humanity’s great at ignoring ****** abuse, assault, and ****
but when it happens again, humanity’s mouth is agape
humanity’s great at calling girls ****** and *****
and disregarding people’s burns and cuts
humanity’s great at sneering at lesbians and gays
and watching people starve themselves for days
humanity’s great at letting kids use drugs as an escape
and ignoring all the overdoses that are about to take shape
humanity’s great at ridiculing masculine girls and feminine boys
and playing with people’s minds as if they are mere toys
humanity’s great at starting wars over religion and race
thinking that violence will put people in their place
humanity fights all its battles with no mercy or grace
and when humanity realizes his mistake
don’t expect him to show his face
expect nothing but for him to plead his case
and his excuse is that everyone but him is an utter disgrace
humanity’s great at denying people their rights
humanity’s even better at reading people their last rites
humanity’s the best at acting like nothing’s wrong
humanity’s the best at playing along
when really everything around him is falling apart
but don’t you know, humanity has no heart

Light...
Walking blindly through the dark, hearing no sound. I reach out for you, grasping for your warmth. You’re nowhere to be found. I’m blind and I’m lost. Lost within the dark woods of your soul. I want your warmth, the touch of your hands. The feel of your lips against mine. Yet, I feel nothing. Nothing but the coldness of where you used to be. The coldness of alone. Alone and shivering with the anticipation of finding you once more. But, for now I wander through these woods, fighting the darkness and whatever may lurk within. I will find you, search and fight until my heart beats no more. I sit thinking of you, thinking of the morbid array of thoughts that swim through that beautifully twisted mind of yours. You appeal to me. The darkness of your soul delights me. I love the anticipation of the next sick and twisted thing that will slip through those beautiful lips of yours. The attraction to you consumes my every being. Consumes me for everything I ever have or ever will be.

Darkness...
I savor the flavor of a thousand delights found in one single moment when your twisted smile lights the shadow of time to the core of emotion, leaving me more complete with every instance, and a little less myself each time we part, anticipating every next moment together in madness, lunacy, and contentment.

Light...
I bask in the ambiance of your soul. I bathe in the light of your eyes. I devour each word that falls from your lips. Every moment spent together I die some inside knowing that you’ll never be mine. I’ll never be the one to feel the warmth of your lips, the tenderness in your kisses. Never feel the ecstasy in which I so desire. You shall never be mine, yet the torment of being around you draws me in ever so much more. I may never have you to call my own, so I will satisfy my own needs by looking into your eyes, by hopelessly clinging to every word. Loving someone who never will be mine will be my death. A death I so willingly accept.

Darkness...
So we collide and coincide on opposite plateaus of the same parallel, a product of storms never raged, battles never won, and pleasures never quenched, holding moments passed in equal satisfaction as those that may have been, as the imploding loss of unknowing melds the two into one final entity, more powerful than the feeling of gratitude for all of the powers that be for giving us the one thing no one could ever replace……the penetrating ecstasy orbiting about this world of our own creation, to revel in every moment together, and suffer every second torn apart, in time, and in mind.

Light...
We wander through the dark, hand in hand. I feel your supple lips brush my cheek. I turn to look into your eyes once more when I realize you have changed. Your soul has become dark. Your eyes have become cold. I’m afraid of you now. Afraid of your touch, of your love. I try to turn from you, to get away, but you hold on tight. Your grasp on my hand sends shivers up my spine. I need to be free of you, to get away from you to save my own soul from being lost into the new darkness which has become you.

Darkness...
I’m lost within the shadows cast by every inner demon, unraveling their chaotic waltz to the symphony of my pain. I turn to whisper my deepest secret, my lips trailing the ghosts of my heart’s desire upon your cheek, and realize it can never come to pass, turning before the very words can die upon breath now sustaining me in suffocation. I grasp your hand more tightly, magnifying the tremors in my own, as the fear of losing myself without you intensifies. I need to be free of you, if only to save you from the darkness now contaminating the waters of my soul, for how can you be my heart’s salvation if it means the damnation of your own soul as you descend with me into oblivion? How can I whisper when shouts of madness waver upon my tongue? How can I speak my heart and my fear when such a morbid chorus drowns out my sanest of thought, turning my emotions into a chaotic lesson in confusion and eminent danger? I see my future, far more clearly than my past, for every memory made without you is one I would give my soul to forget, knowing I would die in vain, for the memories we favor the least haunt us more vividly than the happiest of moments could ever dare imagine. The choice between fading alone in unending torment and dying with you by my side, suffering in silence as I scream absurdities upon the dying wind is simple. Living without you is my eternal hell. So easy to fall in love. So hard to stand alone.

Light...
Only always is what you told me. Only always will you be there. Only always will you care. Only always will you only have eyes for me. Only always do you lie. Only always do you cause me pain. Only always do you inflict such dire emotions in me that I can no longer bare. Only always will I die by your touch. Only always, my love.

