These embers can only be relit so many times
Who will keep you warm when I am gone
Oh the irony to die out by these ashes
When this is where we have lived the brightest nights of our lives
I became a coal in your mouth
When my only desire was to warm your heart
You can no longer stomach me
It is my own light that will fade
The char of my existence ground into the earth
When you cremate my final memory
I will be nothing
Until you smell smoke
This is the remembrance of me
I will not be put out so easily

I came to your table with clean hands
But a ***** mouth
Still you would not feed me

the only thing I saw hiding under my nose

          were your soft lips

I couldn't see you mouth goodbye

The weakness is spreading
Like water from the Nile in spring
The soil is dark like bark under moss covered trees
Are you lost here
Releasing your strength into the atmosphere
Fixate on me
The tension between us taught
Suspension of the earth in its own gravity
We are moving in our own orbit
Everything beyond us mythology
Everything behind us history
This moment piercing, rushing
It feels like salvation
Have you felt this way before
The fluid energy of humanity
Ripe fruit in the garden
Would not draw me in like you
Would not fortify
My chest rises, stamina falls
Hyperventilate
Yet, I am calm
If I stayed in this moment
Separate it from my other thoughts
Bitter vinegar taste pickling my tongue
Consumed
Will you wonder with me
As the world ages
We sit here young and younger
Heat stamps on the hill in the dark

There are children inside of me
I must set them free
I feel disconnected from this body
From my body
Who is living here

the rules
the boundaries
they all seek to constrain

the words
the hate
they all drive me insane

I always wondered why you slept so much
I thought there was no rest for the wicked

Time has touched you
I have not been so lucky

I want to throw unripened avacados at the patriarchy, screaming
Stop making my sisters cry

Where do the gentle go
When they are weary
I have been here far too long

Heaven will break today
Who can fault it
Cornerstones have crumbled
Are we passengers
Or participants of our own lives
I am painfully sober
When I think of you
The veil is torn
Shroud me with it
In the twelfth hour
Will you bury my body
While it's still warm
I will long for you
As a flower does the sun
When I too am deep in soil
Pray over me like I am living
Do you believe it
Are you loving
Does God know of your humility
As intricately as your sins
Shall I tell him for you
When I am before him
I have no stamina for grudges
What would I hold against you
That I have not unburned myself of

Do you ever
Do what you think is right at the time
And by the time you figure out it wasn't
It's to late to fix it

Patient
are the feet
of the already fallen leaves

Well ****.
I'll just hold back the tears
The truth will find it's own way it

And in all honesty
I never thought it would come to this

I will memorize my memories of you
Like a scholar of scriptures
Say your name like an amen
My dreams of you are like prayers
That I beg god to make reality
Let me place my kisses
On your forehead
Like a wax seal
That I may seep
Into your thoughts

This is my love
My love

I fear I am already lost to the void
Space expands
At the rate my consciousness collapses
This God in heaven
Knows the terrors in my mind
This God in heaven
Kmows we are only bound
By the mortal coils we tether ourselves to
We pass through existence
Ghosts of a former life
Is this why it feels so familiar
I was asleep before
But am I dreaming now
Time is picking up speed
So is panic
This is not suffering
Only the depths of confusion
Existential dread spreading its wings
Across the sun
We know the dark will come
But not one ******* inkling
Of what it will hold
Does this make everything useless
Does it give everything purpose
I have passed this way before
How long ago was that journey
How sweet the reminiscent death of bliss
I should of begged for ignorance when I could
It is too late now
That serves no purpose
No higher purpose
We know everything is made of atoms
Atoms are made of energy
Energy cannot be created or destroyed
I fear nothing more than death
I crave nothing more than death
Both sides of a coin
Endlessly spinning through space

After the sun went down
I thought about your face
And who you are
I remembered when
We were first in the dessert
Then the mountains
You were the same
We are home now
I am home
Because I am with you

I still can't say it

I love to hear stories
About girls who love their mom's
I live vicariously through them
As I have died so tragically
Through my own

To sing my lies into your  soul

So that my truth will make you whole

In this infinite you have wrought moments
I run circles in my head, this is how I know the way back to you so well
What is complexity, but understanding that I have not yet grasped
I have failed, and this is life
And I am fallen, yet if a rising can be made then their is no shame in such

Falling through the endless void
Yet the darkness, while empty, if it can contain me
Let it hold all things even as it let's me go
This light behind my eyes
A spark, a flame, a childish existence
Where is the fault
Will the blame rest upon me
Or upon the soil you bury your secrets in
I wander, as do my thoughts
And in the back of my mind
I turn these thoughts over
As if they were restless in their grave
As devout as you make yourself to be
Your prayers have fallen on deaf ears
Am I a little wonder?
To those who lack wonderment
You are blind, so you see with your hands
Why then do you withhold your fingers from my skin?
I am not beyond your grasp, but you let me slip away
Still I see the tears in your eyes
Even as you wipe them away with the back of your hand
I clench my jaw.
What is this?
It rises in my chest
Flowing through my arms
To fill clenched hands
Oh anger why do you find me now
I have run from you
Since I was a child
Why do you find me now
Just to catch in the back into my throat
These fingers know old secrets and bitter words
I would pound them into the earth  just so you could know my secrets
Rhythmic.
But even this you would not remember
Even this, a whisper on my tongue
You could not taste

