It was the first of September
A day to remember
The school yard is broken in
Nails on a chalk board scrape

***** running feet
Slowly answered questions
Marking grades
Cheating mistakes

It was the last of the first
Ready to quench the thirst
Maybe I will learn
Maybe I wont

But I'll walk the path
And drag my feet

Ready or not here I come

You've told me
That I always have the right words to say
But I wish I knew
The right things to do
When I feel you falling apart
You heart
That is so big, breaking into millions of pieces that don't just shatter on the floor,
But are stomped on
And crushed into dust that is blown among the aching you have felt for so long

I have given you hugs.
I have held you.
There has never been a time where I could ever want to let you go
Because one embrace can mean everything when your whole world is falling apart
I know we make things 'better' for each other
But I pray to God that one day you will taste the sunshine
That you will have a 'best'
It seems we take one step forward and then just as quickly
We are dragged back by the same hands we thought we had made our way free of
This is life
She is bitter
And sweet
But we could not taste one without the other
sigh

To feel your heart break
Oh, that is one thing
But to watch the world break the heart of an angel
Oh, that is far worse
I wish I could kiss all your pain away
As easily as one wipes a tear
The heart of God grieves for you
Even now as I feel for you
Because everything you are
Even in your abundant brokenness
Is beautiful
And I will love you in all things
And through all things
For are not the stars in the sky
Scars made by the birth of the world
Still we look to them
As if they are the light in the eyes of those we love

Turn the key
Locking my teeth shut
The only way to keep secrets
Is to **** them

Most days I survive
But it would be unkind
And sort of rude
If I did not take a day
Or a night here and there
Just to grieve
For the heart
Ripped from my chest
And the soul
****** from betweeen my toes
They were mine
And they were stolen
A blessing in a way
But still my nerves
Are frayed and split
And send messages to a brain
Overloaded with drugs
And fill with pain
So tonight a grieve
One candle lit
And one sleeve barred
Goodnight I say
Goodnight you sleep
But you will rest
While my skin weeps

Parasite to my peace
Shadow man
Sinking his teeth
Into my solid living
He is liquid in memory
I, semi-permeable in my strength
Do not let me slip
Pull me from the edge

The air gets harder to breathe when we are in the same room
The light is so much brighter on your face than mine
Why is gravity pulling us together
This world has not been kind to your heart or mine
Why should it be now

I have to stop trusting myself
I cannot keeping hiding behind these eyes
As each one of my friends like a flower slowly dies
I lift mine eyes unto sunny skies
And say a prayer that I don't know will ever be heard
Maybe a little bird will carry my cry up to heaven

Or maybe I speak to deaf ears all around me
I try to get your attention but you see right through me
Its like I don't exist or am in a whole other dimension
I am suspended from the sky
By an invisible wire
But it keeps pulling taught
Slowly lifting me higher

Away from where I want to be
And the people I choose to love
Bringing me to my other life
The one I hide above
Before I could only watch and wonder
What is was like to be one of you
I was forever and outsider

But now I am far to close
To so many hearts
If I ever left the circle would simply fall apart
I am the cornerstone and the capstone in one
The foundation set oh so carefully
I couldn't let you crumble when you depend on my
I can hurt anyone else this is my second chance

This is a burden I choose to bare
On a broken back and bent shoulders
My knees are weak and my arms are limp
And if I move I know you will slip
But I need to nourish my broken body
But how can I the rules or body I cannot bend
But it doesn't matter I am only here to mend
The broken hearts and the jagged wounds

It is not my place in this puzzle
I must find my own in this world
This is not my home but that is so easy to forget
Just remember this war is not over yet
I am still betting I cast my lots on you
No matter what happens I am going to see this through

I don't care how far I must go to protect you
Even to the ends of the earth and back again
I don't care if these frail bones shatter
Nothing I do matters
It is all about you the apple of my eye
Its all about you but can I teach you how to fly

Save yourself.

