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288 · Sep 2016
Color the world
xmxrgxncy Sep 2016
Sometimes I wonder
at the marvelosity
that is our universe

we can give and create
we can love and debate
we can push and pull
we can die.

but yet in all this sparkling madness,
this canvas that has yet to be covered
why are there so many blank spots?

The curious thing is,
I'm too busy helping others color their lives
to give any life
to mine.
287 · Jul 2016
SOAR
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
Give your wings some room.
I know you feel like you can't anymore
But you're going to soar.

Tough at first,
and you've fallen before
But you're going to soar.

Life has brought its' challenges,
And you think you've had about enough
You want to keep believing
But the winds are getting rough
Whatever happened to the the little boy whose aspirations flew high?
Or is he just another angelic memory in an empty nighttime sky?

Can't touch the stars, all you see is clouds
One by one, we'll take them down,
down, down, down
Come a little closer, and I'll hold your shaking hands
I won't let you drown,
drown, drown, drown

You're stronger than a river
your wings stretch forever
so we can soar

Let's do this.
Together.
Old song I found in my notebook. Edited for the sake of word flow.
287 · Aug 2016
Shameful.
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
I want to be with her
her hair falls in her eyes
her lips are so inviting
her heart is warmer than life

But I have to be with him
his eyes are warm and friendly
his hands are soft and comforting
his heart has the purest intentions

I don't deny the platonic intensity
but do you deny me my lust
which can't be satisfied
within he whom I
never thought
would be more
than a
friend?
287 · May 2016
Parlez Vouz....
xmxrgxncy May 2016
If my heart knew your language
You'd already be mine
286 · Jul 2016
Darkened Reality
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
sometimes I wish I could draw back the shades
on my life and let in some sun
xmxrgxncy Sep 2016
I'm alright.
quick breath
Really, I'm all good.
quicker breath
I am fine, right...?
quickest breath

I'm a ****.
shoulders hunch
I'm a leech.
thoughts bunch
I'm a child.
head crunch

I'm so tired.
slow breath
I need sleep, a life, friends.
slower breath
I'm alright.
*quick breath
286 · May 2016
Love....
xmxrgxncy May 2016
You said love

Tell me, what is your definition
Of that
Overused
Word
?
286 · Aug 2016
Forgive My Starry Eyes
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
The reflection in my glassy irises
wasn't what I wanted
I envisioned us going places.
We didn't. It's alright.

I just wish I knew
what you think of me
now that everything is through....
and I'm long long gone.

I'll repeat and repeat and repeat
it wasn't your fault, the blame's on my mind
and though everything you said was sweet
My brain decided it meant more.

So please forgive my starry eyes
they know not what they do
the hurt they earned was no surprise
because of the hurt they caused you
#m
286 · Sep 2015
Actions
xmxrgxncy Sep 2015
I didn't know what to do with it, I guess I was just driving aimlessly; no signs, no lines, no lights to tell me when to stop. And when I finally broke down in everyone's way...you were there. You were the distraction I needed. I fell for an idea, a legend, a figment. I crashed down hard and didn't know right from left; yet left to my own devices, I could feel one aspect remained-the protection. Your words captivated me like the scent of an autumn breeze after a long hot summer, forming a protective shield around me, a thicket paragraphs deep. I fell for a distraction...you fell for a lost traveler. How can we distinguish one feeling from another when our very beings are tangled up in this mass of rhyme we have spewed forth? Silver words falling from bejeweled tongues clash together in a blend of titanic proportions, and we are one. All we need is closer, closer, and soon the joined words come from inseparable lips; did Shakespeare know? Had he the experience, the awe, the losses? How could he compare praying hands to bounden lips if he didn't? We are the new Shakespeare; we write our own story with our enjoined hands, entangled legs. Our fingers meshed together spell out what our tongues cannot. We write our own love story, forging through the trouble that is past and the fear that is to come. They say actions speak louder than words, that an image is worth ten thousand words. Well, whoever they were....they were right.
285 · Jul 2016
*Laughs*
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
Nor does anyone, at this point, know who he or she is.

