I thought I am better
thought I was stronger

I thought
this one time
I did well

I thought
this is it.
this is
what I am good at

but I am not.

I thought
this one time
I'm not average
but as always
I was wrong

As always
I am not outstanding
not perfect
not good enough

always okay
sometimes good
but never
never the best

I put makeup on
but not too much
I wore my favorite outfit
straightened my hair

I felt good
and pretty

I left my house
my home
my safe place
then
someone looked at me
a moment too long
a little too judging

today I look pretty
I thought
that's why people look at me
I thought
I am going to be okay

I met friends
and a lot of people
and I couldn't help myself
but felt all eyes were on me
but
not in a good way
in a way
that made me feel uncomfortable
in a way I wanted to sink in the floor
and never come back again
in a way
that made me reconsider
my decisions
of dressing up
of putting makeup on
of straightening my hair
of feeling good
and pretty