Dear legs...
I'm sorry how i've alwYs complained about you not being long or straight enough.
Thank you for still carrying me even though i've hated you with such a passion.

Dear arms
I also wanna tell you sorry, for punching you when i got mad, and also for complain about you being too floppy.
Thank you for still helping me, do everything and for just being there, life would be a lot harder without you.

Dear ****
I'm sorry for all the times i've said you were ugly, you not being round, small or smooth enough.
Thank you for still going along and let me sit on you when i've been tired.

Dear stomach
Sorry for pinching and hitting you whever i was hungr, and sorry for never liking you beacuse you were floppy but i know it's just skin
And that's how you're suppossed to look.
Thank you for telling me when i'm hungry and keeping in all the food i eat, you work like a machine and that must be hard to do!

dear *****
Sorry for always thinking you were too small, i regret everything i've said you've grown nice and round, i'm sorry for complaining so tou had to hurry so much you got stretchmarks
Thank you, for grabbing so much attention, that id sort of funny.

Dear hips
I'm dorry for punching you and complaining avput you being too wide.
Thank you for giving me the hourglassshape every girl long for.

dear skin
I have so much to be sorry for..
I'm sorry for cutting you, and bruising you and burning you, i' so very sorry i have ruined you this much, i'm sorry for letting my emotions out on you, i have made you scarred and i'm sorry about that. Im sorry for also complaining how you were never clean enough
But thank you! For sticking along and holding my body together you're awesome

Dear face
I'm sorry for never liking you and being sad about my eyes not being deep blue or my nose not perfect
Though i thank you for
Letting my friends know who i am

Dear hair
I'm sorry i put you through a lot of heat and dying and all that but hey you're still on my head i bet i would look weird bald so thank you!

Dear body!
Last but not least
I wanna thank you for being so strong and beautifull i wanna thank you for holding on even though i put you through this much

*dear body... I'm sorry.. Thank you

Boldly going nowhere fast
Rolling in the fragrant grass
This has-been kid sits on his ***
Waiting for bad **** to pass
Nothing lately comes his way
Out of pocket
No means to pay
He slow starts to slip away
Fading fading like the light
Slipping sliding losing might
Verging deeper
Can not be heard
This young man won't be deterred
This passing phase
Won't phase him out
He'll rise up strong
Without a doubt
Learning lessons the hard way
Because this kid is known to party
This kid known to hit drink hard
But it hit him back
Left several scars
Winded
Wounded
Fighting back
This dark black out
Will be a thing of the past

Hammer
by Ryan P. Kinney

Picks up Hammer
Swings Hammer
This one’s for every woman who didn’t love me
And for every one that ever did
This one’s for every person who has ever doubted and underestimated me
For those who ever thought my life should be a mirror of their journey
‘Cause theirs worked out SO well for them
SMASH
This one’s for my Father,
Mother,
Brothers
My brother’s keeper,
Sins of the Father,
And inheritance of Mother’s malice
This one’s for every time I’ve had to prove I’m the GOOD son
SMASH
This one’s for the bigots,
Racists,
Hate-spewing monsters
For the ******* morons
This one’s for those who assume I’m gay
‘Cause that’s SUPPOSSED to matter
SMASH
This one’s for those who have passed their petty judgments
Based on the surface of my face
Or my visible scars
Or my hidden ones
This one’s for those who have called me freak
For those who judge me on who I was
Not who I AM
SMASH
This one’s for those who lack the ability to see in color and shades
Locked in their boring black and white senseless absolutes
There aren’t just gray areas
There are tints of every shade we a capable of perceiving
This one’s for the LITTLE people
SMASH
This one’s for those who patronize my intelligence
But yet are so easily fooled into acceptance
With a pair of plastic black frames
This one’s for IRONY
SMASH
This one’s for those who have let me down
Disappointed me, failed me
Failed to live to their potential
This one’s for EVERYONE
SMASH
This one’s for me
For not living up to my own potential
This one’s for who I AM
SMASH

And this one...
These tears...

Drops Hammer
Looks to the sky...

