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Sum It Sep 2014
There is this kind of time in everyone’s life. That was what I was told. I was also told I was peculiar in a nice way. But I am not going deep down all this time and peculiar thing and all. It is just that sometimes I feel so empty and I was also told that when you try to write something you should try your best to describe all sorts of stuffs so that the readers will get to know the kind of thing you are feeling. Like for now, the kind of empty I am feeling. Kind of funny though, who would want to know what I am feeling and on top of that who would want to know the kind of empty I was feeling. Anyway, I was feeling very empty yesterday and I am writing all this because I just thought it was pretty cool to feel empty, kind of, just like that. I am not being emotional and all but that is how it is, you like to feel sort of lonely, sad, happy or whatever at time, just like that. And when I driving on my bike, I speed it up to the most it can bear or most I can bear and twist and turn and run over other motor bikes and stuffs that are moving in the road in a kind of modest way but I know they are as ******* as I am. But hell with that, I don’t want to know if anyone is ******* or not. I can’t even think about the right word to replace the *******. But, you know what I mean. It’s kind of sad to find that everyone is *******. Then, that makes me madder and I speed up more. I start to rip apart my accelerator, literally. You know what literally mean, don’t you? It’s when you do something in a literal way just like when some lousy guy start acting out too corny while they say they will bring down the stars and moons for the girl they love.  To hell with love, love is the stupidest thing that will ever again happen to me and if that happens then I will crown myself with all kind of stupid crowns and be the king of stupid. But love was kind of good feeling too.  Anyway I just try not to end up breaking my neck when I am in bike. But you know then I just intently look at the something something that is coming towards me and then I feel like speeding up more and just encounter that innocent ***** face to face. Yeah, I mean it. I feel like pointing the direction of my bike right to that something something truck or stuffs that, just like you know when an archer aims. You know then, I also have this shrewd kind of look in my eyes, like I am dead serious about what I am going to do. Its fun when you know you won’t but you act like you will. Yeah, I just feel like heading right towards the something something and hit it right on its grotesque face with some silly stupid art. Then, can you imagine what will happen? I can see every ******* retards gathering around me. I am lying down with blood over everywhere. I can see pieces of my grand motor bike here and there. I can see the driver of that something getting out and trying to explain that I was the one who came directly into him as if I was attempting suicide. To hell with suicide. What kind of person does suicide. I can see traffic cops and medics and all. They are just trying to carry me to hospital. But I know I won’t want to go to hospital because hospitals make me sick. There are lots of sick and depressing people around. If they would want to take me anywhere then I would like them to take me to mountain top from where I could see a bluest lake  all the clear reflection of clouds and the greens and rainbows and butterflies and all those stuffs the poets from nature describe in their poem. But I know they are too busy for that. They are some stupid people who just want me to admit to hospital. Anyway, when they start to lift up, I just get off the stretcher and start laughing out loud. I will tell them that I am okay and its all my ****** series of imagination and show them that I don’t have wounds and all but they will just vanish. I keep laughing and laughing because then I could finally feel or imagine the pain that I will go through. The pain that will fill me up and I don’t feel empty anymore. That is the exact kind of empty I feel. But that is not enough, I am still on my bike. If you have lost me, I want to repeat all that happened was just a part of my imagination. I imagine stuffs a lot and I think they are cool when I imagine stuffs about dying and just waking up as if I am just taking nap and waking up. Is there anything like that rebirth or stuffs? Anyway, I am still on the bike. I speed up thinking all these things and then I make my way through a very narrow alley between two moving something trucks or buses and there… That is the right kind of empty that just got filled. You know it or not, when you speed up and make a narrow escape from between the moving trucks just closely to save your life. Man, I can feel the air move through my veins and I can see my heart flying out of my chest. Man, was that crazy? I ask to myself. To hell with it. I am still alive and breathing and I am not feeling empty anymore. But as I keep thinking, I just get so mad. I don’t know at what or at whom. Everything is so pale and depressing. I try to cheer myself up looking at the clouds and green trees and trying to think about witty lines that’s funny to me and all and all and them , all it just makes me so mad, just more depressing.

