I hung the sunflower
from a piece of twine
in my wardrobe,
some months ago now.

Something once beautiful,
a gift from you to me,
a symbol of us,
together

and the happiness we found
in eachother
as we grew and bloomed
together.

So I hung it in the wardrobe
to preserve it.
To keep it. To admire it.
To cherish it for as long as we could.

And yet despite my attempts,
this sunflower’s petals
fell to the wardrobe floor,
it’s head shrivelling, wilting.

What could I do?
but leave it there
for days and weeks,
suspended amongst the clothes.

But the longer I left it,
unable to face
what I knew I had to do,
the worse this sunflower became.

We cannot restore
life into something
dead
and decayed.

I sharpened my shears and cut both
the thin twine of the sunflower,
and the thin twine holding us
together.

The dead sunflower hanging in my wardrobe
becomes the dead sunflower
lying amongst its own petals
on the wardrobe floor.

I am left to pick up the pieces
of what once was.
It was useless to try to preserve
when all flowers live, then die.

sat in your lap
jealousy builds
like pressure
once a fissure

it now inches
its way across
my soiled soul
lather it on my body
like blood -
thick and treacly
dark, sticky
ever so sickly

tell me your lies
tell me your truths
trace them into my flesh
mark me

cast the runes
now they have spoken
clatter on the rocks
like my pride has
broken

my rage glowing
all I can see
forever growing

I embody entropy
A rule of disorder

hatred rises
through the flames
let it burn me
to ashes
like your touch
sizzles my skins frame

it's a crime scene
of blood swirling like ink
pills scattered
around me
like a ritual
I wonder what
my mother would think

you're a dream thief
knife in my
heavy heart
you've stripped me bare
and I stand
as you depart
with nothing but
at your mercy

I'm you're experiment V
the looking glass shows me
what's left
a withered mess
existing
for you to thrive
tired pile of crumbly bones and
shrivelling rotting insides
tossed aside

burn me to
oblivion

I want the skin
to stop sticking to my bones
melt it off
let the blood pool onto stone
let the fat droop and distend
mocking me, me mocking
never ever stopping
wretch and stretch
till I break
rip my organs out
serenade my limp body
with the liquid lava that drips
as you extract
my black heart
take a sip of my sublimity

I am all you will never be
because I don't think I ever was
do what you will to my material
never to extinguish my fire
that does
never
cease
limitlessly
increase
the
entropy

KG

I

1 Our brains ache, in the merciless iced east winds that knife us ...
2 Wearied we keep awake because the night is silent ...
3 Low drooping flares confuse our memory of the salient ...
4 Worried by silence, sentries whisper, curious, nervous,
5 But nothing happens.

6 Watching, we hear the mad gusts tugging on the wire.
7 Like twitching agonies of men among its brambles.
8 Northward incessantly, the flickering gunnery rumbles,
9 Far off, like a dull rumour of some other war.
10 What are we doing here?

11 The poignant misery of dawn begins to grow ...
12 We only know war lasts, rain soaks, and clouds sag stormy.
13 Dawn massing in the east her melancholy army
14 Attacks once more in ranks on shivering ranks of gray,
15 But nothing happens.

16 Sudden successive flights of bullets streak the silence.
17 Less deadly than the air that shudders black with snow,
18 With sidelong flowing flakes that flock, pause and renew,
19 We watch them wandering up and down the wind's nonchalance,
20 But nothing happens.

II

21 Pale flakes with lingering stealth come feeling for our faces--
22 We cringe in holes, back on forgotten dreams, and stare, snow-dazed,
23 Deep into grassier ditches. So we drowse, sun-dozed,
24 Littered with blossoms trickling where the blackbird fusses.
25 Is it that we are dying?

26 Slowly our ghosts drag home: glimpsing the sunk fires glozed
27 With crusted dark-red jewels; crickets jingle there;
28 For hours the innocent mice rejoice: the house is theirs;
29 Shutters and doors all closed: on us the doors are closed--
30 We turn back to our dying.

