She will tame me, she cant blame me, when I put a smile upon her face.
He will paw me, he will claw me, but there's still an empty space.
Slow haunting whispers, I can feel her on my ear.
His breath, his warmth, the ever growing fear.

...Like a simpson, I change colour
The ink seeps on to the floor.

Do I stay and feel heart ache?
Or open that cage door?

He comes closer, puts his head against my heart,
A gentle pur, a silent thump, a misfit in the dark.
I reach out, then pull back, scared of his loathsome bite,
Not for lust, or need, or want, but an unworded fight.

It grows within me, like the locks on his mane,
Entwining round, engulfing me; is this what you call sane?
He bares his teeth, but not in anger, a gentle, sweet, supression,
Our eyes will lock, a growl will pass...

A fiery-tempered tension


-----------

Credit to Sarah Larking, who wrote this with me.

A Day in my Shoes
_________

How about a day in my shoes;

Where it's true I do have something to lose;

My skin crawls, as my mind aches;

To break the laws and decide my own fate;

My self-expression;

The ultimate weapon;

For the supression;

Is bleak and unending;

And still knowing all this;

Not courage nor strength can get me through this;

All I have to do is;

Be me

But you see;

It's not that simple;

For the lies I told;

For not being bold;

Are festering like a pimple.

It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Oooohhh, oooohhh
[2Pac:]
Nuttin to lose...
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Oahhhh, oahhhahh
[2Pac:]
I got nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Oh-hahhh
[2Pac:]
Stuck in the game
Me against the world baby

[Verse 1: 2Pac]
Can you picture my prophecy?
Stress in the city, the cops is hot for me
The projects is full of bullets, the bodies is droppin
There ain't no stoppin me
Constantly movin while makin millions
Witnessin killings, leavin dead bodies in abandoned buildings
Can't raise the children cause they're illin
Addicted to killin and the appeal from the cap peelin
Without feelin, but will they last or be blasted?
Hard headed *******
Maybe he'll listen in his casket - the aftermath
More bodies being buried - I'm losing my homies in a hurry
They're relocating to the cemetary
Got me worried, stressin, my vision's blurried
The question is will I live? No one in the world loves me
I'm headed for danger, don't trust strangers
Put one in the chamber whenever I'm feelin this anger
Don't wanna make excuses, cause this is how it is
What's the use unless we're shootin no one notices the youth
It's just me against the world baby

[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Ooooh yeah, ooo-hooo
[2Pac:]
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
Cause it's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Hey!
[2Pac:]
Me against the world
[Girl:]
Ooooh yeah
[2Pac:]
I got nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
I got nothing to lose

[Verse 2: Dramacydal]
Could somebody help me? I'm out here all by myself
See ladies in stores, Baby Capone's, livin wealthy
Pictures of my birth on this Earth is what I'm dreamin
Seein Daddy's *****, full of crooked demons, already crazy
And screamin I guess them nightmares as a child
Had me scared, but left me prepared for a while
Is there another route? For a crooked Outlaw
Veteran, a villian, a young ****, who one day shall fall

Everday there's mo' death, and plus I'm dough-less
I'm seein mo' reasons for me to proceed with thievin
Scheme on the scheming and leave they peeps grieving
Cause ain't no bucks to stack up, my nuts is backed up
I'm bout to act up, go load the Mac up, now watch me klacka
Tried makin fat cuts, but yo it ain't workin
And Evil's lurking, I can see him smirking
When I gets to pervin, so what?
Go put some work in, and make my mail, makin sales
Risking 25 with a 'L', but oh well

[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
With nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Ooh yeah... oooh-ooooh
[2Pac:]
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
I got nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Oahhhohh
[2Pac:]
Ha ha
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Ha-ahh, HA-AHH!
[2Pac:]
With nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Me against the world, hoahhh
[2Pac:]
Me against the world
I got nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Ha-hahh (hehe) heyy!

[Verse 3: 2Pac]
With all this extra stressin
The question I wonder is after death, after my last breath
When will I finally get to rest? Through this supression
They punish the people that's askin questions
And those that possess, steal from the ones without possessions
The message I stress: to make it stop study your lessons
Don't settle for less - even a genius asks-es questions
Be grateful for blessings
Don't ever change, keep your essence
The power is in the people and politics we address
Always do your best, don't let the pressure make you panic
And when you get stranded
And things don't go the way you planned it
Dreamin of riches, in a position of makin a difference
Politicians and hypocrites, they don't wanna listen
If I'm insane, it's the fame made a brother change
It wasn't nuttin like the game
It's just me against the world

[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
Nuttin to lose
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Me against the world
[2Pac:]
Got me stuck in the game
It's just me against the world
[Girl:]
Oahahhhh
[2Pac:]
I'd be ashamed to lose
It's just me against the world baby
[Girl:]
Me against the world

[Outro: 2Pac]
Heh, hahahahahahah
That's right
I know it seem hard sometimes but uhh
Remember one thing
Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that
So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out
Keep your head up, and handle it

[Girl:]
Me against the world [x3]