This one’s for my son

Little brother if you're listenin
i don't want to talk about it
i don't want to mention
i wish i could go back to when
we were kids again and
if i could change the future
lord knows that i would do it
cause i'm tired of dumb and stupid
so many mistakes im feelin useless
i'm suppossed to be the bigger man
i'm suppossed to lead the way
i'm suppossed to have the plan
but there's things i can't explain
deep inside of me there's a pain
and it's not an excuse i'm just sayin
i really hope you understand
cause it's consumin me
so caught up on who i used to be
drownin all my demons
that plan was straight stupidity
and i know it took a toll,
i know i playd a roll
in your choices, your decision, and as i'm gettin old
i love you more than anything
I really hope you know
i'd give the world to clear those memories
take em right out of your skull
cause we got the same mother
but i don't feel like im your brother
i never did got to know just
how our parents told ya
that i'm movin out the house,
cause rehabilitation kicked me out
and they didn't know quite what to do
but i can't keep on lettin loose
they can't let me **** up my life,
not while i'm under their roof
and i can no longer make excuse'
startin to understand the truth
one thing i never thought about
was how i was affectin you
See i can take the liver damage
my brain can take the abuse
my stomach can throw up but
i only got one chance with you
and in a classic ****** fashion
that one chance i know i blew
i know that you forgive me
but that's not what i'm askin
a part of me wants to believe
that this is actually happenin
and i can turn the clock back
restart and make it not sad
and teach you how to be a man
cause our father never can
and i know it's not his fault,
he aint had a father himself,
there's just so much time lost
that's why everyone calls me josh
back then i had a longer name
and thats all i think about when they say
joshua, or joshie, or mention abbey place
where we grew up together
shared a room
and i taught myself to shave
those were the good years,
with blue pool,
at the blue house,
at a small school,
back before i was a fool,
back before i knew what love was,
but lord knows i loved you
lord knows i still do
i'm sorry

my feet are rough and cold



they pace around the small space of my apartment



they pace back and forth from school to home



click, click, click,



same rhythm, same places



same angry stomp





like impending doom walking down the street



a one girl funeral procession.



they ache



and I try to walk barefoot to soothe them a little



but the cold air stings them



they wont take me farther



they ache



I figured they want to be in covers



stroking anothers feet



toes wiggle



and their somewhat youthful again



painted toe nails



and maybe heels



like young girls feet are suppossed to be



they might glide softly on carpet



or run through soft grass



chase after him.



run after him.



kinda float after him.



thats what they would like



i'm sure of it



why wont she stop ,



walking the same ******* path to nowhere?



they may sigh.



probably cause



they ache.



she aches.

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
Snapchats, left swipes, number of likes and screen-lit nights
Destroyed by 4 second nudes and the two buttons that make 4 seconds infinite
By searching amazon prime for a suicide prevention kit
By taking one sip too many and ending the night with plenty of tounges down your throat
By Geebs with too much milk, opinions stronger than silk
Both good yet impressionable and easy to lose control
By LED light seeping into the numb soul of the follower searching for love on Google
Destroyed by the vibration of a body-count notification
Destroyed by that first battery-powered rip, desperate for a trip thats not to the therapist
Desperate to feel addiction, the need for need combined with heriditary greed
Addiction lowers suicidal thoughts, craving the next day to take your next shot
Shots of *****, shots of hate, shots at children, all shots are great
We feel alive when we hear about death, we finally appreciate oxygen breath

Destroyed by the friendships lost over hillary vs donald
Waiting for the day we get old, so that we have a say & we’ll look back and realize these are suppossed to be the good old days
The days spent sitting in metal chairs next to the boy with ***-smelling hair
Destroyed by the fear of never being enough because college prep means you are on track
And on track means you’re two steps back
The princible said “cover up” to the girl with the huge rack
Every eye that is layed on you is a personal attack

Behind the scenes of these ******* memes is self deprication and pain that we somehow all relate to
Waiting for the iphone x to come out so that we can feel brand new
Destroyed by depression becoming the media’s new obsession
Destroyed by the inability to jump into a TV screen and live a different life
Destroyed by your ****** up families strife
The ‘correct’ kids words cut like a knife
Destroyed by the fact that there is not enough beer in the world to drown all your fear
About the fact that your stuck in high school for at least another year

He awoke one morning sobbing and crying. He didn't know why, but on the inside he felt like he was dying.
He could hear his wife and kids going on about their day as he lay in the bed.
He tried to be strong for them, tried to wipe away his tears but he couldn't.
And instead of being the stereotypical man, keeping his head held high and going to work with his own two hands... he fell to the floor and cried out in pain. His crying was uncontrollable; the tears ran down his cheeks and hit the floor like pouring rain.

He was diagnosed with depression so he took drugs to relieve himself of his compression.
He took the drugs so he could once again open his eyes and see the color of the day.
He took the drugs so he could smile, look around and not be afraid to go this way or that way.
Each time he would take the med, he would smile because he knew soon enough he would be better. But what he didn't know, was that smile would soon turn to a dread. That wasn't suppossed to happen.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months not going to work. Each and every day he would look at his adult hands but each and every day, he would feel less like a man and more like a child. He was in even more pain now.
He felt more and more like suicide was the only way out, but every time that thought crossed his mind, he cried. He was afraid of what might happened if he tried.
Would it hurt? But what could hurt worse that the pain he was feeling at that moment?

He had a voice but it was soft spoken and no one could hear it, or maybe he just didn't know how to explain the pain he felt on the inside and out.
On the inside he was reaching out for help but his hands wouldn't move, he was stuck in time, stuck in this groove.
He became disabled and was denied disability over and over again.

