we can't control.
Holding in, holding back
Hearts broken, battered, beaten, black as coal.

Maybe if we united
Our burdens could one day be light
but this inferno has never ignited
and we don't feel strong enough to fight

We are invisible
Broken skin and broken hearts
hoping someday someone sees us
Nobodies
Nothing to share and nothing to prove
everything to shoot and nothing to lose
All alone with our thoughts and our knives,
will no one become someone?
It's taking over our lives.

We're all nobodies, no ones, the lot of us.

Who are you?

saying you love me and then beating me

feigning righteousness did he
abhor in all its majesty
yet killing off discrepancies
adds only to her scheme.

To love is to forget
All the pain that you regret
Every time you let your head
Tear your heart and soul to shreds

I hope you know
that i hate you.
I loathe you.
I despise you.
You bring out the absolute worst in me.
You're toxic,
and just seeing you makes me want
to *****
or to run and hide in fear.
I hate you.
Just hearing your name
makes me pity you
because I always pity those
who need others to
make themselves feel good.
I hate you.
I hate your need for attention,
and I wish you'd just die
because we all know you want to.
I love hearing about your pain,
your losses, and i'm glad
i've contributed to them.
You're such a monster,
and i hate you.
So pathetic, so weak,
and i hate you.
You're all of my hate and all of my anxiety
and all my stress and all my good memories
i've had to let go of.
Yes, i'm talking to you.
I hate you.
Sincerely,
Yourself

Here, in my garden of shadows
Here, where the black blossoms grow
Tonight, deep waters will overflow
Here, no man dares to go...

Here, the nights are but lonely
Here, it's not safe to abide
Nowhere to run or to scream or to hide
Beware the Blackening Tide.

Come, my child, come closer
See what the lone river holds
Tales of sadness, of love young and old,
Come, dear, embrace the cold...

No, dear moonbeam, don't fear
Though it is cold as stone
You wouldn't leave me here standing alone...?
Stay here, this is your new home.

Stay with the misty deep river,
Stay with soft voices unheard
Calling to us, they outshine the bird
Of lives that were lost and all blurred.

So here, in our garden of shadows,
It shall be just you and I
You will care for the blossoms and stay by my side
Till you're carried away by the tide...

Beware the Blackening Tide...

am i the only one who routinely checks to see if you've come back
to see if perhaps that was all a two year long nightmare and everything is okay?
i hope not but i know so.

we all just hide behind the facade of a screen when reality
you're just down the road, really

did you ever stop to wonder what could've become if i hadn't been an idiot, if situations hadn't arisen, if we had all been stronger?

you never realize how crazy growing up is until it slaps you in the face and i wish someone had taught me how to before i had to learn myself
and i wish you had been here to help me through it and so that i could help prepare you so that you didn't have to go through what i did

i still wish i could protect you, even though i know you don't need protection
it's funny, really, how things have changed so much that they've come full circle
and we're back to the people that we were before
and back here

but really, who's to say we haven't been shrews this whole time, who's to say that you haven't totally forgotten? everything was forgiven anyways

but even though i forgive i never forget. not the good times, nor the bad. not the smiles, not the panic attacks, none of it.

so perhaps i'm the most gilded shrew out of all of us
trying to convince myself that i'm gold covered
when i'm really not

If you can hear me
AND I KNOW you can
help me
throw me a vine
pull me out

I've asked so many times
and have received answers
made of titanium refusal
Give me a gain that I can use
to stop myself
from lighting my own fuse