the colour finally found it's love
but she lost it the same day
the red on her cheeks *
the red on her lips ~
the red in her heart <3
was unflushed *
unsmeared ~
and unloved <3

I write poetry like a:*

loser white girl
a broken hearted stalker
some lonely little dreamer
the skies actually care
your kisses could breathe
like life knows my fate
and believer in unicorns

Some seem to grow hearts on trees
They nurture them before they break open the hard packed earth
Singing to make them grow, like a witches melody
They want the tree to rise higher
To bloom in full feelings, emotions and dreams
Yet some trees are poisoned the fruit they bear is dark
Blood mixed with ink and all the broken promises
Other are bright as golden wishes and strong sunlight
Some may be shriveled, they had love to make them grow
But bye and bye they slowly let it go
Others look still so tempting to the eye
That you would wish to pluck it and eat it in one bite
But if you saw the inside you would know it wasn't right
No heart was perfect but each felt the world just the same
Each loved light, loved love, and hated pain
It is a big wonder how so many different hearts
Could come from the one and same tree
It is a small wonder though they grew these all
Yet no one gave one to me

I haven't been honest with you
I lost my anchor to windward

I drowned inside a long time ago
I said goodbye before I left the shore

I don’t see anything in my dreams
It is they who are watching me

I love to look at the moon

I miss having windows

On nights such as this

I wonder quietly

If the moon misses

My eyes looking in awe

At such a beautiful thing

I just want to die
And I don't want you to understand

I am not okay
And I don't have the energy to explain why

I'll tell you I am fine
But I have crossed all the lines

Just let me go
So I can sleep forever

A book of confused emotions
Scratched words and etched notions
Flowers drawn on tear stained paper
Looking for a savior
Reading by the moonlight
Hoping to make it through the night
A prayer to a God above
Mixed with fear and washed out love
Drawn away from what she knows
Where the darkness ever grows
Lost between the shadow lands
Hiding in the palm of his hand
A dark story with darker dreams
Who know what this world means

The stars rose into the sky
And as they died
They fell to the earth
The sand embraced them
Coveting the warmth of the fire
Like kisses of passion
That beat like drums
Into the night sky
They race to the heavens
And the in showers of waves
Like the hair of a goddess
They fall to the earth
And the kisses of smoke
Filling the lungs of the moon
Out of the sky
Into the water
Petals of guns
Roses of the midnight hour
Burning into the souls
Of the mortals below
Who worship the night
And all it contains
Boom. Like a heartbeat.
Rainbows in my veins
They scream through the night
Out of the lungs of the gods
Over the earth
And all it contains
Until they die
Wrapped in the earth
Like a blanket of death

I told you my dreams were made of glass
But you ripped them to shreds like paper
You knew my heart was on a string
And yet you let me go
Flown away like a kite in the wind
You dropped me down stairs
And left me in my nightmares
No rescue from a lonely soul
My heart was strong but it knew no love
Until I saw you, we had a romance
Of the summer and sunsets and butterfly kind
You watched me learn to love
Like a baby learns to walk
Simple steps, hesitant at first
But then all at once
Yet when I fell, you would always catch me
The tears I cried for you, you wiped away
With gentle midnight kisses
But a dream in the day
So quickly turns to night
And sleep did not come
Only howls of the wolves
Like a vampire you bit
Into my soft skin
And I let you bite
So I could feel you within
I gave you my all and whatever was left
But you had already taken some
Now you took what was left
There is nothing for the next
No new tomorrow
Only pain and a sad sorrow
A gentle cry a long scream
The anguish of a broken heart
From the one who played its part

The woman made of bones
Stood in front of the oak door
‘Do you want to feel safe or happy?’
She challenged

I closed my mouth and turned away

Could it be any more icy?
The temperature drops with every word you speak.
I want to shove corks in my ears
It's a slippery *****, your conversations.

I'm melting on the inside, like a snowman in summer, but there is no warmth here.

