Trust =  faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, reliance

The sordid talk of “trust”…

A recent email communication has inspired me to research and clarify the word “TRUST”. What does trust mean to you? When you set your alarm at night, do you ‘trust’ that it will wake you up in the morning? What happens if one day, it doesn’t? Would you then ‘distrust’ your alarm clock? How many chances would the alarm clock have to fail you before you shopped for a new, more reliable one?

Do you ‘trust’ that someone received something you left for them, or do you follow up to ensure receipt?

The Doctor-Patient relationship is based on “TRUST”

I don't remember a time I 'trusted', truly trusted, anyone. That is until I began working with dear therapist. I was thinking about how it takes a lifetime to gain trust and only a moment to lose it....sadly.... And I was reviewing the times the word 'trust' has been written or spoken by DT in the past 5 years. I dare say he has written, or said, the "T" word more in the last five years than I've ever said in my entire life!

Examples: (as you can see, I'm all about the 'evidence' big grin)

DT said: it took you over a year to develop the  trust  to let me know some things directly from your words....
DT said: Give ME your hate - because I am not making the pain go away. I won't go anywhere if you do.  Trust  me.
DT said: I ask that you try to  trust  what I am saying here and continue to commit to this our work together.
DT said: I  trust  in you and the strength of our working relationship.
DT said: you can  trust  that I and others will be there to help and support.
DT said: You will continue to challenge my concern and trustworthiness because this is what you have needed to do to protect the fragile self that has over learned self-reliance.
DT said: I will not abandon you because you are only going to lean into "trust  and need" to the extent that you are not collapsing.
DT said: You are slowly growing in your capacity to tolerate these feelings in the presence of another  trusted  person - NOT AN EASY TASK!
DT said: I understand is a long process and  trust  /fear/shame is involved.
DT said: Building  trust  with others and within yourself takes a long time.....given your starting position.
DT said: I insist that we have the  trust  and honesty about how you are doing and what you need.
DT said: There is so much learning, relearning,  trusting,  questioning, testing that you are doing. I  trust  that you will give it your best and your best will be good enough
DT said: Rest your head and  trust  that you are safe in your space right now., no one is going to hurt you and you are wrapped in your blue blanket with my faith enclosed.
DT said: I accept your anger at me for this (not that I like it…) and I  trust  that we will continue to work through new challenges honestly.
DT said: As you learn to  trust  and open up with the shame and fears and we keep you fully in your body during these times
DT said: Fundamental  trust  in the therapy relationship can take years and you are getting there slowly and slowly is necessary…
DT said: make arrangements with 'best friend' or someone else you  trust  to take your meds and give you only enough for 2 days at a time.
DT said: I  trust  that you will bring your fears, needs and whatever else shows up.
DT said: you are in the middle of a giant, long term test of me and others on whom you might have some  trust.
DT said: If I gave that impression, then that was my own "stuff" getting in the way of  trusting  you in knowing what is best for you.
DT said: The nature of your  trust,  distrust, anger, perceived loss of me is a major "therapeutic" aspect of your healing and our work together.
DT said: you can  trust  that I and others will be there to help and support.

Wow! That's a WHOLE lotta "TRUST" to push and push and push....and then to shatter into a million pieces in only a moment....

Did DT teach me to "trust"? Yes, he did.

...but more importantly, he taught me that it isn't safe to trust anyone. Not even a therapist who extended a 'life-line' to you every single night for 2 years.

I "trust" that he isn't "here" tonight.

I trust that he discarded me and left me here alone to try to put back the shattered pieces of my life...by myself!!!

Just as he trusts I will make the best decision for myself. (that sounds to me like he has thrown the proverbial 'trust' ball back into my court)

Dear Therapist, I see your "trust" and I raise you a "discarded, shattered, afraid, little girl"...who, after 5 years and thousands of dollars working with you....is back to trusting no one. And more deeply wounded than ever. I trust that the knife in my back will hurt for years to come. And I trust that the bad taste in my mouth will remain after a few bottles of wine.

Trust....my new 'drinking' game...I will drink 1 glass of wine every time I hear, or read, the word 'trust'…I should be sufficiently drunk, or at least buzzed, the majority of the time!


**Trust....trust - no - one!

It's easy to say I love you when you are face to face.
It's easy to say I love you when you are inside someone.
It's easy to say I love you when they are caring for you.
It's easy to say I love you when the butterflies are in your
stomach and every waking moment is consumed with one another.

But it's not easy to say I love you when they want nothing to do with you.
It's not easy to say I love you when you know they don't love you.
It's not easy to say I love you when it's been a consistent battle to
remain friends.
It's not easy to say I love you when you always choose guys who
make you feel less than you are.
It's not easy to say I love you when I have been waiting four years for
you to feel anything for me.
And it certainly is not easy to say I love you when there is an ocean
separating the two of us.