He went to doctor appointment after doctor appointment and continued to sign his life away with the same ******* pen.
He would frequently fall into pits of darkness and the professionals kept pushing facility after facility. They wanted to take him away from his family and make him someone else's liability.

He often wondered if there was anyone else out there that knew his pain. He tried to explain, but never could. Let's say he was actually able to, what would he gain?
It would just be another person feeling sorry for him, and he didn't need that.
Could anyone else really know what it's like to wake up every day just to be terrified to go outside?

And it wasn't that he didn't give it any effort because believe it, he tried.
Could anyone else really know what it's like to walk in public and feel every pair of eyeballs watching?

He knew he wasn't like everybody else and he knew they knew it too.
He constantly felt like he was in a play, center stage and everyone was watching it.
He tried to keep his head down, he tried to not give a **** but it didn't work.
He was a marrionette puppet, he couldn't control his movements. Back to center stage it was a nuisance.

Oh how he wished he could just go back to being depressed and ****. At least he could pretend and try to repress it, like Robin Williams.
But in reality Robin Williams was gone. And a few days after the news broke, he found out he was taking the same **** Robin was on.

I can't believe i'm actually thinkin bout leaving you. There's not alot i'm afraid of but that's some **** i'm unprepaired to do. I never thought i could see and end where i'm not right next to you but i've cheated yet again and so i think i've ended up ending up without and end with you. I'm a fool. I never should have fell for you. I hurt the ones i love so never will i lay sight to you. I'm sorry for all the things i've done i never ment them hurt to do . You're still my little baby girl even if you hate me please don't hurt yourself. All that i want is to see that smile on your face but there's things that i can't give you so it's best if i put some space. Ain't no way i'll say this to your face. It'd **** me if i was in your place so imagine how it feels to be the one that was suppossed to be your protector b! You were my ****** family! You built the walls of this house all around of me! I never ment to hurt you but thats all that i can seem to do so later i'll take a shot or two and let the pistol wring a few until my skull's split into two and maybe then i'll forgive myself for who i became. My ******* fall to fame.

There’s this girl.
The girl of your dreams I imagine,
A girl who is a dream I imagine.

Wrapped in skin the shade of your perfect daydream,  
perfectly moulded by the palm of your hand.

There’s this girl I imagine,
wrapped around your waist,
exploring the taste of your mouth which used to utter my name.
Not late at night because that was a tired cliché,
no during the day, when the fantasies die and the sun was always a little too truthful.
You used to whisper my name during the day,
during a time which still belong to you and I,                                               during a time in which I was still beautiful to you.

There’s this girl I imagine,
who doesn’t raise her voice when she’s angry,
who doesn’t swear,
who doesn’t dare to break your fragile perception of what a girl is suppossed to be.
You see,
I was all to violent a women for you.
Trying to confine and define me was like trying to wrap your hands around the wind, clutch it to your chest- it was just never meant to be.   I was always too talkative,
too vicacious,
I had too much of a personality.
I was art in the beginning, beautiful to look at and nothing more, but when that art became etched into your memories, and roamed your naked soul, I became all too much.

There’s this girl,
who you can wrap your imagination around,
who is comfortable with living in the confines of what you’d like her to be.

There's this girl you see, wrapped in a fantasy, a girl who isn't me.

There’s this girl you see,
who doesn’t question your silences,
who isn’t interested in your mind,
who praises the land you walk on comfortable walking in the cold of your shadow.

There’s this girl who doesn’t value her power and doesn’t expect you to either. There’s this girl who is an echo of who I used to be.

There's this girl you see,
who just isn't me.

We were suppossed to be there
For each other
Always.

But you've always been
Quite forgetful
Or maybe
I just bore you
And now
You're gone
Amongst new friends
Better friends
And I'm happy for you
Except
I can't help but miss
Our childish antics
Our senseless conversation
Our bickering
Our us.

The neighbor jumped off the San Pedro cliffs
suppossed suicide
he went down in the 3rd
i know a  mother who smokes
speed,****,cigarettes,
drinks daily,shoots up
lost her children and teeth
she'll go down in the 8th
she'll go down harder than she fought
most will take a dive in the 12th
don't even bother putting up the hands
moving the feet
don't even know there's a fight on
they call that a win
staring out my second floor window
slack jawed, both eyes swollen
teeth loose, blood clogging nose
i keep getting a few good shots in
but life has a great counter hook
my legs are starting to go
and i want to take the 10 count
but
i just can't

I hate going to sleep
Every time i close my eyes and drift away
I see the people who hurt me and were toxic
And what hurts the most is I miss them
I miss the random 3am face timeing
I miss the stoping each other from getting into fights
I miss stealing each others binders
But i'm not suppossed to miss them
I should hate them
but i don't