31 Since we believe not otherwise can kind fires burn;
32 Now ever suns smile true on child, or field, or fruit.
33 For God's invincible spring our love is made afraid;
34 Therefore, not loath, we lie out here; therefore were born,
35 For love of God seems dying.

36 To-night, His frost will fasten on this mud and us,
37 Shrivelling many hands and puckering foreheads crisp.
38 The burying-party, picks and shovels in their shaking grasp,
39 Pause over half-known faces. All their eyes are ice,
40 But nothing happens.

In place of memories — embers.
Inextinguishable, yet untrue
to the fidelity of what was.
The smoky curlicues, too,
have been denied. That whiff
of the past. Smouldering,
it warms the prudent hand.
Sears the lingering one.

In place of you — embers.
Charcoal flake anklets at your feet.
Wrinkling, shrivelling.
Your impassive verse-marked
way of staying. But when asked
to disappear, become so
unwilling.

Sadie was a doubtful one
Her mind was tightly shut
When faced with the fantastical
She’d fold her arms and tut
She pranced around her garden
With an playful evil aura
And dealt a merry flattening
To all that passed before her
Their bodies lay around her
And an imp of mischief found her

She loved to trap and poison
And wished she’d been a spider
When a fizzing overtook her
When a rumble grew inside her
When a shrinking and a shrivelling
Across her form did tickle
And soon did Sadie realise
That wishes can be fickle
Her legs and arms divided
Her eyeballs multiply did

So sorry Sadie scuttled
Alternating creep and crawl
She tippy-toe’d across the grass
And past her victims all
And sadness was upon her
And with mourning in her eyes
Her grief compounded hunger
And an appetite for flies
Her lengthy limbs belied her
Sorry Sadie was a spider

She loped along a lily
And her sorrow turned to guilt
Her carapace was aching
For the blood which she had spilt
She wept a web of anguish
With her sticky little tears
She wound a downward spiral
Like the falling of the years
Her malice had been stunted
Her fangs were dull and blunted

Sadie gained existence
On a web of worldly woes
She fed her tiny tummy
Where the buzz and flutter goes
And she learned the price of living
So she killed just what she ate
And she knew why killing needlessly
Was such an ugly trait
And with a human soul inside her
She chose to be a spider

The fall will unwind
the shrivelling day,
the works of my mind
the fall will unwind,
the key left behind
and longing for May:
the fall will unwind
the shrivelling day.

It all disappears
replaced by a phantom,
the flickering light of a coal miners lantern casts its shadow along the black halls and it all disappears.
Bevan would spin in his grave knowing his lads could not save what remained of his dream,
and in the lean light of lamplight the nightwatch calls midnight,
and it all disappears.

We were born into a world that exploded with light emitting diodes,and nuclear power,turbines that whine in constant revolution,
a green world, a clean world, a world fit for tomorrow where the future is born from the ashes of sorrow and these tears we would borrow from the seeds that we sow ,
and it all disappears in the fears of the many,of those, who if they had any hope,have it no more,where the door is locked and the bolt is drawn against this brave new dawn,and sometimes it feels like I never was born ,
but created from eggshells and no one tells me that I'm wrong.

Cracked open my breath breaks away, and the inside exposed,peeled like the petals that rose on some bloom,the shrivelling doom, a vast mushrooming cloud,
and it makes me feel proud,
as it all disappears and we all fade away.

When Shrivelling Hands be too Far to Beg,
Those very Guardians point to Gauge your Fame
Stars as Frozen Mentors rely on Peg
That once Removed will never be the Same
Yet by Faith both Sires press your Engage
Merely your Gifts that for Greatness promote
Not by Profits; But the Lord's Hand arrange
Admit Recreation your Time devote
Though not all, bid some Temptation advise
On his Solicitor we Understand
Whose Faces will Sell; Or Rumours incite
To plomb most Well-Wishes on their Demand.
Be this Fourth Commandment: Well we take Heed
Such Wind we Ride on a Dangerous Steed.

