They put red tape over lifes speaker.
All that is real is now lost.
They try to supress you,
Replace all you are with lies.
They want to make you all one being.
They fear the rise of a greater power.
They fear freedom and individuality fore it is the birthplace for rebellion.
The brainchild of longevity.

They hollow out your mind,
Make you numb inside.
So raise your voice,
Burn the tape.
Life is calling,
Shout out in reply!

Where I was, was bad,
But where I am is worse.
I feel like they’re taking away who I am,
Filling my bloodstream with anti-depressants,
Forcing me to become someone I’m not
Someone I don’t want to be.
The fact remains that my sadness defined me
Struggling against the medication
Desperately attempting to hold onto the part of me that’s me
Wanting so badly for my days to mean something
Instead of the same bland depressing schedule I face everyday
The pills do nothing but supress my suicidal thoughts to my subconcious
So I'm forced to fake a smile, one unlike any other.
This one is to keep them from increasing my dosage,
And I'm scared.
I've never felt so alone
This is what I get
For asking for help

Bazooka that veruka
Wage war on your warts
Charge the canons against corns 
And ills of other sorts

Conscript regiments of Rennies
Antacid to supress indigestion 
Establish naval fleets  
Of fisherman friends sweets 
To banish nasal congestion

smear your chest with Vick
To ensure victory is quick
And if headaches ensue
Aspirin will win and subdue

If your enemy is constipation
Let  senna be your friend 
And if your throat is sore
Let strepsils make swift amends 

Show viruses they're not  welcome
Fight back with all your might
Give germs no easy terms
And soon you'll feel alright!

(2pac talkin)
You know what gang violence is, mostly
And the people don't want you to hear this
Somebody shoots your family member
So of course you retaliate, You know what I mean
Same thing the you. S does except nobody even shot their family members
You know, they see that, somebody bomb a school
And all these people get killt
So the united states feel like ooh that's messed up
We gotta go show em who tha real killers
This country was built on gangs, you know
I think this country still is run on gangs
Republicans, democrats, the police department, the fbi
The cia, those are gangs, you know what I mean
The correctional officers,
I had a correctional officer tell me straight,
We the biggest gang in New York state
Straight up
[Verse:]
Supress the revolution of premeditated scheme
Introduce a drug called crack, to us ghetto teens
Got a law for raw ******, now playa what it be like?
When will ****** see they got us bleedin with three strikes
Can't seem to focus hopeless, with violent thoughts I wrote this
Got these Devils petrified, hidin from my hocus-pocus
And so I learned to earn my currency in over time (muahahaha)
Affiliated, clearly click a military mind
May God forgive us though we dwell inside a paradox
Thugged out and drug dealin, from the womb to the block
My live mind got me survivin five rounds
My forty-five got my fortified with live rounds
When ****'s thick we plot hits, when our glock spits
All hail, Out on Bail, Wrath of 2Pacalypse
Forever ghetto necessary picture food stamps
Outlaw **** ****** never left the boot camp
Chorus: Busta Rhymes
We got the real live **** from front to back
To my ****** in the world, 2Pac is back
Where my soldierz is at? (2X)
Where the **** my soldierz at?
Where my soldierz is at?
[Verse 2:]
Now I was born as a rebel, making trouble for the devil
Take this ******* ****, to a whole nother level
Can you feel me now? Armies in every city
Definition of power, players are you with me?
See the war is the profecy, survival is the strategy
Rest in peace to my comrades that deceased
(Busta Rhymes: Notorious B. I. G)
Organize these streets in time
Youll have these devils petrified of a ***** in his right mind
They tell us that we hopeless and hell bound
This for the brothers in penetentiaries jailed down
I got you in my heart till tha day I die
Think of tha damage we can do, if we wasnt high
Can you picture me loc? Its a thugs wrath
Political contracts and blood baths
For Matulu Shakur up in the rikers,
Though they got you, I never let them stop me
The struggle continues
(2Pac Talkin)
Now if we do want to live a **** life and a gangsta life and all of that,
Ok, so stop being cowards and lets have a revolution
But we don't wanna do that, dudes just wanna live of character
They wanna be cartoons, but if they really wanted to do something
If they was that tough, alright, lets start our own country
Lets start a revolution, lets get out of here, lets do something
Chorus: Busta Rhymes
We got the real live **** from front to back
To my ****** in the world, 2Pac is back
Where my soldierz is at? (2X)
Where the **** my soldierz at?
Where my soldierz is at?