If you would of know how to love me right in the beginning everything would of been different now
If you had been all person instead of part monster
If you even knew how to care about anyone but yourself
If you breathed air instead of smoke and lies

And it's left me all kinds of ****** up
And now I am left to figure out how to heal and cope and breathe all by myself

If only you loved me the way I loved you

If only

I asked you
To trust me
Not knowing
You would be
The one
To teach me
What trust was
Neutral tyrants
Drink themselves
To the bottom
Of the glass
I pray only
That the well
Will not run
Dry

You taste like forgiveness
If you know my name
Then you know my fears
We need not speak of such things

You fit religion into my mouth like a metal fillings
Before my tongue even learned the curvature of my own name
My thoughts hold no inkling apart from that which you bound to me
Such as I am empty
Fill me up, with no doubt for my cracks and chips
I am a humble vessel

Do you remember when we were in the desert
Sand absorbing all the heat of the sun
Pressing it into our bodies
As though we need to be forged anew
You and I are no strangers to burning
Not above being molded to another will
Hammered over and over, iron against iron
We were sharp in the beginning
We have grown dull in the last days
Humility did not follow
We hold the pride of our youth
As a double hilted sword
Warring against what time would make of us
Soft and ancient
I did not know we would always be changing
We are young, then less so, then we sleep
As we have been tired this whole life
Not tired, just dreaming, and aching, and human

Let the sun go down with your anger
They can fight over who will keep the other warm

The lines on your face
Are a puzzlement
Who put them there
Or is it just sentiment

The gray in your hair
Wasn't always there
Who painted them
Are they from a friend

The limp in your step
Is not a threat
Its a gentle age
Like a mark on a page

the cold never felt so warm

can you burn yourself from a frozen heart?

already immobilized by the pain

Time is peeling back our layers
Age will yield softer versions of ourselves
Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there

Beg the wanderers for freedom
As if we could not hold our own
Bare your teeth to the silver dollar moon
No one is coming now

Not the wolves I see in my dreams
Not the shadow man clothed in leather
Not the rally I prayed
Not the soldiers I spilt blood for

Age will yield a softer version
Of my own person
Fight, tooth and nail for a bitter end
These are still waters

Dive deep into the self
There is nothing there
No God, no colors, no sound
It is the cold flame of humanity
Only consciousness persists

I wouldn't say I suffer from false sanity
Rather, glass sanity
Where in an emergency it is broken

I am the fool
Who bites
Into the same poisoned apple

I want to drink you up like the sun fades into the sunset
Swallow every morsel of your bittersweet taste like; the waves touching the shore... over and over again savoring the flavor

When I come home
I will scatter my prayers, like petals
On the stone under which you lay
I promise for the dead
The living could not keep
Words in my head
Though it is my heart that does weep
Oh friend, at a fingertips length
My apology to the sky will you take
A home for you, not found on earth
My promises are of little worth

The stars are singing
Their first song tonight
Again, the hum of the universe
Rings out into space

Celestial bodies
Stars like bells
Heavens choir
Beyond where light can touch

Will you listen
Turn your head to me
Let me sing you
Our song of creation

Up, from the back of my throat
Comes our genesis
Lean in to her
Let her
It will not be 7 days
Or 40 years
It is milk and honey
It is music

I do the day wrong
And the night right

Just to see the stars
For we die without light

Don't want to rush any moment
Or try to stop the time

But I love the rush of life
We don't color in the lines

We drive between
Yet we cannot be confined

Always looking out
But we avoid the signs

We will figure it out
Do you want to make it work

I look at you
But you just smirk

I love the lines
That trace your face

I hope you never ever find
Someone worth taking my place

To sometimes be apart
But never be separate

What it takes I have to give
But you are temperate

Earthly and wreathed in shadow
In the world ever depth of darkness

Let the fire breathe into you
Make you more, never less

You saw the darkness coming
Though it had never found a home in you
The sweetness of his words
Did nothing to mask the bitternes of his heart
And a touch that was as unexpected as it was unwelcome

A little part of my heart is broken for you
Things things I have heard
Things I have seen
And those I have felt, for myself and for those I hold dear
Told with a courage that should not of had to be mustered
You are so brave
And my spirit goes out to you
That you would find comfort
Even as your will, that has  been acted upon by another
That has no right
No say
In the beauty of your spirit
Or the making of your mind

Could you lie in the dark?
Would you make it a habit?
Would you remember my skin?
Could you see within?

Would you know my dreams?
Could you walk those halls?
Could you pinch me awake?
Would my essence you take?

From beginning to end
Would you let me love?
From start to finish
Could you give me a drug?

Could you get me high on emotion?
Would you bring me low?
Would you let me ride?
Could you see me be part of the tide?

Would you know my desire?
Could you fulfill its thirst?
Could you reach my height?
Would you see without light?

Question in contrasts unquestionable
Give me a reason and a will