‬

you cracked stars
lavished me in  gloaming dust

beneath freckled lashes
through glimmering tips
I adored you
uncontrollably

pledged skies could not hide in your midnight eyes
still your somber head slowly shook

between powder keg’d echoes and dwindling flickers of twilight
I slashed clumsy neon scars
intoxicated

stabbed stars spat
stuttering sparks
searing gift-wrap skin
and shrivelling ribboned lust

so shamefully I cling
to your petrol soaked promises
with tinder ribs
awaiting combustion

but you always knew
I was too dewy
to ignite
and my lungs starve flames

as I gasp
knowing

only you can crack
my star shelled wish

Crossing those boundaries of yesterday, step into unknown.
As today is your birthright, burn with fervour; consume and rise.
Repetition is forbidden, etch out your story; time flies.
Past is shrivelling rose, let go, so it may nourish its own.
Enraptured, relish each moment like a French delicacy.

Desire is destiny, fickle as change is constant. There's just
Indecency of death, after which comes the stygian dearth.
Embrace that permanence, and drain every day of all its worth.
M**an wasn't meant to be a slave of tomorrow, break free; you must!

O lioness,

your head swung low, stooped
on muscled haunches and still,
so still on arid reed -

is your mind swept clean, all sins
forgiven? That ravenous beast -
kingly and untouchable, like a god -

is joined by another,
and bearded like wizened lords,
both parade and bare pride

and teeth. As Jealousy and Lust devour
your scrubbed young, you resign -
fur blending and heart shrivelling

in heat - and perhaps
what frightens you most
is later giving love and life

to someone that has stolen it.

Bewitch me, Ayesha, in volcanic realms
to bathe in the flames of your pillar of light
Sorceress of beauty, your power overwhelms
your enchanted incarnate, returned from the night
Ageless and timeless, in Kor once revered
Lost in your eyes, in your spellbinding gaze
Two millennia existed, now cruel and feared
by the people you’ve ruled in formidable ways
Step into the blue flames, to melt and to burn?
To give reassurance you step in the blue
caressing your body, erotically turn
Eternal life beckons in harmony with you
We bathe in the light so forever exist
Ayesha, Kallikrates ever entwined
Then time to step out, but a terrible twist
Ayesha you whither likes grapes on a vine
Your body is shrivelling, you’re turning to dust
Before me my lover gone back to the earth
Now I reincarnate forever to lust
for you to come back to me, for your rebirth
I pine for you, grieve for you, calling your name
What you failed to know of the blue fire’s curse
is that once you may enter the magical flame
but the second time all of its powers reverse.

30.12.18 JG

Red tongues lap at the black expanse above
With such a solemn viciousness the embers dance skyward
Tiny blazing bodies fleeing to the Heavens
From molten veins through charred crusts crumbling
Dark smoke glows before the sky stumbling plumes and intricate ballet spirals
Engulfing more and more the flames and smoke
Choking the blackened skeleton dancing through the beams like bones
The body of the house
The innards reduced to dust
The scene is captured in unblinking eyes, two great fire filled suns
A sombre popping sound emits past the roaring heat static
Expensive couch, cheap cushions, hours wasted choosing
Burning and shrivelling items that they had afforded so much time
Destroyed and gone forever
Singed leaves drift from their life giver’s arms and crackle into the inferno -
High above the scorched earth
A grassless ash pile growing slowly
The blaze radiates an orange glow over the surrounding domiciles
Visible from a far, the smoke more absolute than the night sky.

Without bricks, wood, plaster, concrete
Out alone – self ejected into the world
Heavy feet dragging across the street with light steps
Creaking beams collapsing behind the way wolves bay from the trees
And from the end of the street the flames appear blood red
As if terra firma had been lashed open
Arteries of molten fire
Festering scabs of ash
Torched from under the flesh of air casting coal colour veins
Further and further the slowly diminishing frame fades
And the streets open up to dark distant sentinels
Flanking the road and watching densely and unflinching  
There are flames in the night air
History burning with a bonfire smell
Sirens wailing a crescendo of blaring blue light to meet the hellish glow

Participate,
Don't stay in a slump!

Initiate,
Don't be down in the dumps!

The feelings won't stay if you won't let them!

It is not that you are being cruel or that you are shutting out your feelings!