sometimes it's heaven,
sometimes it's hell,
I hope I pick the right one
if not, oh well.
I tried to play nice,
But it didn't work out,
sittin in back with a bucket of ice
with my held held high
you're gonna kiss my ***
while i kiss the sky
vindictive by nature
can't supress who i am
with my nose in the air
i'm like toucan sam
I'm a free spirit
and i don't really care
if you don't want to hear it
cause i'm free, free fallin'
enjoyin every minute of it
kickin back with a bottle of ***
if you're against me *******
if you're with me get some
i don't like handouts
so hand it to me
gonna play these strings
like you can't believe
brings tears to your eyes
brings you to your knees
if i stop
you'll be begging me
please , please, please
I need more, more, more
like you can't get enough
like an unused *****
I tried to play nice
but it didn't work out
no it didn't work out

I love your sensitivity
nurture it, it's a treasure
like a superhuman power
said noone to anybody ever

You're upset oh no- I must fix this-
you're broken, please don't cry
these tears make me uncomfortable
supress them, make them dry

A perfectly natural display
of normal human behaviour
is seen by some as weak
too feminine, a problem, a failure

Stop being so ****** sensitive
they're just animals, killed for us
now eat up all your diner
and stop making such a fuss

Don't question, object or argue
just nod, agree and grin
there's no place for emotional outbursts
in the society we're in

It seems sometimes today
with all this mad confusion
in a world of talking robots
we've forgotten that we're human

Yes I want to notice a smartly-dressed
pensioner alone by a train,
to image how it feels
feel his wisdom, feel his pain

because to feel a pull of emotion
glancing at a passing strangers eyes
is neither a weakness nor a hinderance
but a blessing in disguise

               ~

When sadness comes
I push away
"No, I dont want to do this today"

Because if I face my fears
So dark, so clear
Joy won't have a reason to stay

Supress, supress
Clean up your mess
And live to smile a new day

eyesopen
neverstill
Knuckles cracking, urning pills.
thewhite
goodnight
, Just Contemplate!

on such good night i couldnt wait.

to SUpress instict
,
Fears of fate.
It's so **** great
til i eat like 8

Then  the next
day's worse
And I can't maintain.
I'd steal a nun's purse just to
not complain.

And
I'm not in
sane
As much as deep in pain.
I'm no citizen tamed,
said I'm siblingless Cain

Quick
&
Thick
the comedown came

Glowing Windows embedded into mouldy brick walls
Ivy climbing the gutters of neighbourhood roofs
Skies becoming burnt out like charred blackened fields

Tall spiny trees project shadows onto the road below
Leaves curl up to receive some weakening light from above
A formation of sputtering cars cling to each turn they decide to make
Cloudy milky light bounces off faulty windows that exhale the aroma of somebodies impending supper

A heavy truck manoeuvres itself into the blistered bitumen horizon
Dry deflated branches make obscene gestures towards passers-by
Gardeners rummage through their bags as they near the end of their working day
Their faces filled with an expired enthusiasm for breathing

Parked hunks of metal pelted with dead itchy leaves
Windscreen wipers hold fragile twigs down against grotty neglected glass
Chain-link fences link disparate housing and the sleeping people within
Some dispirited unsatisfied psychos gaze up as they catch a moving bus

Smoky Incense billows down from some apartment balcony
The air becomes cold and sharply fills these ordinary streets
Engine sounds try to supress the divine quietness
They only merge into it

Now the stars are out and about
Bright specks waddling in an aerial pool of dark blue
You turn the key and walk through the front door

staring at a window
a distance of
two inches away
        the world outside
    falling...
    piece
    by
    piece
    by
    piec­e
             buys
             pieces
             buys
             peace
                       by
                       pieces
                       it
                       pierces
          please------
     all i have
          in silence
                 in hushes
          your flushes
                               pierces...
                 one
                 two
                 three
          then your smile,
              all that is left...
          no longer pleases...
like puzzles
they scattered
                          all in pieces
               so hard to place together
         yet so **** hard to supress
                   i hate it.
if she loves me
yet she
loves me not
            can't seem to fit.
         i place in
   all the moments
       one by one
       bit by bit
                             altogether
             infinitely
                         tirelessly
                in repeat.
                         every single smile
             serene in capture
      even the tone
          of her song
                    caught in record
every flicker of her hair in my mind
just like a screenshot
              and even the blink
      of her eyes
           each individual dot...
    she loves me?
    she loves me not?
                  the flashes
        in and out
  staring at the window
      only two inches away...
           listening closely------
  she loves me?
  or she loves me not?
                 the outside world
     like a breathtaking blossom
     bald of petals...
           falling
                piece
                by
                ­piece.

Heartbreak in many ways is a small death, all the same.

A part of you dies when regret is born and you can never get it back while wondering what could have, would have or should have happened.