That right, I then stop my bike on the side rail and start thinking about writing about all these stuffs. Because I have this group of friends who kind of poem and stuff and they are pretty good too. I also poem and stuff sometime but nothing that I wrote ever became good. Because I can tell by reading them all that, the stuffs that come in paper are not everything I feel. Like if I have to use percentage to say how near they are to the amount I feel, it would be like ten percent or around. That is not much. Even the government value added tax is thirteen percent. I was trying to be funny but hell with that. I was just feeling empty and all and now I am on my bike stopped on the side of the huge highways where everything is moving. Its depressing to find out that everything is moving , everything around you and you are the only one stopping to look at them moving. If only there was someone who was there by your side to hold your hand and look at all these moving vehicles and the traffics and kids holding the hand of their mothers and fathers and uncles to cross the road safely and those dogs and oxen lying over the road.  To hell with it, if there was actually someone who would be by my side, I won’t be feeling empty and imagining crazy stuffs and stop my bike trying to write a poem out of it or something or anything just so I can be more cool showing my rad poem to the group of my circle who poems. Man, do I love that ? I can certainly make a good actor out of me if I play in a move but it just make me feel more sad and I don’t know why. I look around if I can find any teashop or anything. Just so, I could sit there and order a tea and stay sad and pale and then someone would come and ask me. Hey boy whats the matter with you? Then I would just ignore his question. People can be real nosy sometimes. I am just siiting here having tea and something man. Head off to you own way, I will tell that. Why would I tell me why I was sad anyway. I was thinking about a beautiful girl like an angel that we see in movies , beautiful like that when the word beautiful fails to describe the amount of beauty she has,  I was trying to imagine a situation when I am sipping over my tea sadly and then this angel comes over and ask me what is that making me look pale. She would say nice stuffs to me and man, do I fall in love again? Man… love is the silliest thing ever. You can have enough of it. I was just feeling empty because some girl told me that she doesn’t have anything for me. Even I didn’t have anything for her . But you know there are times when you actually fall in love like madly in love. It’s the same person everywhere, all around you. You can’t just stop thinking about her. But the one who said she has nothing for  me, she meant no feelings or loves that she can do to me. We met few times, two or three and she was nice and all. I was funny and all. But even I haven’t felt anything towards her. Now she is really beautiful with this hair and this long slender face that she has. And then you know it when you want to fall in love. I wanted to fall in love with her because she was exactly the type of the girl that people have to fall in love with. She was active and hardworking. She has a good smile and dimples too. Man, those dimples drive me crazy. I just feel like diving into those tiny little cheeks and then right into her heart. And on the top of that wavy curly hair, it can drive anyone mad. Well, it drove me mad and that is why I am trying to fall in love with her. But anyway she told me last night or sometime in past that she doesn’t feel like that. I want to tell her that even I don’t feel like that with her. But I don’t want to because that may just drive her away from me all more. But anyway I was just mad when she told me that. Not mad like psychologically but like emotionally. I was just trying to explain her that we should may be spend some time together and get to know each other and all because you know I was kind of trying to fall in love with her and wanted to know more about her and make a lover like impression on her and all but man, was she crazy or something? She just said she doesn’t want to. It just made me so mad that I started my bike , yeah after paying for tea and all. I speeded up again and I didn’t want to stop but I had to stop because of this stupid traffic signal but my legs were all dancing because I was anxious and all and I just wanted to cry for nothing. But I can’t cry because I don’t feel like and when you feel like crying you cant stop it anyway. Those stupid tears will just fall off. Then The traffic signal goes green and I speed up and want to race with someone and feel good by beating them. But then there are other bikes that goes ahead me and that makes me feel more sad and then I just so over the yellow side line and start driving like slug. Man, I am extreme. I can feel it. I try to think about writing all this when I go home but I know I wont because I have done this many time and I have never written anything. Its just like that.

Its just like that. You have all these stupid to intelligent ideas an stuffs when you are walking or on the bike but I never do anything. When I reach home, I change my dress start it all again. I start to become normal like nothing is wrong with me. It just drives me crazy.. everything is so wrong with me. I have to be somewhere is some other good job that I will enjoy and that also pays me pretty good so that I can enjoy and all. I also have to fall in love with this girl. I have to complete one of my research paper so that I can earn good reputation among these technical circle of mine. I have to pen down some good stuffs so that I can perform it loudly in front of everyone and then everyone would cheer for me and all. I will just act modest and bow down. I also have to meet some of these my school friends and all and have some crazy times with them mocking the professional life and all. I have to be with my family, go to temples and stuffs and pray and ask the god to help me focus in my pursuit, which I am not sure what that is so I also pray and ask the god to show me the  right path. Its easy to pray and all and just stay happy thinking god will do everything but hell with god. I also have to prepare for this test and I have to complete reading this book and man, I have so much to do. I can’t just waste my time just like this.  