Darkness...
Only always will I be so calm in my insanity. Only you will always be the one to draw the best from me. Only always will I dare to drown in nothingness compared to every thought you only always bring to mind, each time I stare into the void that lies between what’s real and only memory of things that only always never come to pass between the glass refraction, only always cutting swiftly to the bone, condemning me to hold on to words that only always go unspoken. Only always will I be broken, bleeding upon the foundations of souls forever seeking completion, only always incomplete. Only always alone. Everything I've tried to find inside a dark and weary world, I find in your eyes, within your words, within your soul. The interwoven feelings of contentment and deprivation cradle me in confliction as I hold opposing worlds within my grasp, watching as they collide in euphoric tragedy, spawning chaos amidst a field of hauntingly menacing desires, blooming like undead roses from the devastation that my life once was, empowering loss with hope and regret, and the knowledge that, even though never to be mine own, such a thing, such a feeling, does, indeed, exist within a world so heartless and corrupt. Mine to behold, but never mine to hold for more than just a picture of what life can be...perfectly imperfect, and still possible for me.

Light...
You slowly caress my soul with the diseases on your tongue. How can one fornicate such passion within the heart of a beast like me?

Darkness...
You stir within me the echo of desire, reverberating ironically throughout my every thought, as the deepest part of me quivers with satisfaction.

Light...
A satisfaction I so desperately yearn for. The very essence of you makes me quiver in this ironic state of bliss. Your body has become a metaphor of emphasis for me.

Darkness...
I remain intoxicated, imbibing wine flowing from the beauty of your soul, captivated by the fire tearing through my veins like molten glass with every beat of my tormented heart, counting every second spent dreaming in vain into its unrightful place upon the skin of eternity.

Light...
With nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, your words haunt my soul; haunt every fiber of my being. Drown me in a flood of emotion that I cannot seem to waiver. Your words flow through my body as the disease which is you spreads to my core.

Darkness...
The very thought of the object of my idolatry imprisons me in thin air, levitating over balance and corruption, wrestling two demons at once: that which damns me with morality, and that which delivers me with the anticipation of every mistake, crying to be born, to thrive, to be obeyed. Take my hand. Set my heart free. Burn with me in depthless passion, void of conscience, bursting at the seams with long suffered lust come to fruition, calming every shrieking moan of absolution, losing our souls as we have lost our minds, with violent denial, giving way to complete and total gratification of knowing that although we suffer so well amidst all that drags us further into hell fire, we suffer willingly in the greedy embrace of mutual condemnation.

Light...
        The words that flow from your fingertips flow through me and reverberate through my mind into my soul. My soul which you are such a dire part of. You who lifts me up when I am within inches of knocking upon Hell’s hollow doors. You are the one who comforts me when I am mere inches away from taking my last breath. I will love you until the end of time. As you contemplate if I truly care, now that my heart pulsates on this flaccid plane of existence, and that you will always be one of the many reasons my heart will continue to thump its many beats.  I reach for you, finding nothing but the coldness of where you were. This atrocity of life haunts me, ridiculing me for ever having loved you. The beast within me screams your name to no avail. I’m lost and alone without you near. Time has lost its meaning. I’m trapped in a void of nothingness. Wondering ever so much when you are going to set me free. Why won’t you set me free? Crying amongst the pain you cannot feel. Tears disintegrate into the harshness of the rain. The validity of your words go once more unspoken. Hence once again the darkness has become the only reality in which I thrive. I mustn't relive the days amongst your lies. The lies you have spit at me with such callousness. The unspoken realm of my reality has become so clear, so vivid. I must be rid of you. Must free my soul from the snare you've captured me within. Yet the fire within your eyes has compelled me once more. For why must I fall into the depths of you?

Darkness...
        Yet pain I do feel, for every time that I draw close, you drift further away even as your heart reaches for me. It is the rain itself that disintegrates into the harshness of the tears I shed in longing for the day when you understand that my words are pure and not some greedy guise, for the darkness wherein you dwell is but the shadow that your doubt casts upon your weary heart. If it had all been a lie, then why do the memories that so torment you ring so true, more savagely with every second that passes in which we are not drowning in each others arms? It be not untruth, but frustration that empowers my words, for the very thought of life without you is only the precursor to my living hell. The reality of all is that you are my life and you are my death, sustaining me and suffocating in equal measure, imbibing my heart with your very essence, and rending it asunder with every tear you shed in unbelief. If you must be rid of me, then do so quickly, and have pity upon my tormented soul, for I wish not for you to fall into the depths of my sorrow, but to fall with me as I fall into the undying beauty that is you.

[Fade in, Opera hall; Orchestra is tuning. There is a murmur of people whispering.]