When your food tastes horrible and the colour fades from the world around you and you are left with what only feels like a fever dream. A low budget version of reality and the writers are all on leave.

Why does this happen? Even though we've seen this film before. Different actors on different days but we all imagine the same ending and we know that there is a plot twist at the end when things don't go the way we thought it would. The way we hoped it would.

Is it perhaps that our hopes and dreams are the leading cause of death? Might we all stop romanticising the idea that our lives are one of the greatest films of all time?

Oftentimes the greatest tragedy is not death but rather the fact that we choose to feel nothing at all. That somehow closing the tap is the answer. Turning off the TV so you don't have to see how it all ends.

Unplug the cables. Throw away the disc. Supress the feeling of wanting more. Out of sight out of mind.

But in order to die, one must live. And if the little death is inevitable, why not live like it isn't? What exactly do you have to lose that you haven't lost already?

i can
conjurer up words
mix delicate
intricacies of verse
with poetic license
i might defecate
upon scripted genius
   of the past
a scourge
on the eloquence
   of perfected prose
a pariah
with semantics
that hang in the air
like a frequented noose
the rhetoric of
this rhetoric
both dumbfounds
   and delights
the agenda of the learned;
to supress
the syntax spat forth
the phlegm and catarrh
of a gut
of derivatives

i could compose
a verse
for young lovers
   to cherish
if i could
only stop
the rot;
genius
   nonsense
      or ignorance
i couldn't
tell you
which

she had mornings
(still does)
where she'd not talk to anybody
so i'd get on tumblr and check,
finding the familiar phrase
she used on these days
"i'm such a *****"

and between classes
i would find her and wrap her in my arms
and tell her she wasn't
she never believed me,
always disagreed with me

so isn't it ironic
that those words-
"you aren't a *****"
are the ones i hold on to now
everytime i start thinking she is
i tell myself i was right,
that she's only had a hard life
and thinks differently than me

but then she cuts me off walking in the hall,
she gives me emotionless stares on the bus
(where i sit 8 seats farther from her than ever before)
and i almost call her a *****
but i hold off, knowing i was right

i walk an extra three blocks
to and from the convenience store
to avoid her house.
i spend lunch in the library
to avoid hearing her voice.
i walk home from the elementary school
to avoid her presence.
and i don't go swimming
with my brothers boyscout troop
to avoid the memory
of the first time she said she loved me.
but when i'm about to call her a *****
because avoiding her
only makes me remember what she did to me-
i stop
because i know i was right

those words were probably the reason
she left for the last time
the reason she says nothing to me now
becasue she always believed she was right.
i only hope i'm right,
but i try so hard to convince myself
because i don't want to, someday
get so ******* that i scream at her
that she's a *****.
because that will break her
and she'll think she's right
that all her insecurities and anxieties
are true
are righteous,
and she'll be hurt forever
thinking that she's horrible.
she isn't

she isn't a *****
just misunderstood by herself.

when i look at her,
i feel no anger
and i supress the sadness
which may create anger.
anger only fuels my thinking that word
and i can't bring myself to hurt her

no matter how much she hurt me.

not a *****...
not
a
*****




©Brandon Webb
2012

Let not fear be a hindrance
To the things you wish to say or do
And so as the gloom of day
Keep you static, unmoving

Supress no longer
The emotions you bottled within
And let your thoughts ascend
Unto their own paths

* *

Endure the flow;
Leave the circuitry be
Let the pulsations persist;
Let yourself feel a moment for once

Or must the weight of the shadow remain to envelop you
Unless you choose to break away–
Not only shall the sunshine touch your skin,
But the crystals be absorbed and dissolved

I don't see kids get excited anymore
Emotions confined to the definition of what's cool.
Conversations limited to replies,
Thier words uncertain, and lack conviction.
Excitement caged behind paraphrases like "oh ok", "cool" and "for real".

I see the light of a childs spark diminished, there beautiful flame extinguished by words like;
"Calm down""Relax" and "Chill out"

I'M TIRED of seeing a childs expression voiced through texts, instead of emotion
I'M TIRED of seeing acronyms convey action and supress expression
I'M TIRED of seeing children automate experience through technology instead of life
I'm saddened.....
I'm saddened to see children trying to play adult, instead of just being children

When sorrows sorround you,
When things depress you,
When you are unable to express your emotions,
When you are forced to supress your passion,
When you keep failing everytime,
When you can't fight the hardships of life,
When you start hating everything,
When you end up thinking suicidal things,
Those moments when you feel helpless,
And you begin to act way too careless,
Then comes the time to fight,
Hold your breath tight,
Bring that smile on your lips,
Not for me,not for you,but for those who care about you.