We all compare ourselves to an ideal image of ourselves
kept captive against our irises
by our eyelids

This is why
I'm stuck
in a broiling ocean
of self-discovery

No different from the experiences of others, all flailing and trying to stay afloat around me,
but just as tragic.
We do not pity one another.

We fight harder to earn the freedom that will allow us
to help others out of the water
when we in turn are strong enough
285 · Sep 2020
year 3
xmxrgxncy Sep 2020
falling through an infinity of
void after void after void after
a day of screaming into a screamless
tryst that can only end in an all
consuming blankness that puts us
right back where we began
284 · Jun 2016
(Perfect) Day
xmxrgxncy Jun 2016
I can smell coffee drifting through the air like silk
And in through my window, birdsong swirls in
On the warm summer breeze
Laughter fills the room,
I stretch,
And I smile.....

I can smell the coffee from the teachers lounge, making my stomach bellow involuntary whale calls
And in through the window, bird sing, laughing at me, stuck inside
And the wind is hot, too hot, it's stuffy in here.
Laughter drifts in from the hall, from the throats of teachers who are already free of this hell.
I stretch, trying to get comfortable on the metal chair forged from the depths of the underworld,
Grimace, a smile of pain,
And return to reading paragraph three.
One.
More.
Hour.
Why do we even have school during the summer =_=
284 · Nov 2016
Pushing
xmxrgxncy Nov 2016
Pushing, pushing,
I don't know why I'm pushing,
Driving, driving,
to find an unknown place.

Climbing, climbing,
don't know why I'm just climbing,
striving, striving,
I'm starting to feel peace.
hit this really weird motivational thing and i'm super happy right now. It's so weird, I can't remember ever feeling like this.
283 · May 2016
Don't Be
xmxrgxncy May 2016
This is life.

How we get though it

is how we will become

stronger
283 · May 2016
Original Packaging Intact!
xmxrgxncy May 2016
I can't believe you didn't stay.
Don't you miss the body
You never touched?

Perhaps there was a reason.
282 · Jul 2016
Then You Misinterpreted
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
I'll hold back my longing to quote Shakespeare's sagacity here
and instead apologize,
though I know not what for.

The world is indeed cold and unforgiving.

It is how we forge our way through hoping for the best
that makes us
who we are.
282 · Mar 2017
vent number whatever
xmxrgxncy Mar 2017
you'd never think it'd be normal to be afraid of shoelaces but here i am like you have no idea how much desperation it takes to think you know i could totally use these as a noose, knot them there, tie them here... it's absolutely ridiculous and the morning after you've destroyed your thigh and then wondered why like what exactly is it that's going on in my head i know there's a six year old napping and coloring whom no one believes exists and i know i'm in there somewhere even though i have no idea who that is or where they came from i just know that they're buried in there somewhere and tighter tighter tighter tie me tighter i just wanna escape it all and i know it's just part of life to live through and it will make me stronger at least that's what I normally tell other people but how much of a hypocrite am i if i can't even control what goes on in my head or believe my own words how can i act how can i drink how can i sleep how can i live without some sort of control i mean i can control how deep i cut and how many times but I can't control a six year old's temper tantrums and sudden urges to color and I can't control the minds of people around me who matter but don't believe my words when I guess I haven't given them much reason to trust me in the first place but i mean haven't i given you enough in the first place by living and not dying when you leave me alone in my room at night with nothing but my headphones you trust me to not **** myself when i cannot talk to whom i need and get what i need from my very own parents because they won't even listen so how can i even begin here and now choke it's getting harder to breathe and i can't stop staring at my shoes and wondering if the starchy strands would make a good necklace and if a doorknob is high up enough and i know it seems like i wouldn't go through with this but i swear i would and it's not for attention it's an escape an escape from reality and what i'm facing i know i have no backbone and that i'm a total wimp and that there's no way to get through your problems other than to face them but i feel too weak too leechy too overdone i've been left in the oven too long i'm burnt and charred the light rememberance of a human being too cowardly and weak to stand and maybe the six year old part of me sputter is becoming me and i have no control over that either and all i can do is just sit here and breathe in and out and in and out but i don't really feel it and my heart isn't in it though my lungs are for the moment and i really just really want to die.
281 · Feb 2016
Waking Up
xmxrgxncy Feb 2016
In the middle of the night
But he's not there
Only my alarm clock
blink, blink

Looking for the arms
He had around me
Just seconds before
blink, blink

But he's not there
And I drift back into unconvinced mourning until the morning.