I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you.
Love is not a feeling, or an emotional connection, or an opportunity not to be alone.
Love is dedication, a choice to knit your heart and soul to another because
nobody else can compare to the joy, peace, affection, and trustworthiness that you have.

So I love you. I love you. I love you.
You may never read this, but it's the deepest part of my love for you.

I’ve always wanted to have a friend
Someone who’d be there until the end
A companion through moments of hardship
Not a deserter who just decides to skip

I’ve always wanted to have a friend
Someone who’s loyalty would never bend
Together with trustworthiness and honesty
He’s not a deceitful liar who just manipulates me

I’ve always wanted to have a friend
To have a bond no price could comprehend
For neither money, nor jewelry could ever replace
A friendship’s bond, an everlasting embrace

I want to meet you all over again;
like it never happened that way in the first place.
Some alternate time and reality,
where logic didn't apply,
simply because we didn't need its boundaries anymore.
Then maybe
all those words and smoke,
and *** and coke,
could have just stayed choked down
and I wouldn't have to endure
these lonely thing's:
loyalty
and trustworthiness
and camaraderie.
Maybe then
in that place
at that time
something great could have happened,
and it all would have been left there.
Like all those wonderful dreams no one ever remembers having
and all those wonderful feelings and sensations
no one has felt, and so never will fiend for;
but then we wouldn't be here would we?
In this great silver lined grave
we have dug for ourselves
hoping some overlooked imperfection
could let us
just climb our way right back out
into the midst of the crowd
and insecurity,
or awareness.

I gave you my reliance
I supplied you with my sword
You showed me your trustworthiness
You sewed my soiled heart
I turn away; you turn around and stab me in the back
So many loyal qualities I never saw, you lack
I, though, was hurt by my assumption
For the sword in which you put your trust
Will be the sword of your destruction

I fell in love with the boy before you slowly,
With the kind words dripping from his mouth like molasses,
Sugar coated compliments that melt on the tongue
To reveal sticky lies and deception,
Sweet remarks surrounding insults.

He would trot out his trustworthiness
And give me the names of other girls he loved in the same second.
He would tell me I was beautiful
And a list of ways to change on the same day.
He would swear our relationship was built on anything but ***
And describe his idealization of **** as revenge in the same month.

He told me the worst thing I ever did to him
Was not say I love you even if I meant it more than enough.
The worst thing he ever did to me
Was say it too much and never mean it once.

I am still learning how to not love a ghost,
How to stop painting in rose streaks
Over his terrible actuality.
I am still learning to hate the reality.

I do not want you to become another poem.
For your sake I wonder,
Is it harder to be the girl stuck on someone cruel
Or to be the boy in love with that girl?

I look into your eyes and I see

Those wonderful Amsonia tabernaemontana.

One of your eyes is called trustworthiness,

The other one is confidence.

I look into your eyes and I swear that I see your soul.

I look into your uplifting spirit and I see

The sunny sky and the soothing ocean

Of your sunny love and your soothing melancholy.

I look into this melancholic love and I see

My dream of becoming the woman of your dreams.

I see two little birds of Araucana Chilean

Trying to leave their blue eggs

Asocial?
I've never seen it.
Maybe long ago, when a shy smile
sent us down the longest mile.

Talkative?
So he calls me.
Maybe I was at a time.
I said "I love you..." and suddenly we climbed.

Caring?
I just know it.
His trustworthiness knows no bounds.
I stubbornly doubt, but he pulls me out,
He always makes sure we avoid the drought.

Beautiful?
He likes to say.
The sun in his eyes, he assumes beauty
Lies underneath the blinding brilliance.
I fear my fun exterior has him in a trance.

Humorous?
Beyond belief.
My brutal honesty could never maim
His clever wit, nor put it to shame.

So who is he?
He lives in the future, restless and unsettled.
He lives in my mind, alive and real.
He is all that I need,
I just have to wish and hope and plead.

White letters in a blue box on a white screen
Tell me what you cannot speak
But wish to say

They speak of untold desires for me
They leave me as "astonished" as my beauty is according to you
They insist I am perfection
That you'll always come back for me

And in one of the blue boxes
You tell me something unreal.
You say you seek the light in everyone
And that I possess the brightest light of any you have seen
The light of good intentions, good in an evil world like a lighthouse to a ****** in a storm

Light Seeker, you flatter me
Kind words, respect, honesty, trustworthiness, depth, genius
I am sinking fast

To me, you are a ship's lamp
Hardy fire within
Dusty on the outside
But warm beneath thick glass

Light Seeker,
I might be falling again
Catch me, will you?