It comes at night
Terror grows in lack of light
Minds run rampant, compelled by fright
Of fear's omnipresent might

The hearts pounding rings in ears
You supress your precious tears
Unaware if it may hear
Giving life to all your fears

Oh so fragile is the mind
Of it's power we are blind
For it creates this fear of ours
Which comes to us in midnight hours
Trembling we will await
To what next it collates

Headaches and Home
09/10/2010

You remember the comfort of that living room,
Summers that never seemed to fade,
But now all that your accustomed to,
Is a blinding headache.

So you try not to move on that sofa near the door,
Because the more you do, the less you see the floor,
And the pain is so complete so intense, at least you know it exists,
What could matter more than this?

And those dreams that you have, of blizzards and snow,
They tell you more about you, than you ever seem to know,
And the truth is that you want nothing more,
Than to go back to that place called home.

Because its not the people, not even the places,
Just the way the setting sun made you feel,
So your already sick of all these blank faces,
But atleast you can hold onto something real.

You dont have to cry, you never liked wet eyes,
There's a time and a place for such things,
So supress all those emotions, the happiness in being,
Just get a headache from the swallowed "feelings"

don't you dare fall in love with me
i'm not the one
i'm not yours
there's so many things i'm not

but

i am the one on your mind
i'm the one you can't forget
i'm the memory you can't supress
i'm the nightmare that wakes you up
i'm  the dream that puts you to sleep
i'm the warmth you feel from the sun
i'm the secret you can't keep; the wish you can't make

i'm the lover you forgot
i'm the girl that changed your world
i'm the fear you keep inside and the anger you yell out
i'm the one for him, but not for you
i'm the one you need, the one you hate to depend on
i'm the girl you wish i wasn't, but i am

this is me.
you know me.
but don't you dare fall in love with me.

The synergistic symbiote
Whom dwells deep upon my breast
Hides secrets within the locked chest.
Tethered heart strings play a familiar note.

Tightly wound, eroding away
Confusion gives rise, memories wash over
Dr Jekyll, Mr. Hyde struggling to be sober
Detoxing lies I told myself were okay.

Beg for the truth before you leave
The lump in my throat budges, failing
In my head is one story, railing
Away to free, a goal I won't achieve.

Two kindred spirits struggle,  power
The true motivator, the opressor killing
Dreams to express brokeness chilling
My spine as we debate and you turn sour.

Friends one moment, devils the here after
Souls once melded, fight for control
Where I am me, you look to patrol
Finding my weakness, self claimed master.

Words won't find a wandering ear
To which could understand, pain
Like this, losing all with nothing to gain
Supress these fears, in silence dear.

We write the words, we won't speak
Nightmares live through day dreams
Stalking the foolish, insane screams
Suffer this shell, shed yourself of the weak.

I shut them up. The feelings.
I tell them to keep quiet so I can pretend they're not here.
And they do, they are silent.
But it should make me feel good and it doesn't.
I just feel nothing until I feel everything together.

There are days and weeks and months of nothing.
Of ignoring the pain in my heart hoping it'll go away
if I pretend it's not there; of holding back tears when
they threaten to fall, until my head hurts with the
effort; of telling myself it's all alright and I'm actualy
okay; of being numb and empty. As I supress the bad
feelings, I also supress the good ones. I feel absolutely
nothing.

And then, out of a sudden, resulting usually of too much
time alone and overthinking, the feelings can't be controled
any longer. And I cry, and it hurts like hell. The feelings scream
and kick and fight because they don't wan to be silenced again.
And there's this voice inside my head mocking me and telling
me they'll always be there even if I pretend they're not.
I know, it doesn't matter what I do, they'll win anyway.

But I shut them up again.
I may not win, but I keep fighting.
I have to.
One day, I hope, they'll be gone for good.
And then I'll enjoy the silence.

My shadow only wanna hide beside me,
all things going so wilde,
black shadow in the front of a ray of light,
seems to b no more visible in the existance survival fight,
it feels like that m so numb,
that i cant cry or smile and peoples start saying that m a dumb,
but i m not i cry but no 1 bothers that m crying and m i feel so alone,
they just ignore me and wore me a thrown,
and made me the king of lonelyness and try to supress,
the things i guess,
that these r hurting me too much,
and destroying the best part of myself and if i wannna clutch,
the part it goes more apart,
from my reach,
& as usual the peoples who see me try to teach,
there own non-sense lessons,
if dont wanna get those they felt m in the list foolish of foolish persons,
they putted itno who dosnt make a agree on there stupid speeches,
it's still going darker here and echoes but not reaches,