**There are always enough stupid things to drain the best outof you and leave you in terrible vacancy.
I will look at it and edit it sometime, not too soon though.
So spake the Son of God; and Satan stood
A while as mute, confounded what to say,
What to reply, confuted and convinced
Of his weak arguing and fallacious drift;
At length, collecting all his serpent wiles,
With soothing words renewed, him thus accosts:—
  “I see thou know’st what is of use to know,
What best to say canst say, to do canst do;
Thy actions to thy words accord; thy words
To thy large heart give utterance due; thy heart            
Contains of good, wise, just, the perfet shape.
Should kings and nations from thy mouth consult,
Thy counsel would be as the oracle
Urim and Thummim, those oraculous gems
On Aaron’s breast, or tongue of Seers old
Infallible; or, wert thou sought to deeds
That might require the array of war, thy skill
Of conduct would be such that all the world
Could not sustain thy prowess, or subsist
In battle, though against thy few in arms.                  
These godlike virtues wherefore dost thou hide?
Affecting private life, or more obscure
In savage wilderness, wherefore deprive
All Earth her wonder at thy acts, thyself
The fame and glory—glory, the reward
That sole excites to high attempts the flame
Of most erected spirits, most tempered pure
AEthereal, who all pleasures else despise,
All treasures and all gain esteem as dross,
And dignities and powers, all but the highest?              
Thy years are ripe, and over-ripe.  The son
Of Macedonian Philip had ere these
Won Asia, and the throne of Cyrus held
At his dispose; young Scipio had brought down
The Carthaginian pride; young Pompey quelled
The Pontic king, and in triumph had rode.
Yet years, and to ripe years judgment mature,
Quench not the thirst of glory, but augment.
Great Julius, whom now all the world admires,
The more he grew in years, the more inflamed                
With glory, wept that he had lived so long
Ingloroious.  But thou yet art not too late.”
  To whom our Saviour calmly thus replied:—
“Thou neither dost persuade me to seek wealth
For empire’s sake, nor empire to affect
For glory’s sake, by all thy argument.
For what is glory but the blaze of fame,
The people’s praise, if always praise unmixed?
And what the people but a herd confused,
A miscellaneous rabble, who extol                          
Things ******, and, well weighed, scarce worth the praise?
They praise and they admire they know not what,
And know not whom, but as one leads the other;
And what delight to be by such extolled,
To live upon their tongues, and be their talk?
Of whom to be dispraised were no small praise—
His lot who dares be singularly good.
The intelligent among them and the wise
Are few, and glory scarce of few is raised.
This is true glory and renown—when God,                    
Looking on the Earth, with approbation marks
The just man, and divulges him through Heaven
To all his Angels, who with true applause
Recount his praises.  Thus he did to Job,
When, to extend his fame through Heaven and Earth,
As thou to thy reproach may’st well remember,
He asked thee, ‘Hast thou seen my servant Job?’
Famous he was in Heaven; on Earth less known,
Where glory is false glory, attributed
To things not glorious, men not worthy of fame.            
They err who count it glorious to subdue
By conquest far and wide, to overrun
Large countries, and in field great battles win,
Great cities by assault.  What do these worthies
But rob and spoil, burn, slaughter, and enslave
Peaceable nations, neighbouring or remote,
Made captive, yet deserving freedom more
Than those their conquerors, who leave behind
Nothing but ruin wheresoe’er they rove,
And all the flourishing works of peace destroy;            
Then swell with pride, and must be titled Gods,
Great benefactors of mankind, Deliverers,
Worshipped with temple, priest, and sacrifice?
One is the son of Jove, of Mars the other;
Till conqueror Death discover them scarce men,
Rowling in brutish vices, and deformed,
Violent or shameful death their due reward.
But, if there be in glory aught of good;
It may be means far different be attained,
Without ambition, war, or violence—                        
By deeds of peace, by wisdom eminent,
By patience, temperance.  I mention still
Him whom thy wrongs, with saintly patience borne,
Made famous in a land and times obscure;
Who names not now with honour patient Job?
Poor Socrates, (who next more memorable?)
By what he taught and suffered for so doing,
For truth’s sake suffering death unjust, lives now
Equal in fame to proudest conquerors.
Yet, if for fame and glory aught be done,                  
Aught suffered—if young African for fame
His wasted country freed from Punic rage—
The deed becomes unpraised, the man at least,
And loses, though but verbal, his reward.
Shall I seek glory, then, as vain men seek,
Oft not deserved?  I seek not mine, but His
Who sent me, and thereby witness whence I am.”
  To whom the Tempter, murmuring, thus replied:—
“Think not so slight of glory, therein least
Resembling thy great Father.  He seeks glory,              
And for his glory all things made, all things
Orders and governs; nor content in Heaven,
By all his Angels glorified, requires
Glory from men, from all men, good or bad,
Wise or unwise, no difference, no exemption.
Above all sacrifice, or hallowed gift,
Glory he requires, and glory he receives,
Promiscuous from all nations, Jew, or Greek,
Or Barbarous, nor exception hath declared;
From us, his foes pronounced, glory he exacts.”            
  To whom our Saviour fervently replied:
“And reason; since his Word all things produced,
Though chiefly not for glory as prime end,
But to shew forth his goodness, and impart
His good communicable to every soul
Freely; of whom what could He less expect
Than glory and benediction—that is, thanks—
The slightest, easiest, readiest recompense
From them who could return him nothing else,
And, not returning that, would likeliest render            
Contempt instead, dishonour, obloquy?
Hard recompense, unsuitable return
For so much good, so much beneficience!
But why should man seek glory, who of his own
Hath nothing, and to whom nothing belongs
But condemnation, ignominy, and shame—
Who, for so many benefits received,
Turned recreant to God, ingrate and false,
And so of all true good himself despoiled;
Yet, sacrilegious, to himself would take                    
That which to God alone of right belongs?
Yet so much bounty is in God, such grace,
That who advances his glory, not their own,
Them he himself to glory will advance.”
  So spake the Son of God; and here again
Satan had not to answer, but stood struck
With guilt of his own sin—for he himself,
Insatiable of glory, had lost all;
Yet of another plea bethought him soon:—
  “Of glory, as thou wilt,” said he, “so deem;              
Worth or not worth the seeking, let it pass.
But to a Kingdom thou art born—ordained
To sit upon thy father David’s throne,
By mother’s side thy father, though thy right
Be now in powerful hands, that will not part
Easily from possession won with arms.
Judaea now and all the Promised Land,
Reduced a province under Roman yoke,
Obeys Tiberius, nor is always ruled
With temperate sway: oft have they violated                
The Temple, oft the Law, with foul affronts,
Abominations rather, as did once
Antiochus.  And think’st thou to regain
Thy right by sitting still, or thus retiring?
So did not Machabeus.  He indeed
Retired unto the Desert, but with arms;
And o’er a mighty king so oft prevailed
That by strong hand his family obtained,
Though priests, the crown, and David’s throne usurped,
With Modin and her suburbs once content.                    
If kingdom move thee not, let move thee zeal
And duty—zeal and duty are not slow,
But on Occasion’s forelock watchful wait:
They themselves rather are occasion best—
Zeal of thy Father’s house, duty to free
Thy country from her heathen servitude.
So shalt thou best fulfil, best verify,
The Prophets old, who sung thy endless reign—
The happier reign the sooner it begins.
Rein then; what canst thou better do the while?”            
  To whom our Saviour answer thus returned:—
“All things are best fulfilled in their due time;
And time there is for all things, Truth hath said.
If of my reign Prophetic Writ hath told
That it shall never end, so, when begin
