I find no comfort
In the muteness of my thoughts
Silence goes before me
Bringing nothing back
Are my words
No longer my own
Soft at a fresh day
With not a single light shone

When you wake
In the morning
Face the struggle
And the sun of the day
Know when the gray creeps in
That you need only muster
Strength for one day

Do you feel
As I have felt

With a mind
Lacking thoughts

Like an empty tomb
Buried in the earth

You dreamed I got stabbed 27 times
Which is crazy
Because you should know
Dying happens on the inside

I dreamed you drowned
When the waters ran over in May
I left your body in the water
Relieved of the promises
That still torment your spirit

I am an even keel
Still waters do run deep
The earth was hollow yesterday
Until we buried our secrets in her
Robbing her of innocence

Are my words dead to you now
Like the tree we used to climb
When we were younger
And not so good at lying

You cried wolf, I cried white
You took the color from my veins
Stole color from my pain
Painting me out to be the bad guy

It's never that black and white
You played me like piano keys
When I was just happy to be dancing with you
Before I ever heard music

I wanted to ask
Would you still **** me
If I was the last star in the sky
Will I always be guessing
Which half of your promises you intended to keep
Which half broke me
If shooting stars are just floating space junk
Or if wishes do you come true
Just yours and never mine

One day
These will be the good old days
We will not remember them
As they were in passing
They age, as do we
These days will be
Sweet wine thoughts
For you and me

Abusers act like their the ones who got hurt all these years
Insomnia speaks for itself
Waiting my turn to dance with the devil
When she is done watching the dead sleep
Locking her lips with mine
Her tongue searching down my throat
The kiss the church fears and all sinners crave
Clutching hand over fist
Living in pain, to die for pleasure
Acting in vain, without measure
Trading all worth, for fool's treasure
Cheap gold, cheaper sins
Cash in my hands, take all and fold
You dreamed wolves chased you in the dark
How do I tell you they are at the door now?
They will bite. Tooth in flesh.
Knocking on wood. Knuckles bare and bleeding.
I dreamed it was dark and the end all days came
An apocalypse on the ocean
Squirming through barbed wire
Hitting murky water, eyes shut,
Plasma pulsing through my extremities
Nothing good ever came easy
Nothing worth anything came free
Nothing hot will hold it's heat
Yesterday's cold will catch up
Still waters run deep
Through my fingers entire oceans seep
The old will not be born again
They are not stars
You only die once
The earth will hold you forever
As I ached to do once

It's not my eyes I need to rest
But my heart

Peace for me
Is like finding water in the desert

if i uttered my soul unto you
would you cherish it as a star come to earth
or place it in your pocket
to save me for when you  'need'  me
for when you  'want'  me
you make it seem as though i am 'special'
but i think you are just a tepid
                                                  shadow
walking in hot water carrying a cold soul
one you had sold for a price
for a
            talent
                             and a spine
for the ability to collect any that you wish
but still you do not want me as i am

I have
Feelings
Lost and found bin feelings

Would you of spilled your secrets the same,
If it had been blood from your own body?
I would answer wisely
I have done both and yet somehow the scars are the same

My soul and my words
Each to live their own life
Yet in the end
My body shall sleep in one coffin

Dead polaroids
For a photographic memory
Looking for the bigger picture
Beauty is in the the beholder of the lense

I just want to be alone
In a field
Beneath the boughs
Of a weeping willow
It may be sunny or the sky cast over
But I will shut my eyes from the world just the same

You made love to her
While your love bites
Were not yet faded
On my skin

Do you eat for yourself
Or do you feast
For the hungry man
In your mouth
Who does not care
If you are well

We tarnish for ourselves
Whatever we think we are not worthy of
If my love is too big for you
We will cut it down to size
Take something sharp to my fraying edges
So there is no chance of making you bleed
I bared my fragile heart
Showed you unconditional love
For you to name me liar
Staying was selfish
Leaving is too
But whatever you need
Whatever is best for you

It's creeping in again
A door I thought was shut
It is an ache
And it throbs oh so much

Will you write my memories
In a bold font
Curate my remembrance of you
Sweet as the honey it is

When I opened my eyes
I saw fire in you
You were made of glass

Have I been sleeping this eternity away
Looking for good in glass people
To know it burns within me