Dreams never last, do they?
When I wake up after dreaming about him and he's not there is when my heart really starts to struggle
281 · Jul 2016
Under the Rug
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
I can brush my feelings away
down, down, into the dust
But they'll always come back to play
and to create more rust.

Under the rug, that's where they go
but never do chance to stay,
because they know they've got more hold
if they take hold in my brain.
278 · Sep 2016
Value(Definition)
xmxrgxncy Sep 2016
what you don't realize is there
until you don't have control of the wheels under you
and you're forced to look back at your deeds
277 · Jul 2020
lego
xmxrgxncy Jul 2020
what are issues if not explosions?
i know most, myself included, prefer a slow burn, a quiet scorch,
but explosions are inevitable.
it's figuring out what to do with them and how to navigate them
that is the fun part
you can build so many things
from that amount of pieces
277 · Apr 2016
Love(Definition)
276 · Nov 2016
Tight (Definition)
xmxrgxncy Nov 2016
When you see someone who's feelings conflict with your own in a conflicting ball of conflict and your chest decides to spasm
275 · Jan 2017
Ridiculous
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
I'm only whimpering
But I know you can hear me.
275 · Jan 2016
Beauty Deceives
xmxrgxncy Jan 2016
Deceive the witch and steal her broom,
Let her fall down to her doom.
Lock Hansel and Gretel into a room
Until they ripen and they bloom.

No fairer weather has there been;
There’s rushing water, roaring wing.
The skies are dark, the light’s gone dim-
And that’s when the sacred dance begins.

This is truly what I love best:
Through greying alleys walk the blest.
In robes of light they all are dressed,
To add to our glorious fest.

Their voices for dominance fight
While overhead, birds take up flight.
The drones call out all through the night
And halt only at morning’s light.

But morning will not soon come,
The festivities have only just begun.
Silver flows from bejeweled tongue,
Till spells of past are come undone.

Light in depths on the lake:
And underneath, the mermaids wake.
Their songs of love and joy they make
Are spun for the shrewd sailor’s sake.

For through the ocean’s troves men trek,
Praying, hoping they won’t wreck.
Fog comes and they can’t see a fleck,
And mist lodges deep in each one’s neck.

But look now, see! Lo and behold;
Just as the old legends foretold,
Up from the depths, the maidens stole,
Cool and calm, brazen and bold.

They sit on rocks and sweetly quip,
Their long wet hair they coyly flip.
Saying, “Won’t you come take a dip?”
And silent men fall from their ship.

Down into the broiling brew
From whence he came, the sailor flew.
With arms outstretched, she hummed a tune
And planned to make her human stew.

For beauty is not what it seems,
Tis only what foolish man deems
Acceptable for social teams
And desirable in sinful dreams.

Sweet creatures open wide their mouths,
Their lips and lined and so devout.
Hidden are fangs, of which they’re proud,
Attacking when the target’s found.

Under their cloaks, their whips they hid
From the world, the ugly they rid.
And sell their looks to the highest bid;
Never shall they close the lid.

Unchanged for all, I wish it’d stay,
But all I do is sit and pray.
These lessons build our lives today
Away from being beauty’s prey.

For now I know more than I ought
About the world and what it’s taught.
Our children think love must be bought
And perish every moral thought.

Inside the mind, a tunnel lies-
Twisting and curving, and though he tries,
He cannot break his mental ties
‘Tween him and beauty’s perfect lies.

The thought brings on a frenzied dance
That brings to mind a pony’s prance.
It fills the mind, put in a trance;
All right is gone at a second glance.
Long rant poem.
275 · May 2016
Formal Attire
xmxrgxncy May 2016
Just thinking of me
Wearing one of your tee shirts
Gives me chills...
I might need your jeans too.
275 · Oct 2016
aches
xmxrgxncy Oct 2016
is it stress?
is it life?
is it trauma?

aches, all over
hurt, all inside
pain, all over
heart, all but died

what's the source?
what's the plan?
what's the use?
I'm so so tired and mentally drained and I'm having these terrible aches in my back that seem to have no origin. Just what i needed. =.=
275 · Feb 2017
Truly
xmxrgxncy Feb 2017
I don't think I truly ever knew love fully until I realized my terror at your heartbeat faltering for only half a second during an hour long embrace.
#e
275 · Aug 2016
#inspo *rolls eyes*
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
She reads and never understands.