Within the air, defined with moss and lichen, and casualties of wet rotting wood-depletion on the dregs of the summit, is a flicker of reality. Here, no naked cedars or fair-weather friends are bent and leaning along the sturdy, unadorned spines of rifle green spruces. The stone-crushed trail takes above the haze of tree lines, founding a path by and beyond the fickle trustworthiness of rocks, and the wind carries all of fog and cloud away, and whispers like one thousand ghosts, and deceives the shrouded mountain’s inclines, unfolding above unto the soft clarity of dew and silence. The only reality is a place where the neck can ease its craned crooked coils to view the now-seemingly distant and muted pale orb of a star. And nothing here cannot breathed with. And nothing that can’t be understood is here amongst the scarred-ancient black cliffs and fissions of olden earth-crust and time. And nothing scales above the lonely, opening a prayer in the sky and the space.

Dark - Dark - Dark -
Lost within the dark;
Riding on a steed of the darkest velvet -
Of the darkest emotion.

Deep - Deep - Deep -
Swirling into the deep oblivion;
Twisting deeper down under -
Deep down to the lowest level of cyanide.

Fly - Fly - Fly -
Fly away to a season of bliss;
Flutter into the wind of uncertainty -
Tear the pages of fate and destiny then flush, flutter, fly.

Away - Away - Away -
Far away to a majestic paradise of warranty;
Away to a night of desolation -
Never to wander any farther than away.

Writing - Writing - Writing -
Scribbling a melody of peace and warfare;
Sending a written requiem -
Hoping the perished write back.

Trust - Trust - Trust -
Sleep inside a swollen state of trustworthiness;
Don’t trust a nymph who lies beneath their lips -
Don’t trust your self-conciseness.

Fly Away from the Deep, Dark, Trust of Writing.
Dark - Deep - Fly - Away - Write - Trust:
Live.

You are a gem of a friend
Whom it is very difficult to offend
I knew you as a colleague first
Your trustworthiness, is something to which I can completely attest
To work with, were you always fun
Because your mind was always open

You are a gem of a friend
Nothing gets past your clever mind
Not to mention, are you sweet as honey
Talking with you, is something I always enjoy
What I like about you the most
Is the fact, that when it cometh to speaking one's mind
You are undoubtedly one of the best
Because you always stand your ground
No matter what happens
Your courage is indeed immense

You are a gem of a friend
With whom it is not difficult to bond
Usually, no fan am I, of political discussions
However, for you can I make an exception
Imagine the fun we could have
Trashing the central government
I can already imagine your excitement
After all, you never shy away from a debate
A mere spark is enough
For your mind to ignite
Though your voice is the exact opposite of gruff!

You are a gem of a friend
To the world, are you a godsend
How do you manage your kids
Run the house
And work at the same time
Is something for which, an answer one cannot frame!!
Well, I do hope you take a pause
From time to time
Because you are indeed a hard worker
A great conversationalist and listener
And above all, a friend to remember!!
Yes, you are indeed a gem of a friend
With this, shall my poem end!!

Without the Presence of Yahweh,
we’re essentially nothing; we
temporarily possess His breath
and He rightfully expects us…
to be productive. When His sway

over us is evident, we produce
actions… based in Love. The
consistent and ongoing things
we do, show the trustworthiness
of our character. Can we deduce

the trajectory of our ongoing
maturation of our Faith? No;
our arrogance of knowing would
deter our path of humility! So
we go… forward, transforming

our lives… under God’s power!

I’m haunted by the memories of you…
Your smile
Your RAGE
Your laughter
Your SCREAMS
Your dependability
Your CHAOS
Your sweetness
Your CRUELTY
Your love
Your HATE
Your trustworthiness
Your LIES
I remember…
I will always love you
AS LONG AS YOU LISTEN
I need you
YOU CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT ME
I can’t breathe without you
YOU’D DIE WITHOUT ME
Your beautiful
NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT YOU NOW
Always and forever
YOU’LL NEVER ESCAPE FROM ME
- How long am I supposed to let you keep torturing me

What is beauty

Cs  no one really explained to me
What beauty is supposed to be

Is it you ? Is it me ?
What is beauty

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder .
You spend ever dollar ; trying to look smaller ; taller ; hotter
But why does it matter
a woman's beauty based off of what society tells her ..

.. What beauty is ? Excuse me ms tell me this ..

Does your own opinion count ? Is your answer  defined by what is on the inside or the out ?

Beauty
If you ask me
Ill tell you what beauty is supposed to be

Beauty goes beyond what the eyes can see
Pay attention properly & you will see
The beauty
In you ; them ; even me

You see a pretty face ; I see an ugly soul
You see a monster ; I see a beautiful girl
Image takes a toll on a woman's role
In life

What happens when the looks begin to die . I When were  forced to look upon what's inside .
What you've tried to hide behind your so called beauty ?

