A slap on the face during a good hard *******.

Asian liposuction feeling the fingers of my mind piling the ripped up chipped up crap from the side of the face to the plate put out in front of my lips to kiss the endless stream of a violent dream and all of the seams are ripped and I’m dark inside.

No where to be hyde or swallow my pride I have nothing left but my bare naked self in the cold of my unfettered failure.

Killing me softly with all the softcore underscore. Oh what a bore.
Such a slap in the face is the endless disgrace that peels though the soul like a razor maypole.

Grand is the shame that once was a game and ends with the fact that I’m deaf and dumb.
I’ve up and confessed.
So it’s over... but still missing
The body, the eyes, the flesh and the thighs, the hair and the lips unyielding.
The mind and the soul. The joy of the whole, and the love I could give so selflessly.

Twas numbing like a needle, or bottle.
Distracting from a cold, cruel, crack in the wall.
Yet up on the wings of an eagles
I’ll resist the pull of the fall.

It's a 6 hour
Youtube
Mozart mix

Yes I need my classical fix!

This life
Is some kind
Of tragedy I think

Once I ****** right
In the sink

Wandering here
Wandering there

And who really gives a care

Reading about Camu
And the absurd

I embrace the absurdity
Of it all

And from my Christian perspective
I believe man has had a great fall

From His purpose the Creator intended
So divine
This little light inside
(Im going to let it shine)

The problem is
I just don't care
About the American way

American dollars
Are ****** worthless
Okay!

And so I refuse to work
At some type of job

I think I will sit in my room
And sob

Life is a problem
Don't you know

Some softcore
Pornographic images
On the computer screen

Lustful indulgences
Fail to satisfy it seems

That woman I saw
In That old school 80's ****
What a *****!

I wear the same
Sweatshirt

About everyday
Just forget fashion,
Okay?

Shelter, food and water
Is what I need
I am not filled with greed

I don't need the Mercedes SUV
That guzzles gas
Yes indeed, I think I will pass

A nation of consumers
Programmed to consume

We ruin our environment
This will be our doom

If it was up to me
I will drain those
Huge swimming pools
Of every friggin'
Celebrity

Those massive homes
In the Hollywood hills
Waste a ton of H20

California is in
An extreme drought
Don't you know?

And all that space
Is a waste too

Humans ruin their
Natural environment
And this makes me
Quite blue :(

I’m enjoying spending time with my mom - we have an intimacy braided like rope. I forgot how funny she is. At the same time, we’ve been softcore arguing for days.

She wants me to accomplish something this summer - to pad my med-school resume - do anything but relax. But I refuse. If I’m going to complete a master's degree next summer, then I’m going to have fun this summer. Periodt. I’m not an automaton for her to wind. Her stress radiates, as I play Animal Crossing on the couch.

I reach up towards her forehead, “Is there an off button?” I ask.
“Go away,” she chuckles, blocking my hand.
Before I turn away, I add, “You’re the most fun when you’re not giving advice or saying the wrong things..”
“Or breathing incorrectly?” She finished my sentence.
“Exactly,” I laughed, “then you’re practically perfect.”

The boys - Peter (my BF) and Step (my stepfather) - sit or stand, uninvolved, outside the action, like we’re in some other dimension - they try and look at anything but us when we’re wrangling.

Poetry time!

The phantoms of my discontent
are held at bay, by leisure,
are mollified by pleasure.

Am I crazy to set boundaries?
Am I lazy, cause I won’t let her chivvy me?
I’ve got my own voice; I’ll make my own choices.
We have the same goals - but I’m in control.

For every plan I’ve got, she has a hundred caveats.
Sure, I’ve done nothing, while she’s done it all.
I’m her little rocket that she doesn’t want to stall.
But she needs to understand, I’ve left the launching pad.
.
.
songs for this…
Mama by Spice Girls
Hey Mama by Kanye West
Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now by Nikki Blonsky, Marissa Jaret Winokur, Ricki Lake, Motion Picture Cast of Hairspray
.
periodt ← slang for absolute period

She thinks all she ever stole from me
were a few shirts and some pens.
She thinks all she ever got from me
were objects and bitter words.
Little does she know how much more
she took and could've taken if she had stayed.

What is your excuse, the main
stated reason causing you to lose?
You know what you have to gain,
what you want to do
with your time.

Why don't you do it?

With only today at hand,
only one ship manned,
only 24 hours to grind
and no take-backs when you fall behind,
you know it's up to you
to pull yourself through.

Why don't you do it?

Are you sad? Are you under
pressure? Are you afraid of being bad,
scared of thunder and aggression?
Do you despise succesful others,
have no respect for proud mothers?
What's holding you back from where you need to be?

Why don't you do it?

It's too complicated, rough,
I was never hard or tough.
It's not amusing in the present,
I resent working like a peasant.

That is softcore cocky, didn't you
ever see the movie rocky,
with the guy running up the stairs?
Even if there's no one else in your life who cares,
there's you
and a lot of things to do.

Why don't you do it?

Is it habits? Make some new.
Is it sleep? Plan your cycle.
Is it the past? Let it be a drive.
Is it the future, are you insecure?
Then make it certain, strive
to make your own **** cure.

And whenever you are feeling you might crack,
locate the reason, what's holding you back.
If there's nothing valid in what you find,
it's time to stop acting like you're blind.

Do it.