Dear Ex-Lover,
A poem for you I have,
but the words are faded and the
ink is running leaving my poem scrambled.

Love.
Love? What is it? I thought I had it for you. But it seems my love was not enough to keep you with me.

Age.
Was age really that big of a problem? That big of a delay? I would’ve moved mountains for you, even at my age.

Jealousy,
Was it so bad that I was jealous? You had a line of girls wanting you, waiting for you! Begging for my scraps. If the roles had been reversed wouldn’t you have done the same?

Lies.
Did you really only tell me lies? I needed more from you! I told you the truth, I believed your lies and loved you for them.

Pleasure.
I was not your pleasure machine. Was that the only reason you wanted me? You made me feel used as if I was nothing. Was I nothing?

Freedom.
Do you want your freedom? Well I hope so because I’m letting you go and unchaining myself from you. I was like a caged bird trapped inside both of your hands, and I’m forcing you to open them so I can fly away.

My poem is scrambled
for you my ex-lover my words
are tear stained and the ink faded.

I looked the demon in the eyes
I saw through its mask and lies

A dark, foggy, circling, shadowy pit
And this shadow, I put my hand through it

I caught sight of my childhood self
Being choked by the Shadow, damaging her health

"Let go!" I called to her
"Never! There is no cure!"

So I responded, "Fly again, my little dove!"
To which she replied, "I just want love."

"In a wound, you are putting salt,"
"I'm telling you, it wasn't your fault!"

And with these words, the Shadow flew across the room
I hugged my younger self, then grabbed a broom

I jabbed at the demon with an angry fit
When younger me whispered, "Do not hurt it."

And before I could try to understand her pain
I saw her darkness and the Shadow linked by chain

I dropped the broom and grabbed a knife
And started to sever their conjoined lives

I heard a faint wail from the Shadow and the child
Severing it and hurting her would be completely wild

I turned to the Shadow, "I have a deal,"
"Unchaining yourself, but remaining by our side would be ideal."

The chain disappeared, and the Shadow hovered
And when I took me and the child outside, us he covered

I led myself to the edge of the world
With all the Shadow's troubles left unfurled

I led her to an empty beach
The sky, the color of a ripe, juicy peach

We laid on the sand, staring at the sky
While the Shadow behind us would fly

We watched the sun slowly go down
Underneath the ocean it began to drown

And when the sun disappeared totally under the sea's blue
I turned around, and turns out the Shadow did too

a torrent rests uneasy
in my soul.
heart unspilled to the ear of
ever-loving God.

why do I stay away
why do I stay awake,
when grace and sweet
redemption wait my
soul
if only I speak
unchaining heart
and soul to be
entered, swept and
renovated painfully by the dead, undying
Savior of my soul.

Lift up your weary, aching silence,
you *****, tired soul.
Let not the halls of God above
lay still, unmarred by the
whimper of this self-inflicting
dog.

You gave me love and peace,
everything that made me feel free to be me,
unchaining my heart, being my spark in the dark,
my sensational escape as I clung to you,
holding your strong arms,
seeping into enchanting harbors of romance,
your penetrating gaze,
your seductive lips luring me into you
as you stung me.
You caressed me endlessly,
rubbing your hands softly
around my inviting thighs,
teasing my smooth *******
and aroused *******,
a nighttime of ecstasy,
pure sweetness,
appetizing encounters,
drunk and delirious,
tripping, slipping in your *******.