The Father in his purpose hath decreed—
He in whose hand all times and seasons rowl.
What if he hath decreed that I shall first
Be tried in humble state, and things adverse,
By tribulations, injuries, insults,                        
Contempts, and scorns, and snares, and violence,
Suffering, abstaining, quietly expecting
Without distrust or doubt, that He may know
What I can suffer, how obey?  Who best
Can suffer best can do, best reign who first
Well hath obeyed—just trial ere I merit
My exaltation without change or end.
But what concerns it thee when I begin
My everlasting Kingdom?  Why art thou
Solicitous?  What moves thy inquisition?                    
Know’st thou not that my rising is thy fall,
And my promotion will be thy destruction?”
  To whom the Tempter, inly racked, replied:—
“Let that come when it comes.  All hope is lost
Of my reception into grace; what worse?
For where no hope is left is left no fear.
If there be worse, the expectation more
Of worse torments me than the feeling can.
I would be at the worst; worst is my port,
My harbour, and my ultimate repose,                        
The end I would attain, my final good.
My error was my error, and my crime
My crime; whatever, for itself condemned,
And will alike be punished, whether thou
Reign or reign not—though to that gentle brow
Willingly I could fly, and hope thy reign,
From that placid aspect and meek regard,
Rather than aggravate my evil state,
Would stand between me and thy Father’s ire
(Whose ire I dread more than the fire of Hell)              
A shelter and a kind of shading cool
Interposition, as a summer’s cloud.
If I, then, to the worst that can be haste,
Why move thy feet so slow to what is best?
Happiest, both to thyself and all the world,
That thou, who worthiest art, shouldst be their King!
Perhaps thou linger’st in deep thoughts detained
Of the enterprise so hazardous and high!
No wonder; for, though in thee be united
What of perfection can in Man be found,                    
Or human nature can receive, consider
Thy life hath yet been private, most part spent
At home, scarce viewed the Galilean towns,
And once a year Jerusalem, few days’
Short sojourn; and what thence couldst thou observe?
The world thou hast not seen, much less her glory,
Empires, and monarchs, and their radiant courts—
Best school of best experience, quickest in sight
In all things that to greatest actions lead.
The wisest, unexperienced, will be ever                    
Timorous, and loth, with novice modesty
(As he who, seeking *****, found a kingdom)
Irresolute, unhardy, unadventrous.
But I will bring thee where thou soon shalt quit
Those rudiments, and see before thine eyes
The monarchies of the Earth, their pomp and state—
Sufficient introduction to inform
Thee, of thyself so apt, in regal arts,
And regal mysteries; that thou may’st know
How best their opposition to withstand.”                    
  With that (such power was given him then), he took
The Son of God up to a mountain high.
It was a mountain at whose verdant feet
A spacious plain outstretched in circuit wide
Lay pleasant; from his side two rivers flowed,
The one winding, the other straight, and left between
Fair champaign, with less rivers interveined,
Then meeting joined their tribute to the sea.
Fertil of corn the glebe, of oil, and wine;
With herds the pasture thronged, with flocks the hills;    
Huge cities and high-towered, that well might seem
The seats of mightiest monarchs; and so large
The prospect was that here and there was room
For barren desert, fountainless and dry.
To this high mountain-top the Tempter brought
Our Saviour, and new train of words began:—
  “Well have we speeded, and o’er hill and dale,
Forest, and field, and flood, temples and towers,
Cut shorter many a league.  Here thou behold’st
Assyria, and her empire’s ancient bounds,                  
Araxes and the Caspian lake; thence on
As far as Indus east, Euphrates west,
And oft beyond; to south the Persian bay,
And, inaccessible, the Arabian drouth:
Here, Nineveh, of length within her wall
Several days’ journey, built by Ninus old,
Of that first golden monarchy the seat,
And seat of Salmanassar, whose success
Israel in long captivity still mourns;
There Babylon, the wonder of all tongues,                  
As ancient, but rebuilt by him who twice
Judah and all thy father David’s house
Led captive, and Jerusalem laid waste,
Till Cyrus set them free; Persepolis,
His city, there thou seest, and Bactra there;
Ecbatana her structure vast there shews,
And Hecatompylos her hunderd gates;
There Susa by Choaspes, amber stream,
The drink of none but kings; of later fame,
Built by Emathian or by Parthian hands,                    
The great Seleucia, Nisibis, and there
Artaxata, Teredon, Ctesiphon,
Turning with easy eye, thou may’st behold.
All these the Parthian (now some ages past
By great Arsaces led, who founded first
That empire) under his dominion holds,
From the luxurious kings of Antioch won.
And just in time thou com’st to have a view
Of his great power; for now the Parthian king
In Ctesiphon hath gathered all his host                    
Against the Scythian, whose incursions wild
Have wasted Sogdiana; to her aid
He marches now in haste.  See, though from far,
His thousands, in what martial e
This day winding down now
At God speeded summer's end
In the torrent salmon sun,
In my seashaken house
On a breakneck of rocks
Tangled with chirrup and fruit,
Froth, flute, fin, and quill
At a wood's dancing hoof,
By scummed, starfish sands
With their fishwife cross
Gulls, pipers, cockles, and snails,
Out there, crow black, men
Tackled with clouds, who kneel
To the sunset nets,
Geese nearly in heaven, boys
Stabbing, and herons, and shells
That speak seven seas,
Eternal waters away
From the cities of nine
Days' night whose towers will catch
In the religious wind
Like stalks of tall, dry straw,
At poor peace I sing
To you strangers (though song
Is a burning and crested act,
The fire of birds in
The world's turning wood,
For my swan, splay sounds),
Out of these seathumbed leaves
That will fly and fall
Like leaves of trees and as soon
Crumble and undie
Into the dogdayed night.
Seaward the salmon, ****** sun slips,
And the dumb swans drub blue
My dabbed bay's dusk, as I hack
This rumpus of shapes
For you to know
How I, a spining man,
Glory also this star, bird
Roared, sea born, man torn, blood blest.
Hark: I trumpet the place,
From fish to jumping hill! Look:
I build my bellowing ark
To the best of my love
As the flood begins,
Out of the fountainhead
Of fear, rage read, manalive,
Molten and mountainous to stream
Over the wound asleep
Sheep white hollow farms
To Wales in my arms.
Hoo, there, in castle keep,
You king singsong owls, who moonbeam
The flickering runs and dive
The ****** furred deer dead!
Huloo, on plumbed bryns,
O my ruffled ring dove
in the hooting, nearly dark
With Welsh and reverent rook,
Coo rooning the woods' praise,
who moons her blue notes from her nest
Down to the curlew herd!
**, hullaballoing clan
Agape, with woe
In your beaks, on the gabbing capes!
Heigh, on horseback hill, jack
Whisking hare! who
Hears, there, this fox light, my flood ship's
Clangour as I hew and smite
(A clash of anvils for my
Hubbub and fiddle, this tune
On atounged puffball)
But animals thick as theives
On God's rough tumbling grounds
(Hail to His beasthood!).
Beasts who sleep good and thin,
Hist, in hogback woods! The haystacked
Hollow farms ina throng
Of waters cluck and cling,
And barnroofs cockcrow war!
O kingdom of neighbors finned
Felled and quilled, flash to my patch
Work ark and the moonshine
Drinking Noah of the bay,
With pelt, and scale, and fleece:
Only the drowned deep bells
Of sheep and churches noise
Poor peace as the sun sets
And dark shoals every holy field.
We will ride out alone then,
Under the stars of Wales,
Cry, Multiudes of arks! Across
The water lidded lands,
Manned with their loves they'll move
Like wooden islands, hill to hill.
Huloo, my prowed dove with a flute!
Ahoy, old, sea-legged fox,
Tom *** and Dai mouse!
My ark sings in the sun
At God speeded summer's end
And the flood flowers now.
I found I was left a mantle clock
The type that you wind by key,
It had stood upon my father’s shelf,
Now it came down to me.
Inside the clock I had found a note
Scrawled in my father’s hand,
‘You never must overwind the clock
For time is a shifting sand.’

