it tears me apart
knowing that you will
never be able to have me
as I was

the innocent child running
her hands along off-white
walls
seeking Something she had yet
to find

the me before that Something
had found

the me that wouldn’t flinch
when a hand reached to
caress my skin

the me who looked
Something in the face
before it had bruised
all of her

the whole me
the me as I was

not this broken me
-DDF

I will lie awake every night
imagining each one of your
muscles dancing under
your moonlit skin

just longing to run my
fingertips over each bone
pushing against your shell

because in your slumber
the innocence you've so long
hid
finds an escape route and
plants itself upon your
porcelain face

and I want to be the one
to greet it with the softness
of rose-petaled lips
-DDF

your role is to be gorgeous
                                    desirable
                                         remote and unattainable
mine is to yearn and moan
                                            then lie down and die
                                                      as I’m taunted, forsaken and abandoned
                                                                             by my illusions of you

if my mother would
have told me
that happiness was
equivalent to the
fragility of a vinyl

…. I would have
threw my happiness
back in her face.

-DDF

miniscule cracks
lining the ceiling of your bedroom
chart out the abuse of
occupants who took
for granted the
memories spilling over
molded window sills  

but the cracks lining
each chamber of my
heart
chart out the abuse
of you

an occupant who was
far too familiar
with the way this
house twists and turns

even when vacancy
was no longer a
grungy sign swinging
from rusted chains

but a cry for help
-DDF

CBW: Broken nails claw hollow eyes,
Lifeless breath gasps slow demise,
Stifled are my solemn cries,
Forever failed, my many tries
To work my way out of this rut, this godforsaken hole, but like dust upon rock bottom are the fragments of my soul.
The pent up pressure, the murky waters of creative flow,
Now soaks the floors like poisoned blood,
A concentrated woe.
Alas, the shadows,
my sunken home,
It's where I'm told I should belong,
And you expect a simple answer when you ask me what is wrong..

DDF: To expect a simple answer
when I ask,
"What is wrong?"
is an accusation burning in rhythm
of songs
For I know depression can be
miles long

Show me the enemy you've
fought for too long
depression
I know is strong

Show me what I can
do just to keep you

Show me the empty shell
you have stuffed yourself
into
For I promise I can mend you

Show me the animal chained
inside of you
Because I have one too

Show me the late night screams
For I can see your sadness ripping
at happiness' seams

Don't be afraid to show
me all of you

Let me help you build upon
this sadness that has consumed
all intentions of something
new

Together who knows what we could
do?

CBW: A crack in the ceiling, exposing a light?
A call from the heavens to let me know it's alright?
This twang on my heartstring,
Resonates deep inside,
Yet, why does the strummer think her good side should hide?
Her music consumed
what once writhed in the shade,
The musical beauty was who my demons obeyed,
Yet my demons are different from the ones some portrayed,
But you can easily soothe them, if only you played.
Although the music is for me, it's played for another,
You're stuck in a sort of limbo for a lover,
And it's hard to hear from rock bottom, to the top of your tower,
The music is faint unless you give it more power.
I'll be here, filling this rut with my tears, wishing that your music could reach my ears.

DDF: I watch you struggle
trying, trying
to pull yourself from the
bottom

I look down in despair
for I know this in itself
is not fair

A god I would never bring myself
to bow to
whispers of redemption in single-
minded tongue
catching my attention

My mouth opens without a warning
spewing out prayers from night until
morning

This is not music, my dear
these are my words laced with
your fear