Where does she think, exactly, that I'm getting all this inspiration?

I leave myself alone with my mind too much, I think.
#m
274 · Jan 2017
rant 3
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
i'd really like to just take a moment and breathe because i mean it's hard to breathe inside a volcano but since it's of my own doing it's kind of nice to know that i'm the one killing myself i'm the one drowning in my own lava i'm the one who's going to die because of my mistakes and not you not you it was never your fault it was never your loss to bear so why did i let you why did i let you why did i let you think my falling was my fault and why didn't I save you because i was selfish that's why i was not who i am i wasn't me and i couldn't focus and listen to me coming up with excuses for my own actions but really how can you blame me for being human when the only person who blames me for that is myself constantly every day of my life and don't you think it's hilarious that i punish myself more than anyone else even has the capability of doing but they still do it and it just lays and lays on top of everything else and then there's me just little insignificant me who just likes to sit and watch herself have absence seizures and realize that she's not who she believed she was or even could be only because she holds herself back she holds herself back i hold myself back because why well I guess my emotions are just too strong they're too hot of a magma to keep others safe and it is my own personal protective bubble but it still scalds me and don't you think it's ironic?
273 · Aug 2016
You've Won....again....
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
...and since you aren't here to receive this prize, I'll simply stow it away for later.

How many more weeks do you want me to repeat this? My heart is getting tired of staying in my chest, since that's not where it belongs.
#m
272 · Mar 2018
lies
xmxrgxncy Mar 2018
I never lied as a kid.
I was the one everyone knew would take little to no disciplining, the one who was born mature.
How I let myself go, how I let myself change to accomodate someone in a negative way, I will never know.
And perhaps I'll never forgive myself.
I could never hate any of the people who illicited bad experiences in my life, simply because they've made me into a stronger person.
But complaining that I never did enough, that I've permeated your life in a negative way when we don't even talk, it makes no sense.
I'm not actively seeking to hurt anyone. I don't even talk to you anymore.
The difference is, I'm not a child anymore like I was when I knew you.
I don't care anymore.
People who can't get over the past, those who hold onto it and complain about it without actually trying to fix it, those are the people I will never give the time of day.
How could someone unwilling to make themself better for someone else's sake and for their own sake be appealing to speak to? To laugh with? To cry with?
They drag people down.
And I finally care about myself enough to root out the ones who need work. And I don't feel guilty.
I'm growing self esteem.
And the lies have expired.
For good.
272 · Jun 2016
She Glitters
xmxrgxncy Jun 2016
But I can't be the one to tell her that.
272 · May 2016
...
xmxrgxncy May 2016
...
...and now I just feel guilty....
271 · Jan 2017
be somebody
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
Those words were never meant for me, I know. I stole them.
But what a bittersweet revelry it was to be able to think for once, at once, I belonged.
How wonderful was the joy that surpassed all feeling as for a moment, one fleeting moment, I was someone.
Not a blob in the shadows and not the thorn on a rose, not sticking out, unnoticed, or left behind.
But someone.
**You're the only one who knows who I really am.
We all wanna be somebody, we just need a taste of who we are.
We all wanna be somebody; we're willing to go, but not that far.
lyrics from Be Somebody by Thousand Foot Krutch.
271 · Jan 2017
prozac
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
does it burn
*to pinch a flame?
270 · Jan 2017
waiting
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
new year, new me.
old year, old me.

why can't i separate my problems, one from the other?
they just carry over.