Its so dark when I blink
That moment of confusion
When my thoughts are my own
Why is it so scary
To be left by myself
I am a child
So afraid of the dark
Afraid of the hands
The cold and the wind bite like teeth
It is so wild when I am on my own
The sudden mood swings
Where I don't even understand what is happening
The decisions I make are not my own
You cant trust me
Or my bretheren

citing citations for professors
alm and palm in hand

now i lay me down to sleep
i pray you take these tears i weep
oh these shadows that grow and stalk
tracing lines out of souls and talk

oh rest you have long been gone
everything is right and wrong
such is this that i would lay
upon these words where i have no say

that you would want me as i am
nothing else, what a foolish man
step away, i beg of you to run
leave me before the rising of the sun

she is a fool, and you want her still
but she is not able to bend her will
tell her such and she will deny all
but say her name and will answer the call

let her be, though never alone
the one star in the sky that still shone
when all among the dark of the abyss
calls to her like a final wish

catch her hand as she is on the edge
a wanderer just to find such a ledge
the wind pushing just to pull her down
put your heart into the earth and ground

let its roots grow to a tree
so that such a fool could see
you are love, and this is life
filled with bits of grace and strife

she says but a few things, just a word
though whispered they are still heard
you want me, i need you to need me
the way a heart needs to be free

Tell me you love me
Or do not speak at all

Art was your coffin
It is buried
Shall I leave you as you lay
Or dig you up
For one more colorful day

Why have you given me this heart
Still it beats
Yet I do not know the rhythm

You say it is a gift
So I cannot
Just pass it on to the next

I hold it between my hands
For it does not fit
Inside of my ribbed cage

My chest rejects in earnest
Such a thing as this
That it would sway my mind

For such a small one
The weight is heavy
I cannot hold it for long

I grow weak
In the strength of my arms
For I have no stamina

For what will drive me
What will push
Me to love, with just a mind

And yet I cannot help
But wonder
If this is why I do not love myself

For a heart is a thing
That must be contained
So the mind can be free

And if it is cold
And simply lies adjacent
So the rest if it's body

It will never do what
It was intended for
Just as you do with yours

No velvet ropes
Or ticket takers
Just sunken chests
And heart breakers

I ran my tongue along the scar inside my cheek
Like fingers on melancholy piano keys
Can you play in the dark

I made promises
Gave up swallowing razor blades
There is enough already
That will find it's way to cut me

a telepathic symphony drowning in waves of song

We like to get high on emotions
See people kiss in the rain
Want to scale building in our dreams
Fly like a bird
And capture sunsets

But we hold our life for ransom
Say you have to pay to get it back
Between communication and tip jars
Life is lost and darkness thrives

I melt down your body like wax
It is a painful descent
And a slippery *****
I made the mistake
Of crawling inside your head
I can never look you in the eyes again
For when I was behind your sockets
Sweat marathoning down my temples
I saw things no man should see
It was beyond me
And now this evil
It is a part of me

What have I become

please

Please help me.

To see is to know
Though believing is another thing
And that changes naught
And I have seen
Oh I have seen
More than my eyes were meant for
Is this why I am cast away?
Is this why I'm a castaway?

I have lost all composure
And my solutions worth as much as the pennies in my pockets

Still I melt
And my wick grows shorter
As does my stamina
I am a wretch
And still it would be a mercy
To pull my eyes out through my skull
And let them rot in the sunlight
Even this is better than the dragons
Reigning fire in my mind

The earth
She would swallow me whole
Oh that she would eat me up in a moment
Rid me of this meandering
Take me from this hell
Still I wander
Though I lack perception
Still I tread on
Blind, foolish one that I am

Oh that I could whisper to you
The secrets of my heart
I cage myself within
To save me all the pain
But I am lonely here
I do so much in vain

I close my eyes
The devils choir is humming
They will drown out
The swell of the storm
Tune out
The crash of the oceans
Clear through it all
I hear your voice

I climb the stairs
To destruction
No rail on either side
A sheer precipice
To merely let me fall
I catch my breath
And close my eyes
I climb the stairs
To the skies
Like walking a plank
To murderous waters
Shaky steps
To a end
The means of life
I was denied
Through it all
I still tried
But waters rise
And steps crumble
And who will catch me
When I stumble

There are moments that I cling to
With a clenched fist in the back of my head
Sometimes, in agony, my hands pound against the back of my skull
It is a resounding cry, though it changes naught
Only leaving little cracks to match the ones in my heart