What about dignity ;
What about confidence & hospitality . Kindness & quality
Humbleness & trustworthiness

The characteristics that live & breed inside of you .
Should that not count too ?
Or should you listen to what the world tells you ?

About beauty
Because no one really explained to me what beauty is supposed to be
                                           -G

When ?

A vacant gaze my recent reflection in an embrace that seems more like a courtesy than affection ,
My insides an arid well , spent,
are the wishes and dreams
Leaving only the stone walls and empty echoes
Of a heart that still beats her name.
Her mind somehow made up,
No longer is it only me that that she wants , and in my heart , I never was ,
Seems like now , all the excuses she used to find a way to talk to me , are now the excuses not to.
She says she doesn't know what the future holds , to me it isn't a future without her to hold.
Always just a part of her life , but never part of " our " life apart.
When did I stop being special ?
When did loyalty , trustworthiness, and respect become something toxic in a relationship ?
Maybe when I expected the same?
We danced together to music in our minds , tied together in a kindred spirits gala.
Drawn to her all my life
Now
My compass , always with her pointed north
As hopeless as a lighthouse in the fog
My tears ?
So many a night lost in a confusion ,
Rejected was my overwhelming affection , and just the plain willingness to " do " for her.
She wanted a friend with benefits, I wanted the benefit of being in love with my best friend.
When did love become so underrated, when did my affection stop being appreciated ?
When did my love stop being returned ?
I drink my tears , from the cup of my broken heart , as I notice the love " gone " from her gaze , and I keep asking myself
" when " ??????

integrity
ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/Submit
noun
1.
the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
"a gentleman of complete integrity"
synonyms: honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honour, honourableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness
"I never doubted his integrity"
2.
the state of being whole and undivided.
"upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"
synonyms: unity, unification, wholeness, coherence, cohesion, undividedness, togetherness, solidarity, coalition
"internal racial unrest threatened the integrity of the federation"


honesty
ˈɒnɪsti/Submit
noun
1.
the quality of being honest.
"they spoke with convincing honesty about their fears"
synonyms: moral correctness, uprightness, honourableness, honour, integrity, morals, morality, ethics, principle, (high) principles, nobility, righteousness, rectitude, right-mindedness, upstandingness; More
2.
a European plant with purple or white flowers and round, flat, translucent seed pods which are used for indoor flower arrangements.


Thank you English Dictionary
Love Mary

They tell me ,

To be honest,

To say the truth and never lie.

But why?  

People don’t care about my trustworthiness and whether I live or die.



They tell me,

To meet up the expectations of the people ,

Of the society,

But why?  

They’re just ordinary people not a deity.



They tell me,

To conceal not feel,

And to not cry,

But why?

I’m a human too and have tear glands , beneath my eyes that lie.



They tell me,

To not cook , nor draw nor paint,

For that’s not a manly thing,

But why?

Just because im more creative to u and it’s the love of art that I tend to cling.









They tell me,

Rather taunt me,

On why im so shy,

But why?

I’m just this way and if u don’t like this then a big big BYE.



They tell me,

To be bold,

And deepen my voice,

But why?

Can do nothing with my voice it’s God’s choice.



They tell me,

To do this and to do that,

And stop being myself,

But why?

You’re not my Santa and I’m not your elf.



Stop telling me what to do,

And what not to do,

Leave me,

For it will prove good to me,

And good to you.

On many journeys we have rushed.
Announced my presence in the forests,
and collected much road dust.

Thank you for your faithfulness ,
and your trustworthiness ,
for helping me all these few months.

Thank you for accompanying me
across all forests and reservoir reserves.
To the East like Ubin island, Changi, East coast; To North like the wet land and Sembawang beach;
To the West like Tuas, Jurong and West coast
To the Central like Bukit Timah, and Clementi
To the South like fort canning and Mount Faber

Your are worn and torn...
You have felt all the sensation
of these journey,
the sharp stones,
wet ground,
the dead snakes
and
the heat of the tar road .

You have accompanied me.
You have done what you can.

Time for you to rest now.
Now, my broken shoes,
Today I say goodbye.

My broken shoes,
Thank you for caring
the few weary months.

Truth,
To welcome you?

Even to look at
An eye pricking
Bunch of thorns

Oh! No!

Falsehood,
Who comes in
Nice, nice ornaments;

Be my guest

Truth,
Trust you?
You hide your changing soul
By always using Just a single dress

Oh! No!

Falsehood,
You come in many costumes
But always has only one form

Trustworthiness?
You got it