Once upon a time
There was the House of God
And the stage of life

Its key players were man and woman
Supported by Sin and Death

The masterstroke of creation was not of the flesh

But of the souls

[Audience laughs]

I hold in my hand
The diary of a madman

Lined with notes and scribbles
Rotten thoughts to nibble

Food for thought
Or all for naught

Such eloquence and strife
From a torturous life
For these we must share
Alas, who would care?

Would you?

Let’s find out

For in this show tonight, in the heaps of winter fables
And changing seasons
The spectacles and visions shall not be enough


On a magic carpet set for Baghdad
In the Mirror sea of Venus
The performers are all here
For your entertainment

The illustrious Obsidian Theater beckons you all
The Masquerade of the Dream Catcher Ball


With masks, we put on our true faces
Our bare faces are mere disguises
That we wear in public places
But here we’re full of surprises

Mrs. Jujubee isn’t a housewife here
But a sultry dancer, moving to the tune of
Cat house romances

Mr. Wukanlyck isn’t an account anymore
But an eccentric ******* who plays at
Both ends of the field

If you know what I mean.

All these people are able to be their true selves in the light of the stage
How come they cannot be this way in life?
Why can’t they laugh with the bohemians?
Why must it all be a secret life?
Why can they not tell their spouses?
Their parents?
Their bosses?

Why can’t they be what they want to be?

Because…

Their spouses mock the idea of such silly notions and aspirations.
Their parents disregarded their dreams in the hopes they will one day:

“Wake up, get their life in order, so they can get a real job, earn a living, buy a house, get married and contribute to society like a normal person; have a decent life.”

If you can call that a decent life.

Why become another cog in the gears of the economic machine that fuels the fire of excess industry?

Why owe more money to lawyers, bankers and debt collectors in the hopes of owning a piece of property that is just like everyone else’s?

Why push out more unwanted kids into the world where there are already millions without homes, food or even families?

Those “free nations” are ok with owning guns than knowing what’s really happening in the world.  

If another opposing religion or country threatens your comfortable lifestyle then you’re ok with having your government go to war.  

You are slaves to your TVs

Your smart devices

Your phones

Your social networking

Your computers

Your shopping rituals

Your misunderstood purpose

Your narcissism

Your arrogance

Your defensive self-righteousness

Your thin empathy
An obtuse apathy

Indecisive, nail-biting listeners of classroom objectivity
Ridiculing social solicitors of mall shop dogma
The young millennial generations stamped with no discerning identity
Than the loss of critical thinkers which are replaced with
Cultural zombies and robotic masturbators dripping over
Dim screens of cyber people in the millions, filling minds with
Misconceptions, misguided eroticism, racial diabolism that will be
Passed on to friends, family and teachers who will disregard sources and substance
But use the same destructive and dividing strands of unrest
That will define their day to day lives
From the words
The minds
Of frustrated, opinionated
Suburb bloggers
Middle class pioneers that one day
will rule the country
Preaching of the day that all are troubles will be
“Resolved”
And all our past misdeeds and sins shall be
“Absolved”
The crusted, rustic chains of our forefathers’ bane shall be
“Dissolved”

And then maybe we’ll be able to embrace each other
Like in the storybook pages of our dreams
Where men can love men
And women can love women
And the faces, the masks
Will not be needed anymore
Because what we present to the world in the face of that
Higher being
Or simple sun
Will be what we truly are
We will have one life and one face and it will be all we need
Not like before, where our closets have that hidden space
Where we hide our real faces
With that suit of dusty skin
That everyone once in a while we have to sneak away and wear

Little Colette De Salle
Petite college student with features like
Audrey Hepburn
Singing in the underground garage
With Stevie and his troupe
Her songs haunting, elegant and pure
About people she once knew
Her parents
Beaten to death on the streets
By simply reporting the truth to the world
Which their bosses and media supervisors
Will determine what the “truth” is
And what is newsworthy at 7pm

She is Ms. Colette de Saille
And will be dead before she graduates
Because someone didn’t like what she said that one night
Calling out the Pigs and suits making sure no one paid
For her losses


This is Ken Sosnowski
But tonight on this stage he is Aveda Cicada
And she is who she is from birth

Like you all that sits before me

With shadowy smiles
And grins holding flowers, doves
Secrets

And

[Applause]

The Obsidian Theater XIV




Good evening.

I’m sorry to say we don’t have a show scheduled for tonight.

Too many people didn’t show.

Performers were absent.

The ticket girl is dead

The dancers are downstairs naked and in piles of sweaty flesh


And I’m here,

Talking to you.


It’s just one of those nights

One bottle of wine
And
Three packs of cigarettes later

And the shadows turn to people

The stage lights beam down on you

Like a blinding sun

Prompting you to open your heart
And spill the regretful clots that block relief from your soul

Some time ago

Day in and day out

I was there for another.