Attacked. Deflated.

I was high on life, you sober me so quickly.
Drunk on your lies, but no hangover, I see all to clearly in the morning.

Please shut your mouth.
Do you even know what kind words are?

Passive. Aggressive.

You grip my wrist tighter than any shirt sleeve, and the back of my head rings from your hand.

The hypothermia sets in quickly.
Three minutes in and I'm drowning.

You were supposed to guard my life.
I didn't think you would watch me drown, let alone push me under.

Although many times my eyes have drowned, now my ling's fill with salty water.
Who needs to breathe when all you give me is hot ******* air.

Can I write my lies fast enough for you to believe
Can you break my heart soon enough for me to grieve
Just another sun that sets far to fast
Just another shovel digging up the past

Your words are to sharp
The slice between skin
My bones are broken
And my skin far to thin

Things thrown to break windows
Trying to hide before it snows

Out a window
Just a few stories
Down the steps
Tripping on threats

Left foot
Right foot
Walking on coals

Left hand
Right hands
Against the wall

Bodies writhing like snakes
Just one simple mistake

I spoke to myself
As if a whisper had never been heard

Chaos is fluid
We think in concepts
Water is life
And yet all of this is a single stone
Thrown in a chasm of knowledge in this eternity

I do not care to say what has not been said
Are their any words of life left in this galaxy?

Merely existing to reiterate past emotions
And create new dreams written in tides of the ocean
To lay upon the sand, basking in the sun
So as the light fades each letter
They will rest in the embrace of the earth

To Love, I would say;

Run you fool
And fly away
Be fleet of foot
And never look back

Take your scars
And my heart
Sure of steps
You I do not lack

You gave me everything
And took it away
So now I reject
Your bitter memory

All I asked for
You spat upon
My life you took
And warped my destiny

My nest I never leave
For you broke my wings
I would fall
And not for you, enemy

Alone I am safe
Take my insecurity
Give me back my lungs
Let me breath freely

To you I say goodbye
And farewell
Good ridance now
I don't need you

I am lost
And I am torn
You never told me
What to do.

Yours most regretfully,
-The Caged Girl

I say your name
A prayer in the dark
The same way
Your mother gave it to you
Whispering it
Into your hair with pride
When you were born
She had heard God
Seed it into her stomach
I say it now with love
For I know no other way
It will carry us to the altar

If you cannot love me in this lifetime
I will ask you in the next
Chasing your gentle soul
Across time’s expanding galaxies
My atoms will search for you

If you cannot bear to love me then
Wait, until I am reborn
Until I am reincarnated as water
Until you drink me from the river
Through cupped hands

For 3 eternities I held my breath
Baited this moment on your lips
Waiting to be devoured
Purge yourself of me while I am pure
Let me fill you, satiate your thirst

This is not my first life
Only my first time living
Consume me, gentle spirit
I am yours
I am alive

I wish I only remembered the bad things
That way it would be easier to let go
Rather than holding on like an idiot
These foolish threads always tangling
And in my head we still dance
And in my heart we still sing
But in these nights I still cry
Breaking over all the memories
Good Lord, I loved you
And good Lord, I died
And the good Lord held me
All those night that I cried
It is better this way
And so much safer
To be alone, and afraid
What a foolish people
Who trade everything for happiness
Only to lose it for love
Or let it get mixed up and lost
We will do anything to live
No matter the cost
But I just feel alive
And feel nothing at all
Numb as the ice in the North
But you melt me
And washed away my soul
Broke me like thunder
Now I am less than whole
We drink to forget
And we forget to blink
And we cry in the night
And fill up the sink
Now I'm just a sad song
You can forget me
It will be okay
You shouldn't remember
Any of these days
Its all over
It is all done
And in the end
No one won
Will you continue
To reach for the stars
Or will you realize
They are much to far?