So stop your shrivelling,
don't keep punishing yourself!

Fester in them too long,
you'll be
finished!

I am once again silenced at the precipice of speech
On the verge of verbal expression I falter
Stutter, mutter, fumble, and tumble over words
As if they were more than just words
And really something physical
Something I could touch

Eyes converge on my lips like a lens
Focusing the rays of indignation so it burns
Charring and shrivelling, those black paper butterflies
Flutter in my chest and tear up my insides
Moving towards my head, stop my lungs
I can't breathe
My heart is a flooded
Watergate, a dam rushing
A machine out of control
I think
I think
I think
I think
I'm on the brink
My mind is a man
In danger
His out of breath lungs breathing acid
Pursued by a hooded knife
In the lonely dark he runs
But reaches a dead end
No way out
No where to run
He spots the shape, the only escape
A silhouette in his eye
He wishes he would collapse, so he could just
Relax
Retire with a sigh
The burden off his mind
Everything gone
He would finally die

I abandon all tears;
My conscience seeks peace.
My wholeness has gone;
Gone like my faith, alone.

The youth and serendipity
The blood that breathed in me
Now turning into wrath;
My coined life is virile and mad.

What is around me;
All lost in promiscuity;
Here, there shall be no heaven
Here, love has no words—nor passion.

Who speaks about me,
To understand or see me;
All are sinking into shrapnels,
And the lonesome heat feels like hell.

All is part of dark tunnels,
Channeling out into brown seas,
Living by unseen funnels
Unfelt by the breeze.

All is not blind, but sad
Shrivelling in bold air,
Their youths, I cannot wed
But lonely nights are fair.

I withdraw all affairs;
That they shall subside
And blend into those lights,
Those I have never cheered.

I hold my breath anew
I have been here to the core,
The lenient feelings that knew;
I should not stay once more.

Lay me down gently
Put me down to sleep
When the night-time draws near
Allow my conscious to slumber deep

You cared for me so gently
Your love so very steep
Hands cradling my body
Knew that I could trust you while I was weak

And that hand became firmer
Clutching my cheek
Your figure looming larger
Rib cage trembling, letting out a creak

My heart laid bare
My chest ripped open in a heap
Your voice like daggers
Into my blood, your words seep

And slowly, as you lay me down
Force me down to sleep
The shadows of my cot grows
And silence slowly reigns over the night bleak

Not a meek voice heard from the baby
As you stand over me in a silent vicious weep
Knife in hand, prepared to take the leap
Gaze flicking over to the baby's eyes that begin to peep

Staring, as the baby begins to smile
Smile eerie, teeth wicked and sharp
Eyes blinking slowly, its stare
An oath that your soul it will reap

You draw back your dagger
Driving your frozen feet forward with a shriek
Coming down with momentum
Moonlight glinting with the blade's sweep

Relief washing over you
The baby's forsaken body lying in death asleep
Eyes still open, unmoving as you heave
Deep breath in, as your heart beats

Until, motionless eyes slowly roll to the side
The blood on your knife, now on your skin creeps
Crawling and drawing its way up in streaks
Encircling your wrist, holding you in its keep

You struggle in its grasp, as with torment it wreaks
It's body shrivelling as its blood encompasses your physique
Meshing its blood with your blood, overpowering your every essence
Until your lips although moving, are no longer able to speak

And slowly, your body shrivels along with the form in the cot
Blood flowing, down your body it creeps
Returns down your arms, down the shining blood-red blade
and back into the empty skin

Figure transforming, as the baby reaches down and slowly
The handle it retrieves
Drawing out the weapon
No longer in blood is it steeped