And like these memories there are things, tangible things, that I touch with my own to hands
These things have been given to me by life and lovers alike
And just as I keep my memories locked in the back of my mind
These things I keep tucked away

These pieces are the left behinds of those passing through
I keep them in a box
Like a memory bank for the past

It is a box of scars that holds together what was my souls bleeding, faded but not forgotten

And as you left me as I am
With pieces of fabric in my hands
This thought traces my mind
And as I put you away I cannot help but think that you are just
Another one for the box
When I wanted everything with you and everything for you
Maybe even happiness
Maybe more
Just another one for the box

Dreams so sweet dream so scary
Filled with visions in my head
I'm so afraid to go to bed
I'd rather stay up all night with you instead

Don't go to sleep
Talk with me
Cut the bonds
Set me free

Still as I speak
She tears apart herself from within
Using her own hands
She prys apart all that she is
And in her mind
Such a battle is this

Make them cry.
Make then scream.
Let them produce a bucket of tears to add to the ocean that is her own.

Crazy.
Yes.
A mind that has to long wandered afar, aloof and alone; and been pushed through many things that should not be endured.

All at once she crumbles
And who cares for such a thing as rocks and ruin when they no longer are walls.
None.

So such is this, that she would die, to herself. For fear runs her over and she regresses into all that she has fought so long to be free from.

I have endured enough
For every battle I fight taxes me and I am spent
My pockets are empty and my mind much to full
So I relinquish to the night all that I am.

I just want to write something beautiful
Give my trembling hands some purpose
I guess what I see
Does not always mean inspiration
What I feel
Does not always find a place on my tongue
It just courses through me
Like a river wild
Like a river free
But there is no freedom in me

Is there any truer comparison from light to dark
We find beauty in the stark contradiction
But I propose I different proposal
That you cannot know one without the other
What beauty would we see in the dark if we did not know another
How could we know depth of the sunshine
They are not opposite at war
But twins who argue evermore
Over who will rule
And who will fade
And whether or not we will see this place

Oh that you were made of light
But I still crave for you in this darkness
To sleep with all that I can never be
For I am never enough on my own
To understand how to live
In a world as dark as my own
For the sun will be a long time in its rising
So the stars still cling to the sky
The moon she is full, and pours out tears of ice
Into the heavens to crown the earth

I am just this darkness
As you cannot see
I am all you never want to be

I am a good friend
To wreath your secrets in my shadows
And I cling to your broken pieces
Even as they split into my skin
Splinters of heaven, they find their way
Racing through watered down veins
To find a dark dark heart
With the quietest of mouths
And the most unconventional of minds
In the strangest of places
For shadows are not something you can seek
And life is not something that one can keep

Ask me
Where I was before
I do not remember
Do not ask me
What I am afraid of
I do not know
The fear will not tell me
All I know is she is the hunter
And I the prey
And I do pray
But God is not in heaven
He does not hear me

We are the hollow part of the stars
Waiting for shadows to pass
Sewing our seeds into the sun
Pushing up daydreams
To have petals to pluck for tomorrow
I was the finger flowers in your hair
The sun kisses you just the same
Skin barren of heartbreak within
A black hole will devour us some day
Until that death comes
I lay between your arms
A valley of comfort
Until the end of the world
The altar does not know of our sacrifice
Finding love in the stars
The earth did not know
I was older then
I did not know
I am young again
Not one for making promises
When we can plant gardens
This is everything to me
You are darkness
And it has never felt like home
Until now

Lets just agree to argue
You don't smile and I won't either
I stab you and you stab me

Just let the anger control you
Let the vengeance take reign
Self control is a joke
It's so easy to just lay here
And forget the world

The way things work is twisted
Why can't we just stand face to face
Let out the emotion blow for blow

Fair and square no hard feelings
Just a chance to show what I really am
What I have become the monster you made
We both breathe air
But that us where the similarities end

Just let the tide rise high
Over flow the banks
No hugs no kisses no thanks
I don't want your help
I must do this on my own
Without you all alone

Let's me just slap you across the face
Then it will be your turn
For you to teach
And for me to learn

We are quite dark in the middle
That is where I go