Flat lined on the hospital table
Spiritual ER hardly stable
So blind, unconscious,
like some show on cable
I saw myself laying there
Dying and disabled

I heard the machines
The beeping was declining
Nurses rushing
"We’re losing her doctor
She’s not even fighting"

See, in reality I was smiling
As the world went by me
While inside denying
Too much garbage I’d been hiding

Hurts which I thought were buried
Oh the disappointments they varied
And so too much baggage I carried
while myself & lies were about to be married

unforgiveness was the altar
And bitterness the ring
Unbelief like a witness
Disobedience like a wedding theme

Because somehow my heart of flesh
Had turned to stone
Like I had turned my back on the truth I’d known
Too many wounds
My scars that showed
I had enough
Like the prodigal son, decided to hit the road

I couldn’t save myself even if I tried.
My vitals were dropping
as I held onto my pride
Vitals like hope,
And the desire to keep living
My knowledge of the cross
Felt like a guilt burden

Because I hated my own helplessness
What a failure I had felt
I surely failed God
Just like I had failed myself
I self loathed and pitied
Feeling far from help
In darkness, gave up on myself
And death was the result.

But In the spiritual emergency room,
Like they're about to call time of death
The Doctor rushes in and says
“I’m not done with her yet”

Defibulator named love
Shock waves of truth
Loosening the grips of death
Destroyed deceptions noose
A second shock of love then came
Courage filled my veins again
Like oxygen revitalising my brain
Like an anesthetic relieving the pain
One final shock
A breath of hope
Gasping deeply
my heart no longer choked.

So He excavated my heart
Right after an injection of faith
A painful process
But necessary to loose the chains
For darkness to be gone
And Light to be my robe
I was slowly recovering
As my life was being made whole.

So alive in His grace
A mercy filled report chart
I was given a new heart
Myself and my Saviour were no longer apart
Yet still came an even harder part
Rehabilation had to start.

King of all Surgeons
My counselor, so kind He said:
“You're healed, and delivered
But transformation is in
The renewing of your mind”

He said: I paid the cost for your life to be saved
Your life insurance through my own expense has been paid
No condemnation because you've newly been made
Because I heard every cry of help that you prayed

Let me explain:

I was rescued from deception
Set free through redemption
So now everyday He captures my attention
Asking me one simple faith question:

WILL YOU TRUST ME?

And every day I vow: Jesus, I do.

The dissipated heat of evening air
seeks reprieve
in snaking tendrils of gated iron.
A silent, prolific expanse
beyond which I can see:
the memories unfurling,
my future beckoning.

Stolen fleeting glances back
as I open the gate latch;
it is in this moment now
that everything becomes undone.
A reclusive part of myself has long
been consumed and condemned—
fighting tooth and nail
in a life intertwined with hell,
leaving me to grapple with fears all alone.

One shaky step forward, then two.
I break into a delirious run.
The feel of solid concrete,
the revitalising wind without a care—
a path from a place I no longer call home.
I yearn for freedom, I hunger to feel
something other than
abusive regrets, they beget
perennial laughter,
giving way to countless tears,
the hurt and the lies.

So it’s beyond that front gate where I promise to find
a rekindled self, a new state of mind,
as shadows cast behind me in the slanting sun,
my face upturned to receive the light.
All the suffering and tumultuous pain
now shed like old skin,
and a new set of wings unfold
to soar the skies again.
My most beautiful self reflected
by the deepest shards of my being:
in it lies
a bruised but wondrous heart—
wide open, ready for some healing.

It rumbles softly
Cascading off leaves with grace
Falling with intentional chaos
Cleansing the Earth
With revitalising purity