I tell you it bothers me, mine
Shake my head
Tears in my eyes
Say it's fine
You didn't set boundaries
She crosses the line
You say you love me
I say more
I wonder so much
How we have so little time

If you walked in room 144
Took in the windows and the door
Locked up your heart
And threw it way

It would be a reminiscence
Of me in that sense
There, gone, changed
My whole world rearranged

If you sat on my desk
And flirted with ghosts
Drank all the bottles
Commanded the toasts

You would feel empty
Though you had drunk plenty
In room one hundred and forty-four
Please, knock on the door

I won't answer, I never do
But in my heart I feel it to
I feel the oak and the thud
You open it, and see the blood

Of memories painted on the sky
To see the symbols and question why
One step, the evidence to destroy
One finger print, from a single boy

The one I loved, and told so much
Like all my days those felt rushed
Now I swim in thicker air
Finding nothing better there

Move on, they all said
Now they see, their words are red
Written in blood on the walls
For each word, someone falls

You could kiss me on my eyelid
You can, just as he would
You could kiss me on my forehead
He did, and now he is dead

That death drags down my heart
Through my stomach and tears it apart
Down to my feet so I can't run
It happened. It's over. It is done.

No one wins in this game of hearts
We all just become less than we were at the start
You play with bottles and bodies
Playing poker, dressed so scanty and gaudy

No one wins, you can't even fold
So strip your pride, do what you're told
Less that today, more than tomorrow
And drink yourself until you have no sorrow

You never remember, not in the morning
But the bottles speak of much mourning
Sad, salty tears, run through your veins
Reaching your head, racking your brain

You kiss the mouth of the glass
Hoping to make the nightmares pass
You wish today into the past
Nothing to keep, nothing to last

Room 144, my memories coffin
In my mind, I travel their often
To remember, the sights and sound
To dance my memories into the ground

My home and my cage
Trapped here in jealous rage
Quiet I sit, and quiet I stay
Until you find me, one day

Hold up the sky and give me fire
Give up the stars that crown your head
Hold the night in your hand
Before you bestow it upon mortals

Now I am known
Brighter than ever before
Wind me around your fingers
I will undulate in crystal light
Dancing for galaxies
Far beyond our own

Your temples in this world
Unprepared for the next
Stones die
Hymns live, on my tongue
Parting ways
Syllable splitting from taste
Cleaving to particles dancing in sunlight
Equally yoked
Bearing the weight of sins, unspent
Blessings, unfelt
Dreams weaving themselves as a coat
Around a man
In slave to his own folly

Here we bow
At the foot of mountains
Gods carved in stone
Refusing to speak
Begging for water to pour forth
When you will not even wash your feet
Memory is fluid
Dry your hands
The beast rising up from water
Seven stars for each of his crowns
A crown for each of his heads

Make a way into the mountains
You will learn of sacrifice, obedience
Your steps belong to the beaten path
I ******* myself with my own hands
Drag my legs through the dust
A child's prayers are better words
Than my liar of a tongue could conjure
Does God not remember me
How will I honor him again
When his name is dry and old in my throat

My nails crack and splinter
Digging into your thigh
The crows see flesh
I see pain
Red rivers running down your leg

Your voice splits like wood
This is a prayer
When you seek God in pain
Laying your cards out in the sun
Bargaining with the maker
For an ending
When you hold only beginnings for trade
When things are well
Your prayers twiddle their thumbs
Now, the heat rises
Your pockets are empty
Not so your hands

Who will bring me before the altar
Hold the curtains back
Who will speak for me
When my words are worthless
I dare not look upon God
I know he walked with me
Footprints in the sand
A sinners mark
Gashes open, running, on my wrist
A sinners mark
Mark of the beast
I cry
Sound splitting from tangibility
Fingers clutching at empty air