That’s all that it said, that tiny note
And I’d wondered what he meant,
Surely he could have talked to me
And made it more evident.
But my father had been secretive
And never would say too much,
Just that his life had raced away
And left him behind, and such.

The end of his life had come too soon,
It certainly was a shock,
I found him sat alone in his chair
And pointing up at the clock,
It wasn’t until the afternoon
I noticed the clock had stopped,
Just as his heart had ceased to beat,
There wasn’t a tick, or tock.

I took it home and I placed it up
In pride of place on the shelf,
Over the wooden mantlepiece
And wound the thing up myself.
I just didn’t know how many times
I was meant to turn the key,
So probably over wound it then,
Not knowing what was to be.

Over the following week I found
The clock had been gaining time,
And thought, that’s probably what he meant,
Never to over wind,
I tried to adjust it back a bit
To change the rate of the pawl,
But found the cog was racing away
And speeding up overall.

No matter what I did to that clock
Its speed just wouldn’t be tamed,
I’d slow it down and it speeded up,
I felt I was being gamed,
But then I woke on a Wednesday and
I thought there was something strange,
The man on the news said ‘Thursday’,
Like the days had been rearranged.

The weeks and the months went flying by,
I still kept winding that clock,
Remembering how my father died,
I wouldn’t have dared to stop.
But then one day I forgot to wind
And it slowed, and took me aback,
I held the key, was about to wind
When I had my heart attack.

Luckily Joyce was in the room
Thank god for my lovely wife,
She seized the key and she wound it up
And probably saved my life.
I never forget to wind it now
That clock’s in sync with my heart,
But now my life is racing away
With the clock still playing its part.

David Lewis Paget
Time machine roared for a minute...     Future was nearing

with outrageously high

speeded velocity     Surpassing The Bitter Past    &   Collapsing back

In itself !    Surplus      Evaporating Events      have soared above the

mundane Blue Planet

Glistening, tiny, roundabout vessels         have vanished silently, into the

wide open cracks internal to            Ethereal MotherBoard Memory

of         The MainBrain.         Truly Our Vision Focused on the
upcoming Horizon of Hope                                Saw no Evil no More
Lucius Furius Aug 2017
God waited for Abraham's arm to be actually starting down, the biceps fully tensed.

Nothing short would do; in extremity, we learn what's true.

With a good job, a good marriage, a fine son, I had everything one could expect.  
And yet there was a lingering dissatisfaction; a malaise.
It seemed, deep down, that I didn't really feel or believe in anything.

.........                                             ­                                 
On Saturday morning, August 11, 1990, my three-year-old son and I rounded the corner at the south end of the block where we live.  We were out for a walk.  (He had been born through in-vitro fertilization, everything else had failed -- including several previous in-vitro attempts.)  He was riding his tricycle -- it's amazing how fast a three-year-old can go on a tricycle with big wheels. . . .  The house next to the corner had tall bushes growing right out to the sidewalk.  As we passed the house, my son speeded up.  My attention was diverted to men working across the street trimming trees.  Their chainsaws drowned out the sound of a car backing out of the driveway next to the house with the bushes.  The car was moving slowly and I can see in the slowest of slow motion -- I screamed, but I'm not sure just when (there's no sound track to this movie) -- the car backing into the left handlebar of the tricycle, tilting it over to the right, my son breaking his fall with his right hand.   (As low to the ground as he and the tricycle were, they could not be visible in the driver's rearview mirror at this point.)  And, then, the car stopping.  Did the car stop because of my scream?  Or had the old man driving the car seen my son at the last second before he disappeared behind the car?
.......

I learned instantly with the terrible weight of that tire inches from my son's head, that I wanted with a giant, horrible wanting for this boy to grow up healthy and to have children of his own who would, in turn, have children of their own, and that having my wife hate me for losing him would be unbearable.

All the unfairnesses I had suffered in life -- ALL of them --
instantly became meaningless. Everything was clear.
This is what I wanted; this is what I believed.
Hear Lucius/Jerry read the poem: humanist-art.org/old-site/audio/SoF_062_true.MP3 .  This poem is part of the Scraps of Faith collection of poems ( https://humanist-art.org/scrapsoffaith.htm )
You’re going to meet a guy and he’s going to sweep you off your feet. He’s going to remind you why you wanted love in the first place.
2. You will find that one day he will shred your heart into pieces leaving you to pick up every little piece, cutting your self on the glass, because you, you are fragile.
3. Your parents are always going to upset you and most of the time you will wish that you were grown up already so you can go live on your own and “be happy” but you don’t understand that you can’t be happy if all you lived through was wishing and hoping on the future.
You never live in the present and Its so **** special.
4. No matter how many times you believe you will never find love again, you will. even if that means a speeded heart rate while your listening to your favourite song being the closest thing to love and thats okay.
5. Teenage hood will be rough, you will find yourself waking up in the morning wondering why you ever did, you will find yourself wondering the meaning, the value of everything, I guarantee that telling yourself that you’re going to get through another day, is worth it.
You will find yourself waking up one morning next to the person you love most in this world, and he will kiss your forehead and remind you on why you should stay, why you did.
6. If you’re tired of the wait, then find peace in the pleasures in life, write a poem, read a book, paint a picture.
Go hang out with friends, jump into a lake, laugh at your own jokes.
Life is beautiful, Stop worrying about the ending.
7.Because one day you are going to look back on your life and wonder why you ever worried about dying, it was a lot longer then you expected, it was worth the ride.
8. Write your dreams down, if thats the only thing that is worth remembering about the day then hold on to that, Because Life isn’t always an adventure when you avoid the marvel.
9. Find growth in your pain, Create yourself, Create others through your influence. You mean something.
Your influence is infinite, embrace it.
Today I comanded:
Sit dog!
And she did!