A relation of mine who suffered from a disorder of the eyes

Glaucoma

Unusually high pressure
within the eyeball
that leads to damage of the optic disk.

I become the eyes she wished she had.

The valet she wanted
The Grandson she loved.
The only person there who could do anything

Numerous visits and endless prescriptions filled:

Polytrim
Four times a day, left eye;

Atropine
One time a day, left eye;

Prednisolone
Four times a day, right eye;

Travatan
Before bedtime in right eye;

Timolol
Two times a day, right eye;

Brimonidine
Two times a day, right eye;

Dorzolamide
Three times a day, right eye;

All in one day.

Eye drop medications

Bottles with
White tops
Red tops
Pink tops
Turquoise tops
Yellow tops
Purple tops
And orange tops.

Each day of putting someone else before you
Because you love them
And
They did the same for you when you were a child

You’re hopeful those hours in surgery will help

You feel utterly useless waiting for something you cannot control


Imagining what those frail, foggy eyes think of you

When you pull back the pus-crusted eyelid back to administer some relief.

And her moaning in the night matches your fears


And when she speaks you tell her how well you’re doing at work in at school
How you have a lovely girlfriend
And you’re getting along with mother


But these are lies
Lies to lessen the troubles

But I have to work is excruciating

School is put on hold

Girlfriend is non-existent

Replaced with shallow, empty hook-ups in bars

And Mother doesn’t speak often

Only to dispel her constant disappointment

But not Maw-maw

She looks at me as an angel

And good person maintaining a life when she is ill

But I’m not sure it’s all that

Either
My happiness has never been important

It’s always been others I wished who were happier than me

Why?

Because I can make that sacrifice

I can forfeit my happiness for others
Because I saw the world for what it is
And the last thing I want
Is for others to see that side of life

I’ll make the sacrifice
So others don’t have to.

Why?

There a monster from where I came from
It was Hell itself
And it devoured all

My body was slammed and crushed in the underbelly of the immortal beast
Hellbent on ridiculing me
With Toys and whips and
Instruments of merciless pain.

All in the name of “good”
Of “love”
Of “care”
Of “discipline”
Of “God”

Looking up at the framed picture of Christ in my Maw-Maw’s room
I feel so naked

So weak

And afraid

Orbital apparitions of anguish
Hover while I sleep

Wishing just to be in the arms of one person

Who loves and truly cares
And will accept my release
And my tears.






One bottle of wine,
two swigs of self-loathing,
a case of nostalgia
A line of white-lighted prayer
Four packs of cigarettes
And a dying stage light later…

And we have a show.

Look at that

A full house.


I’ll take a bow.

you'll never guess what i heard today
endless narratives
encapsulating pointless encounters
passing judgments
handing out ruthless commentary
life lessons
ridiculing those that are different
infringing on the delicate bounds of insanity
infinite meaningless utterances
thoughtful queries
timeless perceptions and interpretations
brilliant phonetics
postulating conspiracies
comical puns, quips, and jabs
underlying assumptions
fascinatingly deceptive and imaginative theories

i hear you
i hear everything you say
but all i needed
was for you to LISTEN

Girls
Everyone has an opinion
The mothers, the fathers, the feminists and misogynists
Everyone has something to say
and will spend hours doing so without a moment's hesitation
Girls
Worth the discussion
Worth the hours of endless theories, ideologies and “proof”
Girls
Have a million songs
both praising and ridiculing in their melodic tensions
that the plain eye may not catch
Girls
They have endless quotes to describe their entity
in its purest form
Just in case they didn't know
what they were made of
Girls
are expected to be so many things
Divas, Heroines, Princesses, Goddesses
*****, *******, Primadonnas, ******
Girls
have laws made about them
enforced by themselves
in the cruelest irony
Have numerous codes to live by
Contradictory codes to live by
Girls
Worth the discussion
Worth these hours
Deny us not our femininity
The special something we possess
But exclude us not from humanity
For it is only equality that we request

The phone it just rings
RING
RING
RINGING
"I answer"
"The person you are trying to contact"
Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee
I smash the receiver against The wall
Shards of black rain
Upon the concrete,
Turn liquid in to the cracks, dissolve
Then I run in to darkness
I hear it once more
Taunting,
Ridiculing,
Mocking
Me in the distance I reach my destination
"The person you are trying to contact"
Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee
I once again smash
Screaming, Fu#k you,
I look out the window
I see everything
But the phone keeps
RING,
RING,
RINGING
I'm trapped within a mind
That never answers, I am
Lucid in here but
"The phone never rings out"
My subconscious, just leaves a message,
"The person you are trying to contact"
**Iiiiiiissssss Nooootttt Hoooommmee