I begin,
scrambled words on a page, free forming
moving pen before I think
what's happening to me?
The pen finds out before I can know
I wrote it for him, that book of nonsense
It is my life incorrectly remembered and subjectified.
My life as if it could be put in a pocket, finite
Life as much as it is finite, is infinite
Each second stretching inward toward eternity
while stretching outwards toward
the end.

Yesterday I hid in a termite mould
Today I take pride in terminated olds
Tomorrow I ride in permitted folds

I am a particle used and unused
I am a venture roused and doused
I am an adventure invented and tented

I owe nothing even the wind testifies
I am a universal exposure objectified
I am a concluded posture subjectified

I died on the outside and lived within
I lied as an outsider and lay in decree
I am a degree of composition in decay

For sure we were here in unioned eons
When the battlefield was in tatters
as splatters of blood stomped the earth

I’m sorry
To the broken ones that I disabled with words
To those I subjectified, objectified, hurt
Forgive me
I am an ungrateful child confused by the works of the world
I have no excuse for shame and distrust
Or the crazy actions, sprawled all over that I have done
Forgive me if you must
For I have no excuse for my misled intentions
Why? You may ask…
I am not the good but a bad part of the world
I am the hateful habits people hide away
I am the monster that I see under my bed
I am sorry
For pain and evil that happened to guard you
For it was due to me that you’re happiness hides
For it was due to me your insecurities lie
I am sorry for everything
You were meant to shine
Just remember the words that have been spoken, actions that have been done
They are just sounds, and letters combined to make unfortunate combinations
They are just small parts of heuristics that were triggered by memory in a monster’s mind
You are nothing of the sort, you are special
I am truly deeply sorry
I hang with the pain and discomfort I have cost you all through my life
I hang with the uneasiness that I feel when thinking of the past
I feel the pain and sadness I must feel, what I deserve to feel
I promise you I will not inflict harm anymore
My presence shall not make a mark in this unruly world
For I am a ghost, my past haunts me and my future seems but a bleak empty void
Filled with rotten hopes and dreams
Filled with memories of injustice filled with mistakes and broken promises
Please forgive me, for I truly am so sorry
For I deserve the tortures of the world
I deserve the hauntings of evil and torments
I am but nothing, my words that I speak mean nothing
Please do not listen to someone who is worth nothing more than the air they try to grasp
Please do not be hurt by the person you saw
For she is dirt and you are the foot that tramples over
Please with whatever left of my goodness and heart I have left forgive me
Accept my apology if you are able
I speak with the salted water and healing cuts that have been inflicted upon me
Please for I am truly very sorry