I sound like him; we write poetry the same
and the silk flows from our lips creating a road
to the unknown dustiness that is passion.
we are splattered paint.

i am negative like her; we expect too much
from ourselves and from others in such
a fashion as to make our lives and those of others
completely and totally miserable.

i am the lone feather drifting into the weathered
blue green sheet that is the ocean.

the question is whether i will sink
or i will float.
270 · May 2016
Blood
xmxrgxncy May 2016
I'd never be good at playing the damsel
Who waits at home pining for her knight.

Want to know why?

I'd rather be fighting beside you,
Shedding my blood for the one I love
Than let you spill one single drop
For me

Because if you died....
....I'd die.
270 · Jan 2017
Ponderance 1
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
They always describe words as dripping-whoever they are.
Words drip from your lips,
drip from a microphone,
drip from the speakers of your car.

My words do not drip like the forlorn water clinging to the water faucet after their companions have ceased to flow.

My words attach. And they hold on.

To what, I can't be certain- who can be certain of anything in this mired time of our lives- but I know it keeps me going, I know not where, but that is the consolation.

You are steering me in whichever direction I am meant to go, and my words are the oars. They may have seemed ill-said, but they put me in the direction in which Fate would have me drift.

But not aimlessly.

So, darling, when my words hold onto you and attach themselves to your lips, will you leave them there?

Or will you let them drip away?
269 · Oct 2015
Placid
xmxrgxncy Oct 2015
It was only a dream,
That cold lie that we shared.
One fruitless night and one darkening day
Signified that we were impaired.

Pair me off; lose me not.
How can we love as we are ought?
For love is cheap, and seldom bought;
Why buy when you can steal the lot?

A lot’s been taken; I see now…
Taken up and beyond the clouds.
Past the moon and the mist it sees
Up past the stars and the galactic breeze.

It breezed right through us.
I know not how.
All I know is there’s nothing left now.
What was our intention of fleeing that dimension
Since all humanity’s left us now?

No more now is the gentle undulation.
No more now are the sweet sensations-
My eyes are opened, and thus I see:
That cold lie we shared?
It was only a dream.
269 · Nov 2016
thanksgiving
xmxrgxncy Nov 2016
why do we only tell people how thankful we are for them one day a year?

figures.
268 · Jul 2016
What....
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
My words
weren't meant
to scathe?
267 · Jun 2016
Freak
xmxrgxncy Jun 2016
My face is square
My eyes are almond
My nose is triangular
I must be a freak of nature
266 · Jan 2017
It was foggy that night.
xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
It was the kind of fog that makes you wonder if you're gonna be able to breathe when you open the door.

It was the kind of fog that makes you ask yourself if your glasses prescription is really strong enough.

It was the kind of fog that makes you speculate if your headlights are going to be sufficient to get you to work.

It was that kind of fog, and that kind of night.

So I sang.
266 · Feb 2016
Love?
xmxrgxncy Feb 2016
It was always
A true fantasy
We never got to experience love in person
264 · Jul 2016
No One
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
We all go by the surname no one

There are so many of us!

So why are we all so alone?
264 · Oct 2017
Glide
xmxrgxncy Oct 2017
It's like walking on clouds, he said.
It takes all your insecurities and spins them into whipped cream.
whether whipped into sugar or whipped into submission, we will never know.
but that blanket isolation-where will I go when it's swallowed?
it's necessary for people like me.
We alight on hydrangea petals like a sprinkling of ash
and suddenly disappear into shattered glass.
They say feelings such as mine will wreck minds,
put a wrench in the construction that is happening between two people.
One figment ventures to peep about my own development plans, but I bite my tongue and swallow the thought.
Does the whipped topping permeating my words pass your lips still disguised?
Or can you divine why it's there to begin with?
I hope you know, he pleads. *I hope you know you're my biggest insecurity.
263 · May 2016
Blushing
xmxrgxncy May 2016
Well then, if that's the case....

May I dare to ask
What it is
You'd like to do
With the situation?

I'll admit the feeling is a guilty pleasure
Guilty because I feel it still is slightly unreciprocated
Pleasurable because...you

Am I wrong to think this?
I think not
262 · Jul 2016
Musing, But Never Reality
xmxrgxncy Jul 2016
If I pressed you against a wall
and stole the words
from inside your lips

would you hate me
eternally
xmxrgxncy Aug 2016
This raincloud
makes for an awful hat
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