The baby closes its eyes, as sleep clutches it's form
Breathing small breathes through its small nose
Figure of a mother barely holding on
Laying on the ground as her eyes leak

woke this morning on the wrong side of bed
or was it somebody else's bed altogether
the birds were screaming and I felt like shrivelling
why is it that mornings either bring dread or fresh terror
I'm angry at more things yet again
I'm not sure I mean to slam these doors or glare
do I feel like stringing words or writing music
why is it that human speech sets me on edge
the heart is in actuality quite small
(the size of my clenched fist before I drive it into the wall)
we set up mirrors around the perimeters of its insides
to make it look larger, encompassing and more roomy
did you say symmetry or did you say cemetery
not sure if I wasn't listening, or you weren't clear
isn't speech meant to be understood

went to sleep on the wrong side of bed
or was it somebody else's bed altogether
you were humming and I was daydreaming, listening
the only thing in my head "what am I doing"
do you feel like sexting or do you feel like sleeping
I like it better when you call me "pretty" and not "beautiful"
I fail to comprehend strings of words flying out your lips
but when you touch me I understand
we hold our false large hearts in beaten chests
(the redness of skin tearing as I claw at flesh)
we play around with foolish words
and when dawn breaks we dress sore clawed backs
fading in, fading out
trying our hardest just to recall how to look clean
our sweetness lies only in the night
and steadily, bitterness comes every morning

My body trembles at the sight of shadows.
Fireflies flicker and flash above us.
Burning hands and hungry flesh.
A knocking begins.
My tongue pressed against my teeth.
"Why do we make things so complicated?"
Tangled and messy in the muscles of hearts.
I heave and hurt.
Early mornings. Little sleep.
Is this the purge?
I can’t remember the last time someone spoke to my skin.
Company is expensive. The price of a hot meal.
I ***** the faces of lovers on my wall with needles, and cover their mouths with tape.
Pressed up against isles of DVD’s.
Kiss me until you taste laughter.
I’ve never before felt so heavy.
Lungs shrinking, shrivelling.
Sockets are black holes now.
You never looked like just a man to me;
from the first time I looked at you
I saw poetry.

The winds of the west blow
from hallowed undying lands
to lands east,over the oceans flow
into mortal realms where darkness lies
They stem from His thoughts,who dwells on his lofted throne
and transcends the realms of every age
giving life to that gentle breeze,
that has the power to assuage,ills
begotten when the girdle was built
sundering one and one from the other
even so the west wind fills,the chasm so deep
that was bourn out of the wrath,that once was
but now gently sleeps,in the west
from where the wind blows.
They breathe life into shrivelling palms
hope into tired arms,and strength when all else fails
For the winds alone remain,in union with the sea,of those
who of yore roamed in fellowship where man was found
in the deeps of the elder days,before the ships were set to sail
by the same wind,that still returns,for it has neither forgotten
not forsaken those who it left,on shores hidden from light
that does not burn,yet smoulders still in the hearts
of those who looked upon it,when the world was young.
So the west winds blow,but also return to lands where
they were birthed,carrying tidings of all things
that come to be,dark or fair,to the lords
who set it to wandering go,beyond,where no duty calls
and so does it also bring,the weary fallen,
to return home and grandly dine, in the halls
where their fathers are,in the west
from where the winds blow.

Have you ever found yourself
In a burning room
Walls marbled by the heat
Eyes stinging
Lungs shrivelling
Full of a fear
You never thought you’d know
And will you move
Crash out a window
Down onto
The dewy grass
Surrounded by shards
Of broken glass
Staring at the sky
With overcast eyes
As the sirens draw nearer
Until the police come
Or will you stay
Will they be too late
As flames lick up your skin
Will they find a body
The body you left behind
When you looked at all your choices
And decided to die

What happens to love that’s neglected,
What happens with absence of care,
When only the shrug of indifference
Is left for you both to share.
What happens when neither will reach on out
To touch, or caress or to hold,
Or eyes never meet when you pass in the street
There’s a shrivelling up of the soul.

And the taste of the past is like ashes,
While the memories gone are like dust,
Growing deeper with time as it passes
To bury attraction and lust.
And you wonder about the excitement
That you felt at the moment you met,
Was that a mirage, is the desert so large
That your heart remains lost in it yet?

When the days stretch ahead, and are endless
That you fear there will be no respite,
Are you under a curse, could it be any worse
With your tears on the pillow at night?
When you put a brave face on each morning,
And you nod to each other, then go,
But pray life will not be extended,
What happens? I think that you know!

David Lewis Paget