Surprise, surprise -
The doors were
free for us to made
two prominent steps
out of appartament
into the
bright new
opportunity
l
acted like a leader of the pack;
behaved proudly, dignified,
jumping two steps at a time

The dog's velocity was
surrpasing our knees
like a fast speeded glance:

She was upfront,
paw knocking on the glass door
Tongue and fangs were eager
to run free in the wild

I wanted to chill her bear barkings
cute yawning squiqs
. . . uwauu . . .
uwwauuuuws

Respectfully
Ignoring
The
Hectic
Situation
Gaye Dec 2015
Once upon a time, somewhere
When the seagulls speeded
With a bike to a night that
Popped new tyres and did
Not wipe the rain, storm and
Long blue letters that spoke,
I remember you, I remember you

Chillies that swam across the earth
To a milky way where seasons
Changed, candles blew over
Secret nights and lodges Mum
Did not know, emotionlessness fails,
Don’t fly away because
I remember you, I remember you

There’s a standing table and
Papers all around, the ghost
That tiptoed into a bedroom
Where an insomniac fooled
With magic pen and blue eyes
I see you smiling and you know
I remember you, I remember you

Get on the chair and climb
Up to my swing, I’ll take you
To my city and show little jingles.
I caught the sun inside my-
Palm, your little town and
A comic store, look at this!
I remember you, I remember you

I should start making sushies,
Swim across a little ocean
To find a Mickey world of
Endless topics and FIFO workers
You're probably goanna **** me
For the good things I did not write
But you do remember me, don't you?
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!  haha
For my Cobber Mickey ( I pronounced it right) :)
Hello Prolly Mar 2019
Today woke up to see,
if still here and breathe.

Shared the crazy colours
with those precious in the arms.

Raced the town to say,
the yellow train goodbye.

Visited the morning trees,
seeing the specks of light in beams.

Went to the banks of river
to dream a bit of lovely ******.

Speeded up just enough to take off,
to ****** up the day.

Today.
Because I've witnessed beavers to be gifts, make fireworks and save her day )
Have you?
Aria of Midnight Apr 2015
Let me tell you about public buses
with their rolling wheels and upright seats
where the driver entraps in his own world
and as the passengers, we in ours;

but there's a strange occurrence
when strangers share the same seat--
suddenly, we are sensitive
to their slightest movement
the deepness of their breath
our legs touching slightly, sometimes
ramming together throughout
this epic journey.

then, it's our stop;
we are at the window seat, our eyes darting
outwards, with a speeded heart,
our eyes focus on our
impending bus stop.

but before our words form
the sounds, articulate the words,
this stranger has already shifted
with a smile.

"Thank you," you say, stunned,
wondering how they knew
your feelings.
R A Sanders Sep 2012
Fingers glide over keys,
The room is covered in smoke,
My eyes are glazed,
Melodies play quietly,
You're sitting like a king,
Everyone can see you,
But you can't see a thing.

First you start fast,
your fingers going so quickly,
then they slow,
just as brilliantly as they speeded,
Before I know what to say,
your eyes are fixed on me.

The way my hearts skipping beats,
it's so foreign to me,
I swore long ago
not to love anything,
but before I know what I'm doing,
I'm drawing closer to you.

My eyes feel wide,
they're so tired,
I can't blink,
I'm scared you wouldn't be there,
You look so brilliant in this room.

Together we're on a wooden bench,
You're speaking so softly,
You're voice like the song you played,
It's soft and touching to the heart,
I don't know where to start,
I start mumbling,
In an absent place of mind,
I whisper,
"There you are",
Or maybe that's what my heart said.

Your eyes are bright blue,
Your sandy brown hair,
It's taking all my effort
not to show you what I'm feeling,
All I hear is your breathing,
The room is hush,
Then a brush of your finger,
A mindless touch,
It sends my heart flying,
Just like I knew it would.

With my heart beating,
and my mind spinning,
I press my fingers to the keys,
You smile at the noise it makes,
Then you took my hand,
between the thudding in my chest,
I hear quietly,
the words brush against your lips,
"There you are",
Or maybe that's what your heart said.
Abigail Oct 2014
Drowning, slowly sinking
Struggling to keep her head up
The pain sets in
Its getting harder to breath, harder to move
Struggling to eat without the self hatred
The disease is setting in
The blood flows out
Stark red contrasts against white
Pain leaves the body
Slowly
The pain drains away as her soul returns
One less angle left on earth.