We were nothing before this
Your soul lost in something other than space
Did you know you would have to make purpose here
Find meaning

I do not know of your age
I have been practicing immortality
As long as I have been alive

It's all questions and lies
Pain and goodbye
Bittersweet flavor always stays
In the pockets of my mouth

Do you ever take a break from aging
Letting the child within fill the space
This is their home too
Before you
And whatever you call advanced consciousness

Can you in honesty call it advanced
If joy has not lingered
With the accumulation of wisdom
Perhaps we have learned nothing at all

I feed neither of my wolves
Let them hunt if they hunger

My constant
    Is filling the space
              Over the edge

Right before it clicks that I should be afraid I am falling

The weight of time gets heavier if you let it
Said I love you, don't know if I meant it
I wait in the soil, like fresh turned grass
Holding my breath, hoping this will pass
Each passing moment is worse
But nothing truly hurts
I've heard your body does not remember pain
That it forgets it as quickly as it passed
If it is not pain then how do I know you
How do I remember
More than that, how do I let go

The past will last longer than tomorrow

Take my breaths
Like the last arrow in the quiver
Look to the moon
All she is, a sliver
These tears you cry
Swelling up like a river
Cold anger in your face
Like a hollow shiver
The chasm is wide
I dare you to bridge her
Walk another man's shoes
Life isn't lived here

Attempting to stay centered
When I myself am storm
Just to be free
In thought and deed

Your name sits
In the back of my throat
Like a pill I cannot swallow
I kissed you
Like I hated the taste of my own mouth
I need you like water
Pure and flowing
I feel vulnerable
Eve in the garden
Naked and sinful
And you
Forbidden fruit
Within reach
I pluck and pluck again
But you will never satisfy
You are not here to listen
When I call on the divine
Not one for keeping promises
Not one for telling lies
Simply rotting
Bitter and sour
I cannot wash you off my tongue

Tonight,
I will call the light down from the stars
Ignite the tips of each of my ten fingers
It will not be enough
This is okay
Because the freckles on your skin in the dark
Are the only light I truly need

Would that I could hide in shadows thick as cloth
I would wrap myself in darkness and never be lost
Though demons and the sun fall from the sky
I may never learn how to dance unless I learn to try
You know not the extent of darkness I carry
But if you understood, then you would be overcome with worry

1.2014.

The spoon-colored light of the stars bright
Against the lacking of moon
Your cotton ball words soaking
Every lazy river thought in my head

This is the love they spoke of
In the books of the bible
On the walls in the bathroom
In hushed ancient whispers
Carried on the sands of time

Why do you choose to know me now
Turn my leather-bound pages

I have always felt love
Was a delicate thing
How can I abandon my strength
For man or weakness

When oceans drown
And skies fall
Only then will I love you

The world can teach you
But what does the world know

I don't need a man
To help me
Or to understand

I don't need your face
I just need time
And I just need space

But without you I am lost

I am trapped in a small space
Between two sturdy walls

The air is running out
And I find it hard to breathe

Without you I still have purpose
But I question if it is worth it

The tides rise and they fall
Like my problems don't matter at all

The hill continue to roll and bloom
But the tears come to soon

Without you my paradise is missing pieces
Without you the sea freezes

You are a perfect 'x'
In the right spot

You are someone that I loved
Someone that I lost

There are unlived parts of me
I will bring them to light
Even if only for myself

Hot coals in my mouth
The steam tastes of ashes
A somber repentance
Forgiveness is foolish
When time is so short

These trials and tribilations
Have eaten my alive
They have devoured me
From the inside

And
When I showed up bleeding
To my date with the devil

He told me how beautiful I looked
But I spat in his face

And said, you have been burning much longer than I
It does your appearance no good

Your blood
Is on the same hands
You promised rings too

I'm starting to feel,  again
And I've never loathed, anything
Like I do, this headspace, here, now

I called the stars down
They would not come
I was not there
When the sun split open
To birth the moon
These are my haunts
Black holes on the skirts of the beyond
I told you once
When I was a prophet
I warned you
The earth will not remember me
Now we are the forgotten ones
The forgotten ones
The only ones who remember