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xmxrgxncy Jan 2017
new year, new me.
old year, old me.

why can't i separate my problems, one from the other?
they just carry over.

I sound like him; we write poetry the same
and the silk flows from our lips creating a road
to the unknown dustiness that is passion.
we are splattered paint.

i am negative like her; we expect too much
from ourselves and from others in such
a fashion as to make our lives and those of others
completely and totally miserable.

i am the lone feather drifting into the weathered
blue green sheet that is the ocean.

the question is whether i will sink
or i will float.
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
I wish i had the strength to say
what i do quoth in rhyme,
but someday i will look away
and show my words in time.

So welcome my arms instead of words
and my lips instead of letters,
for nothing is surer than this is sure
that i'll show instead of speaking better.
i hate my poetry lately. oh ******* well.
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
It's a waterfall.
You know, the kind that cascades hard like
the white water rafting trips' featured waves
and just when you think they've calmed,
they're back even stronger.

They said they had their suspicions.
You've been more flamboyant.
You don't want to dress like your gender.
Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype.

But to be accused,
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
To be yelled at,
YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU THEN?
To wish you were anywhere else but here...
Somewhere over the rainbow...

But I'll never be over the rainbow.
Contrary to her belief,
it's not a phase or something I'll grow out of.
It's genetic.
Contrary to his thinking,
it's not helping
when all my communication with
others is severed.

I'm gay.
There, I admit it.

It's not like I'm gonna scream it from the rooftops, and no,
it's not the reason that I really like bowties and short hair.

Can't you just
accept me?

The final blow
is when your family
decides you're too good
for that type of lifestyle.

WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO IMPRESS YOU?
I've tried my whole life to make you proud.

I guess this just goes to show
that being myself
will never be enough.

So leave me to my cascades and wet cheeks in bed-why do you care-
because we all know you're wishing I'm something I'm not.
Someone I'm not.

Disowning me
would have been the
far superior alternative
to the disappointment.

"Our youngest daughter is just like her father, but looks like her mother. And our oldest daughter? She looks like her father, but acts like her mother. Well...she did."
Quote via my mother. Manipulated as to not share my sister or I's names.
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
The candles are new and burn brightly,
Set on the windowsill high above my head.
Gingerbread is fresh, and the taste
Lingers in the warm, toasty air.
Cousin Kyle lifts me so I can hang my annual ornament,
And Great-Grandma smiles from her armchair.
The candles are a little shorter but still burn with fervor,
My fingertips just reach the windowsill.
The gingerbread is just as good as last year,
And the smell permeates my pink sweater.
Cousin Kyle lifts me to the top of the tree,
And Great-Grandma smiles from her armchair.
The candles are burning determinedly and pushing their last
And I playfully plaster their wax over my gradually growing fingers.
I help make the gingerbread,
And am covered in flour the rest of the evening.
Cousin Kyle and his girlfriend help me hang my ornaments,
And Great-Grandma smiles from her armchair.
The candles are almost nonexistent now,
And I light them for my mother.
I accidentally burn the gingerbread,
And the smoke infiltrates the whole house.
Cousin Kyle doesn’t want to help hang my ornaments,
And Great-Grandma sighs from her chair.
The electric candles blink in the window,
And I replace their bulbs with care.
The gingerbread doesn’t taste as good as it did when I was little,
But it brings back a heavy wave of warm nostalgia.
Cousin Kyle is off in Afghanistan,
And Great-Grandma sleeps in her chair.
The magic of Christmas never fades.
Sometimes it’s just buried deep in a box of ornaments
Or sitting in a quilted armchair
Waiting for that little girl
To remember.
just a piece for AP Lit. seems all i can do well lately is the stuff that should take the least amount of effort.
Christmas isn't hitting me yet. And it really should be. But it's gone missing. Perhaps that'll be another poem.
  Dec 2016 xmxrgxncy
Emma
Flicking through old photos
Since forever stashed under my bed
Mum points at one of me
Little, laughing
And my brothers
In colourful winter hats,
Climbing white trees,
A one of a kind cold day
The brown leaves sing
"Weren't you so cute?"
To think Christmas is wasted on me now
And I lie lamenting the happiness of someone long past
My throat hurts at the effort of not just bursting out
Crying
Like a baby as I lose control
In front of my own mother
That wasn't me on that fence
The little face swinging upside-down
That was someone pure
Locked inside me
That was light on a piece of card
I don't feel
Like a person
Anymore
I'm a mish-mash
Of random
Things
I am a split second
That's almost gone
I am traits, emotions, chemicals, hormones, electricity, fear, love, friendships
Fading into a maelstrom of humanness
Mounds of recycled carbon
Made-up meaning
Lost in fog
Where I begin and end fades
Into everything and nothing
I'm the dirt in the ground
The stars in the sky
Something words can't describe
This isn't really a poem. I feel weird and I just needed to write it down. Maybe someone else feels the same way. Well of course someone else does, there are over 7 billion people on Earth, but maybe you do
  Dec 2016 xmxrgxncy
Ian Moonsy
They say
Don't dwell
But in it,
The past, I fell

Slipping, sliding
Remembering, crying
From the hurt I was reeling,
The pain of the Past.

Leave me be, I beg you,
Leave me out to sort this through
You shred through my present,
Thus my hope for my future is too few.
xmxrgxncy Dec 2016
Press'd as drying flowers be
with saturation's sound,
be livelier than ever he
did dance or jump or bound.

Forc'd as oft as running bears
that heft their berry claim,
do love and run with anon scares
and seek the pow'r to maim.
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