Who can look upon God
Who can know him
When he waited for me
Called me, by name
Who can spit in his face
Do not we all
Curse and swear
Spelling out our anger
Humanity is fickle
We are all fools here
Washing our feet
In the sweat of our brow
Pride is an anvil to the foot of success
You carve your gods into the mountain
Beg then to come down
To call down rain
To bring you up to the throne
If they seat you on their throne
Then you know they are made by man
Not you, you are made by hand
Tears of God still run
In the valley where he named you

We are peasants.
Tearing the hair from our own head
As if it clothed the tabernacle
When the cross was erected
The skull you hold between your hands
Is the holy of holies

Here we dance
Descrating each other in the name of love, lust and wanderlust
******* our fingers into locust and honey
That it would drip off your lips
A gluttons lies are no sweeter
Than the lies you hide under your tongue

The plates are shifting
Who will remember my name
The sun will dry me
I am dust again

If Jesus came back I'd be the only one he left
If the clouds parted I'd still be in the dark
Behind the shadows of forgot times
Just another face in between the lines
If the seas rose and the sky fell
I would shrug my shoulders and sigh oh well
I could simply sit and wait for a new world
Like the one I live in cold and forgotten
If the stars shone in your eyes
I could lie back and not see the picture
If I were a puzzle and you the last piece
I'd rather run away than have you stay
I hate this lonely life but wouldn't want it any other way
Cuz if you asked me, I'd say go away
I'll face the world alone
With no one by my side
I'll take the challenges
And bare the stripes on my hide
I'll die happily
As long as I keep my pride

Eye contact with you
Is like a tractor beam
You keep pulling me in

The whispers in the grass were not meant for your ears, they will find another home
You're whispers in the dark know me and they call me by name
The words woven in the night are worth much
Only to those who have heard them before
Their ears long for promises that come as dutifully as one calls up a storm
Those who are lain in the earth
Their bones remember, these charms have clung to their bones
They have not died with the clovers in the spring
They were meant for yet another season
Patience is a flower, and we will see her bloom, learn her petals, love her stem, watch the sun kiss her, the rain bathe her and the wind caress her as gentle as she can
Her neighbors know her, for the earth treats all in kind
Just as the sun kisses all in turn
The sun even knows the snow, while the words they share are short undoubted they are sweet enough to catch a sparkle in her light
Unliked the sonnets she sings to the equator
Oh the pride she has for these melodies
There is no lack of favor for the summer she brings
I am not as old as you once found me
Not the same as you once new me
Close to as foolish as one could believe
My moons have practical their dances beyond the rise
Their ways are for another nights mysteries

A shift in my bones
A crack in the ceiling
A squeak in the floor
Drugs in the bathroom
Money in the mattress

I paid my landlady
But will the cops catch us?

Do I just awaken
To find pity in these sheets

I thought about it
And then all at once if consumed me
My mind was filled with thoughts
Wondering what the texture of your lips were

And when it came, so sudden and sweet
It was different that I had expected
But not bitter in the slightest

I didn't expect the cravings
To always hunger for just one more
Your lips, ever present in my mind
And oh how much I long
For just one more kiss, one last time

But now the leaves have fallen
And all I have are memories
I would kiss you again
A thousand times, until I die
But I cannot
For your lips belong to another
As sweet as they are
And as sweet as they seem

So I long now
And teach myself to long to more
For or first kiss was a blessing
And the last a curse
Our first a song
The last a missing verse

There once was a girl
And she made herself a shell
Wound tight around her body
And she met someone she loved so much
He was her fuse
He kept her in his arms
Not in his pocket or in his drawer
But close to his heart
Where no one could tamper with her

There once was a girl
Who lost her mind
And she lost her fuse
And blew into a million tiny pieces
The shrapnel bit into her skin
Into her heart and the pain was to much
But a boy came along
Than looked like a man
He had a heart big enough for two
Like a jar to hold the broken
He kept her together
And he said he would never let go

There once was a girl
Who found peace after pain
Even though she knew
She could never be the same
She lost her shell
But found her life
And now she lives
A beautiful life