I put you on my wall today
          As soon as I got home
              And I smilled at how you were crooked
                   And I tilted my head to really see you

      And that's when the water sloshed out of my ears and I was drowning

                      Your eyes became bubbles that helped me breathe
              When I sucked them in
  
       I became one with the pressure
The fluctuating force that I knew all to well
         Spilling from my ears like a cloud too heavy to hold its weight
    
             You drift off the wall and float with me, fragile, yet permanent and meaningful in my mind

I remember you tall.
Running marathons with ease as the
Portland breeze was my only relief as I
Staggered behind to a crawl, you – you

You turned back,
Picked me up and said the blisters on my
Feet showed a need to push harder – to attack and I –
I wanted to keep going. To fight through tears and blisters

Sitting in the corner of your office.
Small firm accounting. Where I had my first
Toffee, you excelled at numbers, serving rich and crass
You smilled, sipped your coffe, flipped through pages fast
One day, you went to the store. You
came back empty-handed, like a child forgetting a chore, you
you looked confised, but your wrinkled smile didn’t fade.
At least, not until you
At least, not until you – you
You
Forgot my name.

A life is a collection of memories
And hopes
And for you – for you
-for you that was
Fading

My fear wasn’t as loud as
The “nope” I was saying

Like all
My well wishes could stop
The ***** you were slipping
Like – like

Like I could have the audacity
To force you into
Into staying
Your gray beard, your
Coffee staining your shirts and
Your jackets
Weighing heavy

The tracks
My
Tears were laying when your

Your last word to me was “hey”
Trying to stop
Stop my crying in vain

Now
These jackets weighing
Weighting too heavy on grandma, she
She put them on my shoulders
The soft leather
Felt more like a
Boulder, my
My
My arms
Slipped through the sleeves,
Sleeves crawled at the wrist
Funny, I remembered you
tall

You held my hips n looked straight at me n smiled.
When you got home you sent me a text sayn 'you are beautiful'
I smilled like an idiot that night, cud not sleep, i cud still feel you deep inside me. I was so sore bt my core still cried for more.
I was insatiable now, longing for your  touch, knowing you wud tame this wanton creature you had awaken.
Diving in so deep, i wanted more, too afraid to show you how my inner godess had awaken. too terrified to let you see her, not coz i didnt love you.
You just werent man enough to satisfy her. She wanted a shade so dark bt you were too bright

He was here,
Yes he was.
His posture,I vividly recall,
How he walked, how he sat.
I've always wanted to talk,
And now he's gone.

He was here,
Yes he was.
His aura, I still recall.
How he smilled, how he talked.
I always wanted to be friends,
But now he's gone.

He was here,
But now he's not.
Always wanted to be him ,if not with him.
Can I say hello sometimes.
Hope that privilege is not gone.

He is not here, but I still smell him