She cuts deeper each time past the skin past bone
Letting the sickness bleed out
But its speeded into her bones
Heads spinning round
Running in circles anyway
Chasing down the dreams trying to get away
Starving every morning starving every night
Hungry to bed makes her light
Voice screaming in her head drowning out her thoughts
Her voice slowly fades
Getting harder each day
Losing sleep and her mind
Diving further into the abyss the deep dark unknown.
bb Dec 2014
10/27/14
say it once more, out loud, or as many times as you want:
"I did not think it would happen like this."
there are seven billion people on the earth right now, and that means about seven billion god complexes, each above my own.
there are things that aren't supposed to be said, and things that are crafted to be left behind. I always compared myself to one of the latter, but now I realize I am the suitcase. I am the hotel shampoo that you leave in your bag only to carry it to the next hotel.
those little bottles have seen a lot.
so have I -- well, enough to know that when people say "don't look down," they mean it. I compiled a list of the ways that I could have said goodbye, and then tore it up, letting the little pieces go one by one from my hand out your car window as it speeded down the thruway.
there are good lights and bad lights and lights in between -- warning lights. if there are no sirens, how can you tell the difference? red is not a color to mess around with. and please, whatever you do, please don't get it on the walls. people will get the wrong idea.
Alex John Peace Jun 2017
Love is pain left out in the rain,
with nothing to gain but teardrop stains,
being haunted by a memory as I think back,
the things we used to do and how we used to act with love trust and passion.
Because a pride never kept things inside,
they were always discussed between us,
never argued about,
and I never gave any dues for you to figure it out.

How I miss being blessed with your sweet finesse,
as we kiss and twist and caress on the mattress.
Sweet body heat, your heartbeat.
I'll grip your hips and both our lips will meet so neat,
staring up at the moonlight with someone to hold tight.
Given a chance for romance, until the sunlight brightens the sky,
it reflects in your eye.
But now the reflection is gone and I cry out she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me looking at your picture as it sits on the table,
as I put on my cable I wish I was able to touch, but it's a shame you had to go.

So I watch the hands on the clock go real slow,
gone with the wind is love a sin?
If it is then God, bring it back again.
Not a girl that you rate as a fine blind date,
I need a love mate,
so I open the window to feel the wind blow,
try to figure out how a love can end so fast,
and just pass and not even last.

first grow like grass then shatter like glass,
now I stare at the walls, clock five paracetamol,
turn off my phone to avoid any calls.
As I sit and crave for the love she gave,
but when I wake up,
I'm the same *** slave saying; she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me.
She loves me when I lost a good friend, dreams seem to end.

Cause a broken heart and me don't blend,
you move to quick you become seasick.
So I race in space and try to replace the pretty face,
but it's a waste,
this chase is a kiddy case.

Now I whisper how much I miss her,
my lips should have blistered the way I kissed her.
So soft and slow,
laid back and relaxed,
and when I move the groove is as smooth as a sax.
She kissed me low then proceeded up,
bed sheets heated up,the pace is speeded up.
Slowly but surely we reach our destiny,
She got the best of me and  left the rest of me.

All I got is total confusion,
she disappeared and it's not an illusion.
My life bitter, the memories glitter,
my heart's deflated, doctors can't rate it,
I don't know how the hell I made it.
So farewell sweetheart wherever you are,
I'll just look at the stars and say; she loves me, she loves me not....
Elijah Sep 2014
smell the serenity of his soul
his, that longs endearity
that disfigures infidelity
that mistrusts commonality
his soul is more that it meets the eye
speeded up like a love train when it sees you
you, where it gives the needed attention
the love and affection
where the fibre of thine heart is transfigured
off to your hiding place
where the fire will be made
through the transmigration to a beautiful soul.
Can you meet me halfway?
#love #soul
H A Vitatoe Jan 2018
The clock ticks faster everyday,
seconds that beat rapidly away

As minutes pass,
I glimpse into the past
My mind gets stuck,
in a time capsule cast

Remembering when time
had moved much slower,
but  it speeded up
as I grew  older

Once hoping it wold
hurry up its tock
Now wishing that
it would come to a stop

Forward it moves in eternity
quickly it is reminding me
of the direction that it goes
and I cannot tell it to slow

A speed of illusion
that continues to turn,
a motion that keeps going
and does not return

For when I'm gone
will there still be a ticking clock,
or would it be a memory
that cannot be forgot
Mystic904 Sep 2017
Visiteth, buildings those workers constructed,
Foundation lay which the heartfelt knitted

Ask them, those beside who're seated
Which rugged path the old man leaded

Look, those who just went on speeded
Saying, was that accident needed

Ever asked the lad on the hill so steep,
How much was that school boy beated

Never judge one by the front that ye witness,
By none, can their destiny be readed

Fix thyself, upon the loose ***** should you focus
Then will the fate, have a right message tweeted

Don't let nothing become the cause ye receded
Then shall desire fulfil the path ye pleaded
Sara Jakke Mar 2013
She received a gift of prophecy
Which she kept locked deep inside her soul
Begging for her honesty
Her mind soon lost control

Her breath turned to ashes
Her heart reshaped veins
Red blood sank into darkness
A naked body in flames

Lonely old clock
Speeded up time
When her breathing stopped
Her world turned sublime

A gift of prophecy
Entails experience
Life overwhelmed with quality
Shining in its brilliance

One cannot control time
For time is in control
Lost time is never found again
Not even in the deepest holes of our soul
Malia Oct 2024
Nothing made me angrier than when
You expected the best from me and I
Felt like it was unfair, and I couldn’t do
What everyone else could, that I didn’t
Have the tools, that this was a race but
I was positioned behind the
Starting line.

I thought you didn’t understand.

And you didn’t.

But you pushed me farther than I thought
I could go, you told me that I could do it—
That I had to.
You held me to that same gold standard,
On the bad days and the good days and
The days in between, you never wavered
And you never gave me the option to
Quit.

So I ran that race, and I ran it fast
I sprinted and leaped and speeded past
Everyone else, despite where I started,
And all I could feel was the rush in the air,
The breath in my veins and the wind in my hair,
The power of my stride, the power of my will,
The strength of my wholeness, this strength I could feel,
And every time, I thought I could not do it.

You did not know my pain—
Yet you pushed me right through it.
Mayuri Jan 2018
One cold morning, I decided to go on a walk. Left technology and knowledge behind. All I took, was my gracious self.