And yet my page goes blank...Full of A lil bit of nothing and a whole lot of space...Which has turned in to a lot...of white..or blue, red, beige, or black
What ever color the paper is...Emptiness...The beginning stages of depressions...the first wave of creative supression...but then eletric sparks..light waves of electrons flowing from my left lobe to my right hand....From my ego to my id...Reaction...satisfaction...Then ink, lead, chalk, what ever I can grab hold of...blood...I would stain this space with blood...for these words will forever be a piece of me...Forever be the life of me....The death in me...And Words fill up my void..the artisic fasination of a blank page...That has been splattered with musical notes of my rhythm...composer...after composure...chaos...after breath...and then masterpice...Wala the ****** to the story...The finale' to the show...The perfect piece of expression upon the page...And as it is turned...My page goes blank Once again...

stopped drinking alcohol
cuz i was crying
now i feel better
but there's still tears
supression
somehow
didn't happen
i don't know
what the problem is
guess it's just me
and this depression

she really ****** me up
and i barely even knew her
what the ****
happened
to me
that made me
this way
my childhood
was raised
inappropriately
i have a confession
i'm not even drunk
but i feel like
going to the bar
and not remembering
any of this day
just to know
that i can escape

I never liked full auto
for supression.
For me,
it was three round bursts,
fired quickly.

I’m sneezing
But I’m not shooting out snot
Feels like my brain is coming out
As if I had one

I strongly disagree with whoever claims
I’ll become well
Only takes time they say
Because it’s not my cold I’m worried about
It’s my sanity that will blow out
Bits of me in a napkin

Never relaxing until it’s not tragic
Mostly reading to avoid the traffic
Of emotions
Like rage and sadness
Too bad my depression doesn’t come with a description
Because I would of returned it
The minute I got it

To avoid my sudden supression of feelings
That I think bring
Too much of a commotion
To my self conscious.

You call offensive speech hate speech

You believe in unnatural ideas and that they are infact natural and that you have been programmed to accept unnatural behaviour

You shut down debate and free speech -

Unless it is ideas you like and resonate with.

You believe everyone else is stupid because they don't have the same view as you

You believe what your idols say without question

You dont tolerate the beliefs of others

You believe that their propaganda is harmful and a programming tool for the sheep.

You believe everyone should think like you or else!

You hate people because of their culture or belief system does not match yours

You want to rewite or erase history

You preach people with the opposite views hate you, are insane and are to be feared and overcome.

You belive you are entitled to use extreme violence, hate speech, supression and abuse because your cause is just.

You call offensive speech hate speech

You believe in unnatural ideas and that they are infact natural and that you have been programmed to accept unnatural behaviour

You shut down debate and free speech -

Unless it is ideas you like and resonate with.

You believe everyone else is stupid because they don't have the same view as you

You believe what your idols say without question

You dont tolerate the beliefs of others

You believe that their propaganda is harmful and a programming tool for the sheep.


You believe everyone should think like you or else!

You hate people because of their culture or belief system does not match yours

You want to rewite or erase history

You preach people with the opposite views hate you, are insane and are to be feared and overcome.

You belive you are entitled to use extreme violence, hate speech, supression and abuse because your cause is just.

The more I heal
the more I cry
the memories
that I have supressed
start to come back to me
and while good,
how hard it is to remember
deep suffering.

All of the times
I would go home with a man
expecting love,
for my naeive heart
was never taught about the real world.

How I was brutally faced with cruelty
how I went to the police
and how they never ever fking cared
how everyone seems to have forgot about me
and my pain ,
how I am someone who has been so forgotten
how I smile and compliment  those who have hurt me,
out of habit
over  the fear of being hurt.

I wish I could stop !
How much I am trying to learn,
how not to just survive anymore
I am trying to learn how to live
for the first time in my life.

I am remembering the dark times
of when I lived on the
kibbutz
and how unsafe I felt there ,
sleeping on the cold floor
freezing
waking up early
breaking myself
sitting alone without friends,
how even my gay friend
objectified me there,
how the man I liked
and who treated me with kindness
couldn't stay.
How he was one of the people who truly  saw me,
how I was fired and sent off without a care in the world.
how the man at the hostel
assaulted me for hours
while I begged and screamed for him to stop
and noone cared except me.
I wish I could forget it all!

It hurts deeply to remember it all
so when people ask me if I smoke,
I now tell them never ,
and if they ask me if I drink I usually say only sometimes,
for it was by those means,
that my trauma came to me
most of the time.

But alas sometimes these things happened when I was sober
but it seemed like everyone else was so drunk with cruelty
and non chalatness to my pain.
I now have to train myself
show myself
convince myself
that good normal people exist,
and its a breath of fresh air and oxygen to see,
for when one is trained to be with cruelty
kindness seems rare,
when maybe it actually isn't,
I was just never brought up with it.
so there is my silent plea
of pain
of wanting to not be with my pain
but I don't have a choice,
sometimes it seems  I have so much of it,
you can see it written all over my face
buried deep in my eyes,
I wish I could  just wash it away
but the only way out
is through,
so each day I allow myself to cry
and with time
It is starting to feel a little bit better.

THERE WILL BE NO
TENSION,
STRESS,
HELPLESSNESS,
ANXITY DISORDER,
OR
DEPRESSION
IF YOU OPEN UP
AND LEAVE THE TENDENCY
OF SUPRESSION !!