I felt the wind on the skin of my bare arms, the hairs on my back stood up straight. The wind grew denser and denser until the fog spread all over.

As I strode along, I saw a vague image approaching my direction. Without noticing until I grew closer, I met a familiar face. One that I knew so long and well.

The distance continued to shrink further, until an inch was left between us. I looked up into his fiery eyes. He had the same golden tan, he had a year ago.

A sudden rush of hope, of joy, of pain, of life encircled me. I felt the flow of current between us. A heat half the sun could contain. I knew what was coming next. Oh yes I did!

He would hug me so tight, tell me he missed me. He still loves me. He needs me. He wouldn't leave me. He would fight for me. And he would still be hugging me. I would say I am sorry. I would say forgive me. I would say take me with you.

He stood there. He stepped back. He looked away. He sighed. He said he's sorry. I put my arm forward, and I said I am sorry too. He looked into my eyes. They mirrored mine. Eyes defeated. Touch most needed. Hearts shattered. Nothing mattered.

He said bye. I said bye. He reached home And so did I. He begged for one more meeting. For the one last time, he wished he could've fixed it. He grew the guts even after causing the breakage of my heart. He prepared to come over the next day. To ask for a lifetime of repentance with me by his side.

It was the next cold morning. All armoured for the glorious day. He drove off the merry lonesome streets, faster than the rays of beams. He arrived at my gateway. Astonished to see a grand decoration. He walked out of the car. Speeded over to the entrance. What he saw after that, was unspectacular.

I was seen as the prettiest lady in the hall. Next to a man, of medium built who stood up tall. I shot straight up, immediately I caught sight of him. I knew he was just in time, to make me whole.

He walked with a plastered smile across his face, right up to me. Handed me over the bouquet, asked for my hand, and put it into his. He congratulated me and watched me wed. Till this day, I've been ever so dead.
#justastepaway
mike dm Aug 2016
eye starly
cut thrumming
cherry ember dwindle shutter

speeded up
us lamplighted
and brief
Misapprehension

On my way to lunch
Drove the wrong way
Turned and followed the car's
Silhouette
In front of me
Speeded up to join it
The car caught up with its
Illusion
And became whole again
Lunch at the café
As usual
No acknowledgement could be
commensurate nar e'er
equivalent to countless years (scores of orbitz  
of unexplored wonder) – left...
(with millstones around neck)

to atrophy on severe truncated
limb mitts, now cause
for silent lachrymose as this
brother doth brook a wake

his pained self actualization
(particularly predicated on
decade number six
unavoidably approaching) uptake

analogous to 2001 A Space Odyssey,
when closing scene
of the film - image of embryonic
"Starchild" left a slake

king unshakable reverberation
Also Sprach Zarathustra
echoing in me noggin since
opening soundtrack did quake

of a much younger self, when seeing
the movie did overtake
puzzlement until I read the book
"aha" awareness did make

that minor mystery resolved, and
now childhood's end keepsake
recalled as the time thy vulnerable
psychological state did intake

pelting asteroid storm cratering a boy
who shied away, to forsake
growing up, and now haunted (akin
to ghost of Marley) not "FAKE"

shackled to an un freed spirit, that
got squelched as if a sudden brake
got jammed propelling this then puny
body electric...now doth ache.

Even though days of life lived with
(all my children now grown) ail
ling soul of stifled for want of indulging
in ordinary experiences bewail 
ling deprivation of accomplishing
healthy milestones regret a cold detail

reminding me as aging process speeded
as if an onset of late progeria fail
lings in this once skinny as twig youth,
now thinning hair bothersome - hail
yes (suspected cause underactive thyroid,
blood test will confirm), a jail

unseen by anybody even me finds spontaneity
bound from within this male,
whose counterproductive antics sought
to compensate for lost time did imp pale
and figuratively crucify myself at the
emotional expense of "star student" rail

ling (recent time gone by), thee (to her)
unforgivable hurt, the stuff of a true tale,
this papa does resign himself unintentional
misery untraversable unbridgeable gulf  
the expanse of a yawning Rhode Island
sized Leviathan whale.

oh...thank you for the Trader Joe's gift card
this dirt poor mortal doth leave ye 
with his cumulative loving re:guard
aware hiatus of estrangement (FROM ME) 
the sad story of my life with mom, dad, 
two loving sisters, who tried so hard

to reach out only to be rebuffed, as well 
Abby, Eden, Shana deserving of so 
much more joy...sorry girls dada starred
and created in his own living nightmare - 
alone in a wilderness more bleak than Siberia, 
within a solo battle pierced by my
own Damoclean Sword!
Throughout the history of human kind spirituality
has been the vehicle that leads us to a new modality
As breath is linked to life, it is the transient carnality
of the spirit, the one forever flow of wholesome chi
To breathe is to live, to live is to exist with extensity
born to take our first breath with lung flexibility,  
we learn to appreciate our duration and existentiality
as we be breathed and speeded, into infancy  
We live and have our moments in expectancy  
honoring each other with loyalty and compliancy  
The breath is the life and the life our determinacy
to exist, in a world of utter lunacy and discrepancy .
Jayne E Nov 2019
sleepless feeds my mind slipping
elusive rest seeds as unrest unfolds
unsure footed & fraught head tripping
spiralling down wantings rabbit hole
super helix on hyper speeded axis
these thoughts find nowhere to go

I miss you in this cold night dark
I need your warm side here to lull me
the pain the pine has me fretting stark
craving to sleep beside you peace fully
I toss I turn yearning & burning

willing myself into fragments of light
and the 3am wind to lift me and carry
so I may elementally flee on the night
to my sweet loves bed with no tarry
every star is blown dark without you near

my hearts caged rhythm beats your name
as night chases dawn down to her knees
ruined by your love and it's white hot flame
a night larks song calls out across the seas
my waking fingers reach to not find you here

© J.C. 02/11/2019. 3.40am..

— The End —